For My Boyfriend's Eyes Only
021.
Jon's POV
"So I'll see you in two weeks and see how you're doing, if that's no problem."
"Um..yeah..sure. Thanks a lot doctor."
"Don't mention it."
I smiled rising from my chair and going over to my patient who was sat hugging their knees in the armchair opposite my desk. Slowly, they stretched out their legs into the normal position and looked around the room, their eyes flicking between me and the walls. I pressed my lips together in a hard line, I knew this patient in particular was difficult to give instructions to without hurting their feelings, or making them feel stupid.
"Um...is it okay for me to leave?" they stuttered.
"Yes, of course." I smiled, gesturing towards the door to my right.
They nodded a couple of times before giving a shaky smile and getting to their feet. Still glancing nervously around the room, they walked over to my desk and took the slip of white paper I'd handed to them.
"So...I just give this to the nurse, right?"
"Yes. They'll give you the medication and you'll be able to go home."
"Okay...thanks."
"No problem."
They disappeared out of the room and I let out a sigh of relief as I sat back down at my desk. Finally, I could have some time to myself without thinking about how to get into people's minds without hurting their feelings. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, I like helping people over come their issues and save lives in a sense, but occasionally there'll be a day when I just want to ignore them all.
I shook my head, removing the cap from my pen and beginning to fill in the form in the folder that sat in front of me.
Matthieu Devine, or Mat as he preferred me to call him. He was a nice enough guy and pretty intelligent from the sound of things. The only problem was...well, the only problems were that he was prone to long periods of time were he would be severely depressed and nothing could help him besides the medication I was providing. Plus, he was overcoming an obsessive compulsive disorder, where he would have to count to three in his head before answering a question and tap on a surface three times every three minutes.
Personally, I couldn't understand it but it seems he did the counting in his head because he used to have anger issues and this helped him calm down.
After I'd filled in the form and felt sorry for him even more, I wandered over to the filing cabinet and slid the folder back into the correct place, with the group of patients who had been admitted to the hospital downtown and had since been discharged.
It occurred to me then, that Frank's file was in here somewhere. I quickly skimmed through the files under "I" until I came to it. There wasn't a lot written in there, only because he made one visit but what it said was pretty basic.
All the facts were there, panic attacks brought on by stress, depression, sensitivity towards the subject of his deceased partner...
I closed the file and put it back inside the cabinet, not wanting to dwell on the fact that, in a way, I was helping in more ways than one to over come that last subject.
Frank and I were still keeping our relationship secret, for my sake more than his, which made me feel slightly worse about the situation. Of course I like Frank, hell, I really like him...maybe more than I should, but sometimes it feels like...I'm not sure exactly. It's almost like we're making this relationship a secret because I care about my job too much.
No. That's not the reason at all, well, maybe part of the reason, but the main reason was for everyone else's sake. I mean, how would his friends and family react if they found out that I was his psychiatrist? How bad would that look? Would they think I was just some guy to make him forget about Gerard? I knew, and Frank knew that that wasn't the case at all, but some people are just...difficult.
I sighed and went over to the window. It was only four thirty in the afternoon but regardless of this I snapped the blinds shut and walked back over to my desk, picking up my jacket off the back of the chair and slipping into it. I grabbed my keys off the desk and quickly exited my room, stepping out into the brightly lit corridor of the hospital.
Occasionally, my shoes scuffed the floor and made a squeaking noise against the green linoleum. As I turned the corner, I bumped into Kerrie, one of the trainee nurses, who was carrying a tray of surgical instruments that I happened to send flying all over the floor with a loud clatter.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." I said in one apologetic breath, quickly dropping to my knees and gathering up the silver objects.
Kerrie laughed, "It's no problem, honestly. I was miles away."
"Yeah...me too."
"Are you okay, Jon? You seem a little...nervous." she said, looking at me with concern.
My eyebrows pulled together as I looked up. "I'm fine...what makes you say that?"
"Oh, nothing..." she fiddled with the collar on her nurses uniform. "Just, oh I don't know..."
"Tell me, please." I asked politely, standing up with the various pieces of metal in my hand.
"Well, lately you seem a bit...on edge, almost. Like...you're hiding something from people, so you don't get into trouble."
