I Love You More Than I Can Ever Scream

I knew by now Desirae had been in Vegas for two days. I looked at the time and grabbed my phone as we drove to the next location. I dialed her number to continue our nightly calls. It rang as many times as a phone line would allow and right as the message machine played she answered.

Desirae answered softly,” What’s up Andy?”

I shrugged,” I just called to see how you were.”

She replied,” I’m fine I guess.”

I asked,” Why do you guess?”

She stated bluntly,” I think you already know the answer to that. I heard about your ribs. How are you?

I steered away from that topic again and asked,” They are hurting. How was practicing some choreography?”

She answered, “Well yeah they tend to do that. The usual. Pretty hard at first but it got easier.”

“Too much food over the past couple days huh? I questioned.

She chuckled,” Pretty much.”

Once we got past the awkwardness our conversations got back to the way they used to be until Ashley stole the phone from me and asked if we could Skype her.

To my surprise she accepted our offer. She hung up and Ashley pulled the laptop on the table and he sat next to me. The video popped up and you could tell Desirae wasn’t expecting us to get on that quick. She was in her normal spandex except you could see the back of her bra because she was changing shirts. I covered Ashley’s eyes and he tried to pry my fingers off of his face.

A Kesha cd was playing in the background and when she turned around with a shirt on she widened her eyes in horror. I smiled a ‘oh shit’ smile and I dropped my hand from Ashley’s face.

She smirked,” Thanks for saying something you creepers.”

Ashley joked,” I didn’t have the decency my bad.”

She laughed,” Andy what’s your excuse?”

I didn’t answer and I kept the creepy smile on my face for some reason. She rolled her eyes and laughed. I watched as Ashley and she talked about Kesha and how she thought the perfect theme song for him was Sleazy by her. I half agreed after she played the song.

Her eyes would gaze upon mine and I could see she wanted to go back to how it was before she knew I was actually with someone. I bit my lip. God I just wanted to hold her. I could see the hurt in those blue eyes. I didn’t want her to be hurt. I knew it was my complete fault. Who knows if I could fix it.

I stated,” So you better make it to the finale because guess what perfect timing is this? We are in Vegas for the end of Warp the week of the finale so we get to go anyways.”

She replied sarcastically,” Want me to check the future to make sure?”

I nodded with a laugh,” yes please Madam Ryder.”

She closed her eyes and put her index finger to her temple,” It is very foggy.”

She opened her eyes and winked. Our conversation last about twenty minutes more and then she got off to practice one more time and then go to bed. Over the next couple weeks I continued to talk to her on the phone or Skype and watch her on TV. She was doing great. She had made it to the top three. She was extremely excited and couldn’t wait to find out the full results.

I realized as we got back to the way we were, kind of, that she was the girl that so many guys would kill for. I kicked myself everyday that I was with Juliet even though I was with her before Desirae. I found myself a little more aggressive on the stage because I was so bitter.

I on the other hand, started piecing things together. Juliet seemed to be acting weird. She would seem excited to get to see me but I saw the restriction in her eyes whenever we took pictures. It really began to bother me. It angered me. I wasn’t sure how the hell Desirae seemed to call that.

Jinxx and Sammi dolls relationship seemed to make me jealous. Their long distance relationship came off as perfect. They had those cute moments. I would try to be cute with Juliet and something was just off. I led me to wonder more and more what a relationship with Desirae would be like. Maybe I just needed a break from Juliet?

I called Juliet and she answered with a busy tone,” Hey Andy can I call you back?”

I asked,” Why are you out of breath?”

She replied,” I just got back from running.”

I heard a guy in the back ground and I heard her shush him. I questioned, “Who’s the guy with you?”