All Your Fault

“Come on bitch, we’re malling today,” the bubbly blonde giggles, barging into my house totally uninvited. Alexis doesn’t even acknowledge me standing there, her eyes remain glued to the screen of her cell phone, her lips wrapped around the red lollipop stuck in her mouth.
Claire gives me a slightly sympathetic smile before following in after Alexis, just like a shadow. She’s always a shadow.
“Oh yes, please come in,” I say sarcastically, shutting the door behind them and following them up the stairs to my room, where Alexis had already disappeared to. It’s always like this when Alexis comes over. She comes in my house, hardly ever says hello, and then demands I go out with her. Demands I go to a party, the mall, the park. It’s never an invitation. Always a demand.
And I always listen to the demands.
In my room, Alexis is sprawled out on my bed, her cell phone in her hands, here eyes still glued to the screen. She’s always on there. Texting people, on social networks, posting pictures and statuses and blogs. She lives online.
Claire is different, so much different from Alexis. I don’t get why she hangs out with her. Alexis is so preppy, so full of herself. She’s always picking on people, always finding something to laugh at, something to post online. She likes to hide behind a computer screen, but she isn’t afraid of coming out and saying things out loud. She isn’t afraid to use her fists. She’s been suspended multiple times for getting into fights, but usually the fights consisted of her throwing a slap or a punch and the other person cringing away from her.
Everyone is afraid of her.
That’s why Claire hangs out with her. Claire is afraid of Alexis. I think she’s holding something on her, a secret or something, something Claire doesn’t want to get around school. So she sucks up to her, makes sure Alexis is never unhappy.
I hate it, because Claire is so nice. She doesn’t belong with Alexis.
That’s what Paisely said to me.
Claire is this fragile, innocent girl. She doesn’t enjoy talking about other people, gossiping and laughing, but she does, because Alexis is holding her back. She’s always holding Claire her back. From friendships, relationships, school, sports… anything that Alexis doesn’t agree with, Claire can’t do.
That goes the same for me.
Why do I associate myself with this girl? Why am I following her around? Doing her dirty work? Making a complete fool of myself? Making everybody hate me?
Because I’m guilty. I’m guilty of murdering my best friend. That’s how I see it at least. Although I didn’t physically push her off that dock, I was definitely the one Paisely pictured pushing her into that water, to her death. And Alexis and Claire were the only one’s okay with this. They were the only ones who weren’t affected by Paisely’s death.
“Did you hear me?” Alexis spits, giving me an annoyed look. “God, you never listen to me.”
“I’m listening,” I mutter, closing my bedroom door, leaning against it. “What were you saying?”
“Well, Claire and I were walking through the mall the other day, while you were in your room being all depressed, and I saw this pair of shorts, and I want to get them. So Claire and I are heading over there now, and you’re coming.”
“If you want,” Claire adds quietly. Alexis gives her an angry glare.
“You’re coming,” she stands up, grabbing her phone off my bed and walking out of my room, calling behind, “Get your money and shit. We’re waiting.”
Claire runs after her, her head down.

Alexis isn’t legally old enough to have a full drivers licence. She’s not supposed to be driving passengers around, unless the passengers have a full licence, which none of us do. But she pulled some strings, or should I say her dad pulled some strings. Her parents are split up, and she’s an only child. They’re always trying to buy her love and affection through gifts and money. It’s pathetic, really. But I nobody said anything. They’re afraid, remember?
We spent hours at the mall. We thought it wouldn’t be long, maybe an hour, tops. Alexis just needed shorts.
But we were following the girl around for hours, going in and out of stores, trying clothes on an taking them off. It was boring, because it was all about Alexis. It’s always about Alexis.
By the time we were out of there, the sun was beginning to set. It wasn’t dark, but the sun was low in the sky.
“Okay, thanks guys,” Alexis giggles, jumping into her car and starting the engine. “I’ll text you.”
