Falling

After Maddie left I took a very long shower and wept. I let the water wash away everything. I wish it were easy for me to talk about my problems, especially with Madison but I just couldn't bring myself to do so.
I dragged myself to bed and fell into a restless sleep. I felt him slip into bed next to me sometime in the night. His hand came to drape over my midsection. He snuggled up to me, something her rarely did. He must be drunk or something, I thought.
I tried to move away, not in no mood to cuddle, but his arm only tightened and felt as heavy as a log. I was wide awake now.
“Dylan? You woke?”
“What do you think?”
He laughed out loud, “Hi baby.”
His lips found my ear and I felt his tongue lick my earlobe. I took a deep breath.
“Chris, please I'm trying to sleep.”
His hand moved down between my legs. I tried to push him away but he was stronger.
“I love you.” He said sadly. I knew he admitted defeat when he rolled over to his side of the bed. But I was still afraid he would try something.
“Don't you love me Dill?” He asked, his back to me. I didn't say a thing.
I didn't find sleep until I was sure he was asleep. I heard his deep snores and found myself slipping into slumber.
I didn't dream which was good. I don't like my dreams lately, anyway.

The next morning I found Chris in the kitchen cooking breakfast.
“Hey baby.” He said as I came into the room.
I stared at him in disbelief.
He gestured for me to sit down. I sat at the island.
“What's all this then?”
“Things have been rough for us. I know I'm not here as much as I should be. I know we have our problems but I want you to know that I'm willing to work on this if you are.”
I couldn't find anything to say as he came over and planted a kiss on my lips. We hadn't kissed in along time. His lips were warm and soft but i felt no emotion as they touched mine. He touched my cheek before going back to flip the pancakes. I ate like a bird, only picking at the food. I knew I had been losing weight, I had no real appetite. But I tried to down some of it, just so I wouldn't get sick, or too much smaller.
“You're mom will be over later.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to run a few errands.”
“I don't need a baby sitter.”
“Oh really?” He chuckled humorlessly. “Where did you runoff to last night?”
“I could ask the same of you.”
“Seriously Dill.”
“I needed to clear my head. And you?”
“I was looking for you.”
“Yeah right.”
“Seriously. That's why I had Madison come over in case you came back.
“Ugh huh.”
“You don't have to believe me.” He stood up and went over to the sink, dropping his plate in.
I got up before he could say another word and left the room.
Mom was annoying as usual. I tried to ignore her as best as I could as I cleaned the house.
She scolded me about running out yesterday and then went on and on about something Henry, my stepfather had said and done yesterday. She got pissed when she realized I hadn't been listening. Chris returned about five o'clock, I was glad when she left.
I debated whether or not to go back to that diner. I was sure I knew the way and I really thought it might take my mind off of my problems. Being here made me I feet like I was living in a fish bowl. At least there I felt like a normal human being, they didn't know my problems.
So at six I decide I would go.
“Leaving again?”
“I'm going to see Maddie.”
“Really, Dylan?”
“Yes really, Christoper.”
I went to grab my keys but they weren't there in their usual spot. I looked in my purse, in the kitchen before I looked to Chris.
“Give me my keys.”
“Not until you tell me where you're headed.”
“I told you, call Maddie you'll see.”
He picked up the phone while I tried to figure out where he hid my keys.
“Hey Madd.” He said into the phone. “Is Dill coming to see you?..... Oh really? Okay..... Alright.... Bye.”
“Well?” I stood in the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed.
He reached on top of the cabinet and handed me my keys. “She said don't forget her CD.”
I snatched the keys. “I'm not you're child, you had no right to do that.”
“But I am your husband and given you're current state...”
“My current state?”
“Yes, you're current state, you really shouldn't be going anywhere alone.”
“And I repeat I am not a child. And just because we're married it doesn't mean you own me.”
I left in a hurry, I felt like I was in prison with Chris. I only told Madison I was coming over but I had no intention of doing so.

