Selfish
final.
Krista could feel her whole body going numb; it was as if she were a statue, frozen in time and nothing more than an inanimate sculpture. Her face was now a sickly pale, her lips an ostentatious shade of blue and purple. She mentally cursed at herself for trusting someone like Chris. She should have seen it coming.
A bright pair of headlights soon appeared from the distance, growing stronger and stronger with each second. In a matter of moments, Krista found herself directly staring into the luminous lights; she squinted her eyes and looked away, finding comfort in the dreary darkness.
Feeling herself melt away, Krista croaked out, her voice still groggy, "Mason," She stared at him blankly when he didn't respond to her; she could feel her insides churning with frustration and contempt. All she wanted was to look into his familiar hazel gaze. "Mason," She croaked out again, this time more desperately.
Again, he ignored her cries. She had never felt so low and vulnerable; to be ignored by the person she learned to love so dearly sent her heart straight into the dirt, trampled and broken.
"Look at me!" She screeched out, blistering tears running down her face; her soft flesh prickled beneath the wet mask pouring down her face, irritated by the sudden changes in temperature. "Just look at me once, please." She cried out, clutching onto his arm.
Silently, Mason lifted his eyes up to finally meet hers. His lips were still stitched together, not even a single word slipping through. There were large dark circles beneath his eyes, and he looked like he hadn't slept for days; his face was ghostly, wearing a pallid mask. The sickness living inside him was starting to manifest itself. . .
"Why didn't you tell me?" Krista choked out, her misty eyes never leaving him. "You could have told me."
"You're lucky you didn't get frost bite." He said, changing the subject. Tearing his gaze from her, he continued, "What were you thinking?"
"Stop. . ." She breathed raggedly, pulling on his sleeve. "Stop changing the subject. Tell me why—"
"TELL YOU WHAT, KRISTA?! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!" He bellowed, his anger erupting like lava inside him. He didn't want to yell at her, but he was so frustrated and lost; what did she want him to say? What was there to say, anyway? Nothing would ameliorate the situation; nothing would change because of a few spoken words.
Krista's jaw tightened and her breathing became very shallow. Cupping the sides of Mason's face, she brought his gaze back to her. Her tears streaking down her face, she whispered sweetly, "I love you." She leaned in and grazed her soft lips ever-so-gently against his; her lips tickled intensely, the sparks generating between their supple lips.
"Krista, I can't." Mason said, shaking his head as he pulled away from her. "I can't do this to you."
"Why not?" She asked indignantly.
"Because that wouldn't be fair to you," He spoke softly, hanging his head. "I'd be selfish of me. Let's face it; I'm not going to be able to give you what you want." He paused, his eyes starting to glisten with sincere tears. "I can't give you a long-term relationship, okay? I would just end up leaving you. I don't want to do that."
"I don't care if you can't give me a long-term relationship. Damn it, Mason. I don't give a flying fuck if you do leave me. All I know is," She said, fresh tears rolling down her scarlet cheeks. "I love you, and all I want to do is be with you. For how long? I don't know." She shrugged, mopping her tears away. "I just. . . I just want you to be with me as long as you can. Is that so hard to believe?"
"Why do you want to be with a guy like me, anyway? You're so. . .stupid, Krista. I can't give you anything, yet you want to be with me. What is wrong with you?" Mason asked earnestly, his heart wrenching terribly at the sight of the pain and hurt reflected in Krista's eyes. "Believe me, I want you, too. So badly, it hurts to breathe. I love you," He paused, stroking her cheek with his hand. "But because I do, I can't let you do this."
"I'm selfish, too, you know. I just want you all to myself, no one else. . . I want you to only love me and only kiss me. I think about you all the time, and I want you to do the same. We're both selfish. That means we're even, right?" She choked out, taking his hand into hers and interlacing her fingers perfectly with his.
"You're so damn stubborn." Mason chuckled half-heartedly, tears finally streaming down his face. "So fucking stubborn," He pulled Krista into a spontaneous kiss, locking his lips gracefully with hers. He could feel the burning passion within him, fireworks exploding inside their mouths; stars encircled above their heads when he looked up, sending him to another galaxy. It was beyond his comprehension . . . how much he loved Krista.
