Status: Complete :)
You'll Never Know
Un
[Frank]
I don’t understand how you could do this to me. All the love, even the hate is all gone now. There’s nothing left but an empty shell, one that used to be filled with passion, hope, love, and joy. But now just numbness.
There’s nothing you can say anymore to take it back. There’s no inch of sanity left in my bones and no millimeter of love left in my anorexic heart. But I can’t say there’s any hate there either. Never. And especially not for you. I could maybe muster some up for the only one you will ever love; the only one you ever loved. But I won’t. I don’t think I could handle it.
A thousand knives are staring me in the heart right now. And you’re not blind enough to see nothing there. You play a good ringmaster, might I add? And you know I’m just waiting until they’re all thrusted completely into my open, empty cage, divulging all my secrets that used to live there.
Hopeless.
It is. There was hope once upon a well drug induced time. Maybe it was the drugs that made you say the words to me. Maybe it’s the drugs that made me say the words straight back, laced with innocence and pretty alcoholic ribbons. And maybe the drugs are why I feel it’s hopeless.
I’m an emotional wreck, just waiting. There’s nothing I can do anymore. You asked and she said yes. And all I can do is drown myself in booze and pills. Hope that the feeling will be gone, the nagging one that tells me something bad is happening. But I’m so hopeless so there’s no use trying to get it right.
She doesn’t belong in your arms, and I know deep down, buried under that deserted graveyard that you call a heart, you will always know that. But she took you, made you believe it was her that made you whole again, made you complete. But who was with you those late nights when you didn’t give a fuck what happened to yourself? You were so self-destructive and you didn’t care what happened to the people who got in your way.
You didn’t even say you were sorry.
But that was before you changed. And you believe it was her, you always did. Never even thought that maybe it was me. I got you through the hard times, I don’t know why I don’t deserve the good, too. Maybe you were embarrassed, just a kid from Jersey. Who knew what you could do? I always did. I always fucking knew how special you were, how much heart and passion you had.
What I didn’t know is how bad you could turn it inside out, make it something completely different. You’re from Jersey, you always were a Jersey kid and you always will be no matter who you try to turn into. Do you think you can fool everyone by buying a house in LA? Showing her a life that you never had? Pretty diamond earrings and a fast car will only get you so far, baby.
You think I didn’t know about that? How you asked her to move in with you, on the whole other side of the country, away from your home. The place you belong. You may not see it, but it’s not where you’re meant to be! What’s going to happen to the band? Video chat? Sending files across the states that separate us?
I don’t know how you could do this to the people that helped you through everything.
The saddest part? You never returned the favor.
I need you more than ever, Gerard Way.
[Gerard]
You don’t think this hurts me, do you? You don’t think that as soon as I’m on the plane, out of sight, that I won’t break down? Well then you’re more wrong than ever. You think that maybe I thought it was always about me? Wrong again. It was you, it always was.
1979. Not the year, but the song. I don’t know if you remember, you were young, maybe 20? I would’ve been around 25. Almost 10 years ago. 1979 was our soundtrack as we drove through the endless city lights. That was our first real time together; Mikey got a ride with Ray and Matt. I told you I’d drive and I thought it was going to be weird. We never did spend a lot of time together, not just you and me. This was new for us.
You turned up the tunes and we both shared a smile that didn’t leave our faces for the rest of the endless night. You told me more about yourself than I had ever known. We parked with our scolding hot coffee in an empty cold parking lot, laid back on the top of my car. I know I told you I just wanted to wait for the alcohol to wear off before I drive, but really I just didn’t want to let the moment go.
Looking back now, I don’t think I even drank anything that night.
We laughed as you told me about something that had no purpose. We were just kids, happy, content with ourselves. Nothing could ruin it.
That’s how I’ll always remember you, Frank Iero.
Happy and content. You had so much passion that I didn’t know what to do with it. You think it was selfish to me to leave? To make myself somewhere else with someone I barley knew? Because I don’t think so.
I was done with ruining your life, done with trying to make-up for something I don’t think I could ever make-up for. I was finished with the late night phone calls, begging you to take me home, pleading that someone would kill me just to get it over with. It’s a good think I’m scared of needles, or maybe it’s not such a good thing. I don’t think I can even tell the difference between the two anymore. Everything has just been merged into one complete lie.
