Said Without a Sound

The feeling of Gwen’s feathery red hair against my chin was what woke me up the next morning. I blinked a few times and rolled up the covers a bit just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Sure enough, Gwen’s slim body in its entirety was indeed curled up next to mine. Smiling to myself, I hugged her closer to me, closing my eyes and inhaling her light, signature scent.

Gwen didn’t smell like…a dead person, or anything. She smelled like…coldness. I don’t even have any other word for it. She smelled the way the air smells on a snowy winter day – crisp and clean without any distinct, set aroma. It was odd, but it wasn’t unpleasant. However, having spent the night with me in my bed, she was somewhat warm now.

“Lex?” she mumbled, shifting around a bit in my arms.

“Go back to sleep,” I murmured, pulling the blankets back up over us.

“Ok,” Gwen laughed, her body growing still in my arms once more.

“…Gwen?” I called her name to see if she really was asleep or not.

“I thought you told me to go back to sleep, Lex. Make up your mind,” she giggled, drumming her fingers on my forearm.

“I know, but…I just wanted to say…thanks - or listening to all my bullshit.”

“…I could say the same to you,” Gwen said after a moment’s pause, obviously not expecting me to say something like that.

“So will you tell me how to help you, Gwen?”

She rolled over so she could face me and was about to speak, but my door got opened without so much as a knock. “Alex?” my mom called my name, opening my door wide.

“Hi, mom,” I said, my voice almost cracking as I sat up in bed and tried to hide Gwen.

“Cut it out, Lex,” Gwen whined. “It’s not like she can see me anyways…”

“You certainly slept in,” she remarked as I pulled the blankets off me and Gwen. I could see Gwen perfectly. She was sitting cross legged on my bed, combing through her hair with her fingers. Mom only had eyes for me, though. “Are you feeling alright?” she asked as she sat down beside me, not far from Gwen at all. “I thought I heard you talking to someone…”

“That was just me trying to work out a song,” I lied with a nonchalant shrug as I watched Gwen get up from my bed and stroll on over to my mirror, cutely yawning and rubbing her eyes…I don’t know how I could have feelings for a dead girl, but I do.

“That’s nice. Well, come down for breakfast, and then you can get back to your music,” she told me as she patted my head and got to her feet. “I made pancakes.”

“Alright, I’ll be down soon, mom.” I got up and walked over to my mirror, and to Gwen, as she started stretching. “She didn’t see you at all,” I said as I loosely wrapped my arms around Gwen’s waist.

“I told you, you’re the only one that can see me.”

I nodded, staring at us in the mirror. “Gwen, can you…like, eat food?” I asked randomly. She laughed and shook her head, no. I shrugged, kind of expecting that. “Well, I can, and I really fucking need to…”

“Alright, Lex. I’m just gonna chill up here, then,” Gwen said in a rather chipper tone, removing my arms from around her body and pushing me towards the door.

I ate rather hurriedly because I wanted to get back to Gwen… but she wasn’t in my room when I returned. “Gwen?” I whispered in the hallway, looking around to see if she was in another room, and she was - in Tom’s old room, to be exact.

“Sorry, I just wanted to see his room,” she quickly apologized when she saw me.

“No, that’s…that’s ok.” I gingerly stepped into Tom’s room with her. Mom cleaned it the day Tom died and it’s been exactly the same ever since. The air even smelled a little stale. I turned on the ceiling light and fan. “Well, yeah, Tom’s room…”

Gwen looked around in wonder at all his stuff. I smiled at her expression. “It wasn’t always this clean. God, Tom’s room was always super dirty…”

“Oh, so that’s where you get it from,” Gwen teased.

“Um, no. There is a difference. I never let my room get dirty. I do let my room get a tad…disorganized, though. There is a difference between dirty and disorganized, trust me,” I laughed, stepping into the room until I was beside Gwen.

“I’m so sorry, this must be difficult for you,” Gwen murmured, turning and walking out of Tom’s room into mine.

I actually stayed in Tom’s room for a few seconds just because. I hadn’t been in his room since the day he died. It didn’t make me so sad anymore, though. It kind of made me happy because it felt like somehow, here, I was closer to him than anywhere else, really…

“So, uh, how about I help you now?” I asked Gwen once I returned to my room.

Gwen was sitting on my bed again, just looking out the window. “Are you up to talking to my mom again?”

I couldn’t help but let my shoulders slump a bit. Mrs. Allingham would probably put a restraining order on me if I bothered her about Gwen again. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, please. You’ve got to tell her where my bones are, so she can get a diver or something to get them and I can finally be buried,” Gwen explained, getting to her feet. “Can we go there now?”she asked rather excitedly.

A thought suddenly occurred to me – when Gwen’s bones would be buried, she would cease to appear to me, right? I didn’t want to ask Gwen that, though. I knew it would be so upsetting – never seeing Gwen again. I liked Gwen a lot, but I didn’t want to tie her to me.

“Um, actually, I promised my friends I’d be over for band practice,” I told Gwen, which made her smile falter a bit. “We can go right after that, though,” I promised Gwen. “I really want you to meet – well, see my friends, though.”

“Alright…Let’s go, Lex.”

I got dressed and said bye to my mom before the both of us left for my car. I was driving to Jack’s house. The car ride was silent, which made me glad. I suddenly felt disgusted by my selfishness – selfishly wanting to keep Gwen here with me, I mean. She’s been wandering for two years. She deserved to rest.

…I just didn’t want her to.