My Heart Beats for the Monster in Disguise

Everyday of the week, I struggled in that doujo and cleaned the floor afterwards with Master Tengu constantly pushing me to the ground. He wants to make me quit but I won’t. I haven’t even cried because I know that’s what he wants. Next week will be the evaluations following the weekend. Just one fight determines if you make it or not. He made sure I would go up against him to knock me out early.

Today he didn’t torment me. He sat on the back steps looking into the small pond. I was finished and was ready to leave but he didn’t notice me behind him.

“Master Tengu, I finished.”

“Sit down, Hanabi.”

I am so tired of staying late. I dropped my bag and sat down on the steps. So he is brooding, what’s that got to do with me?

“You have a weekend to rest; I won’t take that from you. But why haven’t you quit? Why is it so important for you to stay here?”

“To get stronger,” I said simply.

“Your skill is not from a person that has only been here a month. Where was your previous
training?”

“My father was a martial artist. My mom didn’t want anyone to follow in his footsteps so he taught me without her knowledge. He died years ago and I stopped practicing all together. But then moving to this city, I wanted to protect myself. It’s a selfish reason but I am here only to protect me, cause no one else will.”

“You’re not doing this for your father?”

“No, not at all. I am making my own footsteps, not following his. And my mom doesn’t know I am here. It would hurt her too much.”

“Where does she think you are every night?”

“Tutoring.”

It’s weird to have him inquire about me. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t able to break me. After all the punishment he wants to get to know the boy behind the bruises.

“Come Monday, I won’t go easy on you,” he said.

“I don’t want you to. How ‘bout a preview?”

“You wanna fight me?”

“Yep, if I can land one punch on you then I win.”

“Fine with me.”

Last time I backed down but the only way I will be sure of myself on Monday is if I can at least stand up to him. I went inside to the training floor. I have experienced his cruelty so I think I can do this.

He joined me and took of his shirt; it’s a major distraction. Those are the arms that should hold a girl, not pummel her. But he doesn’t know that. He smiled at me this time; he didn’t take my challenge as disrespect.

“So hitting you in the face will alert your mother to what you’re up to.”

“Don’t worry about it, fight like you normally would.”

He took his first punch at my face but I dodged it this time. He is right though. Getting hit in the face would just alert her. But his punches kept coming at every part of my body. I am faster than him I see. I am no good if I emulate his manly stance, I have to do it my way. I switched my stance to where I was lighter on my feet; just one foot on the ground at all times while the other is empty; it’s a dancing pose I use. As soon as I changed I landed a kick to his head and followed up with a punch to his stomach.

I paused thinking he would congratulate me. I wanted to jump up and down but held myself back.

“You actually did it,” he said.

He pushed me towards the wall and slammed me hard with his hands framing me. I am out of breath. The fight isn’t over I take it.

“What is it about you that allows you to best me?”

“A fight isn’t about you beating the other while they don’t land a punch on you. You’ve gotten spoiled and you think you’re unbeatable. Perhaps you are but that ego of yours is bruised easily-”

“Shut up!”

He is right. I am in no position to talk. He hasn’t released me yet.

“Let’s go eat,” he said putting his hands down.

“I wanna head home.”

“Why are you talking back to me? Get in the damn car!”

I did bruise him. He doesn’t know how to handle it. The only reason I hit him was because I was faster. His strength is overwhelming but a more nimble opponent can easily land a few strikes. Not anything to defeat him though.

I grabbed my bag and met him at his car. I don’t know why he gets fast food; it’s not good for the body. Inside the car he was angry.

“Why are you upset?”

“Stop talking.”

He pushed my head against the window.

“Stop acting like a damn baby!”

He raised his hand again but I caught it before he could strike me.

“I was able to strike you cause you’re so damn full of yourself.”

I released his hand. Seemed like he was pouting the whole time but that was just what I
wanted to see. The car stopped and he got out adruptly.

“Let’s eat, Hanabi,” he called.

I stepped out. It’s The Red Tea House. This is where Nozomi works! He is definitely
working tonight.

“Um, do we have to eat here?”

He pushed me inside. Nozomi is a chef so he shouldn’t see me out here. Master Tengu
dragged me all the way to a lone table. He is upset with me but he is still willing to feed
me.

“How dare you speak to me like you did? I am still your master.”

“Yes, I know. I am sorry. And I am sorry I beat you and made you act like a baby.”

“You didn’t beat me. You landed two hits on me.”

“The rule to win was that I would land one. I will beat you Monday.”

“You won’t live to see Monday.”

“Stop the tough guy act! I know your weakness now.”

“What?”

“I am faster than you. Although I don’t got the strength to beat you, if I land enough punches you will defeat yourself in this agony you feel. You’re not the best Master Tengu, you’re delusional.”

