Status: we'll see how this plays out
I'm Anything You Want Me To Be.
Inhaler
Dani'd sunken back into her chair, and she'd started crying to herself.
I swear, I've never seen her cry this hard.
It comes a close second to that afternoon of that accident.. But it's still so different.
My twin sister is a grown woman, and for a while, I was in the mindset that only I could make her cry like this.. Yet here she is, bawling her eyes out.
And I didn't think it would hurt this much to actually watch her break down like this, and there isn't even anything I can do to help.
After a minute, she starts trying to get up, she starts trying to shut herself up while she's at it. Clutching onto her chest, she makes her exit, and like Garrett, not spotting neither John nor me.
John and I get separated somehow as we also exit. I think maybe he followed Garrett off to wherever he planned on going.
I find myself following Dani back into the house, though.
She stumbles into the halls in the rooms, and I'm surprised she doesn't just try to calm herself down on the couch.
Instead, continuing trying to quiet herself down, she paces quickly to Kennedy's place.
"Ken," she gasps. "Ken,"
Kennedy awakes with Dani's shaking. "What--"
"Inhaler." she cries. "Inhaler."
Kennedy springs off his bed, dropping his tissues and his blankets to the floor. He runs to a bureau at the other side of his room and grabs something out of one of the drawers.
In no time, Kennedy's guiding an inhaler into Dani's mouth and doing the work for her, sending puffs of medication I have no idea what is for into her system.
Dani half-collapses and Kennedy tries to help her by draping one of Dani's arms over his shoulders and holding her by her waist. Then he half-drags, half-carries Dani to the bathroom.
Punching the light on, Kennedy lets Dani settle onto the toilet. Then he gets her to sit up, forcing her posture straight. "Dani, breathe, please," He takes a rubber band wrapped around Dani's wrist and ties her hair back for her. He starts wiping sweat off her forehead using his palm. "Please, Dani.."
I don't know what about watching this has got me standing still. Sure, I was able to follow them here. I was able to move towards the crack in the door Kennedy's left.. But..
I'm terrified.
What the hell is going on with Dani?
She can't breathe..
Is this why she tries so hard to be composed?
I've made her cry so many times since our reunion..
But like I said, she's never cried this hard.
I start to wonder why it's so easy for Kennedy to process all of this when he'd just woken up..
"Shh," Kennedy tries to shush her loud gasps.
"Ken, I just.. Kennedy--"
"Don't talk, just breathe." Kennedy pleads.
After a while when Kennedy's attempts come to no avail, he starts getting up.
I start to panic in my head. Where the hell is he going?! Is he leaving my sister to die in the fucking bathroom?!
"Where are you going," Dani tries to get up on her own.
Kennedy doesn't help her most probably because he just wants her to stay put and not follow him. "Time to get help."
"Don't! Ken, stay--"
"Dani, I'm calling for help--"
"Kennedy, please don't!" she cries.
"I'm going to get Iann--"
"Don't!" Dani yells. I can tell she's about to say something else but she's cut off by having to gasp in her inhaler again.
"What, and you expect me to just let you fucking run out of air?! Let me call at least Garrett--"
"He's mad at me, just--"
"Let me get help. Please let me get help--"
"Kennedy, please.. I.. I just.. Ken,"
"Dani--"
"Just stay for a second, please, don't leave me."
"I have to get help."
"Please, I'm begging you not to leave me." I hear Dani say this as I pull away from the door. "Please, you're all the help I need,"
"And what do you mean Garrett's mad at you,"
"It doesn't fucking matter, he doesn't know--"
"What?!"
"I never told him,"
"Why not?!"
"I was gonna.."
"You never told him even when you guys were dating in high school?!"
"No, I.."
"Does Jared know,"
"No."
"How about Pat?"
"No."
A short silence takes over.
I wonder why Kennedy hadn't asked if John knew about whatever they are talking about.
"Well, what about Iann,"
No response.
"Dani, what the flying fuck?! Iann doesn't know?!"
"Mom was gonna tell her but she never got to.. And I never did.."
"What the hell, I'm the only one who knows you're fucking asthmatic?!"
Again, silence.
I hear Kennedy make a sighing groaning sound.
He gives in to Dani and shuts the door before he's even stepped out of the bathroom.
I stare blankly at the now closed door, not moving an inch.
What the hell did Kennedy mean that Dani, that my fucking twin sister, is fucking asthmatic?
I never saw that in her when we were kids.. I think. Sure, it got hard for her to breathe sometimes.. But it was never as serious as this.
And what did Dani mean that Mom was gonna tell me but she never got to? Why didn't Dani ever tell me herself, though?
