The Insanity With Dating Padfoot and Prongs

At half-past ten on a Saturday morning, Lyra Sumner rushed down the stairs of 57 Albemarle Street, shouting goodbye to her mother and father. She was already thirty minutes late.

"Where are you going?" shouted her mother, a thin woman with blonde hair. Beatrix Sumner was wearing jeans and a jumper, despite the considerable summer heat, and her red glasses made her look reminiscent of a librarian.

"Did I not tell you?" Lyra asked, a bit out of breath. She had been hoping to avoid this conversation.

"Would I be asking you if you had?" Her mother raised an eyebrow. Her father suddenly appeared behind her mother. Conrad Sumner, the third of his name, was tall, and just a little thick around the middle. The brown hair on top of his head was starting to recede, and he his goatee was beginning to grey.

"I'm helping Sirius look for furniture," she shrugged.

"Ah, the Phantom Boyfriend," said her father, turning to his wife with a look that clearly meant something, but what Lyra didn't know.

"Yes," said Lyra, "Now, if that'll be all-"

"Hold on a tick," said her mother, holding a hand up. "Why are you picking out furniture?"

"Well, Sirius doesn't exactly know what he's doing when it comes to designing rooms," said Lyra, nerves making her stomach turn. Her parents still didn't know that Sirius didn't live at home. "So I told him I'd help."

"Why does Sirius need to design anything?" asked Beatrix.

"He bought a flat a few weeks ago and-"

"He did what?" asked her mother, eyebrows raising in disbelief. "Isn't he your age?"

"Yes."

"Then why does he need his own flat?" asked her father. "Doesn't he live with his parents?"

"If you had parents like that, I doubt you'd want to live with them," she said, "As to why he left, that's not really something I should explain. But I can assure you it was not his fault and he did nothing wrong. Now, I'm running very, very late, so can I please go now?"

Lyra's parents looked at each other, again with the silent communication, before her mother spoke, "Yes," Lyra smiled, "but under no circumstance are you to go to this boy's flat alone with him until we have met him."

"What?!" asked Lyra, "Why?!"

"Because we are not about to let our little girl go to a strange boy" ("He's not strange, mom!") "'s house without us meeting him first. That's our rule and you'd better stick to it or you wont be seeing him at all for the rest of the summer, young lady."

Lyra huffed, "Fine," and Apparated out her house, irrationally angry for a reason she didn't even understand. She appeared in front of the door to Sirius' flat. She knocked on the door and waited a moment before it swung open, revealing her boyfriend.

"There you are!" said Sirius. He stepped closer, his arms circling her waist, and she was pulled against her boyfriend's chest. "I was getting worried about you, you know."

"You know I'm always late for everything," Lyra smiled.

"You're not wrong. Punctuality was never your strong suit," Sirius kissed her cheek. "What are you doing out here? Last time you just came right in."

"Well, about that.. My mum asked me where I was going, and I had to tell her that you have your own place, and she played the whole protective mother role, and well.. You have to meet my parents before I'm allowed back in your flat."

Sirius was speechless for a moment. It wasn't hard to guess that he had never needed to meet a girl's parents before, and he could only speak this in response: "I-uh o-okay. When?"

"Tonight?"

"Tonight?! Can't give me more time to prepare?"

"Do you want me to be allowed to come into your flat or not?" asked Lyra, "Please, Sirius, it'll only be a few hours and then it'll all be over. I promise."

Sirius thought for a moment, "Okay, but you're gonna have to train me in Parent-Meeting etiquette."

Lyra gave a short laugh, "I will," she said, "I'll tell you all about what not to do in front of my parents."

"So be less charming or more charming?" Sirius' smirk was quite evident on his face. "Although I am not sure how I could be more charming than I already am."

"I think you've got the charm area covered pretty well," said Lyra. "You can be confident, but not cocky. They won't like that. Also, look them in the eye when you talk to them, they'll be impressed."

He nodded, but then another thought struck him, "They wont judge me on my... heritage, will they?"

Lyra bit her lip, "They might.. but this will be the opportunity to show them that you're not like that. And I don't see how they could think I would fall in love with someone who acts the way your family does, so they must know you're different."

"Alright," Sirius shook off his nerves. "Well, lets get a move on! We have a flat to furnish!"

Lyra smiled and reached out for Sirius' arm, but a loud crack interrupted them from behind. The couple turned to see a smiling James.

"Hello, mates!" said James, "I heard you speak my name, so now I'm here!"

"I'm pretty sure we didn't speak your name," said Lyra. "I know I didn't, did you, Sirius?"

