Falling

He bought me flowers on Saturday while he was out, rose. I didn't really like rose, I had told him lilies and orchids were my favourite but he never remembered. Sometime in the middle of the night Chris had slipped my wedding ring back on my finger. I hadn't removed it yet. He made me breakfast, was being polite the perfect gentleman. I wasn't sure why but I just let him do all of these nice things today even though I knew it was wrong. It felt false. It was false.
We smiled and acted polite, but I knew he was biding his time, waiting for the right moment to ask a few things, I knew it.

Chris saw me reading 'Paradise Lost' but didn't comment. I gave him a few smiles, some affectionate touches and planted a few kisses on my husband's lips, but he didn't seem to notice the lifelessness of my eyes. Was that a good or bad thing?
I was only a fraction through the massive twelve part poem which made up the book. But it intrigued me so much so that I haven't really put it down since Saturday morning, it was Sunday morning now. Nearly two weeks since my suicide attempt.
I was going back to work at the end of the week, scary thought. But my mind was some place else. Somewhere it shouldn't be. Aiden.
I still hadn't seen him but I wanted to go back to the diner. Badly.
His face popped into my head the last time Chris kissed me. Not good. Not good at all.
Was it cheating if you fantasized about another man whilst kissing your husband? Maybe.

Chris was at work until late tonight, or so he said but it wasn't uncommon for him to work Sundays. I had made up my mind and went back to Frenchie's. I felt nervous as I pulled up. I didn't see Aiden's car, I hadn't really expected to though. I got out of the car after ten minutes of procrastination. It was late afternoon and nearly all the tables were filled up. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a bowl of soup. My appetite hasn't been too good as of late. I slowly at my veggie soup and sipped on my diet coke as I continued my reading of 'Paradise Lost.” I ordered a slice of apple pie, just so I could sit here longer. I picked at it, absorbed in the word on the page.
“That's a great book.” A voice said to my left. I looked up to see the smiling face of Aiden. His dark wavy hair fell in his eyes as he sat down next to me.
“Hi.” I said shyly.
“Didn't think I would ever see you again.”
“I wasn't sure if I was ever coming back.”
He leaned close to me and whispered. “It was the burger wasn't it?”
I laughed. “Yeah that's it.”
“So? What do you think?” He asked about the book.
“It's great. At first I thought I wouldn't be able to read it at all, the way it's written. I thought this is way over my head, but you know what? It reeled me in, in the end.”
“It was the same way for me. I felt so dumb, like how am I supposed to decipher all of this? But yeah it's not light reading.” His green eyes lit up as he talked, I found myself becoming more relaxed as he spoke. He had a nice voice not to nasally, not to high pitched. A bit deep, a little, it fit him well. I got milkshake, and Adian ordered his dinner.
“So you come here everyday?”
“Not everyday. Five times a week at the most.”
“That's a lot.”
“Not for me.”
“You said you were an artist, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Is there even an art scene here?”
“Sort of, not a lot of competition. But I like it here, it's my home. Maybe one day I'll venture out and live somewhere else but for now this is it.”
I gave him a smile, albeit small. He returned the gesture. I didn't mind the silence that fell between us after that. He ate and I finished my milkshake. It grew darker outside and the street lights came on.

Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday I went and saw Aiden. I had told Chris I was going to run a few errands, get groceries that sort of thing, which wasn't a lie I just didn't tell him where else I was going. I couldn't say I'm going to this diner to see this guy. Yeah that would go over well. I felt more bad for lying to Aiden than Chris, he had lied about his sexual escapades before. I tucked my ring in my pocket for safe keeping every time. I know, I know, not a good sign.
I began to learn a few thing about Aiden. He had two sisters and I told him about Maddie. We talked a bit about our hobbies, our passions, our lives. He had just turned twenty four, was single, and had a puppy named Ringo. He played guitar, so did I. We had similar taste in music. Those were the only small details about myself I reveled. My marriage never came up. I knew it was wrong not to but I just couldn't say, “Hey I'm married too.” Well I could have but I was scared. Aiden felt like the first friend I had ever had, I felt good around him I didn't have to pretend.
Well I almost didn't have to pretend.

When I came in the house Wednesday evening, 'Paradise Lost' tucked under my arm I noticed the smell first. Scented candles? I walked further in, putting my purse and the book away. I headed upstairs, there were rose petals covering the stairs. I held onto the railing tight. Oh no. I stopped myself before I could run out the door again. I took my steps slowly and then the bedroom came into view. There were candles lit all over the room and Chris stood there, a red rose in hand, wearing nothing but a black silk robe.
“What took you so long?” He asked.
“Traffic.” I said as I continued scanning the room. He had chocolates on the bed. What the fuck? “Chris.... what's going on?” I asked, not meeting his eye.
“Where's your ring?” He asked.
“In my pocket.”
“Why?” He raised is voice.
“Because it keeps falling off.” I told him truthfully, well a half truth anyway. I took it out of my jeans pocket and placed it on the nightstand. “What's all this Chris?”
“Can't a husband be romantic without getting the third degree?”
I took a deep breath then released it. “I wasn't giving you the third degree Christopher.”
“Yeah. Sure.” I picked up the box of assorted chocolates and opened it. He walked over to me and kissed me before I could object. I pushed him back a little.
“I really don't feel like making out.” I blurted out.
“You never feel like doing anything, Dylan.” He walked away from me, “Why do I even bother? You know plenty of woman would kill to be in your place.” Here we go again.
“Yeah, yeah.” I waved my hand dismissively. “So you keep tell me.”
“Seriously Dylan. You don't appreciate a goddamn thing.”
“Yes I do.”
“You don't appreciate me.”
“Well it goes both ways now don't it.”
“So you admit it then.”
“Chris you're giving me a headache.”
“Good. Good Dylan.” I stared walking towards the bathroom. “Oh no you don't,” He reached out and grabbed my arm. “we're going to talk, no running away form me. Give me the respect I deserve.” As he said those words the sleeve of his rob had caught fire by one of those stupid candles.
“Chris!” I shrieked.
“No Dylan.”
“Your arm.” I screamed as I tried pushed him away. He saw the flame and disrobed, throwing it onto the ground and stomping on it until the flames were out.
He held up the smoking robe and my laughter burst through the air. I threw my hand over my mouth but I couldn't stop laughing. I knew it was wrong to laugh but I couldn't help myself. I hadn't truly laughed in aged.
Chris gave me a sour look. He loved the ridiculous robe, it was damaged now.
“Shut up!”
“Good riddance.” I said as I caught my breath and my laughter calmed down “It never looked good on you anyway.”
I blew out the candle tat had caused the blaze and walked in the direction of the bathroom, I looked at the robe one more time and laughed again.
“Bitch.” Chris said as I shut the door.