The Art of Life

"Mom, am I fat?"

My mother gave me a shocked look, setting down her coffee in surprise. "No honey, you're at a perfectly normal weight. Why would you think that?"

I looked down, trying not to cry. I couldn't tell her what Chastity said. So I just didn't say anything.

"Sweetie..." My mom knelt down and gave me a kiss on the head. "You are very beautiful."

"Thank you, mommy." And then I ran off to my room.

I began to cry as soon as I went through the door. I started to throw my pillows and stuffed animals in a tearful fit. Then I looked down at myself and pinched my belly. I felt fat. I looked at myself in my full-length mirror. My stomach poked out a little. I cried more.

What was I going to do? I couldn't be fat. Why couldn't I be skinny like Chastity? If I was skinny, then maybe I wouldn't be so ugly to her and everyone else.

I would go on a diet. I decided. Cut all sweets, that'll do it. And go do crunches every night, that'll cut the tummy fat! After a while I'll be beautiful and I won't mess up anymore.

I'll finally be beautiful.

---

Asher and I went to a movie a couple days later.

At school, everyone as making a fuss over him. He had huge bandages wrapped around his arm. And since this was a small school, everyone knew by the end of the day.

Asher fed them the same story he told me. People gawked and asked, "What kind of animal could've done that?" He told them it was dark outside, and it was probably a big dog. He didn't seem to want to talk about it.

I honestly wondered the same thing though. It almost looked like he was attacked by a bear or something. But I didn't want to ask about it, since he seemed uncomfortable about it enough already.

Asher made it through the day with a lot of Ibuprofin.

We started hanging out a lot, which I both liked, and it made me self-conscious. He always looked at me with this sweet smile and at one point in time he put his arm around my waist. He didn't even seem to see other girls. I had mixed feelings about this. It made me feel so special, but I paid more attention to putting on cover-up so I can hide the zits, and I watched what I ate a little bit harder. I didn't want to have gross skin or a bulgy tummy in front of him.

Kati and Brian, who were in history class with me, drilled me with questions when they saw Asher walk me to class. I was slightly embarrassed, but I also had a little bit of pride. I tried to ignore their note-passing and eyeballing. I managed to do this for a few more days, but after seeing Asher enough times with me and with Kati's hysterical giggling, they finally got some things out of me.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Kati hissed in the middle of class.

"Not yet."

"When will he be?"

I didn't answer, pretending to look through notes. That question gave me little shivers. I was wondering the same thing. I was sure hoping he'd ask me soon, but knowing him, he'd probably get all flubbed up and chicken out. He'd gotten all nervous about something before, but he never said anything. I had a feeling he would sometime. Maybe after a couple more dates though. I would feel more comfortable taking this slow anyway.

"My parents haven't even met him." I whispered.

"Oh, so not for a couple more weeks then." Kati giggled.

I started to listen to the teacher, but Brian cut in.

"Is he a senior?"

"Yeah."

"How old?"

"Eighteen."

"Ooh, so you can't legally have sex. Bummer."

I threw a pen at him. Brian shot me a heart with his hands.

"You guys are obnoxious." I muttered.

---

A couple weeks passed and more outings passed. Asher and I became closer. He never tried to kiss me or pressure me, he was always his charming, theatrical self. We learned more about each other. Eventually my parents met him. My dad gave him the Dad Talk, but it was alright. When time went on, I showed him photos and taught him a little bit about dance. It was funny because he was interested. All the boys in my ballet class quit. I jokingly asked Asher if he wanted to join a ballet class, and he said, "I'm not going to be caught dead in tights. I just want to know what you're going through in that class, ha ha."

Asher taught me a few things about drawing, and he also practiced for his audition for me in our school's upcoming musical. He had a beautiful voice and it was suddenly like... I was lost in his sound. His singing tugged at my soul. It seemed to make my world become animated and full of life. After he sang to me the first time, I could not help but gape. He just laughed.

That's when Asher told me people used to make fun of him for doing musical theatre. I told him that they were just jealous. I was being completely serious.

Eventually he invited me over to his house to meet his aunt and uncle.

He drove me over to his house, which was this quaint little thing at the end of the street near a small park. He warned me that they had to do some renovating inside. I didn't think it would be that bad, until I saw the gigantic hole in the wall.

"Yeah, that's what I meant." Asher said.

I was polite and I didn't ask about it.