“Can I help you two?” the waitress came by.

“I will have the lasagna please. I am a growing boy,” I chirped

“Same,” Master said. “And bring me a strong drink.”

“And would you like one too?”

“I don’t drink. No, thank you,” I told her.

“Yes, you’re still a boy in a lot of ways.”

She left snickering. He’s not done mocking me, huh.

“I don’t need to do that stuff to be manly. Some guys aren’t like that.”

“Some guys act like girls too, I suppose that’s normal.”

“Enough with that! If you keep calling me a girl then a girl just beat your ass. How does that make you feel?”

A waitress stopped in front of us beckoning us to keep it down. I didn’t realize we were
yelling. Now isn’t the time to gain unwanted attention; I don’t want to alert Nozomi.

“I should dispose of you now,” he said.

“Like you could.”

I am only acting like this cause of the pain of all that torture. I can’t speak to a master this
way or no doujo would want me. I need to calm down a bit.

When the lasagna came it turned into an unannounced eating contest. But the drinking
worried me. He can’t drive like that.

“How can you get me home if you’re drinking?”

“By buddy, Nozomi gets off soon. He will drive. He lives on Bella Street too.”

He knows Nozomi! I gotta get out of here and get home. I stuffed some bread in my bag for
later and jumped out the booth.

“Xiao Hanabi,” he called.

“Thank you for the dinner, Master Tengu.”

I was about to leave but the waiter pointed out the dessert cart. No time, it will just slow me
down. I started running home. I gotta get home and get changed. I can’t be in a car with
Nozomi.

He has been mild and only uses me to make his bed in the morning but things will get
worse if he learns more about my lying. The restaurant wasn’t far from our house. I ran
home and untied my hair and chest along the way. Mom was in the kitchen putting dinner
away.

“It’s so sad that I cook and have no one to eat it with. My husband is away and you are
always late.”

“Sorry, I am gonna shower and sleep. I will eat later.”

“Okay, I hope you’re making progress at that school.”

“I am,” I called back from the hallway.

I was safe in my room. As far as Nozomi knows, I have been here long before him. I gladly
took off the baggy clothes and put on my robe. Mom hasn’t commented too much about
how I dress. She thinks it’s an exercise about not relying on looks to get a man. I prefer the
dresses though, I don’t wanna feel like Xiao Hanabi all the time; his life is too complicated.
This weekend I will just be Misao.

* * *

“Misao, wake up. I want us all to eat Saturday’s breakfast together.”

I owe it to her, I suppose. I was catching up on my homework but I prefer not to do it. The
doujo is all I think about, not school. I wanna be a fighter but, I can’t be Xiao Hanabi forever.
But if I compete with the women, mom will definitely know and be upset with me.

At the kitchen table I sat next to Nozomi.

“I am so glad to have Nozomi’s old friend eat with us.”

I opened my eyes and stopped playing with the napkin. Across from me was Li Tengu,
smiling. Can he recognize me? I have to distinguish myself quickly.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t notice you there. I am Misao Kanami.”

I stood up and bowed to him. I hate doing this but I gotta sell that I am a girl both with
attitude and body. He got a full view of cleavage until Nozomi pulled me down.

“I am Li Tengu. Nice to meet you Miss Kanami.”

“Call her Misao,” Nozomi told him. “It’s not like she is a lady or anything.”

“I am too a lady.”

“Then show us something you learned in Charm School.”

So he wants to make me stumble for answers. He knows I don’t go there. But this is a way to prove myself to mom and Master Tengu.

“Yes, I would like to know what you have been learning. It’s been a month and you go 5 days a week, show us something,” mom said.

She put pancakes in front of us and sat down attentively. What do those girls learn in Charm School? I should have researched this.

“Being polite is a big thing. That is why I introduced myself to Nozomi’s friend. Before
Charm School, I wouldn’t have done that.”

“Yes, that is true. I am glad you’re learning. When Fuu Jin comes back, he would love to
know his money was well spent.”

Crisis avoided. I started eating as well mannered as I could. I tap the napkin often to my
mouth and I saw Master Tengu smile at me. He seems so pleasant when he isn’t
screaming at me.

“Li, if you’re not busy, I would love for you to stay for lunch,” mom said.

“No, I am not busy. I would love to stay.”

“Don’t you have work?” I asked.

“Not today. You don’t mind me staying, do you Misao?”

“Oh no, stay all you want. You just look like a man with an important job.”

“Yes, you strike me as that kind of man too,” mom said. “What kind of work do you do?”

“I am temporary master in a doujo and I work under my father at his company.”

“A martial artist! That is wonderful. Is it a passion or hobby?”

“Second nature mostly.”

“My first husband was a-”

“Plumber!” I interrupted. “He was a very talented plumber.”

