Turn the Clock

Luck just wasn’t on my side these days, everything was spiralling out of control. Even my health. I couldn’t recall how many times I’ve found myself laying in a hospital bed. I just stared at a loose bit of cotton that had come astray from the blanket that was covering me. My mom was sat to my right, gripping my hand tightly whispering words of comfort, which didn’t mean anything anymore. We both knew what was happening, and that the outcome could be well, fatal but mom and dad both wouldn’t think about that, they were both stubborn. To me, it was obvious that I was getting worse, my skin had paled, the dark circles that surrounded my eyes was just a reminder to what could happen, I mean if I look dead, maybe it won’t be so bad later on? What was I thinking, of course it wouldn’t be bad, it would be worse. It had been a year since I had been diagnosed with cancer, it had been an up and down process, there was times when I was doing well, and on the road to recovery but then to be knocked back down when it reappeared. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not scared, but in all honesty I’m petrified. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what my parents were going through, but they had each other. We hadn’t told anyone else, just kept it within the family minus Eliza who disappeared shortly after the whole John-Eric situation. John. There hadn’t been day that I hadn’t thought about him, I wanted him to be here with me. I shouldn’t have let him go that day, even if I thought he’d be much better without a fucked up girl like me in his life. I hadn’t noticed the tear that escaped.

“Annie, darling. What’s wrong?” mom asked worriedly, wiping the tear from my pale cheek.

I didn’t want to say anything about John to her, she’d think I was being silly.

“Nothing, ma. I just want to go home.” I lied, avoiding her eyes.

“Oh, sweetie. Look, I’ll go talk to the doctor, I’ll see if I can find out when we can take you home” she smiled weakly, rubbing my hand before she got up from her seat and left the room.

I heaved a soft sigh, turning my head so I could stare out the window watching the rest of Arizona move on with their lives. It was mid afternoon, the streets weren’t extremely busy seeing as it was summer they were all probably lounging at home beside their pools have barbeques with their friends. I envied them. I didn’t want to be stuck in the painful white room, the smell of cleaning products and hospital food lingered around. It was hard to not throw up most of the time. It felt like forever until mom came back, a smile plastered on her face.

“I have good news sweetie, your doctor said you can come home this evening as long as your feeling up to it”

“I want to go home mom, I’m ready. They aren’t doing much here, so I have no reason why I can’t sit at home.” I replied, a hint of eagerness in my voice.

“I know sweetie, you know your father and I don’t like to see you in here, with all those tubes sticking out of you” she sighed, as she stroked the side of my face. “I love you” she added, before kissing my cheek.

“I love you too, mom.” I croaked, trying not to cry for the second time today.