And why, of everyone, is Kennedy the only one aware of Dani's little health problem?
I would understand if Garrett knew. But apparently, he doesn't either.
Now, a part of me is just fucking relieved Kennedy's so alert now, because I know that I honestly would not know what to do if I were the only one Dani could turn to for help.
I sigh.
"Iann?"
I hold my breath, turning around to come forth to Pat's calling.
"Are you okay?!" Pat now brisks his way to me. "What's wrong?"
"What," I wonder why he's acting so worried about me..
"Why are you crying,"
"Why are you awake?" I spit. "Wait, sorry." I immediately apologize, not meaning to reply harshly.
He's only concerned.
"Where's Garrett?" Pat asks, trying not to annoy me in any way by asking about his best friend instead.
"I don't know." I mumble.
"How about Dani? Ken, John?"
"I don't know." I repeat.
Before either of us says anything else, Kennedy gets out of the bathroom. He sees me. "Iann."
"Ken,"
Kennedy licks his lip, obviously contemplative about whether or not he should leave Dani in my company. "Could you.. Uh," He chooses not. "Get me some water,"
"I'll do it," Pat volunteers.
I'm about to let him when I realize I haven't seen Garrett in here yet.
I so much don't want Pat to see Garrett however he is right now.
I know it would hurt him.
"Nah, Pat," I say. "I'll do it. Anything you need?" I even ask.
"Garrett, where is he?" Pat questions.
"With John," I decide to answer, just to give Pat some peace of mind.
Pat nods and starts heading back to his room. He seems a little more content knowing this now. I'm sensing his trust for John.
I am on my way to the kitchen now when Pat asks another thing. "How about Dani?"
I start to wonder what woke him up, if it were Dani's cries or Kennedy's pleas.
I turn to Kennedy and wish he would answer.
He does. "She's in the kitchen, eating,"
Pat buys this easily. "Night, guys. Go back to sleep soon, okay?"
"Yeah," Kennedy and I say.
After Pat walks off to his room, I venture on to get Kennedy 'his' water. It's probably for Dani, though.
I am making my way to the kitchen when I hear John's voice.
"Garrett."
Though I do hear Garrett's little sobs, I don't hear Garrett's voice.
I willfully stay still now, not being forced by any kind of fear. I stand frozen just to listen.
I hear the forceful opening of the fridge door, then John's voice. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"Get out of the way--"
"No! Sit down!" John demands.
By the way silence takes over after the fridge door was slammed close, I know Garrett had obeyed John.
"Now, stop crying." John says.
But Garrett's sobs only get wilder though, it's so obvious by the pattern that he's trying so hard not to break down.
"Stop. Stop crying."
"I can't." Garrett decides to answer.
Another minute of silence takes over.
"Please." John quietly says now. "Please stop crying."
Garrett's breathing very slowly thins out as John just patiently waits.
"Trey is going to be so happy." Garrett sighs after the minute he took to revert back to composition.
"Don't say that, you shouldn't say that--"
"And why shouldn't I?! This is it, this is what he wanted, right?!" Garrett argues.
"Garrett, no."
"John, yes." Garrett mocks. "Why don't you call him up right now, tell him about the good news!" he cheers sarcastically.
"I would totally do that, Garrett, trust me, I would, but I'm not doing that, not now, because right now, I've got to be here for you."
Garrett chuckles, sounding quite pathetic because his chuckling ends up all shaky because of the crying.
"You don't think I'm serious." John concludes from Garrett's laughter.
"Of course, I don't think you're serious! 'Be here for me,' who the heck are you kidding?! We both know you've always been on Trey's side--"
"What? What the fuck is that supposed to mean--"
"You have always been on Trey's side with everything, John, don't even--"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"You never wanted me and Dani to be together in the first place, you and Trey must've been so fucking happy when we broke up--"
"That's not true!" John insists. "Why are you--"
"Oh, shut up, John, you never really liked Dani anyways."
"Garrett--"
"You never care about what I feel."
"What,"
"And you've never fucking cared."
"What?! You and Dani fight for a fucking second and you start thinking I don't care about you? What the fuck-- What the hell is wrong with you, Garrett?!"
"What is wrong with me is the fact that--"
"That what?!" John cuts him off. "The fact that a stupid fight with your girlfriend can make you rethink our friendship? Huh?! Have you any idea how stupid that sounds?! There is a lot wrong with you, Garrett!"
"Then rub it in my face, John! It's not my fault you're friends with such a fucking ass-crap human being like me--"
"Don't say that."
"Well, what am I supposed to say, John?!"
