Reality and Those Hellish Dreams

The weekend ended too quickly for my liking.

Monday had come and I'd taken half the day off of work to be with Gerard when he left for Blue Stone. He was really going... I'd really be forced to sleep, live, and stride through our home for the next month of assessments and help Gerard would be having at Blue Stone. A whole month alone... I hadn't been alone since we'd moved in together as many as 5 years ago, and now, being away from my boyfr... Fiancé (God that feels good to say) would be indescribable. I looked across the kitchen at him and took a sip of my coffee. He was making breakfast and I was smiling like an idiot, watching him.

"You going to miss my cooking when I'm gone?" Gerard asked, laughing lightly but not turning to face me.

"Of course I will." I said softly, sipping my coffee again. "I'll definitely miss this wonderful view of your ass, too." Gerard laughed, loudly and my smile grew, refusing to fade. "And I'll miss your kisses. I mean, I don't know how I'll last without them.. I'm already having withdrawal symptoms from that kiss this morning..." Gerard turned to look at me, and for the first time this morning, I watched a genuine smile fall on his lips, rather than a smirk of some kind. He approached me and I looked up into his sad eyes. "I'll miss you more than anything, Baby." I whispered, taking his hand and playing with his ring.

"I'll miss you, too, my beautiful fiancé... It's only a month, okay? One month. We've done this before.. Remember when you followed that shitty punk band around for a month? It'll just be like that." Gerard laughed, leaning down and stealing my lips in one sweet kiss.

"They weren't shitty, they were amazing.. They just needed a little help and a decent guitar tech, and that's what I gave them. They still email me, you know? They got a gig over in Florida the other day..." Gerard nodded softly, smirking a little. "Honestly, they did! But besides... I'm not going to be spending my month tuning guitars and fuckin' around with pedals, am I? I'm going to be going to work, coming home, and sleeping in a empty bed each night and waking up to an empty bed each morning." I whispered.

"But this is going to help me... You'll just have to live without me for a few weeks. You can do that." He whispered, kissing my head and moving back to the stove to finish cooking. "And anyway, I have my ring to keep me company, and you can have my pillow and one of my necklaces to wear. Deal?" He asked, turning to look at me.

"Yeah. Deal."

***

After an hour of packing and unpacking Gerard's stuff, we were finally out of the door and sitting in the car. But of course, life couldn't be that simple for us, now could it? Gerard had ran back inside forgetting to give me his necklace before we left. Running back out of the house and locking the door, Gerard walked over to the car and, finally, got inside, doing his seat-belt up and turning to face me. "Ready?" I asked, laughing a little.

Gerard leaned forward and pressed one kiss against my cheek, but seeing as I wouldn't be doing this for another month, I turned his face towards mine and kissed him, properly and passionately. He brought his hand to my neck, gently touching and playing with my hair. I smiled into the kiss and pulled back from him, leaning my forehead against his and looking into his eyes. "Ready as I'll ever be." He whispered, unclasping the hook on the necklace and putting it around my own neck. I felt tears prick behind my eyes, but I knew I couldn't let them fall. Not yet at least. "Shhh." He softly said, still playing with my hair. "Only a month, remember?"

"Yeah, I know." I said, softly. "I'm jut going to miss you. That's all." Gerard kissed my cheek again and pulled back, reminding me that we'd intended to see Mikey before sending Gerard back to Blue Stone. "To Mikey's it is." And we made the very short journey to Mikey's house.

Before we'd even parked the car, Mikey had ran out of the house and Gerard had thrown his door open, jumping out of the car and practically crushing his smaller brother with a breath-taking hug. I parked up the car, watching the boys, and walked over towards them, smiling at how close they'd managed to stay through-out it all. Sometimes I wished I'd had a sibling. "You guys are adorable."

Both of the guys looked at me, one, my fiance, and the other, my best friend. Mikey looked down at Gerard's hand, noticing the ring. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" He screamed, jumping up and down. Gerard smiled, uncontrollably.

"Literally, a night or two ago. I wanted to tell you in person. He wanted to do it before I went back to Blue Stone." Gerard said, looking over at me and finally pulling back a little from Mikey. I walked over to him, snaking my arm around his waist and pulling him close. "We're officially engaged." He whispered, kissing my cheek.

"That's so adorable. Seriously, so fucking cute." Mikey said. "And on the topic of you going back to Blue Stone, I'm so proud of you, bro. So fuckin' proud I'm not even capable of expressing how much. This is going to help you and be so good for you. And I promise I'll visit within the month. I may even come with Frankie here." Mikey said, sticking his tongue out. I smiled at my best friend.

"You need to look after him for me, okay? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid while I'm stuck in Blue Stone, okay? Keep an eye on him for me." Gerard said to Mikey, causing him to laugh. I took my arm away from him, checking the time on my phone, still smiling like an idiot. "I'm serious!" Gee laughed.

"I'll take care of little Frankie." Mikey said, hugging Gerard again. "I promise."

