I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.

I let out a quiet groan as I feel someone's arms preparing to take me up like a forklift. I shake them off and weakly open my eyes.

"Hey," John smiles at me.

"Hey," I mumble, very ready to fall back asleep after his shaking had woken me up. "What are you doing,"

"Just close your eyes, I'll carry you to bed." he says barely above a whisper.

"It's okay, I.. I like sleeping on the couch," I smile back at him.

"There's a bed in my room with your name on it, come on." John bends his knees to now be in the same eye level as me.

"You go on," I continue to mumble.

He stares at me for the longest time, then he just shakes his head. "Nah." John settles, rocking himself back then crossing his legs on the floor.

"What are you doing now?" I ask.

"Getting comfortable."

"What?"

"Let me watch you sleep," John requests.

"No, go to bed, John." I quietly insist.

"I'm not going to bed without you."

"Okay," I sigh and turn my back on him.

I wait a minute for him to get up and leave, thinking that his having to show me affection, especially in the middle of the night like this, wouldn't outweigh his need for sleep.

But when I turn around to shift, I see him still sitting right there.

He flashes me that crooked grin of his, and I just grin back.

I fell asleep in the afternoon.

Kennedy took me into the booth for a while. I watched him and Jared do awesome things. Dani was also there, filming something. Garrett stayed in his room all day, I think.

And I missed dinner. They didn't even bother to wake me up. Oh well.

I roll off the couch, landing perfectly on top of John.

He chuckles and pulls me down for a kiss.

I smile into his lips and he does the same into mine.

Butterflies.

I tell myself John is not allowed to cause these feelings and pull back a little.

"Come on, John Ohh." I straddle him to get myself up without him having to let go of me.

His smile boils to a smirk.

Then I know what his smirk means. It's so easy to tell, especially now that I can feel his hands on my hips, now that I can see that minute glint of lust in his eyes.

But I don't want this from him right now.. I don't need this from him.. Not right now.. I didn't mean to bring this up now.

I laugh and get off of him. "What time is it?"

"A quarter past one." he answers. Before I ask, he pleads that I don't. "Please don't ask me why I'm awake."

It makes me giggle. "But do tell, O'Callaghan."

He does say, though. "I slept the intoxication off. Drunk John had to go,"

"Why so? I like Drunk John," I fake a tone of disappointment.

"Drunk John only wants to fuck you." John shrugs.

"And what does the sensible, rational John want from me?" I counter humorously.

He doesn't answer now.

"You know what," he chuckles quietly, more to himself than to me, after seconds.

Somehow, I can tell that it's not mirth that's causing his laughter; it's clearly something else. But it's too soon to conclude what it truly is.

"What?" I try to get him to continue.

"I kinda like Drunk John, too."

It's the way his voice drops.

From this, now, I know I can therefore conclude that the last elaborate sentence that came out of my damn mouth upset him.

I think about it now as he so conspicuously avoids making any kind of contact with me.

Is it because I've said I liked Drunk John? Has he assumed that I actually prefer "Drunk John" over the sober and sensible version of himself?

Though, I won't deny my enjoyment of having a teased boy wrapped around my finger, there is no way in hell that I would choose intoxication over sobriety, when it comes to John. Especially not when it comes to John.

I remember the other night, why John punched Garrett right in the mouth. Why he was so upset.

But I don't let myself come up with assumptions.

There is but one evident similarity between Drunk John and the sober John: Eloquence.

Fluency.

The way their words tie together, the way he talks.

And John has somehow learned that I do not like it when he gets all silent.

So he continues now, necessarily saying something that was linked to his last statement. "But you know, I think the sober John treats Riannon better than Drunk John does."

"What makes you say that?"

"That's how I see it because I actually know what the sober John does when he's around you." He laughs again. "Now, I'm not so sure who I like more."

"Let me decide for you." I say and hold my hand out to him.

He takes it with both of his and waits. "Okay."

"Are you sober?"

"Pretty sure I am."

"Then I need you to think of the craziest thing you can say to me. Right now."

John raises his eyebrows. "I don't get it,"

Me either. I have no idea what I'm doing.

But like I've just concluded, it's his eloquence. Fluency.

And it just doesn't change, it isn't linked to how drunk or how sober he is.

I beam at him. "Say something crazy--"

"I'm in love with you."

The smile falls off my lips as I realize I wasn't expecting to hear this.

I don't think I was expecting him to even say anything at all! I was thinking maybe he would actually think first, even for just a second, of the craziest thing he could say..

But he blurted that out before I even finished.

After this, we sit so quietly.

And after a while, I just awkwardly free my hand from his grasp.

