Hey Niki

I didn't go back to school after I walked out. In fact I didn't go back to that school full stop. I told my aunt straight up that I wasn't going to go back and she accepted it, only asking why. My answer wasn't the whole reason why I wasn't going back, but it was also partly true. I told her that I needed more time to think over what Carol had said and what had happened with my mother. She accepted it because she understood that it wasn't something I could just brush under the carpet during school time and that I needed to make a decision soon.

Alexandria came to the house on the Thursday. I was surprised to see her but was grateful that she had bothered to come by and see how I was after what had happened at school. It was then that I made my choice. I had invited her in and we had talked in my room. I didn't tell her everything but I told her enough for her to know why I had to make a decision. She gave me good advice, I must admit, and I could only think that it was her way of repaying the advice I had given her about Chris. After all, how often would someone give advice to their only friend that would encourage them to move away?

My uncle understood my decision to move back home and live with Carol. He understood that even though he's my family and Carol isn't, living with Carol would mean I would be closer to my mother which is the one thing that I wanted to be right now. I would give up any chance of me going to college if it meant being closer to my mother. She wouldn't agree with it, but I wouldn't care. Thankfully, though, I was still going to be able to graduate at the end of the year. All I was doing was transferring back to my old school, and with being on top of my work at this school, I would be more than capable to graduate in June. I knew that my mother wouldn't be at my graduation, though. That was one thing that I would have to deal with when the time came. I couldn't get myself to think about it now.

That weekend I phoned Carol back and told her my decision. She accepted it and told me that she would drive to my uncle's house on Wednesday to pick me up. I thanked her and ended the call. I knew Alexandria already knew my choice, but I figured I owed it to her to at least say goodbye, so on the Monday I waited until I knew she would be home before I told my aunt that I was going to go see her. I left the house and walked the whole way to her house. When I knocked her mother answered the door and seemed thrilled to see me. I felt bad about being there to say goodbye.

She let me in and told me to go upstairs to her room. I nodded, thanked her, and then went upstairs. Alexandria was in her room reading when I got there. She looked up when I knocked.

"Hey, Alex," I said.

"Niki, what are you doing here?" she asked, sounding slightly confused.

I stepped into her room and closed the door behind me. "I'm leaving on Wednesday."

Her expression changed to one of sadness and it didn't feel that good to see, but I didn't regret doing it face to face. "You're going because of your mum?" I nodded. "I can't blame you, Niki. I would do the same for mine."

I gave her a smile and she got up and hugged me. We pulled away from each other and stood there for a while, neither of us talking. I figured I should go but I didn't want to leave before she wanted to. It felt the best thing to do after how good of a friend she's been to me for the past few months. I knew I would miss her once I had gone to Carol's house, but it was for the best.

"Is this goodbye?" she asked. I nodded slowly. "I would ask whether we could stay in touch but I know that won't happen."

"I'm sorry, Alex," I apologised.

She gave me a small smile and told me it was okay. I left shortly afterwards and went back to my uncle's house. Tomos wasn't there for dinner and I was allowed to take mine up to my room and I didn't come down until the morning.

Monday and Tuesday went by quickly as I packed up my stuff. The one thing that I thought about during those two days was Mikey, and how I was going to tell him that I was leaving. I hadn't seen him since the phonecall and it wasn't like I knew where he lived so going to his house like I did with Alexandria was out of the question. I knew that I owed it to him to say goodbye, but there wasn't much I could do unless Tomos brought him to the house, something that he didn't do during those days.

On the Wednesday Tomos had the day off school. Carol arrived in the afternoon and stayed for a drink with my aunt and uncle. While they were talking in the sitting room, I got Tomos to help me put my bags into her car. We went from my room silently and only when we got outside the house and was by the car did he say something.

"You haven't told Mikey, have you?" he asked.

I set my bag down and placed my hand on the boot of the car. "I haven't seen him," I told him.

"It's not fair if you don't."

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped. "I can't do something if I don't know where to find the damn person."

He raised his hands in a defence manner. "Okay, Niki, okay."

I lifted the boot up and placed my bag into the space, allowing Tomos to place the one he was carrying next to it. After shutting the boot, I turned back around. "I'm sorry, Tom."

"It's not your fault, Niki. Never think that," he told me.

I sighed quietly and went back into the house. They were still in the sitting room, and when I entered the room they looked up at me.

"You ready to go, Niki?" she asked.

I nodded and she stood up, followed by my aunt and uncle. My aunt approached me first and gave me a hug goodbye, not saying a word. It was okay, though, because I didn't expect her to say anything. We didn't have a relationship where we spoke a lot so it felt right without any words. Then my uncle hugged me.

"If you ever need anything, you know where we are," he told me.

I nodded. "I know."

"I mean it, Niki. If you ever need somewhere to go for the night, or if you need someone to talk to about your mum and Carol's not around, you know our number and where we live."

I knew that he meant what he said, and I also knew that if I did need to talk to someone about my mum that I would end up talking to him, but I did hope that I didn't need it. Not because I didn't want to come back here, but because I hoped things would get better with her. I hoped that she didn't have to go to a psychiatric ward, and if she did, that she got better quickly. I'm going to always be there for her, visiting wherever she was even if she didn't want to me. That's one thing that I will refuse to listen to her about. Knowing her, if she said she didn't want me to visit her, she'd then tell me that she'd told them that she wanted no visitors, but I'd know it was a lie. My mum would never ban me like that from seeing her; she'd just ask or advise it, and most of the time she'd be saying it without meaning.

Saying goodbye to Tomos wasn't that hard because he didn't make it hard. We hugged and he said he'd miss me before he let me go and walked me out to the car. Carol was already in the drivers' seat and she was talking to my uncle through the window. I looked down the street as I left the house and didn't see any one. A part of me had hoped that Tomos had told Mikey to come by today, but it was clear that he didn't.

I told them each goodbye once more before I got into the passengers' seat and closed the door. Carol started the car up and I waved to them as she drove off. It was then that I realised I'd miss Mikey. Despite him being shy, he was someone whom I liked a lot. A part of me did wish that I didn't have to go back with Carol, but when I had spoken to her on that day, I had known there was no other option for me. I had to go back.

Tomos would have to tell Mikey that I had left, or he already had done and he hadn't wanted to come and say goodbye. I wouldn't have blamed him, though.

When I next came down to visit my uncle just before my graduation, Tomos told me he was no longer friends with Mikey. When I came down for Tomos' graduation a year later, Mikey no longer lived in the area. And when I saw Tomos at my mother's funeral another two years later, I didn't remember who Mikey was. He was just another boy from high school that slipped my mind, and he would never return to it.