"I might've thought it," Sirius said with a shrug. "Unfortunately, Lyra and I are off to shop for a bed to christen the flat on. I thought you were going out with your parents today?"

James' face fell, "Mum kicked me out of the house until dinner."

"Well," Lyra started, "How about we all go furniture shopping together?"

Sirius groaned, and James smiled brightly.

"I would love to!" James said. "In fact, I have to make sure it stays a bachleor pad and not a fairy princess suite!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, and the trio Apparated away from his flat.

They arrived at their destination shortly: an alleyway near an abandoned store in southern London. To wizard's, however, this building was Alaric Atherton's Furniture Emporium, the largest wizarding furniture shop in the whole of the United Kingdom that had everything from bed frames to curtains. It was a "one-stop store for all of your home furnishing needs!"

The three friends ducked out of the alleyway and walked down the street, not stopping until they reached the building. They walked through the front door the way they would to get to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, walked down a flight of stairs, and were met with the usual bustling crowds that were ever-present at Alaric Atherton's.

"Where would you like to look first?" asked Lyra.

"THE BEDS!" Sirus and James exclaimed.

Lyra laughed, "Alright, but I want the both of you on your best behavoirs," she pointed her finger at them, "No jumping on the displays!"

Hours later, after being asked to leave by a security guard for jumping on the display beds, Sirius, Lyra and James were waiting online with their purchases of the day; a comforter and sheet set, pillows, and a couch and bed (complete with a mattress both Lyra and Sirius had deemed comfortable) were going to be sent to the flat. Sirius payed for his purchases and the three of them left the store feeling drained and hungry.

"Anyone fancy something to eat?" asked James.

"What time is it?" asked Lyra.

James lifted his wrist and glanced at his watch. "Almost a quarter past two. Want to join me for a butterbeer at the Leaky Caldron?"

Sirius turned to his girlfriend for input, "I am kind of hungry."

Lyra smiled and nodded, "Then lets head over there!"

James held out his hands and quickly Apparated as soon as their palms touched his, landing just outside the pub. Not wanting to deal with the heat any longer than they had to, the three made their way inside and to a vacant table in the middle of the room.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Black!" an aging man said behind the bar. "Two butterbeers, and what will the young lady (Miss Lyra Sumner, is it?) be having?"

"Butterbeer as well, thank you Tom," replied Sirius as he wrapped his arm around his girlfriend.

"Lyra!" a feminine voice spoke from across the room. The darkhaired girl turned to see none other than Lily Evans rising from a table with another girl, Calynda Grey from Hufflepuff.

The redhead smiled and made her way to the table with the Hufflepuff.

"Hello Sirius," Lily said smiling. She turned to James and Lyra began to glow as she saw her friend's eyes soften, "Hello James. Alright?"

"I'm well, and you?" he responded standing up and opening his arms for a hug. Much to Lyra's delight, Lily complied and embraced the messy-haired boy.

"Oh, I'm being rude," Lily said as she moved out of James' arms. "This is my friend, Calynda Grey. She's in Hufflepuff and will be entering in her sixth year this upcoming semester. Calynda, this is Lyra Sumner, Sirius Black and James Potter."

The Hufflepuff smiled shyly, glancing at James. When his hazel eyes met her brown, she blushed ferociously and cast her gaze to the floor. With a quick and mumbled goodbye, she exited the pub before anyone could stop her.

"Huh, that was odd," said Lily, before she shrugged and took a seat at the table. James followed her suit and soon four warm and foamy butterbeers were placed in front of the group.

"I figured you would like another, Miss Evans," said Tom with a gentle smile. Lily nodded and thanked the bartender before he turned and walked back to the bar.

"What have the three of you been doing all day?" asked Lily as she took a sip.

Sirius and James jumped right in and spoke enthusiastically about their adventures at the furniture store.

Lily laughed at their antics, all while patting Lyra's hand soothingly, murmuring a now-you-know-how-I-feel whenever they spoke of getting in trouble.

"Luckily we found everything we needed," Sirius finished. "You should come over sometime to see it, Lils. In fact, we're all getting together Friday when Remus gets back. Well, except for Wormtail, he's still with his Gran."

"I would love to!" said Lily. "My house is such a bore. Now that I can practice magic outside of school, Mum has me doing nearly all the house work. Besides, the only person I have hung out with outside school is Calynda, but all she talks about is-" the Gryffindor stopped and looked at James.

"What?" asked Sirius. "Quidditch?"

Lyra looked to Lily shocked, "She has a crush on Prongs?" Suddenly the Ravenclaw began to laugh, "Merlin! Bless her soul!" Lily and Sirius were quick to follow suit and start laughing as well.

James scoffed, "I am not that bad."

