I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

"Well, there she goes." I turn to Nick.

I decided to go to the airport and watch Dani leave me again, (pathetic, I know) only this time, I'm not alone. I have Nick.

Nick is my best friend. He's the only one who's been there for me since Dani left. I sort of met him at a party the night Dani left. Things got messy and he offered to take me home in the morning. It's a really long story, but the bottom-line is: he just made me feel like I wasn't alone.

He puts his arm around me and hugs me in that one-arm way he uses to assure me he's there. "It's okay, you handled three years without her, what's another couple of months? She'll be back."

I turn and hug him tightly. "You always know how to make me feel better."

"Duh." Nick pulls back and gives me a kiss on the forehead. He takes my hand and drags us away from the airport after we see Dani's plane take off. "What do you wanna do today?"

"Whatever." I take the passenger seat of his car as he takes the wheel.

"You know I leave for tour tomorrow." he mutters.

"That's a shocker." I say almost sarcastically.

He sighs, disappointed that I still haven't conditioned myself for his leaving.

He's been warming me up for weeks. He always does when he's about to leave for tour.

He didn't have to say it. He took me out to a stupid movie, we had a sleepover at our backyard, we went out to just talk... I knew he was leaving.

"Come on," He nudges me. "What do you wanna do?"

"Where's Jay?"

"With Halvo, what do you expect, Iann?" Nick raises his eyebrow at me. "Are you forgetting you asked us to watch him for you?"

I shake my head. Of course not, how could I forget? I begged him even though it wasn't necessary. Nick was very willing.

"How about the park?" he suggests, leaning over and putting my seat belt on for me.

"How about we just drive around?"

"And talk?" He starts the engine. "Sounds good,"

We start peeling off the airport parking lot and he starts the conversation. "So what happened?" he asks, knowing that I've been upset the entire time even though I've barely said anything.

"What happened?" I glance at him and roll my eyes. "Dani just got home from college a week ago, right? And we've barely talked! And then she left yesterday, she didn't tell me where she was going, and then she didn't come home at night, and she came home this morning, and then she told me she was leaving for The Maine! Cool, right?" I narrate in sarcastic enthusiasm.

"The Maine?" Nick squints as he stops at a red light. "Why The Maine?"

"She's shooting for The Maine, apparently." I continue. "She's going to some place called Eighty One Twenty-three, and I don't understand how she booked a flight to Phoenix so quickly--"

"Then maybe she's had it planned all week."

This catches my attention. Dani had planned on leaving me again already. That's it.

"So.. Tell me more about this job of hers.." Nick says.

"Well, she's also going into studio with them to document shit or something," I sigh. "I hate her. I hate The Maine."

"Nawh," Nick pushes my head up by placing his thumb beneath my chin, and he actually says "Chin up, darling, how long will she be gone again?"

"Some months, I don't know,"

"I'll only be gone for a month," He beams at me. "I'll get back after a month or something, two or three weeks, then-- Wait." He starts driving again when the light turns green. Once he's in a good consistency with his speed, he speaks to me again. "You handled three years without her, what's another couple of months, right?" he points out again.

"It's just I miss her." I admit. Not just to Nick. To myself. I finally had the sense to admit that to myself.

At the worst time possible, I admit to myself that I missed Dani. That I miss her.

"I'm sure you do." He brings his phone out. He tosses it to me and tells me to read the message he just got.

"It's from Halvo," I start as I open the message. "And he says.." I read the message first and then read it out loud for Nick. "They said yes. Tell her as soon as you can."

Nick glances at me and speeds up. "Can you tell him to call?"

Curious as I am about who said yes and what to tell who as soon as he can, I suggest I call Halvo from his phone instead, and he agrees.

I dial Halvo's number, and without even letting one ring tone finish, he answers. His voice, frantic and all, fills my left ear. "Nick, they said yes! You have to tell her! Hurry! We're all stoked here!"

"Calm down, Halvo." I tell him off.

He laughs. "You with Nick?"

"Got it." I acknowledge his correct guess. "What's up?"

"Give it here," Nick takes his phone from me and puts it within hearing range.

I can hear Halvo screaming in Nick's ear, but I don't understand a thing.

Finally, Nick hangs up without even saying anything and he turns to me. He puts on a serious expression.

I wonder what's going on.

"Guess what," he mumbles as he returns his attention to the road.

"What?"

"You have to guess."

"Everyone in The Maine died." I try to cheer myself up.

He lets out a chuckle. "That is a terrible guess."

I giggle. "What is it?"

"You can come on tour with us," he quietly says, not really sure about how I'm gonna feel about it.

