Emotional Homicide

Jack held his head in his hands when I came in. Kyle was lying on the couch with his eyes shut but I could see there were water lines down his cheeks. Jack looked up at me with pain in his chocolate eyes, he opened his mouth but closed it quickly.
There was something that happened in this house. This wasn't the same air that was usually breathed when you came inside the flat. The air was exciting and happy with the idea that anything could happen floating around. Laughter and jokes filled your ears as the two boys welcomed you loudly. It was Kyle and Jack's flat, this wasn't expected.
The scene laid out in front of me was all wrong. Kyle's cheeks shouldn't be wet and he shouldn't be all the way in the living room while Jack's set in the kitchen. The flat wasn't supposed to give me a sad vibe as soon as I stepped over the threshold. I wasn't supposed to want to cry. I wasn't supposed to feel like Jack and Kyle had been crying. The worst part was the flat was absolutely, pin-drop silent.
It was never quiet in the flat. Even if the boys weren't talking there was always the radio in the background or MTV on the television screen. They could play Blink-182 or Bring Me The Horizon or Beyonce. It didn't matter to them, anything was tolerated.
"Jack?" I whispered.
The brown eyes usually so filled with joy and life were dead. They were filled with sorrow and pain. This wasn't the Jack I knew. This wasn't the Jack I had expected to find when he texted me over. Something had happened and I knew it affected, not just them, but me also.
"Something terrible has happened, Lex." Jack said with a hoarse voice. "Kyle, come here." He whispered as tears began welling up in his eyes.
Suprising enough, Kyle heard him. The bleach blond didn't jump up from the couch as expected, he lifted himself up and trudged over. He sat himself on a chair nearest Jack and looked down at the round wooden table.
"What's happened?" I asked.
Jack peeked over at Kyle who was still staring at the table like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "Kyle." Jack grabbed his hand and squeezed it as if giving them both strength.
"Jack," Kyle's voice cracked and he shut his mouth.
"Guys." I took a seat across from Jack as I watched the interaction between the two.
They were both questioning the next thing to do. They looked miserable, almost like there were eggshells everywhere and they didn't know how to get around them. There was an elephant in the room and I was the only one unaware.
"Maybe you should see it for yourself." Jack said as Kyle swallowed hard before he shook his head in disagreement. "How do we tell him?"
"Tell me what?" I inquired after Kyle just shrugged.
Jack ran a hand through his messy black hair. He locked eyes with Kyle and neither backed down. They were having a conversation with their eyes right in front of me. I couldn't eavesdrop, I couldn't read their minds. I could just sit there and wait.
"Bentley," Kyle choked out the name before breaking down in salty tears.
"He's d-dead." Jack squeezed Kyle's hand and began crying too.
I didn't know what to do. No words came to my head. My world just froze. My ears began ringing. All I could see were the two boys I'd given the kid Jack and I had crying about his death. He was only two. He was already gone.
"No." I whispered.
Kyle sniffled and looked up at me with his blue eyes. "No?"
"He's not dead! He can't be dead! Why are you saying he's dead?!" I screamed at them as hot tears ran down my face.
Jack looked at Kyle and in turn he looked down at the table. I turned my head toward Kyle and glared furiously at him. "What happened to my baby!?"
Kyle sighed as silently as possible before he spoke. "I was just, I just left him with the beagle, Dougy. Dougy's trained!" Tears ran down his face. "Dougy was such a good dog, he was trained so well! Dougy was so good. I left Bent-Bentley with D-Dougy while I m-m-made a painting on the c-canvas Jack had g-g-gotten me."
My hands turned to fists and one banged on the table. I was unable to control myself for this long. My baby was dead and someone was to blame. I wanted answers and Kyle was stumbling over his words. "Fucking finish!"
Tears flew furiously from Kyle's eyes as Jack's eyes went to the table. His mouth was set in a straight line looking as if he were trying to keep a poker face. Both Kyle and I were letting our emotions take over ourself.
"W-we were all outside just ch-ch-chilling in the yard and a car - a f-f-fucking Audi was flying by. For some reason Bentley and Dougy were in the r-r-road and I wasn't aware until it was t-too late." Kyle's hands squeezed together in a fist as Jack closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. "The car cr-cr-crushed his little bones and Bentley was dead. I called 911 and paramedics said he was dead. I-he-h-he's gone forever. For-for-forever." Tears sped down his face and my jaw was dropped.
"You fucking murderer." I spat at Kyle.
"Alex, it's not his-" I cut Jack off within seconds.
"It is his fucking fault. If he would have just watched my fucking kid like any good parent Bentley would still be here! I mean, fucking hell Kyle, is your art really that much more important then the kid you have! That's my fucking kid you just let die and, you know what? You didn't just hurt me, you hurt yourself, and you fucking hurt Jack. What the hell is wrong with you, asshole?!?" I screamed at the bleach blond.
