For My Boyfriend's Eyes Only
007.
I was still majorly pissed off after my apponitment when I arrived back at the apartment with a new box of my medication in one pocket and a reminder of my "diet" in the other.
It wasn't a diet in the way that I needed to loose weight, it was more to do with the fact that I needed to gain it. This wasn't something that'd happened as a result of Gerard's death, it was something that's always been there since high school. I wouldn't eat for days and what tiny amounts I would eat, I'd force back out of me later.
At first, my mom didn't suspect anything, which isn't suprising considering I've never told her much about what was going on in my head, I don't think I ever will. She just thought I was working out more and eating sensibly, it wasn't until she found me in the bathroom one night with my fingers down my throat. She cried all night.
To be perfectly honest, I can't remember how or why it started, just that it happened in high school and even now that I'm older and started collage, I still havn't been able to get out of the habit. I guess I'm just scared of getting fat, which I think I always have been.
After I'd taken two of the much "needed" white pills, I stripped down to my boxers and pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and got into bed. I'd turned out the main light beforehand and I flicked the little switch on the lamp that was on the desk to my left. Then, I opened the drawer and took out the black book, found my place which I'd marked with a small sticky-note and began to read.
3rd November
Things have gotten slightly better. People have stopped talking shit about me and the teachers suspended Anth for a week after someone (Mikey, I presume) told the head that it was him who put up the posters that told the whole school what I got up to the other night.
Thank god for Mikey.
He's the best brother anyone could ever have, seriously. We've always been really close, when we were younger it was always me and him against the world. Mikey would follow me round in a way, if either one of us was upset, the other would cheer them up like that. It was the best.
We had our own tree house somewhere to, I wonder if I could be able to find it still, 'cause it was a while since we last went there together. Five years to be exact.
Even now I tell him everything, about Bert and the way he tret me. Mikey tells me everything too. About the girl he likes, Alicia, I tease him about her now and again but he knows deep down I don't mean it. I keep trying to get him to let me set them up, but he's having none of it. He said he'd do something when he felt like it. Oh, my little brother's growing up so fast. =')
The only thing I haven't told him about is Frank. I don't know why, I've just never like it was important, but obviously it is to me.
Another reason that things are slightly better, is that I talked to him today. No, wait, this doesn't make things slightly better, it makes them ten times better than before.
I was sat on my own like usual at lunch, not eating, just chasing my food around my plate thinking about how shit my life was when he came and sat opposite me.
"Hey." he said, distracting me from my thoughts.
I looked up and almost choked on nothing, "H..Hey." I managed to spit out.
"Um...I'm sorry about the other day."
"What? Why? You haven't done anything."
"I know, but...I feel bad for you, I mean, you get the shit beat out of you by those bastards and no one ever cares. And..and they do that to you and everyone laughs."
My stomach flipped several times causing a delayed reaction in my answer.
"...Oh..." was all I could manage, I was so shocked that he was actually talking to me.
He shook his head and laughed, "Look, I shouldn't have been so..."
"Nice to me?"
"Huh?"
"You're the only person, besides my brother, that actually cares."
"Well someone has to." he said looking down at his hands on the table and blushing.
I suddenly had a weird feeling inside of me that I'd never really felt before and I knew it was because he was sat less than a metre away from me. I felt the sick feeling in my stomach turning into butterflies and the corners of my mouth being tugged upwards into a smile.
Frank looked back up and his eyes imediatly caught my own. Call me crazy, but in that split second when I was locked in his gaze I swear I felt something stronger than I ever had done before. Something that resembled perfect, happiness and lots of other things I hadn't felt in such a long time.
"Thanks." I said happily, still smiling at him.
That short converstion made my day so much better, it made me feel like I could face anything in the world, just because of one person who cared about me.
And that's all anyone needs really, one person.
G
xoxo
It wasn't a diet in the way that I needed to loose weight, it was more to do with the fact that I needed to gain it. This wasn't something that'd happened as a result of Gerard's death, it was something that's always been there since high school. I wouldn't eat for days and what tiny amounts I would eat, I'd force back out of me later.
At first, my mom didn't suspect anything, which isn't suprising considering I've never told her much about what was going on in my head, I don't think I ever will. She just thought I was working out more and eating sensibly, it wasn't until she found me in the bathroom one night with my fingers down my throat. She cried all night.
To be perfectly honest, I can't remember how or why it started, just that it happened in high school and even now that I'm older and started collage, I still havn't been able to get out of the habit. I guess I'm just scared of getting fat, which I think I always have been.
After I'd taken two of the much "needed" white pills, I stripped down to my boxers and pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and got into bed. I'd turned out the main light beforehand and I flicked the little switch on the lamp that was on the desk to my left. Then, I opened the drawer and took out the black book, found my place which I'd marked with a small sticky-note and began to read.
3rd November
Things have gotten slightly better. People have stopped talking shit about me and the teachers suspended Anth for a week after someone (Mikey, I presume) told the head that it was him who put up the posters that told the whole school what I got up to the other night.
Thank god for Mikey.
He's the best brother anyone could ever have, seriously. We've always been really close, when we were younger it was always me and him against the world. Mikey would follow me round in a way, if either one of us was upset, the other would cheer them up like that. It was the best.
We had our own tree house somewhere to, I wonder if I could be able to find it still, 'cause it was a while since we last went there together. Five years to be exact.
Even now I tell him everything, about Bert and the way he tret me. Mikey tells me everything too. About the girl he likes, Alicia, I tease him about her now and again but he knows deep down I don't mean it. I keep trying to get him to let me set them up, but he's having none of it. He said he'd do something when he felt like it. Oh, my little brother's growing up so fast. =')
The only thing I haven't told him about is Frank. I don't know why, I've just never like it was important, but obviously it is to me.
Another reason that things are slightly better, is that I talked to him today. No, wait, this doesn't make things slightly better, it makes them ten times better than before.
I was sat on my own like usual at lunch, not eating, just chasing my food around my plate thinking about how shit my life was when he came and sat opposite me.
"Hey." he said, distracting me from my thoughts.
I looked up and almost choked on nothing, "H..Hey." I managed to spit out.
"Um...I'm sorry about the other day."
"What? Why? You haven't done anything."
"I know, but...I feel bad for you, I mean, you get the shit beat out of you by those bastards and no one ever cares. And..and they do that to you and everyone laughs."
My stomach flipped several times causing a delayed reaction in my answer.
"...Oh..." was all I could manage, I was so shocked that he was actually talking to me.
He shook his head and laughed, "Look, I shouldn't have been so..."
"Nice to me?"
"Huh?"
"You're the only person, besides my brother, that actually cares."
"Well someone has to." he said looking down at his hands on the table and blushing.
I suddenly had a weird feeling inside of me that I'd never really felt before and I knew it was because he was sat less than a metre away from me. I felt the sick feeling in my stomach turning into butterflies and the corners of my mouth being tugged upwards into a smile.
Frank looked back up and his eyes imediatly caught my own. Call me crazy, but in that split second when I was locked in his gaze I swear I felt something stronger than I ever had done before. Something that resembled perfect, happiness and lots of other things I hadn't felt in such a long time.
"Thanks." I said happily, still smiling at him.
That short converstion made my day so much better, it made me feel like I could face anything in the world, just because of one person who cared about me.
And that's all anyone needs really, one person.
G
xoxo
♠ ♠ ♠
Kinda short but I find this one really cuteAnyway, I'm staying at my grandparents Saturday till Monday so I won't have any internet D:
BUT I will be writing another chapter or two that I can post as soon as I get home (:
I might post another tonight but if not, I will tomorrow
Comments = <3
xoxo