...
"Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind and follow you into the dark. . ."
-Death Cab For Cutie
A bright pair of headlights soon appeared from the distance, growing stronger and stronger with each second. In a matter of moments, Krista found herself directly staring into the luminous lights; she squinted her eyes and looked away, finding comfort in the dreary darkness.
Feeling herself melt away, Krista croaked out, her voice still groggy, "Mason," She stared at him blankly when he didn't respond to her; she could feel her insides churning with frustration and contempt. All she wanted was to look into his familiar hazel gaze. "Mason," She croaked out again, this time more desperately.
Again, he ignored her cries. She had never felt so low and vulnerable; to be ignored by the person she learned to love so dearly sent her heart straight into the dirt, trampled and broken.
"Look at me!" She screeched out, blistering tears running down her face; her soft flesh prickled beneath the wet mask pouring down her face, irritated by the sudden changes in temperature. "Just look at me once, please." She cried out, clutching onto his arm.
Silently, Mason lifted his eyes up to finally meet hers. His lips were still stitched together, not even a single word slipping through. There were large dark circles beneath his eyes, and he looked like he hadn't slept for days; his face was ghostly, wearing a pallid mask. The sickness living inside him was starting to manifest itself. . .
"Why didn't you tell me?" Krista choked out, her misty eyes never leaving him. "You could have told me."
"You're lucky you didn't get frost bite." He said, changing the subject. Tearing his gaze from her, he continued, "What were you thinking?"
"Stop. . ." She breathed raggedly, pulling on his sleeve. "Stop changing the subject. Tell me why—"
"TELL YOU WHAT, KRISTA?! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!" He bellowed, his anger erupting like lava inside him. He didn't want to yell at her, but he was so frustrated and lost; what did she want him to say? What was there to say, anyway? Nothing would ameliorate the situation; nothing would change because of a few spoken words.
Krista's jaw tightened and her breathing became very shallow. Cupping the sides of Mason's face, she brought his gaze back to her. Her tears streaking down her face, she whispered sweetly, "I love you." She leaned in and grazed her soft lips ever-so-gently against his; her lips tickled intensely, the sparks generating between their supple lips.
"Krista, I can't." Mason said, shaking his head as he pulled away from her. "I can't do this to you."
"Why not?" She asked indignantly.
"Because that wouldn't be fair to you," He spoke softly, hanging his head. "I'd be selfish of me. Let's face it; I'm not going to be able to give you what you want." He paused, his eyes starting to glisten with sincere tears. "I can't give you a long-term relationship, okay? I would just end up leaving you. I don't want to do that."
"I don't care if you can't give me a long-term relationship. Damn it, Mason. I don't give a flying fuck if you do leave me. All I know is," She said, fresh tears rolling down her scarlet cheeks. "I love you, and all I want to do is be with you. For how long? I don't know." She shrugged, mopping her tears away. "I just. . . I just want you to be with me as long as you can. Is that so hard to believe?"
"Why do you want to be with a guy like me, anyway? You're so. . .stupid, Krista. I can't give you anything, yet you want to be with me. What is wrong with you?" Mason asked earnestly, his heart wrenching terribly at the sight of the pain and hurt reflected in Krista's eyes. "Believe me, I want you, too. So badly, it hurts to breathe. I love you," He paused, stroking her cheek with his hand. "But because I do, I can't let you do this."
"I'm selfish, too, you know. I just want you all to myself, no one else. . . I want you to only love me and only kiss me. I think about you all the time, and I want you to do the same. We're both selfish. That means we're even, right?" She choked out, taking his hand into hers and interlacing her fingers perfectly with his.
"You're so damn stubborn." Mason chuckled half-heartedly, tears finally streaming down his face. "So fucking stubborn," He pulled Krista into a spontaneous kiss, locking his lips gracefully with hers. He could feel the burning passion within him, fireworks exploding inside their mouths; stars encircled above their heads when he looked up, sending him to another galaxy. It was beyond his comprehension . . . how much he loved Krista.
...
"Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind and follow you into the dark. . ."
-Death Cab For Cutie
♠ ♠ ♠
The End.