Reality and Those Hellish Dreams

Frank's POV.

'I'd always found addiction to be a strong word.
I, for example, am addicted to nicotine and coffee, whereas Gerard is addicted to both of those things and alcohol. I had never had any illegal addictions. I hadn't been addicted to hardcore drugs like Gerard had been, I hadn't been addicted to an eating disorder or alcohol. But I knew what an addiction was.

Dependency.

Being dependant on something to the point that you believe your body cannot function without it.. And most of the time, it couldn't. I always feared I'd become addicted to something stupid or a hard hitting drug like heroin or something... But I'd picked something, in my opinion, that was even more stupid.

It had started when I was 17 and my father had told me to go and kill myself. That's the short version of the story... and that's the version I will tell you today.
That had been the first time I had ever reached for a knife and used it to give myself the same amount of pain I hoped he would feel when he knew what he drove me to do to myself. It was intended to only be a one time thing and for a good couple of months, it was.

It was after those months that I had reached for that same knife again for one reason or another.. It had turned to every week that I would do it.. Then every couple of nights.. Then every time I had something sharp beside me. That was how I understood addiction. That was how I knew what Gerard felt.

We had given up our addictions for one another for two reasons.

Love and a new dependancy.. This time, it wasn't on a blade or some pills. It was each other. It was for him.'

I looked down at the small notepad I was holding and then at the blade and small bottle of pills, both resting on the bed beside me. I had given everything up for him... And now, he had found his old dependency again and it was time for me to find my own. This could help. This always did in the past.. I mean, maybe it could even take away the nightmares?

I put my notepad back in it's place in the top drawer of my bedside table along with my pen and proceeded to push the bedsheets off of my body. I shivered slightly as the cold air hit my legs and my finger tips brushed the more metalic of the two objects. I sighed, deeply, looking down at the old scars littering my thighs. Mostly just lines and patterns but the occasional letter could be seen hidden beneath the other scars.

'Forget.'

That had been the worst and my most visable of words scarring my legs.

'Broken.' had been the next.. It made it's mark on my lower thigh, slightly to the left and in an awkward position.. Gerard had been the only person to ever see those. He'd been slightly shocked and confused when he first did, but he would always kiss them and tell me how beautiful they were. He thought I was beautiful, regardless of my scars and my stories. I let my head fall back against the wall and hit it softly, closing my eyes and calming my breathing, still holding my oldest of friends.

"Why am I such a screw up? I shouldn't be taking his pills.. I shouldn't be holding this fucking little thing and I shouldn't be thinking about my past. I'm over that. I have Gerard now. I'm not broken anymore.. I'm fixed." I whispered to nobody. "I'm fine. I don't need this. I haven't ever needed it."

Gerard muttering my name softly forced me to open my eyes and find him staring at me. He crawled on the bed beside me and envolped me in his arms, kissing the side of my face, so softly and causing my eyes to fall closed again. "You don't need this, Frankie. You have me. You always have and always will." He whispered softly.

"But, Gerard.. I need to tell-"

"Shush. Not another word, okay? Just kiss me." He said, offering a warm smile. I nodded slowly. "I love you." He whispered before pressing his lips to mine and engaged me in possibly the sweetest kiss I had ever experienced. His lips tasted of coffee and nicotine, just like they had the first time our lips had touched. His hand felt warm on my neck and a smile formed on his lips the same time a smile had overtaken mine. This was my biggest addiction and the only I would gladly scream to the world.

His other hand found mine and softly pried the blade from my fingers as he continued kissing me. I, reluctantly, relased the blade to him and heard him throw it across the room and away from us. He pulled back from the kiss.

"I told you, you don't need it. You have something better..." He whispered, his tone of voice changing completely.. It had become more.. seductive. "Me." He finished, moving us so that he was now on top of me. "So, why not use me insted?" He asked, innocently. I laughed lightly at him and his smirk faultered into a smile, temporeraily. "Quit laughing at me, I'm trying to be sexy!" He said, laughing also.

"Sorry, you're just so fucking cute." I said, honestly. Gerard crossed his arms across his chest and faked an annoyed expression.

"So, I'm not sexy?!" He asked, shocked. I giggled.

"Of course you are.. But you're cute too." I said, softly, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes and putting it behind his ear.

"I guess I'll have to try harder then... Won't I?" He whispered, getting close to me again and kissing my lips once, then my cheek and then my neck.. My ultimate turn on spot. My breathing changed quickly.

"Nughh." I mumbled as Gerard gently began nipping and sucking my neck, right over the tattooed skin. He laughed lightly before moving away from me and exiting the room, leaving me confused. "Where're you going?!" I shouted.

"Coffee's done!" He shouted in reply as I heard him run down the stairs.