I gave a strangled laugh. "I assure you, I'm not hiding anything." I held out my hand so she could take the tools I was still gripping onto. "And even if I was, it wouldn't be so terrible that I would get a telling off from Sister."
Kerrie shrugged. "I guess, only, if there is something you're not telling us and it was a problem, you would find a way to make us all understand...wouldn't you, Jon?"
I swallowed away the lump in my throat. "Yeah...yeah Kerrie, I would."
She smiled. "Okay...good, see you round."
I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched her walked away towards one of the sterilization rooms and waited until she was out of sight before carrying on through the maze of corridors and staircases. Great, now people were suspicious of me and I didn't need that as well as all my patients resting on my conscience. As I went over the conversation in my head, something I do a lot, I realized that maybe it was just a matter of time before people found out.
And that worried me greatly.
---
Later that night, I found myself on the doorstep of Frank's house, panic written all over my face as he answered the door.
"Hey...w-what's wrong?" he asked, his face twisting in confusion.
"I don't know exactly," I said, shaking my head. "I think that, maybe people know I'm hiding something from them."
"Oh...shit. Um, you'd better come in."
Frank lead me inside and I flopped down onto his sofa, running my hands through my hair. I felt Frank sink into the piece of furniture next to me and rest his hand lightly on my shoulder.
"What do you mean, people know you're hiding something?"
I sighed. "Today, as I was leaving, I bumped into Kerrie. She's a trainee nurse at the hospital and she said that she had noticed me acting differently, as if I was on edge all the time. As if I was hiding something."
Frank bit down on his lower lip as he thought. "What did you tell her?"
"That I wasn't hiding anything, obviously."
He nodded slowly. "Maybe we should...tell people about us."
My stomach flipped. "What? I mean, no. We can't Frankie...it's too soon."
"But why? I don't see the problem with it."
"Imagine how it would look. You're dating me, your psychiatrist, who just happened to help you get over the death of someone you truly loved. It would seem weird to people this soon and - "
"I don't care if it looks weird to people. I don't give two flying fucks as to what they think of our relationship."
I racked my brain for something to say in reply, but there wasn't. He was right. We shouldn't care what other people think. Then, why did it bother me so much?
Frank shuffled closer to me and took hold of my hand. "Look," he said firmly "I don't care what other people think or say or whatever, because I'm with you. And yeah, I know it might be a little weird considering the circumstances, but honestly? I don't want to think about that anymore. I want to move on...and if being with you is going to help me do that, well then...so be it."
I felt my heart melt as he spoke and a smile tug at the corner of my mouth.
"Jon," his voice sounded softer this time. I cast my eyes upwards and instantly met his, locking me in his gaze. "I really want to be with you...nothing and no one can change that."
"Frankie, I..." I sighed then smiled. "I want to be with you too."
He smiled and leaned in towards me and pressed his lips carefully to mine. My eyes closed as I felt Frank's hand gently cupping the side of my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. His tongue carefully ran along the inside of my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I gladly granted.
My hands wound their way around Frank's waist as I pulled him closer to me, so that our bodies would be pressed together. Frank's hand slid backwards along my jawline where he tangled it in my hair, tugging on it ever-so-slightly to change the angle at which we were kissing.
His other hand found it's way to my waist, where he slid it underneath the fabric of my shirt and ran his hand across my stomach. The feeling of his skin against mine made me moan slightly, which, in turn, made Frank smile against my lips.
We became more and more horizontal with each passing second, until I finally felt the soft cushioned surface of the sofa underneath me.
Just at that moment, Frank broke away from me, much to my disappointment.
"What's the matter?" I asked a little breathlessly.
"Nothing...if I told you that you were the most important thing in my life right now, would you believe me?" he asked.
I blinked a couple of times, taking in what he'd just said.
"Yeah, of course." I replied, smiling.
"Great."
Then he leaned forward and kissed the life out of me for a second time that day.
"So I'll see you in two weeks and see how you're doing, if that's no problem."
"Um..yeah..sure. Thanks a lot doctor."
"Don't mention it."
