Trying Not to Love You

Someone shook me lightly while whispering my name.

“Whaaaaat?” I grunted.

“You gotta wake up. We’ll be in Dallas soon,” the voice I realised to be Jacky’s told me.

“Yee-fuckin-haw,” my mumbling became no louder, “I don’t care.”

“Vod, we have a show tonight. The longer you sleep the longer you’ll be hung over so take these Advil and have some coke and wake up,” he urged gently.

“Living is too hard.” I complained but opened my eyes.

I sat up slowly and the sheet covering me fell down, I took the Advil and opened my eyes. After a few sips of the icy liquid I felt a little better.

“Where did you go last night?” I asked my brother who was tidying the lounge area that was as absolute shit tip of empty bottles, cans and glasses.

“You don’t remember? Well I guess you were totally fucked,” he smirked. “I got a cab and went to a party with Ryan and Derek. We left you and Claire here because there was no way you’d have made it in. Mika wanted to stay back with you anyway. Do you remember any of your night?” he gave up tidying and flopped down.

I sighed attempting to recount and filled him in on the vodka gunfight, the wrestling and then paused then the memory of Claire and Ronnie came to mind.

“You looked pretty cosy when I got back,” he smiled cheekily.

The warm feeling of waking up with Max made my face burn.

“What was going on there?” Jacky nudged me.

“Dude I’m ill. Can’t this emotional beating wait?” I sighed and finished the can of soda quickly.

“I’m sorry kiddo. I know what happened,” he paused. “I knew Ronnie would do something stupid and that’s the reason I didn’t want you near him.”

I tried to collect my thoughts and give a normal response.

“Jacky…don’t worry about that. There was nothing going on. The fact that he’s a whore doesn’t bother me, not really.” I told him slowly.

Jacky pulled me into a hug, “Please be careful. When you get hurt it effects me too whether I can do anything or not.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Try and just let it go though. Ok?” I smiled weakly.

“Yeah, yeah like that’ll happen. You gonna be ok?”

“Dude, I’m fine, honestly.” I shrugged knowing that I would be just right soon enough.

“Well…like I said; be careful.” Jacky took something from his pocket. And looked it over before handing it over, “This guy seemed pretty concerned about you. Just don’t let him hurt you ok?” Jacky handed this piece of paper with number on it. It was a phone number with a name under it.

I smiled to myself and Jacky looked at me knowingly before leaving the room. I already felt less hung over with this tiny scrap of affection in my hand.

Somehow I cleared my hang over with a few pints of water and a shower before we reached Dallas. I almost got a verbal thrashing from Tony but Mika talked him round first. Apparently Claire and I were considered MIA for that lat night and he was certainly not impressed.
After the show we packed up and I decided on a quiet night with a Jager and chocolate milk in my bunk watching Resident Evil: Apocalypse. That’s also when I decided to text Max.

Me: Hey its Vod- you know Jacky’s sister. Thanks for staying with me. It was really nice to meet you yesterday x

I wasn’t too confident whether the ‘x’ was gonna be appreciated. Oh well, guess we’ll find out sooner or later.
I continued watching my film, loving every minute except the part where Alice realises who Nemesis is/used to be.

Max: Hey, it was great to meet you too. Wish we could have hung out longer but I got stuff to do and so do you. We should hang out again, maybe when you’re sober =P x

Well that was a quicker reply that I expected.

Me: Hmm you weren’t too clever yourself. But yeah definitely. I wasn’t being a total wanker was I? X

The movie finished and even though I didn’t like the Killswitch Engage song in the credits I was in too much of a good mood to switch it off. Besides Slipknot’s Vermillion was next. That prompted me to seek out The Subliminal Verses album which I’d ignored for years in favour of their first two albums and almost completely disregarding All Hope is Gone.

Max: You weren’t the wanker that night. I may have been drunk but you were almost crawling everywhere. I will own up to noticing that your shoulder tasted of Goldschlager though =D x

I giggled before sending my reply.

Me: I’ll let you off but only because my first comment to you was weird x

Max: It’s only weird if you meant it ;) x

Me: I didn’t LITERALLY jizz my pants no haha. It seemed kinda appropriate to say it at the time x

Max: When is your next day off?x

His interest took me by surprise.

Me: Not sure yet. I’ll let you know tomorrow if our tour manager is gonna speak to me x

Claire: Dude! Dead much? Xx

She’d been pretty quiet all night.

Me: I’m alright actually xx

Claire: Alright for some! We’re in Houston tomorrow and I got the perfect activity for us before the show! Xx

Me: Do tell, do tell! Xx

Claire: Nah dude, secret. May have to get someone to cover for us. We’ll be back for the show I mean but Tony will have another strop if he knows we’re gone xx

Me: Another opportunity for mischief. Love it xx

Claire: What you up to now? Xx

Me: Listening to musics and chattin xx

Claire: To anyone interesting? Xx

Me: Well I do like talking to Max, yeah xx

Claire: What?? Detailssss! Xx

Max: Whats up with your tour manager? X

Me: He got mad at Claire and I for not staying put on the crew bus last night that’s all. We’re FERRAL haha x

Max: So I noticed. It’s a good thing though x

We continued chatting shit until stupid o’clock where I drifted off to sleep blissfully. He seemed so easy to talk to, even if it was about nothing important.

The wheels had stopped rolling when I awoke and as soon as I left the bus for fresh air Claire attacked me.
“Dude! Are you ready? We have to go now!” she babbled into my face and nervously checked over her shoulder.

“Fuckin’ hell, man. Just let me grab my phone. Where are we going?” I quizzed as she hopped around like a school girl on speed.

“Not telling. Get your phone! And put shorts on! Go, go, go!” she rushed me up the stairs and before I reached the top she was on the phone to a cab company.

We drove for about twenty minutes during which I got the Spanish inquisition

“So, you and Max huh? What were you talking about?” her eyes glittered beneath her long thickly mascara drenched eyelashes.

“Just random shit ya know. Nothing major,” I shrugged but couldn’t help a little smile surfacing.

“You totally like him!” she squealed.

“Claire. Please. We’re not sixteen you know,” I rolled my eyes at her over enthusiasm.

“Psh, psh. Just admit it,” he nudged my shoulder with hers.

“Dude I don’t even know the guy! I won’t deny that he is possibly the hottest thing since the flaming Sambucas we did the other night but I don’t know him enough to be seriously interested.” I told her.

“So you won’t mind if I make a move if he visits Ronnie again?” she winked.

I thought for a moment.

“You do what you like, Claire,” I muttered airily, “Won’t you be too busy ‘visiting’ Ronnie yourself to try bother pissing me off?”

Claire looked at me like a deer in headlights.