That Should Be Me Holding Your Hand
That Should be Me Holding Your Hand
The lights of New York City were fading behind the McKinley High Glee Club bus like a sunset. Almost everyone had fallen asleep: Rachel Berry was curled up with her new beau, Sam Evans. Quinn, Brittany, and Santana had all crammed into one seat and were sleeping soundly in a mass of Cheerio’s limbs. Mercedes and Kurt both snored softly in the far back of the bus, near Puck and Lauren and Tina and Mike who had been the first pairs out, almost immediately after pulling out of the hotel parking lot after New Direction’s disappointing loss at Nationals. The only two left awake were Finn Hudson and Noella Kilaspho, sharing a seat and a pair of headphones.
Noella and Finn had a strange friendship. They were polar opposites in every way: Finn was tall and muscular, while Noella was all of five foot one and thing as a twig. Finn had short, spiky, deep brown hair while Noella’s was long and so blonde it was almost white with curls like Christmas garland. Finn was a down to earth and strong country boy while Noella was a big city girl with big city dreams. Leaving New York in her wake was like leaving a piece of herself behind, and she felt that sadness as the highway stretched on.
She and Finn were also constantly bickering and teasing each other, name-calling and play-fighting and generally disagreeing on everything in a way that was all in good fun. Mercedes liked to joke that they were like two third graders who expressed their crushes by pulling pigtails and feigning cooties, but Noella had a hard time believing it. Yeah, maybe he had this adorable smile and maybe his voice had a way of making Noella’s legs feel like strawberry Jell-O, and maybe she had a bit of a crush on Finn... But there was no way he could feel the same, right? Right?!
Regardless of how she tried to deny it, the feeling of her head resting on Finn’s shoulders made her whole body warm with excited energy, even in the sleepy atmosphere of the yellow school bus.
Finn shifted a little, slumping his tall body further down in the seat to make it more comfortable for Noella, and yawned.
“You getting tired now too, cowboy?” Noella whispered teasingly, using her nickname for Finn. He smiled.
“No way, diva,” he replied with his own nickname. “Just trying to figure out how to pass the twelve hour ride sitting with a crazy girl like you.”
Noella pushed him a little with her elbow and laughed quietly, careful not to make any of her friends stir. She liked this private moment with Finn. “Hey, you chose to sit with me. You get what you ask for.”
“I guess so. I ask for crazy, I get crazy,” he said before settling back into another comfortable silence for a few moments. The pair found themselves both looking out the window at the passing headlights and stars.
“Sucks it had to end in a loss,” Finn said again, his lips so close to Noella’s head that the breath of his words ruffled her hair a little.
“I know,” Noella sighed, trying to suppress an excited shiver. “But we’re only juniors. Next year, we get to come back with a vengeance... and there’s nothing better than a jaded Cinderella story.”
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Turn everything so positive. Like, every obstacle is just another exciting chapter to your story, not a potential end.”
Noella sat up and looked at Finn with all seriousness. “Because that’s all it is, isn’t it?”
Fascinated by her determination, Finn studied the headstrong girl beside him before replying, “yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”
Noella’s glossy lips perked into a small grin before she settled her cheek back to its spot on Finn’s shoulder. “Can I ask you a question now?”
“Shoot.”
“When you say all those things... About me being a bit of a diva and me being crazy... Do you mean it?”
Noella’s eyes looked up towards Finn’s face, the profile of his strong jaw, as he thought. “No.” He answered eventually. “Of course not. I respect you and care about you too much.”
“You care about me?”
“You’re surprised?”
“I don’t know,” Noella replied honestly. “But I care about you too.”
“Oh really?”
“Now you’re surprised?” Noella asked incredulously, with a little laugh, “Finn, you’re the best guy I know. Not to mention the best leader this team could hope for. Sometimes I don’t think you realize how special you are. At least, how special you are to me...”
“I guess we have to care about each other to bicker the way we do,” Finn chuckled, stretching and putting one arm around Noella. “I have one more question.”
“Shoot,” Noella said, mimicking Finn’s tough guy tone. He rolled his eyes.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Sure.”
“I picture your future a lot. More than anyone else’s, including mine.” He explained, holding Noella’s tiny frame into his body in that vinyl bus seat. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit that out loud, actually...”
“It shouldn’t be. It’s very sweet.”
“Really?” Finn asked with a little crack in his voice, blushing despite himself.
“Beyond sweet.”
Finn continued, “I can picture you a little older... Maybe not any taller...” he winked, “but older and more mature and just owning the world around you.”
“Oh?” Noella said, breathing in his smell of fresh cut grass and teenage boy sweetness.
“Yeah. I picture you back in New York, owning every Tony or Grammy or Oscar or whatever you put your mind to getting. It’s just so easy to believe in, because I can’t picture anyone having your resolve. It’s unstoppable.”
Noella took this in and couldn’t possibly feel more grateful for having Finn in her life. “And just out of curiosity...” she began, “where do you see yourself in this future?”