I smiled rising from my chair and going over to my patient who was sat hugging their knees in the armchair opposite my desk. Slowly, they stretched out their legs into the normal position and looked around the room, their eyes flicking between me and the walls. I pressed my lips together in a hard line, I knew this patient in particular was difficult to give instructions to without hurting their feelings, or making them feel stupid.
"Um...is it okay for me to leave?" they stuttered.
"Yes, of course." I smiled, gesturing towards the door to my right.
They nodded a couple of times before giving a shaky smile and getting to their feet. Still glancing nervously around the room, they walked over to my desk and took the slip of white paper I'd handed to them.
"So...I just give this to the nurse, right?"
"Yes. They'll give you the medication and you'll be able to go home."
"Okay...thanks."
"No problem."
They disappeared out of the room and I let out a sigh of relief as I sat back down at my desk. Finally, I could have some time to myself without thinking about how to get into people's minds without hurting their feelings. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, I like helping people over come their issues and save lives in a sense, but occasionally there'll be a day when I just want to ignore them all.
I shook my head, removing the cap from my pen and beginning to fill in the form in the folder that sat in front of me.
Matthieu Devine, or Mat as he preferred me to call him. He was a nice enough guy and pretty intelligent from the sound of things. The only problem was...well, the only problems were that he was prone to long periods of time were he would be severely depressed and nothing could help him besides the medication I was providing. Plus, he was overcoming an obsessive compulsive disorder, where he would have to count to three in his head before answering a question and tap on a surface three times every three minutes.
Personally, I couldn't understand it but it seems he did the counting in his head because he used to have anger issues and this helped him calm down.
After I'd filled in the form and felt sorry for him even more, I wandered over to the filing cabinet and slid the folder back into the correct place, with the group of patients who had been admitted to the hospital downtown and had since been discharged.
It occurred to me then, that Frank's file was in here somewhere. I quickly skimmed through the files under "I" until I came to it. There wasn't a lot written in there, only because he made one visit but what it said was pretty basic.
All the facts were there, panic attacks brought on by stress, depression, sensitivity towards the subject of his deceased partner...
I closed the file and put it back inside the cabinet, not wanting to dwell on the fact that, in a way, I was helping in more ways than one to over come that last subject.
Frank and I were still keeping our relationship secret, for my sake more than his, which made me feel slightly worse about the situation. Of course I like Frank, hell, I really like him...maybe more than I should, but sometimes it feels like...I'm not sure exactly. It's almost like we're making this relationship a secret because I care about my job too much.
No. That's not the reason at all, well, maybe part of the reason, but the main reason was for everyone else's sake. I mean, how would his friends and family react if they found out that I was his psychiatrist? How bad would that look? Would they think I was just some guy to make him forget about Gerard? I knew, and Frank knew that that wasn't the case at all, but some people are just...difficult.
I sighed and went over to the window. It was only four thirty in the afternoon but regardless of this I snapped the blinds shut and walked back over to my desk, picking up my jacket off the back of the chair and slipping into it. I grabbed my keys off the desk and quickly exited my room, stepping out into the brightly lit corridor of the hospital.
Occasionally, my shoes scuffed the floor and made a squeaking noise against the green linoleum. As I turned the corner, I bumped into Kerrie, one of the trainee nurses, who was carrying a tray of surgical instruments that I happened to send flying all over the floor with a loud clatter.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." I said in one apologetic breath, quickly dropping to my knees and gathering up the silver objects.
Kerrie laughed, "It's no problem, honestly. I was miles away."
"Yeah...me too."
"Are you okay, Jon? You seem a little...nervous." she said, looking at me with concern.
My eyebrows pulled together as I looked up. "I'm fine...what makes you say that?"
"Oh, nothing..." she fiddled with the collar on her nurses uniform. "Just, oh I don't know..."
"Tell me, please." I asked politely, standing up with the various pieces of metal in my hand.
"Well, lately you seem a bit...on edge, almost. Like...you're hiding something from people, so you don't get into trouble."
I gave a strangled laugh. "I assure you, I'm not hiding anything." I held out my hand so she could take the tools I was still gripping onto. "And even if I was, it wouldn't be so terrible that I would get a telling off from Sister."
Kerrie shrugged. "I guess, only, if there is something you're not telling us and it was a problem, you would find a way to make us all understand...wouldn't you, Jon?"
