The Art of Life

"Well, you're actually very underweight for your age, Marissa. Fifteen now?" The doctor said, and my mom winced. "You said you've been eating, am I correct?"

"Yes." I said. "Three meals a day."

"You can testify to this, Mrs. Cantable?"

"Yes, I can." Mom mumbled, wringing her hands. "But I'm at work and she is at school and dance practice often, so I don't get to monitor her eating habits. But I always keep the fridge stocked with healthy food."

I stared at my mother. "Mom, I really do eat." I just eat very small meals...

"I believe you, honey."

"Okay..." The doctor rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if pushing up glasses. "I'm going to take some blood tests. For now I want you to take a multivitamin and calcium. If you want to continue dancing and not faint anymore, we'll have to figure out this problem. A nurse will call you and tell you the results." And he gave my mom a sheet of paper. "I'll let you get her blood drawn now."

"Okay, thank you." Mom said, and I stepped down from the bed and followed her out into the hallway.

---

Asher and I had marvelous weeks together. And then suddenly, the week before my recital, he didn't come to school for four days.

I texted him worriedly. He didn't answer.

When he finally did, he said he was alright, and that he'll tell me about it later.

Kati and I hung out at the mall for a while that day and she noticed I was distracted. She eventually got it out of me that it was about Asher.

"Is he being a jerk? You do look like you're going through the Breakup Diet." She looked me up and down. "You've been getting really thin, thinner than you already were. If he's being horrible, you still have to eat, you know."

"It's not like that." I said. "I think he got hurt again or something."

"That could be it." She mused. "You did say he was accident prone."

I had a sudden image of a terrible monster attacking him. I imagined his entire arm getting ripped off. "Yeah. He gets into stupid little accidents." I managed out.

"Hey, I'll drive you over to his house if you want."

"I feel like I'd be being intrusive."

"He's your boyfriend, it's kind of your right to know what's going on."

"But-" My phone vibrated. I looked at the text.

Asher: Could you come over? I'll pick you up.

I looked at Kati. "Well, I guess I need a ride over there."

---

Kati dropped me off at Asher's house, but only after getting lost a few times. Eventually we made it and I stepped out of her car.

"Be careful, Marissa." She said. "If you need any help, call me."

"Alright." I shut the door and she drove off.

I went up to Asher's door and knocked. He answered almost immediately. There was a hair thin scratch on the side of his face running from his temple to the top of his cheekbone.

"Asher..."

"I'm okay." He pulled me into a hug. That's when I realized he was shaking. His hands were trembling on my back, and his voice quavered. "I just need you to be here, alright?"

"I'm here." I said, squeezing him. "What's wrong?"

He let go of me and looked at me, his eyes afraid. "Will you come inside?"

"Yes."

And we went inside.

---

Asher and I sat on his couch. I held his hand. He took a few breaths before telling me what happened.

"My uncle is in the hospital."

Fear struck me. "What happened to him?"

Asher didn't answer. He stared at the floor, and he began shaking again. His mouth twisted into a grimace, he bit his lip, and he started tapping his knee with his other hand. I let him calm himself down for a bit.

After a while, he finally said, "I conjured up something."

My blood ran cold.

"My aunt is in the hospital with him. They say he's going to be fine, but he's getting old, you know..." His voice cracked. "I'm worried. I'm really worried that I'll lose him. I didn't mean for this to happen. I never want to draw or sing again. I-I don't know what to do. I can't let this happen again. I can't..."

I ran my thumb along his fingers. I was scared. Suddenly I felt something. I felt a churning in my stomach that something bad was going to happen. "It'll be alright, Asher." I said.

"Marissa..." He turned his head and looked into my eyes. His were so pained I wanted to look away. "I'm really afraid that everyone I know is going to die because of me. I'm afraid youare going to die because of me."

I couldn't say anything. There was a huge lump in my throat.

"Marissa.. I really don't want to say this, but..."

"You're going to break up with me."

Shock streaked across his face. "Yes- I mean, no- but, Marissa..." He winced. "I don't know what else to do. I can't put you in danger like this."

I looked at him. I was terrified. I was so terrified of him and this power. A part of me wanted to leave and never look back. But another part of me...

"Asher, don't even worry about me." I said, trying to make myself sound strong. "I'm going to stay with you. We'll find a cure for this. Or at least a way to handle it. I promise you that we'll pull through with this." I squeezed his hand.

He squeezed mine back. "Marissa.. I..." He shook his head, grimacing. And then suddenly, his shoulders started racking, and his eyes welled up with tears, "Marissa, my drawings killed my parents." He sobbed.

And then it felt like all the warmth in my body was drained away.

Asher let go of my hand, tears running down his face. "I can't.. I can't let this happen to you. I shouldn't even have tried to flirt with you. I'm so sorry. I knew that something like this would happen and I shouldn't have brought you into it. I don't mean to hurt you. But I can't let you be around me."

My heart shattered. Horror struck me. I didn't know if I could feel any more terrible.

"We're just going to have to break up. I'm so sorry."

Now I started crying. I don't know whether it was from hurt or fear or something else. I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. But I was done. I was done here. I stood up and began to leave.

"Marissa-"

I walked out of his house and slammed the door shut.

---

I called Kati and she gave me a ride home. She offered to buy me chocolate. I didn't want it. I didn't want to eat. I didn't ever want to eat. A sadness just welled inside me and I couldn't do anything.

I stayed home from school the next day. I told my parents I was sick. They believed it.

I was certainly sick.

---

I was hungry.

---

My dance recital came up fast.