Asher's aunt and uncle were really sweet and funny. They were an extremely cute couple too. They were short and happy, his aunt really pretty and his uncle having this huge mustache. They surprised me with cookies, saying, "Asher could never stop talking about you. It's about time we met the most wonderful girl in the world!"

"Oh, uh, uh..." I accepted the plate of cookies, flustered. I really didn't want to eat one, though I'd feel bad if I didn't. They gave their time to make me these.

My stomach betrayed me with a loud grumble, tired of being empty. Asher laughed and urged me to try some. I tried to divert the attention and said, "Oh, I should go eat these later, I could have them for dessert at home." Asher gave me a look like, you're really going to save these most delicious cookies in the world and not devour them now? But his aunt went with me and said, "She needs real food anyway. Would you like some pasta, dear?"

"Oh no, I couldn't. My family is making a big dinner at home. I'm going to be stuffed!" I said.

I felt really bad for lying. My family already ate dinner and I skipped it and came here.

"Okay, I'll go put these in a bag for you." She took the cookies and left into the kitchen.

"Sure you don't want anything?" Asher looked at me.

"Yeah, I'm sure." My stomach growled.

"Doesn't sound like it." He laughed.

"No it's fine, my parents are seriously making me dinner when I come home."

Asher looked at me, and his expression flickered, like he knew I was lying, but he didn't say anything. He then grinned widely and said, "Look, you have to come see my drawing stuff. It's pretty cool."

Asher took my hand and lead me down the hall. A lot of the paint on sides of the hall were scraped off, probably in need of more renovating. There were also paintings and pictures hung on the walls. Some are of little babies and there were some of Asher as a young kid. He kind of looked like one of the Jonus Brothers in one picture and I couldn't help giggling.

Asher stopped, grinned, and pointed to the picture I was looking at. "Attractive, huh?" He chuckled. "I was thirteen and trying to start my own boy band."

"You look like..."

"Yeah, one of the Jonus Brothers. I got that a lot." He laughed and continued on. He hadn't let go of my hand.

He then took me to his room. Asher looked at me, as if to make sure I was comfortable with going in, but said just in case, "I'm not going to lead you into my bed or anything, okay?"

"I figured. You're not that kind of person."

Asher smiled and then we went inside.

He had tons of drawings and paintings on his wall, and had a small, unmade bed and a few socks and shirts lying on the floor. There was also a cage with an odd-looking bird in it on his desk. And there was a large pile of paper and pencils in every corner of the room.

"I tried to clean it up as best as I could." He chuckled weakly. "It was pretty awful before."

"Do you... draw, like every second of your life?"

"Almost every second. Then there's school and of course, you." He looked over and gave me a sweet smile. My heart melted.

But our trance broke. We moved on and I looked at his bird. Its feathers were a light pink-white and its eyes were beady. It looked almost like a cockatoo, but its feathers were slightly curled, almost cartoony. I have never seen anything like it. It stared at me with a detached gaze.

"It's really odd looking." I said. "What's its breed?"

"I dunno, she's really rare." Asher frowned.

"What's her name? Can she sing?" I looked at him. Asher's expression was hard to read, but it seemed like he was pensive.

"Lucy, and she's completely mute." Asher mused. "She can't fly either."

"Are her wings clipped?"

"No, her wings are too small for her body, see?" Asher pointed and moved his finger as if tracing her wing. I watched. "Her body is too heavy for those small of wings, and she doesn't have enough breast muscle for her wings even to be powerful enough. And besides, the wings are badly formed anyway." Asher seemed a little sad as he described her.

"Do you think she was born deformed?" I asked.

"Yeah. I feel really bad about her."

"You can't help that."

"I guess so."

Then I heard some rustling.

We both looked over. At the bottom of one of Asher's piles, something was moving. I shrieked because I automatically thought it was a rat. It wasn't.

Asher swore and he tried to grab it. Then my shriek choked out. My jaw still hung open. The blood drained from my face.

It was a piece of paper with a drawing on it. And the drawing... was trying to crawl out of it.

Asher started singing madly. The song had no words, but it was frantic. The drawing, I didn't even know what it was, writhed and then just disappeared in a poof of pencil dust. Half of it was still in the paper.

I gaped at him. Asher looked at me. I closed my mouth once I realized how stupid I looked. And he said, laughing weakly,

"That kind of wasn't supposed to happen."