He already knows Xiao’s dad was a martial artist. I don’t want any over lapping stories.

“Yes, he was a plumber too. But he was also-”

“I miss my daddy. It’s just too soon to speak of him.”

I touched the napkin to my eyes.

“Oh, dear I apologize,” she said. “Perhaps it is too soon.”

She touched my shoulders to calm me.

“Would you like some whip cream for your pancakes?”

“Yes, please.”

Nozomi gave me a quizzical look but I ignored him. Master Tengu kept smiling at me.

“It’s rough to lose a father. My condolences,” he said.

“Thank you.”

“He died 5 years ago,” Nozomi casually added.

“Nozomi, please!” mom scolded. “It is very tough for her.”

“How mean a man you are, brother,” I whined

She scooped cream for me and gave him a hateful expression. I have gotten over my
father’s death but no one knows that.

“This really has developed into an interesting family since the last time I was here,” Master
said.

“Oh, Misao, can you help me with the gardening after breakfast?” mom asked.

“Sure.”

“And Nozomi, would you mind grilling today?”

“Sure.”

“I miss the family gatherings.”

So I guess Master Tengu will be staying. I just can’t slip up and call him Master. To me, he
is simply Nozomi’s friend. A man I know nothing about. A man that keeps smiling at me. If
he does know I’m Xiao, then it’ll come out when we’re alone.

“And how is school?” she asked me.

“I’m passing.”

“My Misao use to be so smart in school. She used to excel, not just pass. But she seems
distracted. Boys, maybe?”

“No.”

“She’s just a moron,” Nozomi said.

It’s not that either. I just don’t care about excelling so much. There is no one there to
congratulate me like dad did.

“Don’t be so mean to her,” mom said. “But, dear, have you thought of a career?”

“No, not at all.”

What’s with the pressure now? But I know I can’t live off fighting. Master Tengu can cause
he works for a crime organization. I don’t believe in that. I don’t fight for reasons like that.

“I wouldn’t rush it,” Master said. “Nozomi didn’t pick a career until after he graduated. It was

unexpected. I’m sure Misao can do anything.”

That was a nice thing for him to say.

“And what about you?” I asked him.

“Well, I was expected to follow my father. I had no choice. Luckily you do have a choice.”

“It would be simpler if I didn’t.”

“Be thankful that you do.”

So I take it he’s unhappy. Maybe he doesn’t want to be a bad guy. Then why so mean-well he’s not mean now. We finished breakfast and I had to catch up on chores before I helped mom outside. I made Nozomi’s bed and washed dishes. Master Tengu’s words are the kindest I’ve heard lately.

“Misao.”

I turned around from the sink. He stood there staring at me, tall and somber. I turned back
around to avoid his face. I don’t want him examining my face too much.

“I hope I wasn’t too forward with you,” he said.

“No, you weren’t. I was just thinking...lately…I haven’t heard such kind words. I have been
hearing what I can’t do but you….”

I think I am tearing up. I touched my sleeve to my face. Why cry now? He punished me so
harshly and I didn’t cry but his nice words make me teary. He has given me so much
encouragement. Encouragement to will against him and pass evaluations and now he
says, “Misao can do anything.”

“You don’t even know me and you still say “Misao can do anything” when everyone else
thinks less of me.”

“I am sure you can do anything.”

He held a napkin to my face. He tapped it along my face as I looked into the pool of soapy
water.

“Probably you’re not use to someone believing in you.”

But why him? I pushed his hand away and continued washing. I could feel his hand sit on
top of my head as he walked away.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome, Misao.”

Outside I planted flowers with mom. She makes me help her sometimes. Her gardening
increased since she married Fuu Jin cause he is never around. Nozomi was cleaning the
grill and Master was on the deck above us. I think differently about him now; I don’t hate
him. He’s been so pleasant to me, at least since he has met the real me. And at the doujo,
he seems more concerned with me than the others. He doesn’t make anyone else stay
late.

“Do you do any dancing at your charm school?” mom asked me.

“No.”

“Do you still practice?”

“In private.”

“Oh, you were such a graceful dancer. You had such balance and you were so light on your
feet and nimble. That might help you get a man.”

“How exactly?”

“Put some of that grace in your attitude.”

“I am not changing for a man.”

“Don’t be surprised.”

“Why should I change? It wouldn’t help anything. It wouldn’t be the real me that he likes.”

“If you don’t have a career, marriage is the only option so you can take care of yourself.”

That may be ideal for her but not me. Dancing is just to give me an edge in fighting. For her
to suggest that I change to marry some well-to-do guy is just not right for me. Men wouldn’t
respect a woman like that. But that is her life so I dare not insult my own mother.