“What about us?” Claire asks, bending down at eyelevel with Alexis in her car.
“What about you…?” She sounds so innocent.
“How are we getting home?” I cut in, but I already know. She’s done this to us before, more than once. Drive us to the mall, walk us around all day, then refuse to drive us home. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
“Well, there’s these things called legs,” she stick her hand out the window, pointing at my own legs. “You can use those.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, clenching my fists. “What a great friend.”
“Why do you always do this to us?” Claire asks, her tone loud and angry.
“Do what? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re just leaving us here? To walk home? Mattie was right, you’re not a good friend.”
Alexis smirks, tilting her head to the side. “Are you sure you want to say those things, Claire? You’re being kind of mean… You wouldn’t want that little secret of yours to get out, now would you?”
I knew it. I knew Alexis was holding something over Claire’s head. I knew there was a secret.
Claire’s face hardened, turning to stone. She grit her teeth, her hands forming fists as she stared at Alexis’ snide smile spread across her face.
“Forget about her,” I say, grabbing Claire’s arm. “She won’t say anything.”
I tried tugging Claire after me, but she shook her head, back and forth. “Alexis, you can’t.”
Alexis continues smirking. “You guys can have a ride. But only to Jacey road. I have to get home.”
Claire immediately got in the passenger side, murmuring a thank you and an apology to Alexis. Alexis shook her off, smiling widely as I got in the back.
“You guys better love me for this.”

Jacey road is about a ten minute walk away from the cemetery Paisely was buried in. Alexis dropped us off, speeding off down the road before we could even speak.
“Why do you hang out with her?” I find myself asking, gripping my hands into fists by my sides. “She’s horrible.”
Claire glares at me, silent. She just shakes her head, walking off down the road, opposite the way I was going. “Forget about it.”
I stand there, watching her walk off, obviously angry. But at what? I hadn’t said anything to offend her, at least I don’t think so. And Alexis does these things all the time, it shouldn’t bother her.
I don’t care. I just want to go home.
But I don’t go home. I go to the cemetery instead, to Paisely’s grave.
How had things gotten so messed up? Why had I even given in to these two girls? They’re horrible. I should have stayed with Paisely.
But it was too late now. I had no one to go to anymore. If I were to walk away from Alexis and Claire, I’d have nobody to go to.
I walk down the paved walkway, scanning over all the graves, the stones and the names. Countless names, names without faces. Names that had been long forgotten.
Eventually, Paisely would be forgotten too.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow. It was at the edge of the forest, a dark figure. The sun was still bright, despite it setting slowly, but the forest was getting dark. It was getting creepy.
I looked closer and saw the outline of a person. There was a person standing there, watching me.
I’ve always been easily scared. Dark shadows, loud noises, weird feelings. It all scared me. Paisely thought it was funny, she thought I was too much of a chicken, and I had to lighten up a bit.
I try to shake it off. This cemetery if full of countless dead people, countless families come in here all the time. It’s no big deal if I see someone else in here.
I watch the figure as I keep walking, but look then I see it. No longer to I care about the dark figure in the forest. Now I see Paisely’s grave.
It was so fresh, the ground around. The dirt was dark and rich. Grass had been planted overtop, but it hadn’t yet grown. It was still bare.
“I wish you were here,” I whisper, sinking to the ground, touching the cold stone with my fingertips. I sigh, biting back tears. I shouldn’t cry. She was gone, there was no point in it anymore. It just showed weakness. It just made Alexia laugh.
But I cried anyways. I was alone. Nobody was here to laugh, to make fun of me. It was just me and Paisely’s grave.
Suddenly, I felt a weird tingling on my shoulder. At first, it felt like an itch, then it spread around the top of my shoulder. It got warm, hot almost. Not uncomfortable, just, there.
Then it sunk in and I realized what it felt like. It was like a hand resting on my shoulder, squeezing lightly.