"Oh I beg to differ!" said Lily. "I bet she couldn't last a day as your girlfriend! Actually, I'd place five galleons that no one could!"

"She could too!" said James.

Suddenly an idea popped in Sirius' head. Quickly he turned to James and whispered something in James' ear. The following smirk laden on James' face had both girls a little uneasy.

"Lily," James spoke smoothly. "How about we make an honest bet out of it."

The redhead bit her lip and thought for a second. She didn't trust the look either James or Sirius was giving her, but she decided it wouldn't hurt to hear them out. Maybe she could twist it and get something out of whatever the stupid idea was.

"Tell me what it entails, then maybe we can discuss it," she said, sizing him up.

"You be my date for the first Hogsmeade trip of the year," he said with confidence. "If at any time you are dissatisfied, then we call the whole thing off and you win. If not, you have to kiss me. If you win, I'll never bother to ask you out again."

Lily weighed her options, but before she could speak, Sirius piped up.

"By the way, you have to have a legitimate excuse as to why something went wrong," he said, pointedly. "And if something happens that is out of James' control, that doesn't count either."

The redhead sighed, "Alright, Potter, you have a deal."

James broke out into the biggest grin anyone has ever seen on his face. He held out his hand, which Lily cautiously took, shook it and said, "Deal?"

"Deal," Lily replied. "So what are everyone's plans for tonight? Anyone up for a movie?"

"I would love to go see another one," said James. "But my mum and dad are expecting me in a couple hours. My dad has been feeling under the weather lately and I need to be home to help Mum with a couple of the chores around the house. So, unfortunately, I have to decline."

"Sirius is meeting my parents tonight, or else we would gladly go," Lyra replied.

"Really?" asked the redhead. "Are you nervous at all?"

Sirius shrugged, trying not to lose his cool demenor in front of his friends. Of course, Lyra had to open her mouth and say, "Like you wouldn't believe!"

Lily and James busted out laughing as a pink tinge graced Sirius' cheeks.

"How about we go over the basic protocol?" asked Lily. "That way you are sure to make a good impression."

Sirius nodded and the four dove into exactly what he should say and do when meeting Lyra's parents. Before they knew it, it was half past four.

"Merlin! I needed to be home thirty minutes ago!" said James as he jumped up from his seat. He paid his and Lily's tab ("I could've paid for myself, James!"), quickly hugged Lyra and Lily goodbye, and clapped Sirius on the shoulder before stepping back and Disapparating.

Lily left shortly after with a more quiet goodbye and Sirius and Lyra temporarily parted ways with a small, but loving peck.

**

Later that evening, the doorbell at 57 Albemarle Street rang at exactly 7:30pm. Dinner was in the oven, and Lyra and her parents had been sitting together in their living room for all of five minutes. Everyone was slightly dressed up for the occasion; her mother wore a semi-casual dress, and her father was dressed in gray slacks and a white button-down shirt with suspenders. Lyra had curled her hair and wore a light purple dress that fell to the knee that her mother had bought for her near the end of the school year.

The Ravenclaw beat her mother to the door and opened it to reveal her boyfriend looking the most formal she had ever seen him in a white dress shirt, black slacks and a matching waistcoat. He was bouncing on his heels nervously and biting the inside of his cheek, with a white pastry box in his hand. As soon as he saw her, he smiled and some of his nervousness left him. He moved like he was going to kiss her, but thought better of it since her parents were in the next room.

"You look beautiful," he said as he entered her house.

"Thanks," Lyra felt her cheeks grow a little hot and cursed herself for still blushing when he complimented her. "You look quite dashing."

"Well, I wanted to make a good impression," said Sirius.

"Want me to take that from you?" asked Lyra, gesturing to the box he was carrying.

"Oh, sure," he said, handing it off to her. "It's just some cake I picked up on the way here. I didn't want to come empty-handed."

"You didn't have to, you know," said Lyra, "You could've just brought yourself. And we'd better go into the living room now, before they think we're up to something. You remember what I told you?"

"Yeah, I think I've got it," said Sirius, his tone much more confident than he felt.

"Hey," said Lyra, touching his arm, "They'll love you. Just show them the great guy you really are and you'll be fine."

The couple walked into the other room to see Lyra's father seated in an armchair and her mother standing behind it with her hands placed on the back. It looked so staged, Lyra had to force herself not to laugh.

"Hello!" said Beatrix warmly, stepping away from her husband and crossing the room to reach her daughter. "You must be the infamous Sirius we've both been hearing so much about." She had a large smile on her face and she held out her hand to him.

Sirius smiled, his confidence boosting at his warm welcome. "That would be me, ma'am," he said, taking her hand and shaking it.