After a few more 'Goodbyes', we were gone and before I knew it, I was making my own Goodbye to Gerard. My arms wrapped around his neck, his around my waist, and we squeezed one another as tight as we could. I finally let tears fall from my eyes and roll off my cheeks onto Gerard's t-shirt, soaking it, but it was okay. Everything was okay... Because we were going to be okay. I pulled back from him and looked up into his glistening eyes and we kissed, like we'd never kissed before.

It was soft, slow, and yet it was still filled with a desperation and hope that nobody could understand. The hopes of Gerard getting better... Of him not needing this place and coming back home... Surprising us all and fixing himself before we'd expected. The kiss held a promise to return, but a suggestive thought of who he'd be when he came home again. Something we both awaited to find out eagerly... And before we knew it, the kiss had ended and Gerard was walking into the tall, white building, away from me. "I love you." He'd whispered before leaving me and making his way into his new home for the next month.

It was at least a few minutes before I'd left. I'd stood there, a part of me wanting him to run back out and tell me it was all a big joke, or that he wasn't even leaving. But he didn't. He'd had the door closed behind him as he entered the building, and I knew that meant I had to wait a week to see him. A whole 7 days until I was able to speak to him again. And with that thought, I left, getting back in my parked car and staring at the sign in front of the large white building.

'Blue Stone - Replying to those who ask.'

And that's what I hoped they'd do for Gerard. He'd asked, and now it was his time to get a reply.

***

I'd been sitting at the table in the kitchen for a few hours. The only thing's that reminded me of this was the still full cup of cold coffee on the table and the now darkened sky and moon starring down at me from the kitchen window. Moonlight filled the room, eerily, and washed over all of the various objects in the room. I moved my fingers against the table, watching the shadows created on my hand from myself moving the tendons controlling my fingers.

I missed him. It'd barely been 8 hours since we'd touched, kissed and waved goodbye to one another, and yet I was still struggling. I missed him. I needed him... I got up from the chair set at the kitchen table and walked towards the moonlit window, starring out at the stars, like Gerard and myself used to.

A sudden, violently loud noise dragged my gaze towards the front door. It'd been ripped open and a dark figure made it's way towards me, and as I opened my mouth to scream at the man, his face came into view. Gerard was home! I ran to him, his arm wrapping around me tightly. "I'm sorry for leaving. I missed you too much.. I just.. I couldn't handle not being by your side." He said, his hands rubbing over my body to make sure I was real. Tears fell immediately and I kissed anywhere on his face I could find. "I'll never leave again."

"You better fucking not, Gee. I love you so much. I don't even know how I thought this would work without you." I said, gripping back onto him, feeling him and holding him as close as possible. "Never, ever, ever leave me again. Fuckin', please? Never." I whispered.

"I promise." He said, pulling me into a sweet, soft kiss... The kiss was soon broken, though. Around 5 people walked in through the open door at the front of the house, running through into the kitchen. The men were dressed in black and were carrying... Guns.

"YOU HAVE UNTIL THE COUNT OF THREE TO STEP AWAY FROM HIM."

I looked around myself quickly, confused. What'd I do...? Gerard pushed himself closer to me, wrapping his arms around me, protectively. "I'm not leaving him. Not again." He growled. "He's mine." His voice echo'd viciously in my mind and I was already aware that this wasn't Gerard. This wasn't my fiance..

"ONE." A voice shouted.

I tried pushing myself away from Gerard's tight, death-grip on my fragile body, but nothing was working. I didn't have the strength to push myself out of his arms.

"TWO." The voice warned again.

Gerard's body struggled and tensed against mine as I almost wriggled out of his grip, but his hands soon moved to my wrists, holding me in place. He was mouthing words to me, sentences, but nothing I could make out. His eyes were no longer dark or vicious and he wasn't growling... He was begging. Begging for something, but noises fuzzed and sped all around myself. I couldn't hear him, no matter how loud he may have been pleading.

"THREE." The voice screeched, and from that, a rain of bullets hailed over Gerard's back, his body jerking and shaking violently as they entered him, gashing his back open and finally allowing me to hear his screams for help. This continued, until his body went limp, all noise stopping and creating silence. All but one of the men in black left, their guns dragging on the floor behind them, leaving a trail of bullets to follow them out.

I looked down at Gerard, his body drenched in wounds and blood, crumpled on the kitchen floor. I fell to my knees, pressing my hands against his back and crying into his blood-soaked body. My body shook against his. I could feel no pulse or warm intake of breath.. Nothing. He was gone. Dead.

"Why would you do that?" I whispered to the final man standing in our kitchen. Mine and Gerard's home.

"He was a danger to you. He always would be if we didn't fix him... I'm sorry." The man whispered, gently pressing his hand to my shoulder.

***

I pulled my head up off of the kitchen table, tears falling from my eyes and dripping off my cheeks, making a small puddle. I shook my head and cleared my thoughts, looking around at the moonlit furniture of the kitchen... I need him. "I need him so fucking much." I whispered into the darkness around myself.