Temporary

..::Parker’s P.O.V::..

I held in my sobs as I held my knees to my chest. I was naked, bleeding, bruised, and hurt. I thought Brian was one of my best friends. I heard Johnny tell Jimmy what had happened, and nothing after that. I didn’t want to let my cries out, to come to the conclusion that I was officially defeated. Something’s snapped inside of me, broke in half, and I’ve got the feeling that a few band-aids isn’t going to help it much. I was completely torn. My sister feared me, my finance feared me, and so did my friends. I’m sure if my son could comprehend all of this, he would be scared of me, too. I was starting to be scared of myself. I was never around anybody, and whenever I was, it was completely chaotic. Tears poured out of my eyes, but I didn’t let the sobs erupt. I bit down on my lip until I tasted the blood from the broken skin. I was shaking, and there was a horrible pain in my lower abdomen. What was happening to me?

Seeing a therapist wasn’t quite doing anything for me. Actually, it was doing absolutely nothing at all. As much as I wanted things to go back to normal, I couldn’t quite pull myself from this strange attitude I had adopted from the punch that Harper kindly gave to my face that one day in the hospital. After that, I had thought things would have gotten better if she had died. Now, I was facing the fact that it was possibly my death that would make things better for everybody. If I couldn’t change myself for them like I had tried, then I could at least do that one last thing for them. More tears came out at the thought of suicide. Of course I wouldn’t do something so stupid, not to mention the fact that I had always thought suicide was just a big stunt for attention, and nobody would care if I did. I was only dead weight.

I was always the one who cared; the kind-hearted girl who always put other’s first, and cared so much about the being of others, especially my sister. Now she hates me, and I don’t blame her. I’ve become some psycho who had been wishing death on her, just because she wouldn’t listen to me when I told her that it was all a misunderstanding. Things were falling apart between us all, but maybe it would be my death that would be the glue, putting everybody back together. No, I had to stop thinking like that. I managed to grab my underwear from the floor, and one of Jimmy’s dirty shirts from the ground, and curled up in a ball at the end of my bed. I started staring at the beige walls, an attempt from the genesis of our life here in Boston to present ourselves as normal. A snort came out of my mouth at the thought of that. I heard the door open, and I only hoped that it wasn’t Brian.

“A-are you okay?” Johnny asked, and I tried to find it in my heart to reply to him, but nothing escaped my mouth. I’m sure that if anything did, it would be sarcastic and rude, anyways. More tears piled up over my eyes, and I didn’t blink, in case they would fall out. He didn’t say anything, but came and sat by me. He pulled me into his lap, cradling me. Though I was in a horrible situation, I wanted to laugh at this situation. Come on, it’s Johnny, “I’m so sorry this happened to you,” he said, attempting to comfort me, but bringing the situation back up wasn’t doing it. “I told Jimmy, but I don’t know where he went,” he admitted, probably oblivious to the fact that I had heard the whole conversation.

“He probably doesn’t care,” I muttered, keeping my voice stabilized. Or, attempting to, at least.

“He does, Parks. He loves you. We all do,” he told me, and I faintly shook my head.

“You’re all scared of me, because I’m a heartless bitch,” I continued biting on my lip, flinching at the sore that was trying to scab up.

“I’m not scared of you…right now. It’s obvious that Bri – we’re not scared of you,” I was happy that he didn’t bring up Brian, because I think that would have broken me even more. It’s hard for me to think about it, besides the fact that I can’t get what had just happened out of my head, but talking about it was a whole different story.

“You were,” I whispered.

“I was, but I’m not anymore,” He admitted, his words coming out so fast it was a slur, and I faintly shook my head again.

“Jimmy…he hates me,” I stated. It wasn’t a question, because the way he had been acting lately had suggested so.

“No, he doesn’t. He’s just…unhappy…that…you’re unhappy,” he tried to find a good excuse, but I wasn’t stupid.

“Johnny, stop lying to me,” I said, softly.

“I-“

“Just stop,” I interrupted him, “Everything is already screwy enough,” I crawled out of his lap, trying to stand up, but Brian had done some serious damage to me. Pain shot through everywhere, and I only was able to crawl to the pillows on my bed. I didn’t have the energy to put my blankets on, but Johnny came over, and tucked me in.

“Do you want me to go,” he asked, and I nodded. He seemed hesitant at first, but then he started heading for the door, “I’ll stay down in the living room. Kellin, you know,” he told me. I wasn’t going to argue with him. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. My throat closed in on me, so worlds wouldn’t be able to come out. Every time I closed my eyes, the memory came back, so I kept them open for as long as I could, until I was able to drift off asleep.

..::--------------::..