"I'm Beatrix, Lyra's mum, and this is my husband Conrad," she pointed behind her to Mr. Sumner who was now out of his seat and crossing the room to them.

"Nice to meet you," said Conrad, giving Sirius a firm handshake.

"Likewise, sir," Sirius smiled and kept eye contact, just like Lyra had said.

"I'll just put this in the fridge," said Lyra, "Sirius picked it up on the way over."

"Oh, how sweet," said Beatrix, "You didn't have to bring anything." Despite her smile, Sirius had the suspicion that Mrs. Sumner was sizing him up, trying to figure him out just as her husband had been doing in his stoic silence. Lyra slipped away while they were looking at him, and he was officially alone with the parents of his girlfriend. That nervousness was starting to creep back on him. "Come, have a seat, dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."

Sirius followed them and took a seat on the couch in front of the two arm chairs where Lyra's parents sat. This only heightened the feeling that he was about to be interrogated.

"So," said Beatrix, "This may seem like an odd first question, but what's your surname? Lyra neglected to tell us."

Sirius suppressed a sigh. He had been hoping this wouldn't come up until after they had gotten to know him a little better. His stomach turned as he forced himself to say it. "Black. My full name is Sirius B-black." After stuttering, he cleared his throat and met their gaze. He could see them change before his eyes, the set of their mouths hardening, their eyes narrowing ever so slightly, but just enough that he noticed.

"Ah. I see," said Beatrix. "Lyra tells us you don't live with your parents anymore, is that correct?"

Sirius nodded, "Yes, ma'am, it is."

"May I ask why?"

"I don't get along with my parents," said Sirius, preparing himself to go into his whole "My Parents Hate Me" spiel. "Especially not since I was sorted into Gryffindor. I am, for lack of a better term, the Black Sheep of my family. I don't agree with their fanatical blood mania, and I couldn't live in a house where I was hated for being different. I ran away last year and moved in with my best mate and his parents for the rest of the summer. I didn't want to be a burden on them, so I decided that, after school ended, I was going to buy my own flat."

Another change took place in Lyra's parents, this one more positive than the last. Lyra joined them before he could study their reactions too much and took a seat next to him on the couch.

"What'd I miss?" asked Lyra as she settled in.

"Sirius was just explaining why he lives alone," said Beatrix.

"Ah," said Lyra, "Well, at least we've gotten that out of the way."

"So, Sirius," said Conrad, interjecting for the first time, "Are you on the Gryffindor Quidditch team?"

"No, I'm not very athletic, but my best friend is Team Captain and I'm an avid spectator."

"Do you have a favorite team?"

"My professional team is the Tutshill Tornados. I've been a fan since I was old enough to understand Quidditch."

Suddenly Mr. Sumner got excited and the next thing Lyra knew, Sirius and her father were talking animatedly about the Tutshill Tornados and their team, strategies, history, anything and everything about their favorite Quidditch team. Lyra smiled, glad Sirius had found his way past her father's stony exterior and broken the ice with him.

"Lyra, why don't you help me get the food on the table so we can let the men talk?" said Beatrix.

"Sure, Mum," she said, getting off the couch. With a final glance back at Sirius, she went into the kitchen.

"Now, Sirius," said Conrad once the Quidditch talk was over, "before this evening goes any further, I'd like to ask you something important."

"Ask away, Mr. Sumner," said Sirius.

"You seem like a nice guy, but I know your type from when I went to school. From what I've heard, you're a rebellious ladies man who thinks he owns Hogwarts-"

"How would you-"

"I work with a lot of parents at the Ministry, and I've heard things from some of them. But I'm not the type of man who judges someone based on hearsay. I'd like to know what your intentions are with my daughter. I just don't want to see Lyra get hurt."

"Mr. Sumner, I can assure you that the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt your daughter," said Sirius. This was his only chance to show them who he really was and make a lasting impression, so Sirius decided to speak from his heart. "While I admit, the stories you may have heard about me are most likely at least partially true, I- well, Lyra's different. Thinking back, I see that I made a fool out of myself by not taking my past relationships seriously- no pun intended. I think the best thing I have ever done was start my relationship with your daughter as a friend. It really allowed me to appreciate her as a person, as my partner, and as one of my best friends. She's my world and I would never do anything to hurt her. Honestly, I think if I ever thought about hurting Lyra, our friends James and Remus would have my head. They see her as a sister and can be quite protective."

"Well then," said Conrad, "I'm glad Lyra has someone like you. But, here comes my obligatory overprotective father speech. If anything happens to my daughter because of you, your friends will be the least of your worries."

"Understood, sir."

"Good. Now, let's eat."