The next thing I knew was that I was standing back stage in my costume with the other girls, waiting to go on. They were giggly and nervous. Kati stood by me, adjusting her tutu. She was saying something to me but I didn't comprehend it. Then I heard our cue music and we leaped on stage.

I danced and let the music flow through me, just as always. Something was different though. I couldn't focus. The music was there, I could feel it. I could see the other dancers dancing. Then I saw them looking at me. I realized I wasn't in time. Then I couldn't hear the music anymore. Where did it go? People were shouting. I couldn't hear them, I could just see their mouths moving. My chest felt tight.

Then the stage floor rushed up to meet me and everything went black.

---

I could remember brief blurs of consciousness. Someone pressing on my chest really hard, so hard it was painful. Then a blur. Really loud sounds, but they were muted. I could somehow tell that they were loud. Another blur. Someone calling my name. Who were they? Then the last blur. Two people were holding my hands. Two different people.

Then nothing.

---

I woke up finally.

I was in a hospital room, lying on a bed on my back. Then I realized there was something protruding out of my stomach. It was a tube. A feeding tube.

I stared at it for a while. My hand drew forward, as if to pull it out, but I stopped. What would happen if I ripped it out? Would the food splatter everywhere? Would my blood gush out?

Then a nurse came in. She noticed I was awake. "Oh, dear," She said, "don't worry about that thing. We'll get you off it in no time."

My mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. Thoughts hit me. What had happened? Where is my family? Where is everyone?

"Honey, don't worry. Your family has been notified, they've been visiting you, but you were sound asleep. Someone just left a bit ago."

"Who?" I croaked.

"A girl by the name of Chastity."

---

Chastity came back the next day.

When I saw her freckled face go through the door, I didn't know what to say. I was scared. A little angry even. I just let her settle on the little cushion by the window next to my bed.

She looked outside the window for a while, her expression tense. Eventually she turned to me and looked at me sadly.

"Marissa, I'm sorry." She said.

Suddenly furious, I looked away.

Chastity was silent, and I was silent as well. I let the silence hang over her for a while.

Then she asked, "Why did you do this?"

"Do what?" I snapped.

"Starve yourself to death. Your heart gave out and you nearly died."

I looked at her venomously and she stared back calmly. I held her gaze for a while. I could almost feel the sparks flying.

"I wanted to be thin. To be beautiful." I spat.

Chastity continued to watch me.

"I wanted to be like you!" I yelled. "I wanted to be skinny and beautiful just like you! Then maybe you wouldn't torment me all the time! Then maybe our dance instructor would put me in the front of the stage and let me dance solo! Maybe I would be great! Maybe some day I could live up to your expectations!"

Then Chastity's pretty face sunk into a deep sorrow.

"Marissa..." She began. "I... I have a metabolic disorder."

I was startled into silence.

"No matter how much I eat, I will always be underweight. I am so sorry that you tried to be like me." She paused, swallowing painfully. "And..." Her voice cracked. "I'm so sorry I bullied you. I was jealous."

I didn't know what to say.

"You were beautiful when you danced." She looked away. "It was like you were a part of the music. I had to work. I worked so hard and suddenly you came along and did this effortlessly. I was so angry..." She shook her head, grimacing. "I should never have treated you like the way I did. I nearly killed you."

Then she looked straight into my eyes. "All I wish is for you to forgive me."

I couldn't speak. What was I to say? I wasn't angry anymore. I just felt pity. This girl I looked up to was suddenly turned into this sad little girl that I never knew. I didn't know how to react to her.

"I forgive you, Chastity."

---

Later that day, Asher visited me.

He burst into tears as he saw me. He cried like a baby, rushing over to me and wrapping me in his arms. He kissed me all over, his tears getting on my face.

"Oh my God, Marissa." He sobbed. "I thought you would never wake up. I thought- oh God- I thought..."

"Asher..."

He looked at me with his soft hazel eyes, holding me tightly. "I thought I'd lose you."

I was a loss for words.

"Marissa, I'm so sorry." He sniffed and started stroking my face. I let him. His touch was soft. "I didn't know you were like this." He said. "I... I knew something was wrong, but I didn't perceive it to be this bad. I wish I could've helped you."

My heart throbbed.

"I was at your recital." He said, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I was in the front row watching you dance. I didn't realize how thin you've gotten until I saw you then. I watched you fall and I ran up there. I gave you CPR until the paramedics arrived. I was there with you riding to the hospital. That girl was there too. I'm so glad you're alright."

"I guess your drawings weren't the things that were going to kill me." I murmured.

"Marissa..." He said quietly. "I.. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I thought breaking up would make it better. I feel like this is all my fault."

"It isn't, don't worry."

Asher then tenderly rested his hand on my cheek.

"I really want to help you get through this, Marissa."

I looked at him, my heart melting. He was the same gorgeous boy that cared about me. Looking into his hazel eyes made me realize he never stopped caring. He made a mistake. And as much as that hurt me, I realized I had hurt him just as much. He wanted to help me though. He wasn't the type of boy that cared whether or not you were skinny. He was.. worried because I was so skinny. My heart fluttered and I tried to speak, but nothing came out.

"Will you forgive me for hurting you?" He asked softly.

"As long as I can help you get through your problems too."

Asher broke out into a sweet smile and I smiled back at him. And then he leaned down and his soft lips met mine. An explosion of warmth ran through me. The kiss felt like it lasted forever.

Then we finally pulled apart.

Asher whispered, "I love you."

And I said back, "I love you too."

"We're going to pull through this together."