Said Without a Sound

I didn’t see Gwen for, like, a week after she went missing on me at her parents’ house. She was never at the graveyard anymore. I stopped going because it was hella cold and Gwen was never there. She was probably just fucking with me so hard. Maybe she ran away from her parents and they think she’s dead or something…yeah, something like that.

I walked into my room, toothbrush in my mouth, but I nearly choked on it when I saw who was sitting in my bed. “Did I scare you?” Gwen giggled, fluffing up the pillows on her lap.

“How did you get in here?”

“Through the door, just like any other normal person.”

“You’re not a normal person.”

Gwen smiled so wide I thought it would split her face. “So, you do remember.” I nodded hesitantly, forcing my heartbeat to slow. Gwen’s smile slowly faded, as well. “I always thought you knew what I was…”

“I always thought you were just a normal girl,” I countered, going back to the bathroom to collect myself and finish brushing my teeth. “How…How am I able to see you? Am I dead, too?” I asked in horror.

Gwen rolled her eyes at me. “You’ve been watching too many horror flicks, Lex.”

“Well…can you explain everything a little more, please?” I asked, wringing my hands together. I felt tangible, but unlike Gwen, I felt warm. My heart was still beating a million times a minute. I’m sure I’m alive…

“Come sit down, then. You’re making me feel awkward.” I sat on the edge of the bed as far away from Gwen as possible. Hurt flashed in her eyes, but she cleared her throat anyways. “I’m sure my mother’s told you that I’ve been dead for two years now. The way you perceive me, the way I appear…is the way I looked when I was fifteen.”

“Fifteen? You died when you were fifteen?” I asked in disbelief.

“Be patient, Lex, I’m getting to that part… Remember Daniel?”

“You killed yourself because of what happened to him?”

“Am I to suffer this constant stream of interruption?” Gwen sighed loudly.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, waiting for her to continue.

“Daniel…Daniel’s parents forgave me. Well, they said they did, but I couldn’t tell if they meant it or not. His friends felt sorry for me, but it’s not like they talked to me or anything. They were older than me and all that, you know? Life… didn’t really feel worth living anymore. Especially when I found out I was pregnant,” Gwen admitted quietly.

She glanced at me, expecting me to say something, I guess, but I kept quiet this time. “I tried really hard to kill myself. Really. I was trying everything – drugs, cutting, hanging myself… the hanging worked.” I shuddered at the thought of a thick rope tied around and snapping Gwen’s pretty little neck… “Well. Um, actually…” Gwen sighed and paused for a moment to rub her temples. “Did you notice the rope hanging above the lake in the graveyard? That’s the rope I hung myself on.”

I nodded and Gwen smiled grimly. No wonder Gwen was always looking at the lake, standing by the lake… I was hesitant to speak again, but Gwen was simply playing with a loose thread from her jeans, so… “How did you get it up there?”

“I climbed the tree. Daniel and I were always climbing treed to sneak in and out of each other’s houses,” Gwen reminisced with a soft laugh. “I climbed out onto the limb, tied the rope onto it, tied the rope around my neck, and jumped. It didn’t work, though. The rope snapped. I drowned in the lake because I couldn’t swim.” Gwen laid down properly on my bed, staring at my ceiling.

“Why’d you do it, Gwen?” I asked quietly, finally scooting closer to her and laying down beside her, making sure to leave some room between us. “Why’d you kill yourself?”

Gwen adjusted the pillow under her head before her small hands rested on her flat stomach again. “I was fifteen and pregnant, Lex. Fifteen! I couldn’t tell anyone, I had nowhere to go. My parents would kill me. My friends, the few that I have, would want nothing to do with me. I couldn’t have that baby. I couldn’t take care of it. I couldn’t sort out my own life. What makes you think I could assume responsibility for someone else’s?” she asked after her rant, bunching up her shirt in her fists.

“I…see your point, but… Gwen, think about it. That baby was the only piece of Daniel left. Don’t you think his parents would have wanted that baby?” Gwen remained silent. “I wish I knew you back then,” I thought aloud. I wasn’t even saying that to make her feel better. I really wanted to help her.

“…I was stupid,” Gwen whispered, covering her face with her trembling hands. I forgot she was more or less still a kid. Forever fifteen. Poor girl. I scooted closer to her, hugging her tightly. “I mean, it’s like, I didn’t want to die, but at the same time, I was also just a..afraid to live, so I guess the fear won out…”

I held her until she stopped crying, or at least until she stopped shaking from crying so hard. “So…you’re dead. Man, that sucks,” I muttered in an attempt to lighten the mood. Gwen managed to laugh and wipe some tears away, thank god. “How am I able to see you?”

“You were looking so hard for Tom that you somehow saw me instead. I don’t really know how it works, but tom is in a better place. He told me so as he left. He told me all about you. He told me to help you.”

I swallowed hard. I don’t know what chilled me more, her words of her slim body.

“He knows you miss him, but he wants you to be happy again. He doesn’t want you to…to end up like me,” Gwen sniffled, and I instinctively reached over to dry her tears. Even her tears were cold. Hugging her now, I noticed she had no heartbeat. I was done being scared. I was… sad. For Gwen. This shell of girl that once was. “He’s gone, Lex. I’m so jealous. I’m stuck here,” Gwen sighed in frustration.

“Tell me how to help you.”

Gwen looked at me hopefully. “You’ll help me? Really?”

“Yes, anything.”

“You’re not scared of me?”

“No.”

Gwen narrowed her eyes at me. “…Prove it.”

“How?”

Gwen turned onto her side, snuggling into me. “Let me sleep with you tonight. I’m tired of staying outside.”

“Ok,” I agreed as I pulled the sheets up around us in an attempt to warm her up, holding her close again when I was done.

“You’re hot,” Gwen muttered, pressing the side of her face to my chest.

I tried not to shudder at how cold she was. “I know,” I laughed, kissing the top of her head. “You alright?” I felt Gwen nod and heard her yawn. “Will you be here when I wake up?” I asked, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

“If you want me to be,” Gwen said sleepily.

“…Yeah. I do.”