I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

I'm awake. My senses are, anyway. I take a minute to recall where I am. Then I realize where ever I am, whatever I'm on, it's in motion. Oh yeah, I think. I'm on tour with my best friends.

Day 2.

I remember I fell asleep crying on Nick's chest. I feel so sorry for him. How he had to see me like that. How he had to take care of me because he knows he's the only one who can be there for me. "Nick, I'm sorry," I mumble, then I kiss him somewhere by his neck.

He's awake, because I feel him hugging me tighter when I try to pry myself out of his arms. "Iann?" he whispers.

"Stay in bed, you've had enough last night," I tell him, not wanting to keep him from getting sleep. I know he watched me while I slept, because I had no nightmares. He needs sleep, and I'm not gonna try to keep it from him. "I'll be outside, okay?"

He nods and kisses my cheek. Half-awake, he still has the sense to do that.

I open the curtain, and the sunlight immediately blinds me. Not really, but it hurts my eyes for a second. It must be around 8 am. I get out the bunk, watching Nick roll on his side and start falling asleep again. I'm closing the curtains now when I realize Dani's watching me from the entrance of the area.

I want to scream at her. Call her a bitch. Run over to her and slap her. I wanna tear her hair out. I wanna kick her. I wanna punch her in the gut. But I'm too tired. Emotionally. I don't have the strength to do that, and it's just a waste. What's the point?

Besides, we're going to be playing nice. This is how it always works.

We fight, we don't apologize, and we pretend it never happened until someone brings it up again. Guess I was stupid for demanding an apology yesterday. It just doesn't work that way.

"I made some mac and cheese," she says.

I'm starving, so I don't think twice before following her to the kitchen area which is across the area with the booth. I see a bunch of empty boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and one big deep pan with the bright yellow-orange shit.

"Come eat with me and Garrett," I know she's trying to smile at me. Failing, she turns her back on me and gets me a bowl. She puts more than I want and sticks a fork in the bowl. Then she hands it to me. "If this is still your favorite,"

"Still is," I reply and sit down on the booth, across Garrett, who is wide awake, and is playing with his mac and cheese.

"Great," Dani says, taking a seat next to Garrett. "How do you think I fed myself in college?"

This makes me laugh a little. Dani doesn't know how to cook. At all. All she knows is boiling and how to chop some, then that's pretty much all she knows how to do in the kitchen. She could even mess boiling up if she wasn't focused enough.

"You sure you put enough butter?" I ask, using previous experiences between us as a reference.

"Enough?" She raises her eyebrows and takes a forkful of the pasta into her mouth. "I put too much, just ask Garrett."

"Is he some macaroni and cheese expert?" I imitate how she raises her eyebrows.

"Well, are you?" Dani asks Garrett.

Garrett shakes his head.

"Guess I'll be the judge of too much butter, hmm?" I say and start eating. "Too much butter, Dani."

"I'm always putting too much or too little." she says. "But I think I've got boiling down."

I taste the pasta. It's not pasty, not stale. "Guess you have."

"It still tastes the same anyway," Garrett mutters. "Mac n' cheese is mac n' cheese,"

"Mm, so inspiring." I comment sarcastically, leaning forward and looking him in the eye.

He looks away, uncomfortable of what I did.

Good. I think I hate this guy.

"I'm going to get John some breakfast now, Dani." Garrett says quickly and gets up, leaving his not yet empty bowl at the table. He fixes up a bowl and in the kitchen and leaves Dani and me.

"What'd you do that for?" Dani asks. Not like she was offended though. But like she's interested.

"Anything to make that dude leave," I say.

She puts on a half pout as she rests her chin on her palm, putting her elbow on the table. "You could've asked,"

"He left already, no point in trying to talk about it now. Aye?"

"Aye," She nods and continues eating.

We eat there together silently. Silently, maybe because we're both trying to asses whether this is real or not. This is the first time since she's been home from college that we eat together. First time after, maybe, 3 years.

I get up to throw my bowl in the sink when she offers to do it for me. I take her offer and follow Garrett.

I see Garrett just standing there, staring at John, who is asleep.. With.. Jay.. On his lap.

This is odd for me because.. Jay doesn't sleep on just whoever's lap. Maybe he got too tired and just got knocked out. Or maybe this just looks off to me because I've never seen Jay around anyone else but Nick, Halvo, Justin or Andrew. Right. There's no need to fret about this.

