Falling

I text Madison and told her sorry for earlier. I needn't be mad at my sister, she didn't have anything to do with my problems. I went back to the hotel seeing as I had no where else to go, I didn't want to bother Maddie and Matt again. I couldn't eat a thing, I felt sick, so I took a nap that lasted until eight at night. I woke up stiff and sore and more tired than before. My room was dark, it seemed fitting. I got up and walked to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. I got dressed and decide to so something stupid. Well stupid for me. I drove to Aiden's. I took a deep breath and went into his building. I knocked softly, not sure if he was even home when the door opened. Aiden was wearing nothing but jeans and was covered in paint. “Hey.” I said in greeting.
“Dylan.” He looked surprised.
“I wanted to see you, now I'm now sure this was a good idea.” I turned to go but he told me to stay.
“Come in.” He said as he opened the door wide, I step into the studio apartment. He shut the door but we stood right by it not venturing in further.
“I'm not sure what I want to say.”
“Okay.” He waited patiently for me to go on.
“Well, I want to say I'm sorry again. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“I believe you.”
My god, he was gorgeous, I thought as I looked at his chest trying to avoid his eyes. Not a good idea, so I focused on his lips, not much better because I wanted to kiss them again. I shook myself and went on. “I don't know where this leaves us. I'm not sure you want to be friends with me still, or if that's even possible.”
“I don't know either.” I looked up at his face, it was filled with mixed emotion. “I like you a lot Dylan, but you already know that. But you're married, I can't have what isn't mine.” He almost reached his hand out to me but thought better of it.
“I belong to no one.”
“Maybe not physically but in the eyes of the law....”
“Yeah, I know. ”
“Dylan, I think you're wonderful, special, beautiful, smart, sexy.” That made me blush. “and I wish we could try this out but not now. The timing is wrong, you're married and I get the feeling something else is going on with you. So until you get that sorted out I don't think we should... We have to do this right.”
“I knew you'd say something of the sort.” I reached into my purse and withdrew Paradise Lost, “Here.”
His fingers gingerly took it. “You're not done with it.”
“But it's yours.” I felt the tears threatening my eyes again. Not now. “I figured you would want it back.”
“I told you to keep it.” He handed it back to me. “Keep it.”
A single tear slid down my cheek. I must hold the record for most tears shed in a single week, no scratch that in a matter of two days. His hand did touch me this time to wipe that tear away. A sweet touch I hadn't earned. The pain in my chest doubled. “I don't deserve you.” I whispered.
“Now what would make you say such a thing?”
“Truth.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Enlighten me.”
“I have a few more secrets. No point in making this worse than it already is.”
“Your want my trust?” I nodded. His green eyes were warm. “Then tell me what's going on.”
“Besides my impending divorce?”
“So it's official?”
“I have a lawyer.” I leaned against the wall behind me and sighed. “Soon it'll be over.”
“Divorces are messy.”
“You say that as if speaking from experience.”
“My parents.”
“Oh.” Was all I came up with. After an uncomfortable pause I said, “Well it should be quick, I want nothing from him, just to be rid of him.”
“Is he that bad?”
“Well he slapped me today. So I'd say yes.” His face grew both shocked and concerned. “Why did I tell you that?”
“Are you okay?" I nodded yes. "Has that happened before?”
“No but we.... never mind.”
“Have you always been this closed off?”
“Have you always asked this many questions?” I teased with laugh. “Yes I have.”
“We should really work on that.”
“We?” Realizing his error he pursed his lips together and said nothing. “I guess I should leave you alone. You seemed to be in the middle of something.” I pushed myself off the wall.
“Tell me one of those secrets you have.” I reached for the door handle but he stopped me. “One secret. Please.” His eyes pleaded.
“Well I can't resist a pleading man.” I joked. I huffed out a breath. “I tried to kill myself almost three weeks ago.” He gave me long look, his eyes roamed my face as if trying to figure out if I was joking. He found his answer once the tears came pouring out. “I have to go.”
“Dylan, why?”
“You only asked for one secret.”
“Dylan, sweetheart.”
I felt a tug in my heart just then. “You're making this harder than it is.”
“No you are.”
“I can't have what isn't mine, Aid.” I spoke his words back to him as my heart broke again.
I opened the door, giving Aiden a smile I walked out.
“Dylan. I can't have you now but...” I stopped but didn't turn around. “I'll wait for you.”
“It'll be a waste of time.”
“Turn around.” I almost didn't but something inside of me needed to see his heavenly face one last time. I need to remember his eyes, his nose, the curve of his lips, his body, his voice. Everything, everything I would never have. I wiped my face and turned to him. He leaned against the door frame and smiled. “You are not a waste of time.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“A feeling.”
The laugh I gave was watery. “A feeling? Is that all it takes?”
“Yes.” He said simply. His crooked smile was widening.
“I lost you before I ever had you.” I whispered so low I wasn't sure he had heard me.
“Nothing's ever lost my dear.” He took me into his arms, “This is temporary. Like I said, once things are sorted out then we'll figure this out.”
“And what if-”
He cut me off. “I'll wait for you.” He released me, I smiled down at myself once I saw the paint that now stained my clothes. “Sorry.” he whispered. I stared at those eyes once more then headed down the hall. “Oh and Dylan.” he called after me. “I want you to tell me some more of your secrets.” I didn't respond, just kept walking.