“Who’s there?!” I hiss, jumping up and whipping around. I clenched my fists, ready to fight whoever was touching me, but there was nothing there.
My mind goes to the dark figure in the forest. I whip around, but the forest was empty. The figure was gone.
“Mattie,” I hear a whisper, right in my ear.
I whip around and, again, nothing. “Oh god, I’m going insane,” I mumble, rubbing my eyes. I look back to the headstone, shaking my head.
“Mattie, please,” I hear the voice again. It’s like a whisper, not even. It’s like a whistle in the wind. Yet it’s so loud, ringing in my ears.
I find myself spinning, looking for where this voice if coming from. The wind picks up, whistling in my ears again.
I’m going insane. I’m going insane. I’m going insane.
Tears spill out of my eyes. This is my fault. I’m driving myself mad because of what I did to Paisely. I can’t handle it. I’m hearing things in the wind. I’m going insane.
“P-Paisely…” I whisper, wiping the tears away. I look down at my fingers, covered in dark black. Great. My makeup was smudged. I was a mess.
The wind whips, my hair getting caught in my face, in my eyes and soaked face.
I hate the wind. I wish it would just stop.
And like that, it stopped. The wind was gone. There was nothing, not even a breeze. Everything had gone completely still.
“What the fuck…” I mumble, wiping the hair from my face. I look around, then to the sky. That was weird. This whole situation was weird. The voices, the wind, what else could happen?
I sigh, looking back to Paisely’s headstone, but jump back. I start shaking, backing away. This isn’t happening. I’m seeing things again.
And then I run. I don’t say another word, I just run.

A light. I had seen a light. Like a shadow in front of me, but it wasn’t dark. It was bright and clear, like a sparkle.
I was seeing things. I was hearing things. I’m insane.
I stand outside the cemetery gates, running my hands through my blonde hair, trying to calm my racing heart.
Then I hear laughter. Loud, mocking laughter. But it isn’t in the wind this time. This is real. There’s somebody here, laughing at me.
“Wow, Mattie. You look scared.”
“Adoni,” I whisper, catching my breath as I look up at her, a snide smirk on her face. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
Adoni is a witch. Or, at least she likes to think she is. I think it’s complete bull. I don’t believe in god, or magic, or anything. Life is life, and that’s it. There’s nothing more, nothing less.
Adoni is a freak. She’s one of the main targets at school, now that Paisely’s out of the picture. But it doesn’t seem to bother Adoni. She smiles and shrugs everything off.
She’s got this weird sense in style, too. Dark. That’s how I would describe her. Dark. Black and grey. That’s all she wears. No colour. It’s like a gothic style, dark jeans, dark, long shirts, dark jackets, dark hair, dark everything. She’s a complete freak. I don’t like talking to her, at all. Nobody does.
“I’m visiting Paisely,” I spit.
“Oh,” she giggles, smirking. “Kind of windy, don’t you think?”
I glare at her. She’s playing me. She’s driving my further and further into my crazy nutshell I call a mind.
“Are you sure she wants you here? I mean, this is your fault, remember?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Please, everybody knows, Mattie. Everybody knows you were the one who told her to do this. Everyone knows about your little stunt at her funeral.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m aloud to visit her, and even if she doesn’t want me here, it’s not like she can protest.”
“Or maybe she can…” she trails off, smirking.
“Why are you here?” I ask, changing the subject. “Were you in that forest?”
“Whatever to you mean?” She tilts her head to the side, smiling slyly.
“You know what I mean. You were in there, making noises, a-and voices, a-and, y-you were-”
“Mattie, Mattie, Mattie,” she clucks her tongue. “I think you’ve gone insane.”
I grit my teeth, shaking my head. “I’m leaving.”
I clambered onto my bike, gritting my teeth and clenching my fists. This night kept getting worse and worse.
“Oh Mattie? Paisely says hi,” she giggles, walking off in the other direction.
Paisely says hi.
I’m insane.
Officially. Insane.