“Well, with all this success you’re going to need somebody to keep you down to earth,” he joked, but not letting the seriousness of the situation slip away. He wove his hand with Noella’s. “And like I said, I care about you. More than as a teammate. More than just a friend... And every time I picture you on stage, accepting one of those awards, every time you step out on whatever red carpet you find yourself next, I think that should be me holding your hand.”
Noella and Finn had a strange friendship. They were polar opposites in every way: Finn was tall and muscular, while Noella was all of five foot one and thing as a twig. Finn had short, spiky, deep brown hair while Noella’s was long and so blonde it was almost white with curls like Christmas garland. Finn was a down to earth and strong country boy while Noella was a big city girl with big city dreams. Leaving New York in her wake was like leaving a piece of herself behind, and she felt that sadness as the highway stretched on.
She and Finn were also constantly bickering and teasing each other, name-calling and play-fighting and generally disagreeing on everything in a way that was all in good fun. Mercedes liked to joke that they were like two third graders who expressed their crushes by pulling pigtails and feigning cooties, but Noella had a hard time believing it. Yeah, maybe he had this adorable smile and maybe his voice had a way of making Noella’s legs feel like strawberry Jell-O, and maybe she had a bit of a crush on Finn... But there was no way he could feel the same, right? Right?!
Regardless of how she tried to deny it, the feeling of her head resting on Finn’s shoulders made her whole body warm with excited energy, even in the sleepy atmosphere of the yellow school bus.
Finn shifted a little, slumping his tall body further down in the seat to make it more comfortable for Noella, and yawned.
“You getting tired now too, cowboy?” Noella whispered teasingly, using her nickname for Finn. He smiled.
“No way, diva,” he replied with his own nickname. “Just trying to figure out how to pass the twelve hour ride sitting with a crazy girl like you.”
Noella pushed him a little with her elbow and laughed quietly, careful not to make any of her friends stir. She liked this private moment with Finn. “Hey, you chose to sit with me. You get what you ask for.”
“I guess so. I ask for crazy, I get crazy,” he said before settling back into another comfortable silence for a few moments. The pair found themselves both looking out the window at the passing headlights and stars.
“Sucks it had to end in a loss,” Finn said again, his lips so close to Noella’s head that the breath of his words ruffled her hair a little.
“I know,” Noella sighed, trying to suppress an excited shiver. “But we’re only juniors. Next year, we get to come back with a vengeance... and there’s nothing better than a jaded Cinderella story.”
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Turn everything so positive. Like, every obstacle is just another exciting chapter to your story, not a potential end.”
Noella sat up and looked at Finn with all seriousness. “Because that’s all it is, isn’t it?”
Fascinated by her determination, Finn studied the headstrong girl beside him before replying, “yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”
Noella’s glossy lips perked into a small grin before she settled her cheek back to its spot on Finn’s shoulder. “Can I ask you a question now?”
“Shoot.”
“When you say all those things... About me being a bit of a diva and me being crazy... Do you mean it?”
Noella’s eyes looked up towards Finn’s face, the profile of his strong jaw, as he thought. “No.” He answered eventually. “Of course not. I respect you and care about you too much.”
“You care about me?”
“You’re surprised?”
“I don’t know,” Noella replied honestly. “But I care about you too.”
“Oh really?”
“Now you’re surprised?” Noella asked incredulously, with a little laugh, “Finn, you’re the best guy I know. Not to mention the best leader this team could hope for. Sometimes I don’t think you realize how special you are. At least, how special you are to me...”
“I guess we have to care about each other to bicker the way we do,” Finn chuckled, stretching and putting one arm around Noella. “I have one more question.”
“Shoot,” Noella said, mimicking Finn’s tough guy tone. He rolled his eyes.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Sure.”
“I picture your future a lot. More than anyone else’s, including mine.” He explained, holding Noella’s tiny frame into his body in that vinyl bus seat. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit that out loud, actually...”
“It shouldn’t be. It’s very sweet.”
“Really?” Finn asked with a little crack in his voice, blushing despite himself.
“Beyond sweet.”
Finn continued, “I can picture you a little older... Maybe not any taller...” he winked, “but older and more mature and just owning the world around you.”
“Oh?” Noella said, breathing in his smell of fresh cut grass and teenage boy sweetness.
“Yeah. I picture you back in New York, owning every Tony or Grammy or Oscar or whatever you put your mind to getting. It’s just so easy to believe in, because I can’t picture anyone having your resolve. It’s unstoppable.”
Noella took this in and couldn’t possibly feel more grateful for having Finn in her life. “And just out of curiosity...” she began, “where do you see yourself in this future?”
“Well, with all this success you’re going to need somebody to keep you down to earth,” he joked, but not letting the seriousness of the situation slip away. He wove his hand with Noella’s. “And like I said, I care about you. More than as a teammate. More than just a friend... And every time I picture you on stage, accepting one of those awards, every time you step out on whatever red carpet you find yourself next, I think that should be me holding your hand.”