Lost Cause

Maybe I'm the one
Maybe I'm the one
Maybe I'm the one who is
The schizophrenic psycho, yeah.

Maybe I'm the one
Maybe I'm the one who is
The paranoid flake-oh!...

Catchy song was stuck in my head... again. The night was growing long and I found myself playing games with my mind to stay awake. I mean, I was exhausted when I got there... and it was almost six hours later, close to two in the morning, or 5 AM, if I was going by the Eastern Timezone. I leaned my head on Brian's shoulder, not minding when it rose and fell when he laughed. Now the main thing I was concentrating on was the feeling of his knuckles running slowly up and down my back.

It was soothing. I blocked out all the voices around me and let my eyes slowly close, feeling myself fall into a close-to-sleep stupor. Everyone seemed too absorbed in what they were saying to notice me, I thought, realizing that even in my head, my voice sounded slurred and exhausted. I heard a distant,

"Aww, she looks so cute like that," a girl's voice, most likely Lyndsey or maybe even Jimmy's girlfriend, Leana. I doubted it was Val. She never liked me. I still didn't move. Why the hell should I?

I suddenly felt something hot and wet slide up my right cheek. With a loud yelp and a jump, I snapped my eyes open and sat up straight, putting a disgusted face on. Everyone was laughing hysterically, especially Zacky. He was doubled over and about to fall off the couch he was laughing so hard. I turned to him and wiped my cheek off, my eyes wide.

"Did... did you fucking lick me?!" The laughing crescendoed and Zacky really did fall off the couch. I pouted and refrained from kicking him. Instead, I just glared at him ferociously. I really wanted to kick him, but I like to pretend I'm not as cruel as I actually am.

"Aw, lighten up, Cadybear!" Brian said, hugging me tightly before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. Dammit, now who am I going to lean on? I rubbed my eyes, hoping my eyeliner wasn't now down my face, and yawned widely while stretching and leaned against the back of the couch.

"You still with us, Cades?" Matt asked. It was one of the few things he'd said to me (excluding that little scene in the kitchen. To be honest, I was trying my best to block it out.) all night. I nodded and looked at him, his arms wrapped around Val, who was currently drinking more of her beer. I looked down at my imitation ring, suddenly wishing I hadn't chosen to wear it, or even buy it. Damn glass stones were mocking me with their fallacies, my own lack of confidence in who I was.

Maybe I am the one who's the schizophrenic psycho..

I yawned again, drawing it out obnoxiously, before putting my fake smile-face on again, nodding to comments I no longer really heard, laughing at jokes that probably weren't even all that funny, anything to seem like I was more normal than I appeared.

Brian came out of nowhere and sat down next to me again, pecking me on the forehead, somehow restoring the sound to everything, turning my plastic and unmoving smile to a small sideways smirk. I saw Matt's dimple-smile turn into a scowl no one noticed. I winked at him, showing I was enjoying the attention.

I heard an
"Awww, you guys are so cute!" from Lyndsey. Gah, she was such a sweetheart.

Everyone resumed talking about whatever; I reached for my beer and took a long pull off it before replacing it and whispering in Brian's ear,

"Can we leave? I'm about to die og exhaustion here, Bri-bear," He turned to me, his brown eyes looking a little concerned and he nodded. I stood up and waved goodbye to everyone. They all said goodbye back and I got tackled in another few hugs; Matt just waved half-heartedly as I walked out after grabbing my purse from the side table.

I stumbled to the door and waited for Brian to follow. He did so after a minute. I raised an eyebrow and asked what held him up. He made a face and then just shrugged.

"Nothing, Cady, just saying bye to all mah peeps." I half-chuckled at that, mostly for his benefit and to make it seem as though I wasn't suspicious. He walked to the door and opened it without a word, stepping over the threshold and to the Escalade. I yawned again, following him and opening the passenger side door, climbing in and putting my seat belt on.

"Can you survive the drive to my place?" He asked. My eyes were closed, so I couldn't see his expression, but I nodded. After all, it was only four minutes away...

**
I numbly realized I was... floating? Yeah. Because that is so totally possible. I was probably being carried. But why? Must've fallen asleep.. It was Brian holding me bridal-style up the stairs, I knew that. I felt myself being placed on a bed, a hand moving the hair out of my face, resting on my cheek for a moment before disappearing. Lips pressed themselves softly against my own. It was all I could do to keep the expressionless look on my face. Then they were gone, I heard footsteps thumping away, a quiet,

"Goodnight Cady, glad you decided you came back.." Then a door clicked shut and I shot straight up in the bed, my eyes opened wide.

I shook my head hard. Thatneverhappened, thatneverhappened, thatneverhappened... I kept thinking over and over. A frenzied mantra that repeated over and over and I laid back down and closed my eyes.

It was only seconds later that I fell asleep, or more passed out from exhaustion.