Devastation

Two

You would have thought she would have run out of tears by now.

Abby was huddled in the corner of her lab, leant against the cold, smooth metal of one of the cabinets. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and her arms were crossed on top of them. Her head rested on her elbows.

Still, sobs wracked her body. She didn't know how long she'd been there, letting grief ravage her. How long had it been since Gibbs had broken the news and she had fled to the farthest corner of the lab, where she could break down in peace?

Kate was dead.

Kate was dead and she had known it was going to happen.

Well. Not known exactly. But she'd known something would happen. Her bad feelings always turned out to be right.

She wished she had dragged Kate into their bed this morning and held her tight all day, never let her go to that rooftop. She wished she had expressed exactly how bad her bad feeling had been and somehow persuaded Kate to not go to the rooftop at all.

But, she knew, if Kate had not been there, it could be Gibbs lying in Autopsy right now instead. Gibbs had told her the whole story, told her how Kate had thrown herself in front of him and taken a bullet to her vest, only to stand up moments later, apparently safe, and take a bullet to the head.

'You're a mess, girl. Red eyes, no makeup. If ever there was a time for black lipstick, it's now.' Kate's voice echoed through the silent lab. Abby's head snapped up. Great. Now she was hallucinating.

Kate was standing before her, dressed all in black. Her hair was blonde, long and straight, and her makeup gothic, enough to rival Abby's usual get-up. Abby took her lipstick from her purse and applied it carefully. Hallucination or not, Kate was here.

'Remember when we first met?' she said. 'I couldn't believe you were a forensic scientist. I thought Goths had bats for pets, or vice versa.'

Abby couldn't help but smile.

'I really liked you, Kate. A lot.' Not liked, she thought, but loved. But she couldn't bring herself to say it. She'd said it that morning, before Kate had left. She'd meant it, too, but now she couldn't say the words. She tried but they stuck in her throat, choking her.

'Don't start that again,' Kate said, as Abby put her head back in her hands, her smile fading. 'Where're your pigtails? I love you in pigtails.' Abby's hands went to her hair, tugging and twisting it into it's usual pigtails. 'That's better,' Kate smiled. 'You were persistent, Abs. First the dark lipstick, then the black nail polish. Next thing you know, I have a tat on my bum. Oh, God. Ducky's gonna see it! I'm dead, and I'm embarrassed.'

Abby couldn't help but laugh. She was seeing things and hearing things and probably going all kinds of crazy but in that moment, Kate was with her, and that made everything okay.

'Abby?' Gibbs' voice was quiet. He wasn't calling her name to find her; he could tell where she was. He was getting her attention.

She looked up. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, her face blotchy despite her reapplied makeup.

'Oh, Abs.' Gibbs knelt down beside her and gathered her into his arms, rocking her gently.

Fresh sobs shook her and she clung to him, digging her fingers into his arms as he held her.

'Abby,' Gibbs murmured. 'I know you loved her. I know it hurts, Abby, but I need you to be strong now, okay? Do you think you can be strong for me?'

She turned her head and looked up at him, her red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears.

'She's gone, Gibbs,' she whispered, her voice cracked. 'She's gone but she was here, she was talking to me.' She smiled weakly as she remembered Kate's proclamation. 'She's embarrassed because Ducky's going to see her tat,' she said, a choked laugh escaping her.

Gibbs smiled too. 'I'm sure Ducky will be very professional about it,' he said. 'Come on, Abs.' He rose to his feet, pulling her up with him. As she faced him he put his hands on her shoulders.

'I know it hurts, Abs,' he said. 'But Kate would want you to be strong for her. She would want you to help us find Ari. You think you're up to that?'

Abby met his gaze, sure of herself for the first time in hours.

'I'm up for that,' she said. And she was. She would do whatever it took, whatever she possibly could to help Gibbs catch the bastard that took her girl away from her.

'I'm up for it,' she repeated. 'Kate deserves that much.'