I swallowed away the lump in my throat. "Yeah...yeah Kerrie, I would."
She smiled. "Okay...good, see you round."
I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched her walked away towards one of the sterilization rooms and waited until she was out of sight before carrying on through the maze of corridors and staircases. Great, now people were suspicious of me and I didn't need that as well as all my patients resting on my conscience. As I went over the conversation in my head, something I do a lot, I realized that maybe it was just a matter of time before people found out.
And that worried me greatly.
---
Later that night, I found myself on the doorstep of Frank's house, panic written all over my face as he answered the door.
"Hey...w-what's wrong?" he asked, his face twisting in confusion.
"I don't know exactly," I said, shaking my head. "I think that, maybe people know I'm hiding something from them."
"Oh...shit. Um, you'd better come in."
Frank lead me inside and I flopped down onto his sofa, running my hands through my hair. I felt Frank sink into the piece of furniture next to me and rest his hand lightly on my shoulder.
"What do you mean, people know you're hiding something?"
I sighed. "Today, as I was leaving, I bumped into Kerrie. She's a trainee nurse at the hospital and she said that she had noticed me acting differently, as if I was on edge all the time. As if I was hiding something."
Frank bit down on his lower lip as he thought. "What did you tell her?"
"That I wasn't hiding anything, obviously."
He nodded slowly. "Maybe we should...tell people about us."
My stomach flipped. "What? I mean, no. We can't Frankie...it's too soon."
"But why? I don't see the problem with it."
"Imagine how it would look. You're dating me, your psychiatrist, who just happened to help you get over the death of someone you truly loved. It would seem weird to people this soon and - "
"I don't care if it looks weird to people. I don't give two flying fucks as to what they think of our relationship."
I racked my brain for something to say in reply, but there wasn't. He was right. We shouldn't care what other people think. Then, why did it bother me so much?
Frank shuffled closer to me and took hold of my hand. "Look," he said firmly "I don't care what other people think or say or whatever, because I'm with you. And yeah, I know it might be a little weird considering the circumstances, but honestly? I don't want to think about that anymore. I want to move on...and if being with you is going to help me do that, well then...so be it."
I felt my heart melt as he spoke and a smile tug at the corner of my mouth.
"Jon," his voice sounded softer this time. I cast my eyes upwards and instantly met his, locking me in his gaze. "I really want to be with you...nothing and no one can change that."
"Frankie, I..." I sighed then smiled. "I want to be with you too."
He smiled and leaned in towards me and pressed his lips carefully to mine. My eyes closed as I felt Frank's hand gently cupping the side of my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. His tongue carefully ran along the inside of my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I gladly granted.
My hands wound their way around Frank's waist as I pulled him closer to me, so that our bodies would be pressed together. Frank's hand slid backwards along my jawline where he tangled it in my hair, tugging on it ever-so-slightly to change the angle at which we were kissing.
His other hand found it's way to my waist, where he slid it underneath the fabric of my shirt and ran his hand across my stomach. The feeling of his skin against mine made me moan slightly, which, in turn, made Frank smile against my lips.
We became more and more horizontal with each passing second, until I finally felt the soft cushioned surface of the sofa underneath me.
Just at that moment, Frank broke away from me, much to my disappointment.
"What's the matter?" I asked a little breathlessly.
"Nothing...if I told you that you were the most important thing in my life right now, would you believe me?" he asked.
I blinked a couple of times, taking in what he'd just said.
"Yeah, of course." I replied, smiling.
"Great."
Then he leaned forward and kissed the life out of me for a second time that day.
♠ ♠ ♠
This chapter was created thanks to jelly beans, midget gems and Money, Success, Fame, Glamour by Party Monster being played on a loop.And I just had to get Mat Devine in here somewhere x] And yeah, that is how he spells his name...apparently =P
I decided to write from Jon's POV for this chapter to un-block the writers block, which has successfully worked! :]
Hope you enjoyed!
And by the way, anyone that reads So Perfect, I'm going to try and get that one out of the way before I start on my vampire Frerard.
I already have the first chapter written out, but it needs some alterations. So I'll keep you updated on that. :]
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Thanks to everyone for getting me to 10 stars!!!! =D =D
xoxo