"You wanted to hear something crazy."

"Yeah.. That.. That was.. Crazy." I awkwardly laugh.

John sighs. "Of course you're laughing." he mumbles.

"What?"

"Nothing." John shakes his head and gets up. "I don't expect you to take me seriously."

"John--" I cut myself off as I ask, watching him start to walk away. "Where are you going now?"

"To bed." He shrugs. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah. I'll be there in a sec." I tell him.

He nods to himself and leaves.

"Holy fuck, it's one in the morning, John just said he's in love with me and I have no idea what to think, I think my head is going to explode, maybe he's still drunk, or maybe he's half-awake, he's just fucking crazy."

That's what it sounds like in my head right now.

I hurry to the kitchen and hurl in gulps of water. I gasp after getting too much water down my throat and plump down onto the chair.

No one is awake, I have no one to talk to.

There is but one person I have to talk to about this.

We all know who he is.

The one and only John O'Callaghan.

So I start my way over.

It's funny that it's taking me so long to get used to this place.

It is a hot night, and all doors are open.

You would think 5 men who grew up in Arizona wouldn't be so affected by this kind of heat..

Kennedy is asleep in his, well, 'room,' cuddling his box of tissues. He's got layers of blankets on him. His colds got better for a while but his fever deems itself far from breaking. He has to at least try to sweat it out. Which isn't a problem, because his room is just beyond the half wall of the living room, and it is fucking hot in here.

I quietly tread through the maze of rooms, desperately not wanting to wake anybody up.

Entering a room, the door of which was slightly creaked, I find Garrett sprawled across his bed.

Pat is asleep on a chair by Garrett's bedside. He looks like he's kind of watching over Garrett. I assume, maybe, they were talking earlier and just fell asleep in each other's company.

I leave Garrett's room and start looking for the new room I picked out for John and myself.

But I find Jared's, instead. And here he is sleeping soundly. The way he is curled up under his blanket and the smile on his face make me expect a snore to sneak out of his system. No snores come out of him though, but I know I wouldn't mind either way and I would still envy him for his peace.

Next to Jared is Dani who is sharing the blanket with him. She is asleep, too, just not as well as Jared. I see the way Dani is hugging Jared's arm. I guess, right now, she needs it, someone to hold on to.

I throw these thoughts aside.

Finally, I find our room. I would notice the fresh bed sheets on the mattress, or the ceiling fan that's serving its purpose pretty well.. But instead, I eye John who looks like he'd just settled in.

I slowly pace on over. I kick my slippers off and crawl into bed with John.

I think I've done a great job keeping quiet, because the movement and sound of the mattress I cause make John turn onto his other side and see me.

He looks like he wasn't expecting I'd even creep up next to him. But here I am.

John shifts to make more room for me, then decides that his chest is space enough.

"Still awake." he mutters.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" John fakes a chuckle. "What for?"

"I don't know, I just think I have to say it,"

"You don't have to," John says after heaving another sigh.

I feel he tries to fall asleep, really.

So I try doing the same.

But after 420 seconds, I find myself eyes wide open at the ceiling.

"Look," His raspy voice sounds, to my surprise.

I turn onto my other side and look at John. "Why are you still awake,"

"Slept too much, remember?"

"Oh," I remind myself. "Right."

"I'm bored," he says as he blankly stares at the ceiling. He'd turned on the lamp on one of the side tables, and it's illuminating the room.

The light's not too much to disturb sleep when we finally get it, but it's enough for me to see John's anxious face.

"I don't.." John sighs. "I don't know why I'm so tired," He talks with his eyes closed.

The light comes from opposite his frame. It causes an outline to form on his features.

A rough tint in his hair makes me doubt what his barber was even thinking. The gloss on his lips makes me watch as he heaves more sighs. And his eyelashes, the way he blinks now.. It makes him look like.. Like.. A.. A fucking.. "A fucking angel."

"What?" John looks on me with curiosity.

I realize I've said that aloud. I can't believe I let him hear that-- I can't believe I let myself think that! "Let's just try to sleep. Okay? It's been a weird night," I stall.

"You just woke up--"

"Let's just try to--"

"Iann, aren't you--"

I hate how this is the only way I know how to cut him off.

There really are times when I wish his words never stop pouring out of his mouth.

But then there are times like these.. When I just want him to shut the fuck up.

He's the first to show reluctance as he gently pushes me off. "Okay."

I peck at his lips one more time before settling back onto his chest.

I don't need anymore sleep, but John doesn't need to be in bed with a hypocrite.

So I suck it up, close my eyes..

"Good night, John."

"Good night, Riannon."