She married my dad when she was marrying age and bore a child to keep him. And since
dad died she grieved but went back to men so she could take care of us. That was sick to
watch.

“Do you love Fuu Jin?” I asked her.

“I do. Not at first but when he married me and invited me here, I decided to love him.”

“Decided?”

“Yes, I decided it would be easier to love him.”

“You can’t decide love, it just happens.”

“Love is a tool to get the people you want. Of course I did a few things to get here that were
not so honest but now that I am secure, I can fall in love with him. I know he can provide for
me-for us.”

“I don’t want it to work that way for me.”

I wonder if she loved my father at all. I know he loved her. I bet she is trying to have a child
with Fuu Jin to cement it all. But he is old so I don’t know how successful that would be.

“Are you trying to have a baby with Fuu Jin?” I asked.

“He is unable. He is sterile. But he loves me so he will stay.”

I stood up with the flower in my hand. I use to admire my mother. I thought she was
feminine and a good wife to Fuu Jin and my dad but, it’s a survival technique.

“Something wrong, dear-oh do you like that one. Go plant it inside so we can have a
centerpiece for the table.”

“Alright,” I said blankly.

I am disappointed in her. But I am right in my quest to get strong. Then I won’t be
manipulative like my mother. I will be able to care for myself. But being a good fighter does not make for a good career, especially if I have to be Xiao Hanabi all the time.

I potted the one flower in a cup in the kitchen and spruced it up to distract myself. Besides fighting, I don’t know what I could do. And if I don’t pass evaluations then I can’t get any better. Master Tengu might recommend me to a new doujo but that would be too nice of him.

“Misao.”

I turned around and saw him, my Master. He is nice to me as a girl, but if he found out I was
Xiao Hanabi he would release his rage on me.

“Did you want something to drink, Mr. Tengu?”

“No…you are upset by what your mom said.”

“It’s a mockery of love, something we are all trying to find. So my dad thought he found true love but it was only her game. Who wants to be played around like that?”

“It’s not my place to judge your mother but you shouldn’t let her actions stop you from
believing in love.”

That’s unbelievably sweet of him to say.

“What if I wasn’t created out of love? What if I was just some anchor baby?”

“That won’t stop someone from loving you and creating your own…child out of love. You are
here, and you are your own person, make the most of it.”

I didn’t mean to be so touched by his words but his kindness continues to keep me off
guard.

“Regardless of why you were created, I am glad you are here. You make me smile-”

“Stop it! Why be so kind to me?”

“Sorry, I suppose that was a bit forward. I should go join Nozomi and help cook.”

“No….I mean….you don’t strike me as such a nice person.”

He held his back to me. I hope I didn’t let on that I am the one he’s been pummeling the
past week.

“You’re right, I am not,” he said. “But, I like you.”

“Like me?”

“Saying that means I have to stay away from you. So…I will enjoy this day with you and I
hope you might enjoy it too but it will be all for us.”

“Are you dying?”

He chuckled. In his line of work, whatever that may be, he could be dying.

“No, I just means….sometimes the closest things to you have a tendency to be taken away
so it’s best to keep what’s really precious as far away as possible,” he told me.

“In your life I suppose it’s like that but to me, in order to stay happy, you should keep what’s
precious to you and what makes you smile as close as possible.”

I hope that wasn’t a come on. He turned back to me and I put my head down to avoid his
eyes. I was the one being forward now.

“I suppose it’s just in my life…a sad life.”

“Cause you’re not living it like you want that’s all.”

I picked up the flower and walked it over to him. If he isn’t so sad and angry all the time he
might take it easier on me. I walked the mug with the flower over to him and put it on the
table.

“I want you to take this when you leave. It might perk you up some.”

“Thanks.”

“If Misao can do anything then so can Mr. Tengu, including being happy.”

He stared at me and I figured I said something wrong. Perhaps I was too cute to be believable. I was startled when he softly brushed my hand and then grabbed it gently. I was fixated on his action.

“Li!” Nozomi called.

He immediately took his hand away.

“I’m coming,” he called back.

He stared at me leaning his face down and moving the hair from my face. His hands were
so soft and kind unlike when he punched me with them.

“I can’t see you anymore; I have a tendency to trample flowers,” he whispered.

I am not sure what happened just now but it felt deep. It was Misao and him, and I feel so
much attraction for him. All his cruelty towards me disappeared. But I guess he is saying we can’t be friends cause I will just get hurt. Xiao can still be near him but it wouldn’t be the same.

“You’re not being fair to either of us,” I said as he was at the back door. “I like talking to you.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“Let me.”

“Don’t be such a kid.”

A kid? That is the worse thing he could have said. Fine, I won’t be his friend. He went back
to the back yard and I stormed off to my room wanting to be away from him. I intended to
have him in my control but he ended up having control again. I can’t stand him.