Turbulence

“He doesn’t want anything to do with me. At least not right now.” I held tightly onto Cameron’s hand as people moved around us. “I know it’s not ideal, but can I come over?”

“What’s wrong with your place?”

“Jon’s there.”

“What’s wrong with his place?”

“He let his lease run out.”

“What? When?”

Fuck. I thought, not wanting to get into the conversation. “Uh, just before the playoffs. He and I talked about it when you had Cameron that one night.”

“So, you’re living together.”

“Yeah.”

“And, he kicked you out of your own house?”

“No, but he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want anyone around. I’m just respecting his wished, Pat.”

“So, why are you calling me?”

“Where else am I supposed to go?”

“Any other place. There are plenty of hotels in the area.”

“I’m standing in a crowd of very upset hockey fans, and you’re suggesting that I take your son to a hotel? Do you know how rowdy it will be? Most of the hotels are filled with asshole fans for the other team.”

He sighed heavily through the receiver. “Fine, you can stay here until Jon’s not being a dick, but don’t expect much from me.”

“I know, Pat.” The losses, especially in the playoffs, always hit him hard.

Hanging up, I picked up my son, and rushed to my car. I weaved my way through the traffic and parked across the street from Patrick’s all too familiar apartment block. I waltzed through the entrance, and took the elevator up to his floor. Knocking quickly, I waited.

“Come in.” He pulled the door toward himself, and gave us room to enter.

“Thanks, Pat. This really means a lot.”

“That’s a phrase I keep hearing,” he muttered, moving back to his couch and dropping onto it. “Make yourself comfy.”

I nodded at the back of his head, and placed Cameron on the floor. As he started to explore the room, I ventured to the cushion next to Patrick. “I know you’re pissed off. I know it’s not just at the game.”

“Leave it alone, Cee.”

“Patty,” I said, staring at him, willing him to turn to me. “I’m sorry I never told you about Jon moving in sooner. I didn’t think you need the distraction-”

“Who are you to decide whether I need a distraction or not? You are no longer my girlfriend, Carey.”

My jaw dropped at his anger. “I just thought you would want to focus on the playoffs.”

“Do you want to know why I didn’t excel this post-season?”

I sat still, not sure how to answer, but knowing he was going to tell me anyway.

“My mind has been so wrapped up in trying to figure out what has been going on with you and Jon. Something was different, the guys noticed, too. Jon’s been happier than usual, which would normally be great, but I had this feeling it had something to do with you. I never would have guessed that you two moved in together, but I’ve been wracking my brain for all of the possibilities.

“I wish you had told me sooner, Cee. It’s easier to get over things if you are straight with me, especially with Jon.”

“What if Jonny had told you? I mean, he really wanted to tell the team.”

“I would have mopped about for a bit, but again, it’s easier to get over if I know.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder, and took a deep breath. “From now on, I’ll make sure that you know. I want to be able to come over, with or without Cameron, without you jumping down my throat.”

“Is that really how you feel I am whenever you come over?”

“Did you listen to yourself on the phone before? You were quite adamant that I not come over.”

“You’re literally my best friend’s girlfriend, and we just lost our chance for the cup.”

“Maybe so, but I am also you’re son’s mother.”

“And what? You think that means you should be able to show up whenever you want?”

“If it has to do with the boy that we brought into this world, then yes.”

“Fine. I’m going to bed.”

Shocked, I watched him walk away. In my mind, the conversation, or rather argument, was not over. Getting up to follow him, I picked up Cameron, and placed him in the play crib the Patrick always had set up for him. “Go to sleep, honey. Mommy will see you in the morning.”

I quietly stood outside Patrick’s bedroom, listening for his movements. It had been a long time since I had been in there, and I was sure that the memories I had tucked away would find their way back. Turning the knob, I slowly pushed the door open. The bedside lamp was dull, and casting Patrick’s shadow onto the wall next to me. “Can we talk?” My voice was so quiet, I wasn’t sure he would hear me.

“What more needs to be said?” He shot a glare in my direction, before slipping between his sheets and closing his eyes.

“Pat, we can’t leave it like this. You’re going to start resenting me, and I don’t think I can go through that again.”

“Again? I never resented you before.”

“The pain of losing you in my life.”

“Excuse me?” His eyes popped open, studying me as I stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“When I brought you back, I swore that I wouldn’t get attached, but I did. You’ve been really great to Cameron, and it’s been amazing to have someone else I can trust him with.”

“I’m not leaving him.”

“I know that, but if you hate me, you won’t be in his life as much. I know how you work, Patty. We were together for much too long if you didn’t want me to get to know you in such an intimate way. It’s hard for you, I get that. But it’s hard for me, too.”

“In what way?”

“You’re still in love with me,” I stated, as if it was obvious. I moved across the room, finally deciding where I needed to be. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I looking him in the eyes. “You have no idea what has been going on in my head since you told me that.

“I’ve always viewed you in a brighter light than most people I know. Not just because you are truly a hockey superstar, but I was insanely in love with you. Not at the start, obviously. I think most people who knew me thought that I would end up with Jonathan. I was pretty sold on the idea, and was just waiting for him to grow a pair and ask me out. Then you slipped in there, and damn, I fell for you.

“Now, I’m in an amazing relationship with Jonny, just like I had always thought it would be, but there is always going to be something nagging at me.”

“What if you had never left?”

I nodded, knowing he was likely thinking the exact same thing.

“I would have probably cheated on you, at least while you were pregnant. I told you I had already started flirting with other girls at the time, so it was just a matter of time before I slept with them.