I don’t know if she loves me, she loves the ring, though. And the house, and the car, and the money. Or at least the money she thinks we have. I don’t know what she’d do if she ever found out how much we really have. We’re not broke by any means, but truthfully I thought some of our money should go to something more charitable than her growing show collection.
But enough about her, I’m not sure why I even asked her to marry me. She’s beautiful of course, but she’s not the one who helped me when I really needed it, she wasn’t the one who had to see me at my most vulnerable. But I like it like that, I like the fact that she’s never seen me cry or show weakness. Our relationship isn’t based on trust; it’s based on being comfortable and feeling normal in a world that is anything but.
I’m not sure what to tell you anymore. Not sure if there’s even words to describe the feelings inside, or the things I want to say but just won’t come out. Sometimes I feel like I’m hopeless. It doesn’t matter though, I’m clean, much to my distaste, and now that I’m sober I’m scared as fuck. I’m not even sure what to do with myself anymore. I’ve always had a thing for dreaming, but never have I been able to make those dreams come true. Not on my own anyways. I’ve always needed a little help from my friends.
I’m sorry.
I’m not sure if I ever told you that, maybe I have in my head, but never really had the guts to say it out loud. I hope you know that you were the one to save me, from the pills and the alcohol, and even the depression that remained afterwards. And I hope you know that one day I will have the guts to tell you. I will hold my ground, without a tear in my eye and admit that everything I did was wrong. And maybe one day I can repay you for everything that you did for me.
I’m not even sure how you did. You ignored all the broken words from the broken man that I once was. I begged and pleaded with you. I don’t even remember much of those years. But I remember you. How could I not? Small, beautiful, energetic, and so prone to injury. Sometimes I don’t regret those days, lost in a drunken stupor, buried in smoke. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just know that I’m going to miss you. And wherever life leads us, you’re the one I’m thinking of, not her. Never her. It’s always you in my mind, happy and content.
I love you, Frank Iero. And I’m so sorry for everything. I just hope one day I can give you everything that you’ve given me.
I don’t understand how you could do this to me. All the love, even the hate is all gone now. There’s nothing left but an empty shell, one that used to be filled with passion, hope, love, and joy. But now just numbness.
There’s nothing you can say anymore to take it back. There’s no inch of sanity left in my bones and no millimeter of love left in my anorexic heart. But I can’t say there’s any hate there either. Never. And especially not for you. I could maybe muster some up for the only one you will ever love; the only one you ever loved. But I won’t. I don’t think I could handle it.
A thousand knives are staring me in the heart right now. And you’re not blind enough to see nothing there. You play a good ringmaster, might I add? And you know I’m just waiting until they’re all thrusted completely into my open, empty cage, divulging all my secrets that used to live there.
Hopeless.
It is. There was hope once upon a well drug induced time. Maybe it was the drugs that made you say the words to me. Maybe it’s the drugs that made me say the words straight back, laced with innocence and pretty alcoholic ribbons. And maybe the drugs are why I feel it’s hopeless.
I’m an emotional wreck, just waiting. There’s nothing I can do anymore. You asked and she said yes. And all I can do is drown myself in booze and pills. Hope that the feeling will be gone, the nagging one that tells me something bad is happening. But I’m so hopeless so there’s no use trying to get it right.
She doesn’t belong in your arms, and I know deep down, buried under that deserted graveyard that you call a heart, you will always know that. But she took you, made you believe it was her that made you whole again, made you complete. But who was with you those late nights when you didn’t give a fuck what happened to yourself? You were so self-destructive and you didn’t care what happened to the people who got in your way.
You didn’t even say you were sorry.
But that was before you changed. And you believe it was her, you always did. Never even thought that maybe it was me. I got you through the hard times, I don’t know why I don’t deserve the good, too. Maybe you were embarrassed, just a kid from Jersey. Who knew what you could do? I always did. I always fucking knew how special you were, how much heart and passion you had.
What I didn’t know is how bad you could turn it inside out, make it something completely different. You’re from Jersey, you always were a Jersey kid and you always will be no matter who you try to turn into. Do you think you can fool everyone by buying a house in LA? Showing her a life that you never had? Pretty diamond earrings and a fast car will only get you so far, baby.