I put on a stoned expression.

This worries him and he immediately assures me. "I mean, you can come if you want to.. I mean.. If you don't want to,"

"Sounds good." I use his words from earlier.

"Really?" he says, surprised I actually think this is a good idea.

"Why not?" I smile to myself. "I would love to spend the next month with you guys! You guys are my best friends!"

"Great!"

We drive around for a couple of hours till we run out of things to talk about, then we decide to go to his house after the sun sets, when evening sets in.

"Wait, what is Iann doing here?" Justin widens his eyes as Nick opens the door for me.

"You should be packing!" Andrew exclaims.

"We'll lend her a suitcase." Nick laughs. "She has enough shit here,"

That's true. Whenever Nick isn't on tour with his band mates, I sleep here. In his house. With him. In his room. On his bed. He makes me not feel lonely. He makes me not think about how lonely I am back home without Dani.

It's nice to sleep when you know someone is looking after you closely. Nick is like the older brother I never had. He's always taking care of me and watching over me and that shit.

This is my second house in the residential sense. But for the past three years, it's been pretty much home to me.

Besides, Halvo hung around here a lot too. So it felt a lot like home because they both love me very much. I have the most fun here, at home, when Justin and Andrew come around as well.

"Where's Halvo?" I decide to ask because Halvo was just in my thoughts when I see he isn't here.

"He took Jay out for ice cream." Justin answers.

"Ice cream?" Nick grimaces. "He's spoiling that kid."

"I know, right?" Justin shrugs. "But he's already packed, and he already packed for Jay too. So that's fine."

"Jay's packed?" I ask.

"Yes." Justin affirms. "He's coming too, you don't think we'd leave him here, do you?"

I stare at him as he takes a small suitcase I'm assuming is where Jay's stuff is.

"Alone? No way." He answers himself.

"Okay."

"We're flying over to Phoenix tomorrow, get Iann to bed." Andrew commands to Nick as if he were a parent.

Because I'm sleepy, I don't even have time to think about what Andrew said. I turn to Nick. "Can we go to bed?"

"I'll pack your shit first," he tells me. "You go on."

Maybe it's insensitive of me, but I gladly take his offer. I kiss his cheek and thank him for a great afternoon and evening, then greet Justin and Andrew a good night. And then I go head up to his room.

I kick my shoes off and jump into bed, and bury myself under his covers.

This is when I get time to think in my almost subconscious state.

I don't care about Dani anymore. She's choosing The Maine over me? Fine, I'm choosing Nick and A Rocket To The Moon over her. We're gonna go on tour (they are, anyway) and I'll be there, and nothing will matter but them. I'll be away from the thought of Dani, and The Maine, and I'll be with my best friends.

I'll be with Jay, and I'll be with Nick, and Halvo, and Justin, and Andrew, and these people won't choose The Maine over me. I think.

Nick. My older brother. My best friend. Nicholas Bernard Santino. I love him. He loves me. Not in that way. But we love each other nonetheless.

Do you know what would be crazy? If, maybe, there could be something more for us. I mean.. He's not seeing anyone. Hell, he doesn't take interest in any girl. And I, most definitely, aren't with anyone as far as I know.

What if, maybe, he doesn't see me the way I see him? If he sees differently?

This is something new to think about. There's nothing romantic between him and me. And there's never been. Why am I thinking about this?

It seems like I've only thought so little when Nick finishes packing my stuff. It's been an hour since then, apparently.

Nick takes his shirt off and joins me under the covers.

I love it when we share body warmth like this.

I put my head on his chest like I always do, and he puts his arm around me, like he always does. For the first time, I look at this gesture as something else. What if, maybe, he's not just being there for me?

What? Iann, what are you even thinking? I hiss at myself in my mind.

"You still awake?" he whispers.

I nod into his chest.

"Get to sleep, you'll need a lot of rest." he continues, quieter. "Good night."

"Nick," I look at him. "Do you love me?" I ask before I can stop the words from flying off the tip of my tongue. Iann, what the hell?! Stupid--

"Yeah, I do." he answers as if it weren't a big deal, cutting off my scolding myself in my head. "You're my best friend, aren't you? Don't think about that now, you gotta get some--"

I can't believe I cut him off this way.

"I.." I pull away from him, detaching my lips from his. "I'm sor--"

He doesn't let me finish my apology when he pulls me back and kisses me again. "I do, I love you."

Comfort. That's what I feel. Instead of anxiety from what I've been thinking about the past hour, and what would happen if I was wrong, I feel comfort.

I smile against his neck as I hug him. "Good night."