I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

"Garrett, if you would just stop moving--" I adjust the cloth damped in saltwater to match his movement.

"It's just hurting me a little," Garrett mutters and tries to stay put.

"This was supposed to be treated last night, Garrett, I thought Dani--"

"She didn't know how to do it, okay," Garrett mumbles against the cloth on his mouth.

"She didn't know how to help you or you didn't let her?" I counter.

He'd been mad at Dani since that night. So fucking mad. He wouldn't talk to her, he wouldn't even look at her directly.

And at first, I thought it was just to try to mess with Dani for a while.

People do that sometimes, they would make people beg for their attention by ignoring them.

I thought that's what Garrett was doing. And I thought it was working.

But Garrett is over that and he's still mad.

"It's a little bit of both." Garrett sighs.

"Just tell me again if it hurts, okay?" I drop the topic and dab the cloth onto his lip again after rinsing it and dipping it in saltwater again.

Garrett nods.

"Didn't know John could punch like that," I say, just because I don't want it to get silent between us.

"Me either!" Garrett stops himself from chuckling so I wouldn't have to tell him off for moving again.

I dab his mouth clean one more time. Withdrawing from him, I catch sight of his eyes.

It's so easy to read the hurt in them.

The cut in his lip is minor.

And I can't feel what he's feeling, but the look in his eyes is enough to tell me he's extremely disappointed. Extremely let down.

Extremely hurt.

I look away from his eyes.

His emotions might overwhelm me. He hasn't smiled in days.

And, quite frankly, I'm not used to it.

I glance at his lip and see that small scabs are starting to form around his wound.

And to offer any kind of comfort, I just move forward and softly kiss him.

Nothing malicious about it, though, and I can tell not even Garrett is fazed by what I just did.

But when I realize what I've just done, I awkwardly pull away.

Damn my paternal instincts.

"My lips are numb." Garrett says. "Don't you worry about it." He makes me feel all relieved. He knows it was out of nowhere, what I've done. And he also knows how off I feel about it.

"You've got to watch your mouth next time." I decide to scold after getting over it. I stand up and walk to the bathroom to wash everything I've worked with.

He follows me by the sink. "He's got to watch his fist next time!" he controverts.

"He wouldn't have had to watch his fist if you watched your mouth." I squeeze the towel dry and leave it on the edge of the sink, then I throw the saltwater into the drain.

"Right."

"You're fine, Garrett. Just don't talk too much, the wound has to rest."

Garrett nods now, instead of answering, exaggerating not talking.

I smile at his humor and exit the bathroom.

He turns out the light.

"So how long are you gonna be mad at Dani?"

"Till she realizes she fucked up."

"You don't think she's realized that yet?" I sit down on the edge of the bed where I've been nursing him. He'd picked his bedroom.

Garrett shakes his head and gets seated beside me. "How about you?"

"Huh?" I look up from my damp hands.

"Aren't you mad at Dani?"

"That's a hard question," I say honestly.

"Well," Garrett slows his speaking down, maybe because of the busted lip. "Are you or aren't you?"

"I've been mad at her since she left for college," I decide to answer. For what she just did? I don't know how I feel about it. But for leaving me for college? I'm not ever going to forget it.

"How do you expect me to feel after what she did," Garrett casually asks.

"Look, I know you're mad because you worried--" I start.

But he cuts me off. "Why are you mad?" Garrett asks.

"It's not important," I say just for the sake of shutting him up.

"How can you say it's not important--"

"Garrett, let's not talk about--" I plead.

"Iann, how can you say it's not important--"

"Garrett--"

"Iann, she almost killed herself over you! How the hell do you think it's not important how you feel about her--"

"Stop!" I get up.

"Okay." Garrett immediately obliges.

"Thank you." I walk away from him, glad he didn't make me have to hurt him just for him to cease.

I so don't need this right now. I so much do not want to be talked to about this.

I'm am starting my way out of the house to see if Jared is in the studio. Watching him play is always such a pleasure.

But I'm stopped by someone catching my waist in his arms.

"John," I laugh when I hear the chuckles he can't help.

"Where ya goin'?"

"Downstairs," I answer, turning around.

His lips meet mine after a second and I laugh again when he pulls away.

Alcohol. "Are you drunk?"

"Very." John hums and starts moving in to kiss me again.

I pull back and push him away. "Nope."

"Come on,"

"You're not getting any of me till you're sober." I say.

"What the hell,"

I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him close to me, just messing around.

I love being around drunk John.

"Better sober up, O'Callaghan." I tease.

"Such a fucking tease, Jones."

I wink at him after he calls me the exact thing I was trying to be for him before letting him go.

And I start my way again.

I hear someone following me, but I know it isn't John.

"I saw that."

I turn around and see Kennedy. His expression makes me reply harshly. "You saw nothing."

"Will you tell me something, Iann," Kennedy makes me turn to him and almost violently forces me not to move elsewhere.

"What," I try to shake him off.

He tightens his grip. "What is it?"

"What?"

"It. This thing with you and John, can you tell me what the hell it is?"

"Let me go." I almost beg once.

"Answer my question."

"Kennedy, you're hurting me--"

"Answer it--"

"You're hurting me, Kennedy."

His hand twists my wrist and I start to cry and yelp immediately, being reminded of this one thing my mom would do the second I try to get away from her..

"You're hurting me, please stop, Kennedy." I sob and weakly push him off.

Seeing I've already started crying, he lets me go and immediately apologizes. "Iann, I'm sorry--"

"Tell me you didn't mean to do that, please? Please, Ken--" I cry into his chest when he hugs me. "Tell me you didn't mean to--"

"I didn't, Iann, I'm sorry." Kennedy quickly says. "I'm sorry."

"Look, I don't know what this thing with John and me is, Kennedy, I'm sorry I can't answer the question but.. Ken.. Please don't hurt me."

"I'm sorry, Iann, I really didn't mean to.."

"I don't know, okay," I cry. "We haven't talked about it yet, Kennedy, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me--"

"Iann--"

"I'm no good under pressure, Ken, I'm so sorry," I continue to sob.

"Oh god, stop crying," Kennedy squeezes me in his hug. "I'm sorry, shit--"

"Kennedy.. I just.. I know you hate me right now but I need you to--"

"Iann,"

"I need you to help me, I can't do this on my own,"

"Iann,"

"And I know that John's your best friend and that you can't stand me but I just-- I don't know how to feel, Kennedy!"

"Iann--"

"I'm just-- It's crazy, okay--"

Kennedy seems tired of hearing me talk. He slaps his palm over my mouth and looks into my tear-filled eyes.

I try not to meet his eyes but he sternly commands: "Iann, look at me."

I don't fight for him to take his hand off but he gently does after a minute.

"I'm your friend. Don't you ever forget that."

"It's hard to keep in mind," I mumble, it's almost a complain.

"I know." Kennedy sighs. "I know I've been a bitch lately. I'm just trying to figure out how to feel. Okay? I'll be there for you soon enough. I'm sorry I'm making you wait--"

"I don't get what you're saying--"

"You're not supposed to." Kennedy assures me. "It's all internal, you're not doing anything wrong."

"I don't understand--"

"You're not supposed to." he repeats. "I'm coming to get you soon. Okay?"

"Kennedy,"

"I'm your friend,"

I nod slowly.

"Friends are worth waiting for, right?"

"Right,"

"So wait for me."

After this encounter, I've stopped crying. He'd given me a kiss on my forehead, and now we're in the studio booth with Jared.

I'm confused a lot with what Kennedy just said.

Really.

It made so little sense.

But I remember how I felt about him when tour started..

And I let those feelings take over.

I trust Kennedy.