Falling

Soft and sweet and slow, his lips melted against mine. I gave myself over to impulse and didn't look back. His hand was light on my cheek, the feeling sending tingles all over my body. My hand rested on his chest, I breathed in the scent of him as our lips slowly parted. I fluttered my eyes open, his bore into mine, lips slightly apart. His fingers were caressing my skin, I backed away. “I shouldn't have done that.” I said suddenly, earning a confused look from Aiden.
“Was it that bad?” Aiden said trying to make light of things.
“Aiden, there's somethings you don't know.” I told him as I got up from the bench and walked over to the couch. He followed but kept his distance.
“Are you finally going to tell me what's been going on with you?” He paused for a heartbeat. “And who Chris is?” So he had heard most of the conversation. “Boyfriend?”
I swallowed. “He's my husband.”
He froze in place. His green eyes were locked on mine, a dozen emotions fighting to stay on his face. “You're married?” He said in a small voice a moment later.
“Yes.” My voice broke.
“And you never thought to bring that up?” I heard the betrayal in his voice. It hurt.
“I'm sorry.”
“Sorry? Dylan you lied to me.”
“I know. I wanted to tell you then things got....” my voice drifted. I looked down at my feet just so I wouldn't see the hurt on his beautiful face. “I'll go.” I finally said. I grabbed my purse and jacket from the couch and Aiden's hand caught mine.
“Don't leave.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“You don't strike me as the type to blatantly lie to someone just get a kiss so there must be another reason why you kept this a secret.”
“Yes there is.”
“Care to tell.”
“It'll only make you hate me even more.”
He looked hurt. “I don't hate you.” He touched my face, I leaned my face into the palm of his hand. Damned if it's wrong, it felt good. I closed my eyes and he took me into his arms. He was strong despite being so lean. I rested my head on his chest and felt tears forming behind my eyelids. I let out a ragged breath and felt the tear staining his shirt.
“Dylan, what's going on? Tell me, we're friends.”
I looked up at his face, his wavy hair in his eyes, I reached up and brushed it back. He smiled and guided me sit on the couch. He put an arm over my shoulder.
“Do you love him?” I looked at his face.
“No.” I said in a slightly watery voice.
“Then why are you with him?”
“Cause I was stupid.” I cried a little more, I felt so stupid. But Aiden was sweet, much more sweet than I deserved. “I really should go.”
“Does he know you don't love him?”
“He doesn't love me so were even.”
“So why stay together?”
“I think we were both waiting to see who will leave who first. I never though of that, but now it makes perfect sense.” Aiden watched my face intently as my tears continued to flood out in a steady down pour. He wiped his hand across my right cheek. “You don't have to be so understanding.” I told him.
“No you're right I don't.” I turned my face to his.
“I'm leaving him.”
“Why? Not because of me I hope.”
“Heavens no. No offense but I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. For the both of us.”
“And by leave you mean....”
“The D word. I've been needing to do this for a long time now, I let other people run my life because it was better not to think sometimes but it only hurt me in the most severe way.” It felt liberating to admit some of these things aloud. Maybe I should take Madison's advice more often. I let my tears fall as a smile crept onto my face. Aiden looked sad. “I'm sorry I led you on, I didn't even realized I had done it.”
He kept silent and only gave me a nod of his head, his wavy air falling back down in his face. The arm that had been holding me fell away. I felt a pain in my heart, add it to the others that permanent have a place there, I thought. I shut my eyes for a moment and then stood up.
“Bye Aiden.” I whispered as I made my way to the door. He said nothing and I didn't look back at his face, fear of what I'd see there prevented me from doing so.

The hotel room was small. Only a bed and the essentials making up it's contents. I sat at the foot of the bed and stared at the empty wall directly in front of me. I had been here for hours, immobile, I had no reason to move. The city was dark outside, it was sometime in the early hours of Saturday morning but I hadn't the energy to look at the clock. Aiden. No, my mind couldn't go here, it couldn't. I had gotten what I deserved. At least he knew, so whatever was to come next I knew the ball was in his court. It was okay if he never wanted to see me again.
My phone had rung more than once over the course of the night but I ignored it. I didn't care that no one knew I was here, maybe they'd all forget about my existence. I didn't feel tired, I didn't feel any thing. Over the years I had learned how to shut off most of my emotions, it came in handy now. I was vaguely aware of the sun coming in through the window, the time had gone by as I sat motionless. Then I felt something, pain, pure and raw, like my heart was going to rip out of my chest. I wanted to scream out my rage but I had too much control. I never screamed.
That bloody phone was ringing again. I finally moved and turned around on the bed to grab it. “What?” I said into the phone.
“Where are you?” My big sister asked.
“Nowhere.” was my reply.
“Dill, are you okay?”
“Fine. I'm fine, peachy fucking keen, fine and dandy. Why do you ask?”
“I'm coming to get you. Where are you?”
“Nowhere.”
I hung up the phone and switched it off. No more distractions. I solemnly rested my head on the pillow and wept. I tried to stop myself but the tears were stubborn and fell at there own accord.