As I drove the sun was setting, making rays that danced across the horizon. The diner's name, which I hadn't notice last night, was Frenchie's. There weren't many people there but Aiden already was seated at a booth. Lost in his book, he didn't see me until I got close.
“So you showed up after all.”
“Well yeah, I had to give you this anyway.” I handed him five bucks I owed him which he handed right back.
“Keep it.” He smile a crocked smile.
I sat down across from him. “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He had another book, 'Mocking bird' it was called. He took off his glasses and placed them on the table. His green eyes held a hint of a smile.
“Ready to try that doubledecker?”
“Yeah.” I said with a smile.
We ordered us doubledeckers, steak fries, sodas and milkshakes. We chatted a bit about idle things while we ate and by the end I was stuffed, I hadn't even noticed my hunger until I began chowing down. It had been like he said it would be, very delicious.
“So what do you do?” Aiden asked me.
“I'm a receptionist at a law firm.”
“Wow.”
“It's no big deal, I answer phones and shit like that.”
I liked my job but it wasn't fulfilling. I was supposed to study music but got married instead and let my dreams, passion and ambition die, or at least go into a deep coma.
“How about you?”
“I'm an artist. I draw, paint, sculpt, do photography. All of which my mother says is a waste of time.”
“Sounds like my mom.”
“Really, they should get together then.” He laughed a little. “Why do you look so sad?”
“Do I?”
“Yeah.”
“It's nothing.” I tried not to let my emotions slip.
He gave me an apologetic look. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-”
I cut him off, “No it's okay.”
I looked down at my plate then, unable to meet his eye. We grew silent. I didn't know my face had been giving me away. I assumed I smiled enough, I laughed enough but no he noticed something was off. Great.
“Is your book good?” I asked Aiden as I ate the last of my fries.
He smiled and held it up, “Yeah.”
“What happened to the one you had last night?”
“Paradise Lost? Oh I've read it before. I was only going through it again.”
“It's about the Garden of Eden right?”
“Yup, and Satan and Adam and Eve. What's not to like?”
“And what about that one?” I motioned with my hand to indicate I was talking about the book he was reading now.
“Well it's set in twenty fifth century New York. We as a people are rundown. We're illiterate, can't read, don't have any desire to learn. There are these androids who look like humans and sort of rule over us, the incompetent humans. Oh and infertility is high, there are no more people having children. The end of man seems like a real possibility.”
“Well isn't that cheery?”
He chuckled. “Well it isn't that far fetched. At this rate, we might become a drugged, illiterate race. Look at it this way, most people don't care about education or learning. They are caught up in reality T.V. and consumerism.”
“That's true. That's why China's beating us at everything. We don't value the fundamentals.”
We talked about this world's possible decline for a long time. It grew darker out side and before we knew it, it was eleven and the diner was closing up. We walked out to the parking lot, still talking.
“Well Dylan, I guess I'll be seeing you.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Oh. Hold on.” He went to his car and when he returned he had a book. He handed it to me, 'Paradise Lost.' “I thought you might like to read it. Like I said I've read it twice before, the subject fascinates me. Just return it when you're done.”
“I don't know when I'll come back.”
“That's okay. I know you will be one day. The foods too good to stay away.
“I've read it twice before, the subject fascinates me. Just return it when you're done.”
“Thanks.” I gave him a half smile and tucked the book in my purse. “I better go.”
“Oh, here.” He handed my a folded piece of paper. “Night, Dylan.” He walked away.
I opened the paper, his phone number. “Goodnight, Aiden.” I whispered.

“Where were you?” Chris's voice sounded somewhere in the dark.
Shit. Busted. He flipped on the hallway light and came closer.
“You said you were going to Madison's.”
“I did.”
“Madison said you never showed. It's damn near midnight. Where have you been? You forgot your phone. You could have been anywhere.”
“I had a change of plans.”
“Dylan.” Chris began raising his voice, “Why do you insist on lying. God is it that hard to be honest?”
You have no idea, I thought to myself as I walked past him and began going up the stairs. Chris grabbed my arm tightly and swung me around to face him.
“Will you talk to me? Or at least acknowledge my existence.”
He softened his voice and his grip on my arm loosened but he still held on.
“I went and had a bite to eat. Is that a crime?”
“No. But you have a habit of running away as of late.”
“Let me go.”
“No.” One of his hands left my arm and came to rest on my hip. His eyes grew soft and he smiled. “I want to know what happened.”
“Not now. I'm tired.”
“Fine.” He let me go, anger seeping into his tone again. “But tomorrow we will.”
I gave him a blank stare then turned and walked up the stairs.