There was so much running through my head. Bentley, my Bentley, was dead. Kyle had killed my little baby, my pride and joy, the love of my life.
I was appalled. That douche had fucking focused on that stupid painting that wouldn't even become important and famous. No college art students would be fucking learning about him. What did they expect me to do?
Jack looked shocked I had screamed while Kyle just started crying harder. Did they really not expect me to scream? I was the father of that fucking kid. Bentley was my flesh and blood, of course I was going to scream.
"Lex, calm down." Jack told me.
"Don't fucking tell me to calm the fuck down, Jack fucking Barakat! My kid-" Now Jack cut me off.
"Stop calling Bentley your kid! You gave up that right six months after he was fucking born. There are so many "what if's" you can throw out at Kyle but here's the biggest one: What if you kept Bentley?!"
That silenced the house. Kyle's sobs were silenced. I didn't have a retort. Jack knew he'd crossed a line. None of us could say a word. There was nothing left to say.
I abruptly got out of chair, making sure it fell down behind me. I was beyond pissed. They had killed my baby and now they were blaming me. I couldn't take this scene. I fished my car keys from my pocket as I neared my own Audi A8.
I'd definitely be getting a new car. Maybe a Bentley in honor of my little boy.
A last tear ran down my face and I brushed it away. Crying was hopeless. Bentley wasn't coming back to life. My little boy would never experience all things that made life so exciting, so great. He'd never taste the things God laid out for us to take advantage of. He was gone because some stupid man was driving too fast and because another careless man was painting like a fucking hippie. I drove my way home as tears continued trailing my face.
My baby boy was dead.

Next day, Jack called. Rain was falling from the sky as if Heaven was mourning the loss of my baby. I appreciated the fact God felt sorry for his act of cruelty.
"Hello?"
All I heard was crying on the other line. There wasn't anything I could assume. My pride and joy was dead already, what else was there?
"Jack?" I whispered kind of scared.
Nothing. Just the sound of tears. I hung up and picked up my car keys. Jack's flat was my destination again for today.
I threw on a pair of Vans and hopped in my Audi making another mental note to get a Bentley before I got home.
All the reasons to Jack's tears crossed through my mind but none of them seemed right. Jack didn't cry so much he couldn't talk all the time, this was something different. Something even worse then Bentley dying had happened. I didn't see how that was possible but I wasn't Jack. There was something wrong and obviously Kyle wasn't doing a thing to help him.
The door was open so I allowed myself over the threshold. Jack was no where in sight so I went to the bedroom. The closet door was open so I peeked inside only to find the reason for Jack's tears.
Inside was a dead Kyle held up by a rope. There was a carving on his wrist that spelled out murderer. His blue eyes had rolled back into his head and the color was drained from his face. The blood had stopped gushing and had hardened up, looking gross against his pale skin.
The second death in two days. That explained why Jack couldn't speak over the phone. I sighed lightly figuring I could find Jack within a mere amount of seconds. I traveled to where the bathroom was located and opened the door.
Jack was sat on the tiled floor, a razor in his hand. There was blood flowing from his arm onto the now stained red tiles. Tears were falling soundlessly from his brown eyes. He was in so much pain, I hurt just from looking at him.
"Stop." I whispered.
My heart officially broke in two when Jack looked back at me. His brown eyes were cold and lifeless and he looked pale and dead. Nothing could bring him back to life, not even myself.
"Why? Life's just a waste of time. As Kyle and Bentley proved, we all deserve to die. What's another one to go up to Heaven before his time?" Jack said, his voice void of emotion.
I bit my bottom lip. "Jack, no!"
Jack shook his head. "We're all just running out of time anyway. What's the point?"
"Jack, I love you! Don't leave me!"
"I loved you and you left me!" Jack screamed at me as darkness flashed in his eyes.
"I always loved you, but a baby was just too much." I confessed as tears began rolling down my cheeks.
"Well I loved Kyle, now he's dead thanks to you! They're both dead, thanks to you! You committed homicide, how's it feel?"
"I didn't mean for Kyle to hang himself. I don't want him-" Jack put his palm up facing toward me, silencing ne.
"You got what you wanted. The baby's gone and Kyle's not in the way." Jack licked his dry lips as he stared me in the eyes. "Now I can give you all my fucking time and energy." He spat bitterly.
"That's not what I want anymore. I was young, I've grown up."
"You're a kid. And a bad one at that." Jack snapped.
"Jack," I took his hands, "just don't kill yourself."
Jack shook his head as tears began flooding his chocolate brown eyes again. He collapsed into my chest and let his tears begin soaking my shirt. He didn't have it in him to fight anymore, he couldn't up this strong front.
Jack Barakat was broken and it was all my fault.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered.
A loud sob was my reply. I could feel the tears against my chest as they soaked through my shirt. There was nothing I could do anymore to make Jack feel better. The love of his life was dead and so was his child. In his eyes he had nothing to live for.