You think I didn’t know about that? How you asked her to move in with you, on the whole other side of the country, away from your home. The place you belong. You may not see it, but it’s not where you’re meant to be! What’s going to happen to the band? Video chat? Sending files across the states that separate us?
I don’t know how you could do this to the people that helped you through everything.
The saddest part? You never returned the favor.
I need you more than ever, Gerard Way.
[Gerard]
You don’t think this hurts me, do you? You don’t think that as soon as I’m on the plane, out of sight, that I won’t break down? Well then you’re more wrong than ever. You think that maybe I thought it was always about me? Wrong again. It was you, it always was.
1979. Not the year, but the song. I don’t know if you remember, you were young, maybe 20? I would’ve been around 25. Almost 10 years ago. 1979 was our soundtrack as we drove through the endless city lights. That was our first real time together; Mikey got a ride with Ray and Matt. I told you I’d drive and I thought it was going to be weird. We never did spend a lot of time together, not just you and me. This was new for us.
You turned up the tunes and we both shared a smile that didn’t leave our faces for the rest of the endless night. You told me more about yourself than I had ever known. We parked with our scolding hot coffee in an empty cold parking lot, laid back on the top of my car. I know I told you I just wanted to wait for the alcohol to wear off before I drive, but really I just didn’t want to let the moment go.
Looking back now, I don’t think I even drank anything that night.
We laughed as you told me about something that had no purpose. We were just kids, happy, content with ourselves. Nothing could ruin it.
That’s how I’ll always remember you, Frank Iero.
Happy and content. You had so much passion that I didn’t know what to do with it. You think it was selfish to me to leave? To make myself somewhere else with someone I barley knew? Because I don’t think so.
I was done with ruining your life, done with trying to make-up for something I don’t think I could ever make-up for. I was finished with the late night phone calls, begging you to take me home, pleading that someone would kill me just to get it over with. It’s a good think I’m scared of needles, or maybe it’s not such a good thing. I don’t think I can even tell the difference between the two anymore. Everything has just been merged into one complete lie.
I don’t know if she loves me, she loves the ring, though. And the house, and the car, and the money. Or at least the money she thinks we have. I don’t know what she’d do if she ever found out how much we really have. We’re not broke by any means, but truthfully I thought some of our money should go to something more charitable than her growing show collection.
But enough about her, I’m not sure why I even asked her to marry me. She’s beautiful of course, but she’s not the one who helped me when I really needed it, she wasn’t the one who had to see me at my most vulnerable. But I like it like that, I like the fact that she’s never seen me cry or show weakness. Our relationship isn’t based on trust; it’s based on being comfortable and feeling normal in a world that is anything but.
I’m not sure what to tell you anymore. Not sure if there’s even words to describe the feelings inside, or the things I want to say but just won’t come out. Sometimes I feel like I’m hopeless. It doesn’t matter though, I’m clean, much to my distaste, and now that I’m sober I’m scared as fuck. I’m not even sure what to do with myself anymore. I’ve always had a thing for dreaming, but never have I been able to make those dreams come true. Not on my own anyways. I’ve always needed a little help from my friends.
I’m sorry.
I’m not sure if I ever told you that, maybe I have in my head, but never really had the guts to say it out loud. I hope you know that you were the one to save me, from the pills and the alcohol, and even the depression that remained afterwards. And I hope you know that one day I will have the guts to tell you. I will hold my ground, without a tear in my eye and admit that everything I did was wrong. And maybe one day I can repay you for everything that you did for me.
I’m not even sure how you did. You ignored all the broken words from the broken man that I once was. I begged and pleaded with you. I don’t even remember much of those years. But I remember you. How could I not? Small, beautiful, energetic, and so prone to injury. Sometimes I don’t regret those days, lost in a drunken stupor, buried in smoke. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just know that I’m going to miss you. And wherever life leads us, you’re the one I’m thinking of, not her. Never her. It’s always you in my mind, happy and content.
I love you, Frank Iero. And I’m so sorry for everything. I just hope one day I can give you everything that you’ve given me.