“Then you would have had Cameron, and I have a feeling I would have flaked. When you told me you were pregnant, I was honestly happy that you broke it off. Last year when you showed up at my door to introduce Cameron, I was shocked, to say the least, but then the idea of us came back, and it’s been hard to let it go.”

“I fought with the idea, too, just ask Davey. He’s been my mental voice of reason throughout the past months.”

A smirk formed on his face. “David Bolland has been your voice of reason?”

“Shut up,” I giggled, nudging his leg. “He’s a third party observer, who seems to know more about my life than I do. He kept insisting that you still loved me.”

“How would he know?”

“It’s Davey, so who knows.”

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re happy with Jonathan.”

“I don’t believe you, but thanks for the effort.” I stood from the bed, and started toward the door. “I’ll let you get some rest. Thanks for letting us hang out here while Jonny calms down.”

“Do you want to come to bed?”

“What?” I turned back to him, unsure where his offer was going.

“Not like that,” Patrick shook his head. “I just meant, you must be tired, and the couch is an awful place to sleep.”

I hesitated, still not sure how to answer. “Patrick, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“I promise I won’t try anything.”

Feeling like he wasn’t about to give up, I sighed and moved over to the empty side of the bed. “Only because I could use a good night’s sleep.”

“What Jonny doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“He will be told about this,” I promised. “If I don’t tell him, and he finds out I slept in the same bed as you on the same night you were knocked out of the playoffs, none the less, he will kill you, and then likely end our relationship.”

“You know where I keep my shorts and tee-shirts. Feel free to change into what ever you want.”

“Thanks, Pat,” I sent him a grin, and turned to his dresser. I pulled out a pair of red mesh shorts and a grey Hawks tee-shirt. Without giving it much though, I pulled Jonathan’s jersey over my head, revealing a black sports bra.

“Uh, Carey, I’m still here.”

“It’s not like you’ve never seen it before,” I responded, putting on his tee-shirt. I slipped out of my jeans, glad that I was wearing a pair of boy short panties, rather than a thong, and pulled the mesh shorts onto my lower half. “Please stop staring, Patrick. I really haven’t changed since we were dating.”

“I don’t know, Cee. I think you’re sexier now.”

“Screw you.”

“You already have.”

I stuck my tongue out at him, and slid into the bed.

“Do you ever miss it?”

“Miss what?” I asked, turning on my side to face him.

“The sex.”

“With you?”

“Of course with me. Why would I want to know about you and someone else?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, thoughtfully. “I guess I did in the beginning, you know, when I wasn’t seeing anyone. Then, most of my time was taken up with Cameron, I never really thought about it.”

“And now you have Jon,” he sighed.

“It’s not like that.”

“How can you say that? It’s true. You have Jonathan, so why would you think about me?”

“Jon’s not replacing you, trust me. No one could replace you in bed, but I’m not going to lie and say Jon and I don’t get it on.”

“Oh, dear Lord,” Patrick groaned, closing his eyes. “Can we not talk about how Captain Serious is in bed?”

“You brought it up.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to go into detail.”

“I was never going to, but if that’s what you would prefer, I can.”

“No, no, I’m quite alright,” he opened his eyes to look at me again. “Do you remember the last time you were here?”

“Here, like your apartment?”

“Here, like my bed.”

“Hmm, yeah, I do,” I said, thoughtfully.

“Come on, babe, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Really, Patrick?” I spat. “You just insinuated that I was a chubby.”

“I would never think you were chubby in any way. Now, please, can you just come out here? The dress looks beautiful on you.”

Opening the door a crack, I peeked around. “I don’t know, Patty, it’s kind of tight. Are you sure it’s appropriate for your cousins wedding?”

“Who cares? She doesn’t know you.”

“Yeah, but I bet she knows the kind of person you are.”

“She’s not going to think you are a skank, Carey. She knows I’m in a committed relationship.”

“Committed?” I raised a brow and opened the door wider. “Since when were you committed?”

“After this long with you, how could I not be?”

I slipped out of the heels I had been wearing and waltzed over to the bed where Patrick was sitting. Hiking the hem of the skirt up a couple centimetres, I placed a knee on either side of his body. “You’re really in this for the long run?”

“I can see how you doubt me,” he whispered, placing his hands on my hips and staring deep into my eyes. “But I’m so happy.”

“I can tell,” I winked, leaning down and planting a sweet, yet seductive, kiss on his lips.

“Are you sure you liked that dress?” I asked, with a giggle. “It sure came off of my body quickly that night.”

“Trust me, it was damn hot.”

I rolled my eyes at his obviously X-rated memory. “I feel like that was our last great night together. Then I found out about Cameron, and all hell broke loose.”

“The actual wedding night wasn’t too shabby either.”

“I guess you’re right,” I admitted. “Do you regret any part of our relationship?”

“That I let you go,” he sighed. “And we never got our last night together.”

“That’s not going to happen, Patrick.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that, but I have this belief that everyone needs a last time. One last shebang to get closure.”

“So, that’s what you regret? Not getting me in your bed one more time before I started dating Jonny?”

“I really love every aspect of us, but since I can’t have that, then it’s not worth regretting.”

“You can’t have sex with me again, so why regret that?”

“There is always hope, my darling,” he smirked. “I know you think that you and Jonathan are in it for the long haul, but if things ever go haywire, I’ll be here.”

“That’s reassuring,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes. “I think you’re so tired you’re starting to get delusional.”

“Funny, Cee.”

I chuckled and rolled to my other side. “Get some sleep, Patty. I’ll see you in the morning.”