The Art of Life

"Marissa, you've really lost a lot of weight." My mother commented.

I ate my cereal, which was carefully measured to the exact serving size, with the exact serving of non-fat milk, and with no sugar added.

"I'm probably going through puberty." I mumbled.

"I'd guess so, honey. You're twelve now, so I'd expect it. Though you need to eat more so your body will grow."

"Don't worry, I will." I ate a few more bites. Then I was done and drained the milk in the sink, dumping the rest of the soggy bits in the trash.

"Marissa? I thought you always drank your milk afterwards." My mom looked at me funny.

"I don't like it anymore. I guess my tastebuds are changing too." It was just less calories for me to consume.

"Okay, sweetheart..."

I left and went to my room, stopping in front of my full-length mirror. I turned and lifted my shirt, examining my belly. I was doing good; it hardly was poking out. Then I turned to face my reflection and looked at my thighs. I was almost at my goal there. I almost had the perfect gap between my legs, my thighs almost didn't touch. Then I left and went to the bathroom.

I closed and locked the door and gazed at the scale. Then I stripped off my clothes, even my socks, and stepped on it. I frowned in disgust. I was at the same weight as I was yesterday. That meant I was going to gain more weight as I ate today, and that would be bad. I was going to be fat. Fat! My shoulders started to shiver, but I held back my frustrated tears. I just wouldn't eat any more food. That would solve it.

I stepped off the scale, but caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. Suddenly every bulge was noticeable. I whipped my head away, and this time I couldn't hold back the crying. I choked back the sobs and scrubbed the tears away. My mom would notice.

I tugged my clothes back on.

Why couldn't I be beautiful?

---

"What-what is that?" I gasped.

Asher crumpled up the paper, looking away. He was grimacing. Like he was ashamed and as if he was caught doing something bad.

I didn't know what to think. What was that? Things like that don't exist in real life.

"Look, Marissa... I didn't really want to tell you about this. At least not this soon." Asher looked up, wincing. "Are you afraid?"

"Yes."

"Okay.. well, that's expected." He smiled weakly. "Thank you for being honest." He drew his gaze down to the paper. Then his eyes drifted back up to me, and he gestured to a little chair by his desk. "Could you sit down? It's kind of a long explanation."

"Will anything attack me?"

Asher winced. "No. I promise."

I sat down.

"Um, Marissa..." Asher fidgeted, wringing his hands. "Okay, I know this is going to seem weird, but... I have this power. I can... bring my drawings to life when I sing." He looked at me, as if waiting for my reaction. I just watched him. "I mean, Lucy... I drew her in the eighth grade." He pointed to the pink bird. "She was one of the first things I accidentally made life to. I didn't mean to. I was just practicing one of the songs for my band back then. So basically I kept her. Are you okay, Marissa?"

"Yeah. I'm not judging you." I was terrified though.

"Okay." Asher blew out his breath. "Um, I guess I could explain what happened to my arm. I made a lizard creature that time and I decided to bring it to life. So I sang a random song and it was created. But it was a lot bigger than I expected. And a lot more violent. It slashed me. Luckily it wasn't deep... But yeah, that's where the hole in the wall came from... and... yeah." He trailed off.

"How did you get rid of it? Is it out in the streets?" I asked, horrified.

"I got rid of it the same way I got rid of the other drawing. I sang the melody of the Death Waltz, which is actually a nearly impossible piano piece, but for some reason if you sing the melody to them, they'll go away." Asher paused, "That's why I'm kind of afraid of drawing scary things."

"Oh my gosh..."

"Okay, Marissa... It's alright if you don't want to associate with me ever again."

I didn't say anything.

Asher looked at me worriedly with his hazel eyes. I averted my gaze. I didn't know what to think.

"Marissa?"

"It's alright." I started to get up.

"Marissa, I..." Asher reached out.

I just shook my head.

"Marissa..."

And then I stopped, looked at him, my heart melted, and then I wrapped my arms around him in a hug.

Asher stiffened in surprise, but quickly softened and returned the hug with a tight squeeze. I felt his heart pulsing quietly in his warm chest. He held onto me strongly, as if savoring the moment, and then pulled away slightly, resting his hands on my hips. He then gazed at me with his sweet hazel eyes. And his mouth parted, as if to say something, but he was a loss for words and closed it. He settled with giving me another tight hug.

"Thank you for telling me this." I murmured into his shirt.

"Well, I don't know how I could've made up a lie to avoid it..." He chuckled.

"Still." I paused. "But even though this is completely insane, I still want to associate with you, alright?"

"That's good. And about that..." We pulled apart just enough that we could see each other. "I kind of wanted to ask you something."

My heart did a flip.

"Um, Marissa, I was thinking if... um..." Asher blushed and was flustered. "Um..."

"Yes," I said eagerly. "Whatever it is, yes."

"Oh, well I wasn't sure if you'd like lobsters... Red Lobster sounded nice to go to." He mumbled.

