For My Boyfriend's Eyes Only
023.
My mind went blank, I couldn't process what I'd just read. There had to be a catch right? Like someone playing a stupid joke and faking the whole thing...surely that's all it was?
Of course it wasn't. I felt my stomach drop and contort unpleasantly, making that all too familiar sick feeling resurface.
I paced up and down my living room, running my hands through my hair in frustration and almost walking into the sofa every time. This wasn't right, it was stupid for someone to do that. Sighing, I grabbed my jacket off the back of the sofa, pulled a pair of shoes on and walked out of my apartment.
It took me less than fifteen minutes to run to Jon's place, when normally I would have spent the best part of half an hour walking there at a glacial pace. I felt like my lungs were about to cave in on themselves when I got there, so I sat down on the pavement outside, trying to catch my breath.
A few passers by gave me a couple of weird looks. I had no idea why, I didn't look like a hobo at all. I thought I looked pretty clean and tidy next to one of those unfortunates.
When I no longer felt like I was gonna die, I got to my feet and brushed any bits of dust and general street dirt off of me. Then I walked into the building and up the three flights of stairs to Jon's apartment.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I stood in the hallway impatiently shifting my weight from one foot to the other as I waited for him to answer the door. I guess I shouldn't have knocked so loud...oh whatever, I'm pissed.
A few seconds later, I heard a click sound from inside the apartment and the door opened.
To be honest, Jon looked a little surprised to see me.
"Frank? What are you doing here?"
"I got your message and I had to speak to you."
"Oh," he rolled his eyes in a way that meant it was obvious that I was going to ask him about it and he never realized. "Come on in."
I walked inside, giving him a quick smile. He closed the door behind me and followed me into the living room where we both sat down on the sofa.
"So, how bad's the damage." I asked quietly.
"Well," Jon sighed and scratched his jaw. "I've lost my job...that's about as bad as it gets."
I bit my lip.
"Fuck..."
"Fuck doesn't begin to cover it. My boss won't speak to me and refused to answer my question about how she found out. I have to have all my things moved by tomorrow or they're going in the trash. And by the sound of things she's called the hospital and I won't be going back there again...only if I'm dying or something..."
He sighed heavily and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and started blankly at the floor.
A hot feeling started to rise in my stomach and a lump in the back of my throat was making itself known again. Why do I mess up so much that other people have to suffer for it? I sighed and shuffled closer to Jon, wrapping my arm around him.
"It's gonna be okay Jon."
He turned his head towards me and gave a weak smile.
"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better Frank, I really do. But I don't think I'll have much luck getting any kind of psychiatrist job now."
I nuzzled my head against his.
"I'm sorry about all this...I just wish I could make it all better somehow."
Jon slipped an arm around me and rested his head against mine.
"I know..."
I lost track of how long we stayed there, arms around each other. But it felt nice, it made me feel safe somehow, comforted purely by the company of another person.
Then, Jon pulled away and sat upright.
"I guess I'd better start thinking about looking for a new job. There's gotta be something I can do with all this mind knowledge."
I watched him flick through the paper as he searched, unsuccessfully. He fell back into the sofa and let out a frustrated sigh. I curled up next to him and kissed him on the cheek.
"Don't give up yet, okay? There'll be something you can do I'm sure."
Jon shrugged. "Yeah, I suppose."
He wrapped his arms around me again and we both fell asleep almost instantly.
***
There was a loud drumming noise that kept pounding repeatedly in my head. I turned over several times but still it wouldn't go away. I thought that maybe it was in my dream, but by now I was pretty much awake so that thought was pretty irrelevant.
I dragged myself out of bed and quickly glanced over my shoulder, to my right. The bed was still empty. I sighed. So he hadn't come back soon like he promised. Then the loud banging started again. 'He's probably locked himself out again.' I thought lazily to myself.
Although I felt like I was going to fall back to sleep any second, I made my way out into the hall and towards the door where the knocking was coming from. I fumbled with the lock and pulled it open, rubbing my eyes with the back of one hand.
"Gee, you really need to remember your -"
My voice seemed to have jumped out of my throat. Along with the oxygen being knocked out of my lungs. I blinked hard several times, hoping that what I saw in front of me was another dream. But this theory was proved wrong as well.
