For My Boyfriend's Eyes Only
003.
18th September
Jesus fucking christ I hate school. I'm sick to death of Anth and his jock friends threatening to beat me up and in the end going through with it.
Today, I came home with my face all bust up and my lip bleeding, needless to say mom freaked out. Big time.
I mean, by now she must be used to it, I come home with an injury every day, so I don't see the problem. She went on and on about how I should try and stand up for myself like any normal kid would do.
But I'm not like any "normal" kid. I'm Gerard Way the fucked up faggot.
Yes, I am known for something at my school.
I can't remember actually telling anyone that I am gay, so I think it's just a rumour that happens to be true.
And ever since my first day, Anth has made my life a living hell by beating me up nearly every day, spreading shit about me via the school speaker system and bullying the school nerds into posting stuff on the school website, then there's just the general annoyance.
Pushing me into walls, lockers, the janitors closet, anything really. Anything that'll make him the "hero" of the locker room later that day.
The only thing, and I mean the only thing, that seems to get me through a day without chucking myself out of one of the top floor windows, is this kid Frank.
Now I'm gonna get really sissy and talk about my feelings now, so do excuse me.
Frank's like the most amazing person I've ever met, seriously, he's so nice and he's wonderful to be around. I can honestly say that he is the highlight of my week.
Only problem is, I don't know if he's gay and I don't wanna ask him upfront y'know? Cause that might seem a bit...desperate. Ha!
Anyway, I shouldn't get too hung up on one of my friends (yes, I have friends). Well, he's not my friend exactly, I sit with him in some lessons, occasionally I sit with him at lunch (when I'm not being thrown around the boys toilets) but that's about it.
I shouldn't waste my last year at high school worrying about Frank and wanting to be with him. I really shouldn't, but I can't help it.
G
xoxo
The next day Mikey came round again, this time joined by Bob and Ray and a large number of cardboard boxes. I felt like crying again when it hit me that they where here to help put Gerard's things away, but I somehow managed to keep the tears from escaping.
"So, um, we'll start with the clothes, yeah? Then move onto the rest of his things." Bob said, unfolding the boxes and setting them up in a small line in the living room.
"Okay." I said quietly as I sat myself down on the sofa and stared at the blank tv screen.
"You sure you're okay with us doing this Frankie?" Mikey asked, his hand resting on my shoulder.
"Mhm..." I nodded. "Oh and Mikey?" I said quickly grabbing his attention before he walked into the bedroom.
"Yeah?"
"Don't call me Frankie, 'kay? Only Gee called me that..."
Mikey, Ray and Bob disappeared into the bedroom, popping back now and again to get another box, but for most of the afternoon I was alone, as usual.
---
"Okay, well...that's all the stuff in those boxes there."
Me, Ray, Bob and Mikey stood in the living room staring at a stack of brown boxes as if they were the most amazing things in the world. I deffinatly thought so, as they contained the belongings of the most amazing person to ever have existed.
I sighed heavily, knowing that this was it. I would have to move on.
"Where do you want us to put them?" Bob asked.
"Um...the closet, maybe. If they'll all fit that is." I said, turning away and heading into the kitchen to make another cup of coffee.
"Sure, come on Toro." Bob said, picking up two boxes at once and setting off down the hall towards the closet, leaving me and Mikey in the kitchen.
After all Gerard's boxes were stored away in the closet, Mikey, Ray and Bob left shortly after. They probably figured I wanted to be alone to think to myself about whatever, in truth I didn't want them to leave. I didn't want them to make me suffer the painful memories that my mind kept throwing at me.
I didn't want to lay awake all night wishing things were back to normal, I wanted him back.
And now, the closest thing I had left of him was this diary.
Jesus fucking christ I hate school. I'm sick to death of Anth and his jock friends threatening to beat me up and in the end going through with it.
Today, I came home with my face all bust up and my lip bleeding, needless to say mom freaked out. Big time.
I mean, by now she must be used to it, I come home with an injury every day, so I don't see the problem. She went on and on about how I should try and stand up for myself like any normal kid would do.
But I'm not like any "normal" kid. I'm Gerard Way the fucked up faggot.
Yes, I am known for something at my school.
I can't remember actually telling anyone that I am gay, so I think it's just a rumour that happens to be true.
And ever since my first day, Anth has made my life a living hell by beating me up nearly every day, spreading shit about me via the school speaker system and bullying the school nerds into posting stuff on the school website, then there's just the general annoyance.
Pushing me into walls, lockers, the janitors closet, anything really. Anything that'll make him the "hero" of the locker room later that day.
The only thing, and I mean the only thing, that seems to get me through a day without chucking myself out of one of the top floor windows, is this kid Frank.
Now I'm gonna get really sissy and talk about my feelings now, so do excuse me.
Frank's like the most amazing person I've ever met, seriously, he's so nice and he's wonderful to be around. I can honestly say that he is the highlight of my week.
Only problem is, I don't know if he's gay and I don't wanna ask him upfront y'know? Cause that might seem a bit...desperate. Ha!
Anyway, I shouldn't get too hung up on one of my friends (yes, I have friends). Well, he's not my friend exactly, I sit with him in some lessons, occasionally I sit with him at lunch (when I'm not being thrown around the boys toilets) but that's about it.
I shouldn't waste my last year at high school worrying about Frank and wanting to be with him. I really shouldn't, but I can't help it.
G
xoxo
The next day Mikey came round again, this time joined by Bob and Ray and a large number of cardboard boxes. I felt like crying again when it hit me that they where here to help put Gerard's things away, but I somehow managed to keep the tears from escaping.
"So, um, we'll start with the clothes, yeah? Then move onto the rest of his things." Bob said, unfolding the boxes and setting them up in a small line in the living room.
"Okay." I said quietly as I sat myself down on the sofa and stared at the blank tv screen.
"You sure you're okay with us doing this Frankie?" Mikey asked, his hand resting on my shoulder.
"Mhm..." I nodded. "Oh and Mikey?" I said quickly grabbing his attention before he walked into the bedroom.
"Yeah?"
"Don't call me Frankie, 'kay? Only Gee called me that..."
Mikey, Ray and Bob disappeared into the bedroom, popping back now and again to get another box, but for most of the afternoon I was alone, as usual.
---
"Okay, well...that's all the stuff in those boxes there."
Me, Ray, Bob and Mikey stood in the living room staring at a stack of brown boxes as if they were the most amazing things in the world. I deffinatly thought so, as they contained the belongings of the most amazing person to ever have existed.
I sighed heavily, knowing that this was it. I would have to move on.
"Where do you want us to put them?" Bob asked.
"Um...the closet, maybe. If they'll all fit that is." I said, turning away and heading into the kitchen to make another cup of coffee.
"Sure, come on Toro." Bob said, picking up two boxes at once and setting off down the hall towards the closet, leaving me and Mikey in the kitchen.
After all Gerard's boxes were stored away in the closet, Mikey, Ray and Bob left shortly after. They probably figured I wanted to be alone to think to myself about whatever, in truth I didn't want them to leave. I didn't want them to make me suffer the painful memories that my mind kept throwing at me.
I didn't want to lay awake all night wishing things were back to normal, I wanted him back.
And now, the closest thing I had left of him was this diary.
♠ ♠ ♠
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xoxo