"Nothing." John answers calmly. "You never know how to keep your mouth shut, you've never known how to keep your mouth shut."
"Now what are you saying,"
"You didn't mean to break up with Dani."
"Is that what I did?"
"And she didn't mean to break up with you." John continues irrelevantly.
"You were there?"
"Both times."
"What?"
"Both fucking times, Garrett, I was there when you broke up years ago and I was there when you broke up just now."
"What are you talking about,"
"Garrett, you need to learn how to fucking shut up because you're always hurting yourself."
"John,"
"True. I never liked Dani but I loved her with you."
"What,"
"I didn't fucking care about Dani unless it involved you, Garrett, you know I was a bitch to her. I never liked Dani enough to even realize I was sleeping with her sister,"
"You never--"
"But you can't fucking say that I never cared, that I wanted what happened, Garrett. You can't fucking accuse me of wanting what's bad for you, Garrett. Don't you dare fucking forget that you're one of my best friends. I don't understand how you could even begin to think that I would be happy with what happened."
"John,"
"Do you want me to leave you alone?" John then asks.
"No," Garrett answers reluctantly. "I just need you to sit with me for a while."
"I've always hated watching you cry. You know that." John says as I hear the skidding of a chair. He is going to sit with Garrett for a while.
"Sorry." Garrett mumbles.
"But you taught me it's okay to cry. And you're the only one who's ever seen me cry since I learned it from you."
"Why are you telling me this,"
"Because I'm all unfair."
"What,"
"If anyone's the terrible person here, it's me, and I'm a horrible friend."
"John,"
"And don't try to tell me otherwise, okay?" John requests.
Garrett doesn't answer to this.
"Let's get you to a bathroom real quick, you need a cool towel."
I hide myself as they exit the kitchen and get on to the bathroom around the corner in the hall.
I remember what I'm even here for.
So I grab a water bottle from the fridge after and head back.
I knock gently on the bathroom door when I arrive.
Kennedy opens it and greets me with gratitude. "Thanks so much."
"Sure," I say. I let my vision flood the space Kenned leaves between him and the door frame.
Dani is seated upright with her pajama top unbuttoned, her eyes closed and her breaths almost just as thin as Garrett's now.
"Everything alright in there?" I ask casually, not letting Kennedy notice the fact that I'd been staring at my sister.
"Yeah, I can handle it." Kennedy assures me. "Go back to sleep, ayt?"
"Ayt, Ken."
I swear, I've never seen her cry this hard.
It comes a close second to that afternoon of that accident.. But it's still so different.
My twin sister is a grown woman, and for a while, I was in the mindset that only I could make her cry like this.. Yet here she is, bawling her eyes out.
And I didn't think it would hurt this much to actually watch her break down like this, and there isn't even anything I can do to help.
After a minute, she starts trying to get up, she starts trying to shut herself up while she's at it. Clutching onto her chest, she makes her exit, and like Garrett, not spotting neither John nor me.
John and I get separated somehow as we also exit. I think maybe he followed Garrett off to wherever he planned on going.
I find myself following Dani back into the house, though.
She stumbles into the halls in the rooms, and I'm surprised she doesn't just try to calm herself down on the couch.
Instead, continuing trying to quiet herself down, she paces quickly to Kennedy's place.
"Ken," she gasps. "Ken,"
Kennedy awakes with Dani's shaking. "What--"
"Inhaler." she cries. "Inhaler."
Kennedy springs off his bed, dropping his tissues and his blankets to the floor. He runs to a bureau at the other side of his room and grabs something out of one of the drawers.
In no time, Kennedy's guiding an inhaler into Dani's mouth and doing the work for her, sending puffs of medication I have no idea what is for into her system.
Dani half-collapses and Kennedy tries to help her by draping one of Dani's arms over his shoulders and holding her by her waist. Then he half-drags, half-carries Dani to the bathroom.
Punching the light on, Kennedy lets Dani settle onto the toilet. Then he gets her to sit up, forcing her posture straight. "Dani, breathe, please," He takes a rubber band wrapped around Dani's wrist and ties her hair back for her. He starts wiping sweat off her forehead using his palm. "Please, Dani.."
I don't know what about watching this has got me standing still. Sure, I was able to follow them here. I was able to move towards the crack in the door Kennedy's left.. But..
I'm terrified.
What the hell is going on with Dani?
She can't breathe..
Is this why she tries so hard to be composed?
I've made her cry so many times since our reunion..
But like I said, she's never cried this hard.
I start to wonder why it's so easy for Kennedy to process all of this when he'd just woken up..
"Shh," Kennedy tries to shush her loud gasps.
"Ken, I just.. Kennedy--"
"Don't talk, just breathe." Kennedy pleads.