It wasn't Gerard standing in front of me. It was two police officers.
"Can I help you?" I asked, my voice sounding strangled.
"Mr Iero?" the male one standing to my right asked.
"Y-yeah?"
"We have some news we need to tell you." he said simply, saying nothing else. Giving no indication as to how bad this news was. I mean, it can never be good news if the cops are involved, can it?
"Um...okay. Come inside."
The two officers walked along the hall and into the living room, looking totally out of place with their bright, reflective jackets and gun belts. I entered the room wringing my hands nervously, my eyes all over. I probably looked like some kind of drug addict that had been ratted out. Obviously, I was anything but.
"So...can you, uh...tell me what all this is about?"
The male police officer looked to his female companion and pressed his lips together. My eyebrows pulled together.
"What? What's the matter?" I asked, starting to get a little paranoid.
The woman came over to me and spoke.
"I believe you know Mr Way, am I correct?"
I nodded.
She took a slightly nervous intake of breath. "I'm afraid he's been involved in an accident and he's been taken to hospital."
My mind numbed. I felt like the whole room was spinning and I couldn't process the information. Gerard was hurt? That wasn't possible...my Gerard couldn't have been...no, no, no.
I shook my head and clasped my hands to either side.
"No. No. No, he can't be..."
"I'm sorry Mr Iero. They took him in a couple of hours ago and - "
"And you've waited until twelve in the fucking morning to tell me!"
"Please don't shout at us Mr Iero, we're simply trying to help." the male officer said.
I started taking long, slow breaths trying to calm myself down. A pair of hands pushed me gently down onto the sofa and rubbed little circles with their fingers.
"If you want we can take you to the hospital and see him."
I looked up and saw the woman smiling slightly, hoping that what she said would make me feel better. It did, even if it was only a little bit.
"Y-yeah...thank you."
Of course it wasn't. I felt my stomach drop and contort unpleasantly, making that all too familiar sick feeling resurface.
I paced up and down my living room, running my hands through my hair in frustration and almost walking into the sofa every time. This wasn't right, it was stupid for someone to do that. Sighing, I grabbed my jacket off the back of the sofa, pulled a pair of shoes on and walked out of my apartment.
It took me less than fifteen minutes to run to Jon's place, when normally I would have spent the best part of half an hour walking there at a glacial pace. I felt like my lungs were about to cave in on themselves when I got there, so I sat down on the pavement outside, trying to catch my breath.
A few passers by gave me a couple of weird looks. I had no idea why, I didn't look like a hobo at all. I thought I looked pretty clean and tidy next to one of those unfortunates.
When I no longer felt like I was gonna die, I got to my feet and brushed any bits of dust and general street dirt off of me. Then I walked into the building and up the three flights of stairs to Jon's apartment.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I stood in the hallway impatiently shifting my weight from one foot to the other as I waited for him to answer the door. I guess I shouldn't have knocked so loud...oh whatever, I'm pissed.
A few seconds later, I heard a click sound from inside the apartment and the door opened.
To be honest, Jon looked a little surprised to see me.
"Frank? What are you doing here?"
"I got your message and I had to speak to you."
"Oh," he rolled his eyes in a way that meant it was obvious that I was going to ask him about it and he never realized. "Come on in."
I walked inside, giving him a quick smile. He closed the door behind me and followed me into the living room where we both sat down on the sofa.
"So, how bad's the damage." I asked quietly.
"Well," Jon sighed and scratched his jaw. "I've lost my job...that's about as bad as it gets."
I bit my lip.
"Fuck..."
"Fuck doesn't begin to cover it. My boss won't speak to me and refused to answer my question about how she found out. I have to have all my things moved by tomorrow or they're going in the trash. And by the sound of things she's called the hospital and I won't be going back there again...only if I'm dying or something..."
He sighed heavily and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and started blankly at the floor.
A hot feeling started to rise in my stomach and a lump in the back of my throat was making itself known again. Why do I mess up so much that other people have to suffer for it? I sighed and shuffled closer to Jon, wrapping my arm around him.
"It's gonna be okay Jon."
He turned his head towards me and gave a weak smile.