"Eh-"

"Okay, just kidding. I was just hoping you'd want to be my girlfriend." Asher grinned cheesily.

"Wow, Asher." I dropped my head against his chest. But then I looked up again. "However, yes, I'd like to be your girlfriend."

"That's good. Because I'd like to be your boyfriend." And Asher smiled, and then gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. "But by the way, I can't afford Red Lobster, so I was thinking about the movies sometime?"

My heart warmed, his kiss still tingling on my cheek. "That-that sounds great, Asher."

"Okay, then it's a date."

---

On the next weekend, we went to the movies. It took us a bit to find one we'd both like. There wasn't much of a selection, and I wasn't into the romantic comedies they were showing. Asher joked, "Wait, I thought all girls liked those! Don't tell me you're the zombie slasher type of girl?"

We ended up seeing an action movie.

Asher bought popcorn and a diet soda for me and we went into the theatre. We took seats in the back. There wasn't many people there. Asher and I watched the previews and chatted.

Later, I heard a lot of laughter coming from the doorway. Asher stole a look over, his face twisting in dramatic disgust. "Great. A bunch of rowdy boys and their girlfriends. They're gonna make out and stuff!" I giggled at his mocking kissy-faces and then he pecked my cheek, grinning.

Then I heard the high-pitched laugh that made my stomach churn.

I looked over and saw Chastity's freckled face being smooched by a boy. His hand was around her tiny waist, pulling her close to him as they made their way with their group to the front of the theatre. She was wearing a tight tank-top and short shorts, her long, twiggy legs gracefully moving down the aisle. I shrank in my seat, hoping she didn't notice me.

"You okay, Marissa?" Asher asked, worried.

"Not really."

"Do you know them?"

I didn't want to answer. In the light of the screen, I saw Chastity's bony collarbones illuminating as she sat down.

"Do you want to leave?" Asher asked.

"No it's fine. It's just... one of my rivals in my dance class." I honestly didn't expect her to be here.

"From the sound of it, I guess it's not a healthy rivalry."

"I guess you could put it that way."

Asher put an arm around me and didn't ask me anything else. I was thankful for that. I rested my head on his shoulder and tried to focus as the movie started.

In the first minute, someone was already shot. Asher munched on popcorn and the Chastity-groupies laughed and commented. I took a sip of my soda. But then I instantly regretted it. This soda was going to make me bloated and fat. I stared at Chastity's thin shoulders, and then at my soda. Then I placed it in the cup-holder.

Asher later offered me some popcorn. I politely refused. I felt anxious though. I felt like throwing it all away, all the food in the theatre. The smell of popcorn was making me sick. I had eaten only breakfast a long time ago, but I still felt it churning in my stomach. I felt fat. I shouldn't even had eaten that apple anyway. Chastity was going to see my fat belly filled with that apple. I needed to get out of there.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." I mumbled, and untangled from Asher. He shot me a worried glance. I ignored it.

I stumbled out and made my way toward the bathroom.

No one was in there. I went over to the sink and waved my hands in front of the motion sensor. When the water turned on I splashed my face with it. I was glad I was wearing waterproof mascara. My coverup came off though, so I just wiped the rest of it away with a towel. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was so ugly.

I unconsciously went through the routine I as I had done with my full length mirror. Belly: fat. Thighs: super fat. Arms: jiggly. Hips: bulgy. I couldn't even look at myself anymore. I winced and looked at the floor. My throat felt constricted. I couldn't cry. People would notice. I was so fat. I was so fat.

Chastity would notice. She always noticed. She always noticed when I had a fault.

Then I did what I thought I'd never do.

I went into the stall, knelt down next to the toilet, and stuck my finger down my throat.

I purged everything that was in my stomach.

---

I went back to the movie and sat next to Asher. He gave me a tight hug, holding on for an extra second. "It's okay if you want to leave." He said quietly.

"No, it's fine, the movie's almost over anyway." I said.

We stayed until it ended. Asher kept an arm around me the entire time.

---

When we exited, Chastity noticed me and gave me a cutesy little wave. But as she turned away, I saw her sneer to her friends. She said something I didn't hear. They all laughed.

"Geez, is that her?" Asher muttered, putting an arm around my waist protectively.

"Yeah."

"I can see why you don't like her. She's awful."

"Well, that, and she's better at everything I do."

"That surprises me. She's so thin I think she'd fall apart if she did a leap like you do. She looks anorexic."

Anorexic? "She's kind of the teacher's pet. Her parents are professional dancers." I said. "So I guess I don't have that advantage."

"Marissa, I think you're the best dancer in the world. You've really got talent." Asher looked at me sincerely. "When's your next show thingy?"

"Next month."

"I'll be there. And I'll make sure to throw a rotten tomato at that girl."

I laughed bitterly.

"Totally serious." He said. "She looks like she deserves it."