I pulled myself off the tiled floor before lifting up Jack. He needed to sleep. No doubt he'd had a sleepless night. Even if Kyle hadn't killed himself until this morning, with Bentley's death no one had slept. I brought him into the guest bedroom and laid him on the bed - until Kyle was removed I wouldn't be permitting him in his room.
Jack sobbed loudly and uncontrollably into the pillow. He was crying for Bentley, for Kyle, for paintings Kyle couldn't paint, for the life Bentley would never live, for the love he had to give, for the love that a human would never receive, and for the isolation he now had. I felt like shit. No way did Jack want me here.
I pushed off the bed but Jack grabbed my wrist tightly. My brown eyes locked with his teary ones. "Don't go." He choked out in a hoarse voice.
That was all it took. I lied down and held Jack in my arms as he continued to cry into the pillow and me. He couldn't stop and when he did, he was asleep.
I would've been asleep too if Jack's word hadn't been ringing in my ears. My homicide didn't feel over yet and I felt like Jack would be my next victim. I didn't want anyone dead, but Jack dying would be the only thing that could destroy me. He was the only person I loved more than myself. If he was gone I would die. Not physically but mentally. I could never commit suicide, not after Tom.
"Lexy, go to sleepy-poo." Jack muttered as he moved a bit in the bed.
I ran my fingers through his soft ebony hair before answering. "I can't."
"Whatcha doing?" Jack inquired as he stretched out.
"Thinking." I replied
"'Bout what?"
"My homicide." I told him without hesitation.
A loud sigh came clearly from Jack. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes before yawning. "Listen Lex, I didn't mean it. I was just tired and angry. Night before, I got no sleep and then Kyle went and killed himself before I could get him for breakfast. Even if you hadn't screamed the guilt would have been too much for him. He died physically yesterday but two days he died inside. My Kyle was gone before you stepped through that door."
For being so tired, Jack was being very deep. Even with all that said, I should have felt better, but the matter was I still didn’t. I had fucked up big time and everyone I loved had paid the price.
“Lexy, just trust me. Kyle was my love and Bentley was his. When Bentley was gone, Kyle was too.” Jack told me lazily putting an arm across my stomach. “Lexy, you’re getting kind of fat.”
I rolled my brown eyes and yet I couldn’t help but let a small smile creep on to my face. A lot of people told me I was gaining quite a few pounds and Jack used to be the one to tell me all the time that I needed to gain more weight.
“You always used to say that I needed some bear fat.” I told him.
Jack laughed as he opened his eyes again. “I didn’t mean that much. What has your mom said?” He blinked the sleep from his eyes before stretching and yawning, some midriff showing as his tight shirt went up.
“My mum thinks I look great and besides, I gained my weight like you told me.” I stuck my tongue out at the younger.
“Well, if you gained weight for me, lose weight for me.” Jack replied with a smirk on his face, his brown eyes still full of sadness and sleep.
“C’mon, you need food and a diversion.” I told him getting out of the bed and shedding my stained shirt.
Jack gave me a look full of pain. “Let’s just stay here all day, people are dying out there.”
My heart broke a little more when he said that. His brown eyes were wide and scared; he looked like an innocent young boy scared of everything. There was nothing I could even say to him to make him feel better. The truth was people were dying out there, but people were dying in here too.
“No, Jack you need food and you need to have a day to yourself, to just live it like Bentley would if he were to be a teenager.” A tear rolled from my eye and Jack got up and kissed my cheek gently.
“Don’t be sad, Lex.” Jack whispered before embracing me in a hug. “What happened is supposed to happen.”
“But why?”
It was finally my turn to begin sobbing. Tears fell down my face into his shoulder as I gripped him for dear life. My baby was gone. What possible reason could God have this?! Why would anyone want Bentley dead?! I had great plans for him, he had a great family! He could have been something big! It wasn’t fair he was gone. It wasn’t fair that God had taken my dear, baby Bentley away from me.
“Whenever God closes a window, he opens a door.”
I pulled away with a ghost of a smile on my face. “You said it wrong. It’s: Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window.”
Jack chuckled quietly at himself. “That’s stupid, I’d rather have a door opened for me. I can’t fit through a window.”
“I just, I wanna know what window he could have possibly opened for me!” I moaned as tears kept rolling down my face.
Jack pushed away from me a bit so he we could see each other. He looked into my brown eyes before the young boy pressed his lips against mine. He still tasted amazing and his lips still molded perfectly to mine.
The kiss was exactly what I needed. It was passionate and reassuring, all our emotions being thrown into that one kiss. That kiss was something we both needed after the deaths. It was something that was perfect. It reminded me I still had someone in the world with me.
Jack pulled away all too soon. “I may not fit in a window, but my tongue still fits in your mouth.”