"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better Frank, I really do. But I don't think I'll have much luck getting any kind of psychiatrist job now."
I nuzzled my head against his.
"I'm sorry about all this...I just wish I could make it all better somehow."
Jon slipped an arm around me and rested his head against mine.
"I know..."
I lost track of how long we stayed there, arms around each other. But it felt nice, it made me feel safe somehow, comforted purely by the company of another person.
Then, Jon pulled away and sat upright.
"I guess I'd better start thinking about looking for a new job. There's gotta be something I can do with all this mind knowledge."
I watched him flick through the paper as he searched, unsuccessfully. He fell back into the sofa and let out a frustrated sigh. I curled up next to him and kissed him on the cheek.
"Don't give up yet, okay? There'll be something you can do I'm sure."
Jon shrugged. "Yeah, I suppose."
He wrapped his arms around me again and we both fell asleep almost instantly.
***
There was a loud drumming noise that kept pounding repeatedly in my head. I turned over several times but still it wouldn't go away. I thought that maybe it was in my dream, but by now I was pretty much awake so that thought was pretty irrelevant.
I dragged myself out of bed and quickly glanced over my shoulder, to my right. The bed was still empty. I sighed. So he hadn't come back soon like he promised. Then the loud banging started again. 'He's probably locked himself out again.' I thought lazily to myself.
Although I felt like I was going to fall back to sleep any second, I made my way out into the hall and towards the door where the knocking was coming from. I fumbled with the lock and pulled it open, rubbing my eyes with the back of one hand.
"Gee, you really need to remember your -"
My voice seemed to have jumped out of my throat. Along with the oxygen being knocked out of my lungs. I blinked hard several times, hoping that what I saw in front of me was another dream. But this theory was proved wrong as well.
It wasn't Gerard standing in front of me. It was two police officers.
"Can I help you?" I asked, my voice sounding strangled.
"Mr Iero?" the male one standing to my right asked.
"Y-yeah?"
"We have some news we need to tell you." he said simply, saying nothing else. Giving no indication as to how bad this news was. I mean, it can never be good news if the cops are involved, can it?
"Um...okay. Come inside."
The two officers walked along the hall and into the living room, looking totally out of place with their bright, reflective jackets and gun belts. I entered the room wringing my hands nervously, my eyes all over. I probably looked like some kind of drug addict that had been ratted out. Obviously, I was anything but.
"So...can you, uh...tell me what all this is about?"
The male police officer looked to his female companion and pressed his lips together. My eyebrows pulled together.
"What? What's the matter?" I asked, starting to get a little paranoid.
The woman came over to me and spoke.
"I believe you know Mr Way, am I correct?"
I nodded.
She took a slightly nervous intake of breath. "I'm afraid he's been involved in an accident and he's been taken to hospital."
My mind numbed. I felt like the whole room was spinning and I couldn't process the information. Gerard was hurt? That wasn't possible...my Gerard couldn't have been...no, no, no.
I shook my head and clasped my hands to either side.
"No. No. No, he can't be..."
"I'm sorry Mr Iero. They took him in a couple of hours ago and - "
"And you've waited until twelve in the fucking morning to tell me!"
"Please don't shout at us Mr Iero, we're simply trying to help." the male officer said.
I started taking long, slow breaths trying to calm myself down. A pair of hands pushed me gently down onto the sofa and rubbed little circles with their fingers.
"If you want we can take you to the hospital and see him."
I looked up and saw the woman smiling slightly, hoping that what she said would make me feel better. It did, even if it was only a little bit.
"Y-yeah...thank you."
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while.I've had a terrible writer's block on this one and I've been really pissed off with most of my stories this past week and I'm not sure about one of them anymore.
But I promise I'm going to finish this one and ..Vampires, for anyone that's reading that one as well. I probably won't update as often as I used to until I do my Maths exam next Tuesday :/ Probably once or twice if I can be bothered. After that, I'll do as many as I can until I finish this story.
Don't give up on me please!
I'd love to get over 200 comments on this one (2 comments away but don't stop there)
Oh yeah, there's another part to this chapter that I'll post whenever. I'm not just being shitty and leaving it like this.
Thanks for understanding
Love you all <3 :]
xoxo