Garrett comes back to his senses and puts the bowl on the edge of a table and walks to John. "John," he poked him. "John, wake up. Dani made breakfast and shit."

John flips his middle finger towards Garrett, his eyes still closed. "Fuck off," he mouths.

Garrett backs away from John for a second, and when John puts his finger down, he looks at Jay. He scratches the back of his head and tries John again. "John, feed the kid."

John's eyes open to a squint at Garrett, then he opens them. "What?"

"You gotta feed that kid,"

"Guess I do," John scratches his nose and gently wakes Jay up.

The moment Jay's up, he smiles and hugs John. John gladly hugs him back.

"Good morning," John greets Jay.

"Don't I get a good morning too?" Garrett asks John.

John crumples his nose. "No. Asshole."

Garrett frowns. "And to think I got you mac and cheese."

John rolls his eyes.

I back away and see Dani sneaking another forkful of mac and cheese from the pot itself. We do this a lot, and if we weren't in a bus with about 10 other guys, she would've invited me to eat from the pot itself like we always did.

Dani throws her fork into the sink and pushes me to into the area with her.

"Morning, Dani," John mumbles, trying to feed Jay carefully. "Open your mouth," he complains.

Jay does as he was told and John cautiously puts the food in his mouth. Jay sits there quietly, chewing, smiling.

Garrett looks at Dani. "Forgot to thank you for breakfast,"

"You didn't even finish yours," she replies. "Guess I suck that bad,"

"It's not that," Garrett immediately defends.

Dani shrugs and takes her camera from the table.

"John, do we have a show today?" Garrett asks.

"Yes?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"A question." John confirms. "I don't know, I'm not Jared."

As if on cue, Jared walks in the area with a bowl of mac and cheese. "What're we talking about here?"

"How you're the one Garrett should ask about the shows because I'm a dumbfuck and I know nothing." John chuckles.

"Kid." Jared warns, the way I remember John warned Garrett last night. "And yes, I think we have a show today." He sits down next to John, who is still feeding Jay, and eats. "Garrett, you put too much butter, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Kid." Garrett re-warns. "And it doesn't taste that bad--"

"Too much butter!" Jared argues. "I hate you, Garrett."

I look at Dani, who I know is laughing her head off inside because someone is blaming someone else for something she did wrong. She's always been like that. Let's add that to the list of things that haven't changed about her because of The Maine. She's keeping a straight face as she's skimming through pictures in her camera.

"Nawh, Jay!" John exclaims when Jay slaps the fork and sends macaroni and cheese flying onto John's shirt.

I start laughing, and when John looks at me, I stop immediately and sit next to him, then I put Jay on my lap.

John is scraping the pasta off his chest and throws it on the floor. "Yuck. Too much butter." He looks at Garrett. "You would know better, Macaroni And Cheese Expert."

"Well, you shouldn't have fed the kid that buttery crap, now should you?" Garrett rolls his eyes then sits down next to Dani, looking at her camera.

"You know, you have to stop calling Jay," John puts his fingers up and does air quotes. "The kid."

"Well, he is a kid." Garrett says.

I make Jay stand on the couch and kiss his cheek. "Jay, you gotta be more careful next time."

He doesn't look at me.

"Jay," I cup his face in my hands and make him look at me. "Don't do that again."

Jay looks down and plumps onto my lap again.

"Sorry about that," I say to John.

John shrugs. Then he smiles. Not at Jay. At me.

Don't.

"I'll go get him a new fork," John licks his lip and gets up, then he goes off.

"You do that," I mutter.

"You and John met before, Iann?" Jared asks all of a sudden.

Maybe. "No." I fix Jay's hair by messing it up. "What makes you think that?"

"Nothing, it's just you two were the only ones who didn't make introductions to each other yesterday."

Dang. "He's more interested in Jay than meeting me."

"John hates kids." Jared gives up trying to eat the buttery mac and cheese and puts it on the table.

"I do not." John corrects as he comes back. He hands me the fork and sits down right next to me, closer than he was a while ago.

I start feeding Jay, forgetting about what Jared had said and John.

"John!"

We all turn our heads to where we heard the scream.

"John, where the fuck are you?!" That's Kennedy's voice.