After a while when Kennedy's attempts come to no avail, he starts getting up.
I start to panic in my head. Where the hell is he going?! Is he leaving my sister to die in the fucking bathroom?!
"Where are you going," Dani tries to get up on her own.
Kennedy doesn't help her most probably because he just wants her to stay put and not follow him. "Time to get help."
"Don't! Ken, stay--"
"Dani, I'm calling for help--"
"Kennedy, please don't!" she cries.
"I'm going to get Iann--"
"Don't!" Dani yells. I can tell she's about to say something else but she's cut off by having to gasp in her inhaler again.
"What, and you expect me to just let you fucking run out of air?! Let me call at least Garrett--"
"He's mad at me, just--"
"Let me get help. Please let me get help--"
"Kennedy, please.. I.. I just.. Ken,"
"Dani--"
"Just stay for a second, please, don't leave me."
"I have to get help."
"Please, I'm begging you not to leave me." I hear Dani say this as I pull away from the door. "Please, you're all the help I need,"
"And what do you mean Garrett's mad at you,"
"It doesn't fucking matter, he doesn't know--"
"What?!"
"I never told him,"
"Why not?!"
"I was gonna.."
"You never told him even when you guys were dating in high school?!"
"No, I.."
"Does Jared know,"
"No."
"How about Pat?"
"No."
A short silence takes over.
I wonder why Kennedy hadn't asked if John knew about whatever they are talking about.
"Well, what about Iann,"
No response.
"Dani, what the flying fuck?! Iann doesn't know?!"
"Mom was gonna tell her but she never got to.. And I never did.."
"What the hell, I'm the only one who knows you're fucking asthmatic?!"
Again, silence.
I hear Kennedy make a sighing groaning sound.
He gives in to Dani and shuts the door before he's even stepped out of the bathroom.
I stare blankly at the now closed door, not moving an inch.
What the hell did Kennedy mean that Dani, that my fucking twin sister, is fucking asthmatic?
I never saw that in her when we were kids.. I think. Sure, it got hard for her to breathe sometimes.. But it was never as serious as this.
And what did Dani mean that Mom was gonna tell me but she never got to? Why didn't Dani ever tell me herself, though?
And why, of everyone, is Kennedy the only one aware of Dani's little health problem?
I would understand if Garrett knew. But apparently, he doesn't either.
Now, a part of me is just fucking relieved Kennedy's so alert now, because I know that I honestly would not know what to do if I were the only one Dani could turn to for help.
I sigh.
"Iann?"
I hold my breath, turning around to come forth to Pat's calling.
"Are you okay?!" Pat now brisks his way to me. "What's wrong?"
"What," I wonder why he's acting so worried about me..
"Why are you crying,"
"Why are you awake?" I spit. "Wait, sorry." I immediately apologize, not meaning to reply harshly.
He's only concerned.
"Where's Garrett?" Pat asks, trying not to annoy me in any way by asking about his best friend instead.
"I don't know." I mumble.
"How about Dani? Ken, John?"
"I don't know." I repeat.
Before either of us says anything else, Kennedy gets out of the bathroom. He sees me. "Iann."
"Ken,"
Kennedy licks his lip, obviously contemplative about whether or not he should leave Dani in my company. "Could you.. Uh," He chooses not. "Get me some water,"
"I'll do it," Pat volunteers.
I'm about to let him when I realize I haven't seen Garrett in here yet.
I so much don't want Pat to see Garrett however he is right now.
I know it would hurt him.
"Nah, Pat," I say. "I'll do it. Anything you need?" I even ask.
"Garrett, where is he?" Pat questions.
"With John," I decide to answer, just to give Pat some peace of mind.
Pat nods and starts heading back to his room. He seems a little more content knowing this now. I'm sensing his trust for John.
I am on my way to the kitchen now when Pat asks another thing. "How about Dani?"
I start to wonder what woke him up, if it were Dani's cries or Kennedy's pleas.
I turn to Kennedy and wish he would answer.
He does. "She's in the kitchen, eating,"
Pat buys this easily. "Night, guys. Go back to sleep soon, okay?"
"Yeah," Kennedy and I say.
After Pat walks off to his room, I venture on to get Kennedy 'his' water. It's probably for Dani, though.
I am making my way to the kitchen when I hear John's voice.
"Garrett."
Though I do hear Garrett's little sobs, I don't hear Garrett's voice.
I willfully stay still now, not being forced by any kind of fear. I stand frozen just to listen.
I hear the forceful opening of the fridge door, then John's voice. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"Get out of the way--"
"No! Sit down!" John demands.
