Said Without a Sound

“What happens if you touch them, though? Can they feel you?” I asked Gwen. We were pulling into Rian’s driveway now.

“I think they will feel…cold,” Gwen murmured when I killed the engine. “Try not to talk to me during band practice, Lex. Your friends will think you’re insane,” she teased before vanishing from inside the car and materializing on Rian’s front porch, beckoning for me to follow her.

She seemed more and more fleeting, more and more ghost-like lately… I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

I got out of my car, grabbing my guitar and bag from the trunk, before kicking the trunk shut and heading up to Rian’s door. I knocked on it with my free hand, waiting for a few minutes, before Jack opened the door to me.

“Alex!” my best friend greeted me cheerfully, grabbing my bag for me. He let me in first before shutting the door in Gwen’s face. I was startled and I was about to open the door again when I felt Gwen’s fingers on my forearm.

“Stop worrying about me,” she ordered, although there was laughter in her voice. “Get going. I want to hear you as a band. I want to hear you sing, Lex.”

“Alright,” I mumbled to Gwen before I could stop myself.

“What?” Jack’s voice drew my attention away from Gwen, and when I looked back to the foyer, Gwen wasn’t there. Damn ghosts! “Come on, Alex, everyone’s already in the basement,” Jack said rather impatiently.

I nodded and followed Jack down the stairs. We jammed for a bit just to warm up and loosen up and catch up. This was the first full band practice we’d had since Tom’s death. I wrote and played a lot of stuff by myself, of course, but this was different. It’s always so terrifying to show someone else something you wrote…but these were my friends. It shouldn’t be as bad as I imagined it would be.

“So, uh, I wrote a few songs, if you guys wanna take a look at them,” I mumbled, taking out my worn and ragged notebook. I handed it to Rian first, but Zack and Jack just moved so they could read over his shoulder. I sank into the couch at the other end of the room, feeling my throat tighten and palms sweat as I watched them slowly flip through the pages.

Thankfully, Gwen reappeared beside me on the arm of the couch, placing one of her hands on my shoulder. The gesture was rather comforting, and I smiled at her gratefully before turning to face my friends again. “Um, I know some of them aren’t that good, and I know they still need a lot of work, but –“

“Dude…these are great,” Zack spoke up. That was huge for Zack of all people to say, considering how quiet and reserved he usually is. “Which one do you want us to practice first?” he asked, walking over and sitting down with me before handing me the notebook.

Gwen leaned over to glance at the notebook as I turned the pages until I found the right song. “This one,” I said firmly, pointing out the song that I had titled “Lullabies.”

“Is this the one that I heard you sing to Tom in the graveyard?” Gwen asked curiously. She saw me nod ever so slightly , so she got off the couch to perch on the ping pong table right in front of Rian’s drum set.

“Alright, do you have a chord progression for it?” Jack asked, tuning his guitar. The next two hours consisted of creating the other components of the song. However, by the third hour, we had a pretty good idea of how the song ought to go. It sounded a lot like I imagined it in my head, which was great.

“Can we run through it one more time? I won’t mess up the bit at the end, I promise,” Jack asked after a long swig from his water bottle.

“Lex, your singing is phenomenal,” Gwen murmured in awe. No one had ever described my voice in such a way. I couldn’t help that my heart swelled with pride.

“Thanks,” I laughed, mostly to Gwen, but Jack heard it, too.

“Yeah, yeah…you ready?” Jack asked, Rian and Zack getting ready as well. Jack left the couch for his guitar, walking right through Gwen. It was a strange sight. Gwen didn’t seem affected, but Jack imperceptibly flinched and stumbled the rest of the way to his guitar.

“Cold,” Gwen chuckled, situating herself a bit farther away from us this time around. I nodded to my friends and we practiced the song one more time. I really could say performed, though, because Gwen was watching.

“Thanks, guys,” I muttered to my friends, feeling tears prick my eyelids. Rian clapped a hand to my shoulder, slightly shaking me. They knew, of course. They knew this song was about Tom.

“Let’s grab a bite to eat; I’m starving,” Jack declared, unplugging his amp and guitar.

“Sounds good, where to?” Zack asked, gently setting down his precious pink bass guitar so that it was propped up against the wall.

Our argument about where to eat lunch continued as we left the basement, Gwen trailing behind us. “You guys go ahead…I have to go somewhere really quick,” I told them once we were all in the driveway.

“Are you sure?” Rian asked worriedly.

“Yeah. Just text me; I’ll meet up with you guys in a bit.” With that, I got into my car. “Gwen?” She appeared in the passenger seat, giving me her full attention since I’d called her name and all. “Do you think you can give me directions to your parents’ house from here?”

When I asked that, Gwen’s face absolutely lit up, so I tried not to let my heart sink too much. We made small talk as we drove – Gwen liked my friends a lot and wanted to know everything there is to know about them – but as we neared the house, I focused on how to properly converse with Gwen’s mother. This wasn’t going to be easy. “I’ll be with you,” Gwen promised as I parked the car and killed the engine.

“Gwen…Gwen, what if she doesn’t believe me?”

“I’ll make her believe,” Gwen muttered determinedly. “Just be polite. Remember, apologize, and ask how I died and…stuff.”

“And stuff,” I scoffed, getting out of the car, walking up to the door, and ringing the doorbell. I had to do this, for Gwen. For Gwen. “Mrs. Allingham?”

She narrowed her eyes at me, keeping the door open but keeping the screen door locked. “You again…”

“I came to apologize, Mrs. Allingham,” I said quickly, trying to feign as much remorse as I could morally manage. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I… was just a friend of Gwen’s, and I had no idea that she…Mrs. Allingham, how exactly did Gwen pass away?”

Luckily, she bought the act. “Your name is…Alex, isn’t it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Mrs. Allingham unlocked the screen door and I stepped back so she could open it. “Why don’t you come in? You might want to sit down while I explain everything that happened to Gwen…”

Standing behind Mrs. Allingham, Gwen was giving me two thumbs up.