Falling

On the surface my marriage was a fairytale. But it was anything but.
Christopher Benjamin Foster seemed like the perfect catch. He was smart, funny, came from a great family, graduated top of his class and has a very good job. That was what people saw on the surface but if they dug deeper they would see the flaws.
I married Chris out of the hope that this would right the wrongs of my life. I would become normal, it would somehow make me more mature, more stable, I was wrong, those feelings don't come with a quick fix, if at all.
Our fathers, Chris and I , were friends but it wasn't until I was sixteen that Chris took an interest in me. Chris is seven years my senior. Red flag there. But my mother and step father thought nothing of it, they encouraged it in fact. Saying Chris was the man who would set me straight, get me on a good path, he had a future, was going places. Just what a young girl such as myself needed. Chris was just graduating college when he proposed, in front of our families. I did the only thing that came to my mind and said yes. A decision I would live to regret.
When Chris began his courtship I was a bit flattered I'll admit, if not a little naïve. He was older, charming, handsome, and he was interested in me. He didn't pressure me, was the perfect gentleman, and that's all fine and dandy on paper but he was possessive when I was in his company. He wanted no one else to so much as lay on eye on me and he has a temper, a bad one. And was verbally abusive when we were alone. It only got worse after the wedding.
Speaking of which was maybe the scariest day of my life....

I sat in the room and stared at that wedding dress that I would have to put on in a matter of minutes. This was a mistake I knew it but couldn't admit it out loud. Maybe things would work out, maybe it just took time, but doubt lingered heavy in my mind.
Now here I was a year after my eighteenth birthday about to walk down the aisle with a man who I didn't love. Chris had said he loved me but I was never sure if it was truthful. Chris was marrying me as much for status as anything else. I would later find out he had been eying my sister but settled for me instead.
My mother came in and asked why I had sent the hairstylist and makeup artist away. “I'm not sure if I can do this.” I told her.
“Nonsense Dylan. I'm sending them back in and you're going to get ready the wedding begins in an hour. I will not have you embarrass me....again.” She stalked out and all but slammed the door.
My mother has always been hard on me, for as long as I can remember. I was a bit rebellious, the odd man out and and never really fit into the cookie cutter vision of American life my mother so desperately wanted us to be. I got on her nerves relentlessly. Madison was the golden child, dating the star quarterback in high school, getting straight A's and becoming valedictorian and going off to Harvard Medical school. The apple of my parents eyes. I was the mistake. My mother told me so once, although she'll deny it now.
So I had my hair done and my face made up and looked nothing like myself. Madison, who was my maid of honour, helped me get dressed. I stared in the mirror at the girl in the poofy white dress and broke down. She patted my back and told me it was all okay, just pre-wedding jitters is all. She had been married for nearly a year then and told me she had felt the same way. I knew she hadn't, she actually loved her husband. She touched up my makeup and then it was showtime, because in the end that was all this was, a show.
My walk down the aisle seemed to go on for an eternity. I tried not to look at anyone just focused on one step at a time. My father had dies when I was thirteen and I refused to let my step father give me away, we didn't get along.
Finally I reached Chris who looked as nervous as I felt but smiled all the same. I stood facing Chris as the minister said things I barely paid attention to. I had to lock my knees together because they were too shaky and I stumbled over all my words. I resisted the urge to run away and was hoping that when the part came that asks if anyone objects someone would. But it was too much to hope for, no knight in shining armour came to my rescue and when Chris placed the ring on my shaking finger I knew the deed was done. I felt sick.
The dreaded words, “I now pronounce you man and wife, kiss your bride,” came and I barely remember kissing him, my lips felt like sandpaper.

Why had I married him, no justifiable reason, really. A marriage of convenience for both of us.