By the way silence takes over after the fridge door was slammed close, I know Garrett had obeyed John.
"Now, stop crying." John says.
But Garrett's sobs only get wilder though, it's so obvious by the pattern that he's trying so hard not to break down.
"Stop. Stop crying."
"I can't." Garrett decides to answer.
Another minute of silence takes over.
"Please." John quietly says now. "Please stop crying."
Garrett's breathing very slowly thins out as John just patiently waits.
"Trey is going to be so happy." Garrett sighs after the minute he took to revert back to composition.
"Don't say that, you shouldn't say that--"
"And why shouldn't I?! This is it, this is what he wanted, right?!" Garrett argues.
"Garrett, no."
"John, yes." Garrett mocks. "Why don't you call him up right now, tell him about the good news!" he cheers sarcastically.
"I would totally do that, Garrett, trust me, I would, but I'm not doing that, not now, because right now, I've got to be here for you."
Garrett chuckles, sounding quite pathetic because his chuckling ends up all shaky because of the crying.
"You don't think I'm serious." John concludes from Garrett's laughter.
"Of course, I don't think you're serious! 'Be here for me,' who the heck are you kidding?! We both know you've always been on Trey's side--"
"What? What the fuck is that supposed to mean--"
"You have always been on Trey's side with everything, John, don't even--"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"You never wanted me and Dani to be together in the first place, you and Trey must've been so fucking happy when we broke up--"
"That's not true!" John insists. "Why are you--"
"Oh, shut up, John, you never really liked Dani anyways."
"Garrett--"
"You never care about what I feel."
"What,"
"And you've never fucking cared."
"What?! You and Dani fight for a fucking second and you start thinking I don't care about you? What the fuck-- What the hell is wrong with you, Garrett?!"
"What is wrong with me is the fact that--"
"That what?!" John cuts him off. "The fact that a stupid fight with your girlfriend can make you rethink our friendship? Huh?! Have you any idea how stupid that sounds?! There is a lot wrong with you, Garrett!"
"Then rub it in my face, John! It's not my fault you're friends with such a fucking ass-crap human being like me--"
"Don't say that."
"Well, what am I supposed to say, John?!"
"Nothing." John answers calmly. "You never know how to keep your mouth shut, you've never known how to keep your mouth shut."
"Now what are you saying,"
"You didn't mean to break up with Dani."
"Is that what I did?"
"And she didn't mean to break up with you." John continues irrelevantly.
"You were there?"
"Both times."
"What?"
"Both fucking times, Garrett, I was there when you broke up years ago and I was there when you broke up just now."
"What are you talking about,"
"Garrett, you need to learn how to fucking shut up because you're always hurting yourself."
"John,"
"True. I never liked Dani but I loved her with you."
"What,"
"I didn't fucking care about Dani unless it involved you, Garrett, you know I was a bitch to her. I never liked Dani enough to even realize I was sleeping with her sister,"
"You never--"
"But you can't fucking say that I never cared, that I wanted what happened, Garrett. You can't fucking accuse me of wanting what's bad for you, Garrett. Don't you dare fucking forget that you're one of my best friends. I don't understand how you could even begin to think that I would be happy with what happened."
"John,"
"Do you want me to leave you alone?" John then asks.
"No," Garrett answers reluctantly. "I just need you to sit with me for a while."
"I've always hated watching you cry. You know that." John says as I hear the skidding of a chair. He is going to sit with Garrett for a while.
"Sorry." Garrett mumbles.
"But you taught me it's okay to cry. And you're the only one who's ever seen me cry since I learned it from you."
"Why are you telling me this,"
"Because I'm all unfair."
"What,"
"If anyone's the terrible person here, it's me, and I'm a horrible friend."
"John,"
"And don't try to tell me otherwise, okay?" John requests.
Garrett doesn't answer to this.
"Let's get you to a bathroom real quick, you need a cool towel."
I hide myself as they exit the kitchen and get on to the bathroom around the corner in the hall.
I remember what I'm even here for.
So I grab a water bottle from the fridge after and head back.
I knock gently on the bathroom door when I arrive.
Kennedy opens it and greets me with gratitude. "Thanks so much."
"Sure," I say. I let my vision flood the space Kenned leaves between him and the door frame.
Dani is seated upright with her pajama top unbuttoned, her eyes closed and her breaths almost just as thin as Garrett's now.
"Everything alright in there?" I ask casually, not letting Kennedy notice the fact that I'd been staring at my sister.
"Yeah, I can handle it." Kennedy assures me. "Go back to sleep, ayt?"
"Ayt, Ken."
♠ ♠ ♠
sorry