The light was pouring through the blinds, waking me up. I had a headache, and I was sore all over. I knew I would have to leave my bed eventually. I turned over, and Jimmy wasn’t there, not that I had expected him to be. Of course I hoped he would be, but I didn’t expect it. I managed to get of bed, and limp over to the door frame. I went limp against it as I made my next destination the top of the staircase. When I got there, I had thoughts of throwing myself down them. I remembered the suicide attempt a few months back. It was because Harper was in the hospital. I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on without her, and all of this is happening, proving my point completely.

I held on to the rail with dear life as I waddled down the stairs, and turned to face the living room. There was Jimmy, sleeping on the couch. I mentally frowned at the sight, and turned to go back up the stairs when my stomach rumbled. I sighed as I now headed for the kitchen. We didn’t really have any food, I realized as I went through the fridge and freezer. I found some eggs and bacon, though, and decided I would make those. I got a skillet from the pan holder hanging from the ceiling. I laid out bacon on the skillet and then went to grab another one for eggs. Once I was done cooking, I left out extra for Jimmy, in case he decided he wanted some. He’d probably think I poisoned it or something. I nibbled my food as I sat on the floor against the cabinets, and watched a tired Jimmy come in. He instantly spotted me, and his eyes got wide. I probably looked worse than I thought.

“You look like shit,” he said as he turned to the food on the counter.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” he sat across from me, digging into his food. I wanted to start crying, again, but I couldn’t show that weakness, though I wanted him to feel bad, and hold me. I started missing the life we had from when we first had Kellin, and my heart ached at those memories.

“Yeah,” I pushed myself up with difficulty and tossed my plate in the sink. I heard it shatter, but I didn’t really care. I limped out of the room, and managed to slowly get up the stairs. It hurt that now this was affecting Jimmy’s attitude, as well. He was starting to not care about anything, especially me. He had given up, realizing that I was a lost cause. I crawled into the bathroom, and closed the door, letting the tears come out as I choked again and again on my sobs.

..::Johnny’s P.O.V::..

When Jimmy had came in, he had told me I needed to leave. I didn’t know when he was going to be coming back, but he’s here now, so I guess I would go home and get a shower or something. I hated seeing Parker how she was, it was unbearable. I admit I had been terrified of her, and didn’t want to be around her at all up until this point. Then there was Brian. What the fuck was he thinking? I didn’t know if Jimmy had come over to talk to him or something, but to be honest, Jimmy didn’t seem all that concerned. Parker was destroyed, both physically and emotionally. If nobody else was going to be there for her, I would. She had always been the one that picked on me less out of everybody, and she was one of my best friends. I considered her to be like a sister, and though I never liked kids, I love helping her out with Kellin.

I got myself out of bed, and hopped in the shower. It had been rough these past few weeks. I was concerned a lot about Harper and Parker’s relationship. They were always close, and I’ve known them since elementary school. This behavior from them wasn’t…natural. As I was finishing up in the shower, my phone started ringing from the counter by the sink. I quickly turned the knobs, so the shower was off. I almost fell as I jumped out of the shower, and grabbed my phone.

“Hello,” I said breathlessly into the phone.

“Hey,” Zacky’s voice flooded through the receiver.

“Yo, what’s up,” I asked as I wrapped a towel around my waist.

“Nothing, I just thought I would tell you what the plan was,” he said, and I was oblivious to what he meant by ‘the plan’.

“Okay, shoot,” I urged him, though I was only half listening.

“We’re going to put Harper and Parker together in the mental asylum. Like we did with Matt and Harper,” He told me, and I could already tell what was going to happen.

“Great, so you want them both dead, and instead of killing them yourself, you’re just going to get them to do it, and kill each other,” I said nonchalantly as I started pulling on clothes.

“No, what I want is for my girlfriend and her sister to stop this shit,” he said, seeming annoyed with the situation, “And it worked for Ma-“

“No, it didn’t. Harper begged her way out,” I reminded him, and there was a pause.

“You’re right. But, we’ve tried everything. I’m desperate. Jimmy’s desperate,” he told me, and I shook my head.

“Jimmy’s already given up. He doesn’t give a fuck,” I told him as I started going through my fridge for any possible breakfast.

“What makes you say that,” he asked. He didn’t know?

“Nobody’s told you what happened?” I asked, staring at the faucet of the kitchen sink.

“Nobody’s said anything. Why, what happened?” His voice filled with concern as I considered telling him. I decided it would be better if I did.

“Brian raped Parker,” I told him, and there was more silence.

“You’re kidding,” he didn’t seem like he believed it, or more like he didn’t want to believe it.

“I walked in on it,” I told him, “Parker was chained up, crying, screaming. She looks horrible right now. Beaten up, scratched. I hate to look at her right now.”

“What the hell? What did Jimmy do?” He was starting to seem angry.

“I honestly don’t believe he did anything,” I admitted, my heart dropping.

“Well, maybe we should go check up on her later or something, and talk to her,” he suggested.

“Yeah, when do you-“

“Hold on, somebody’s at the door,” he told me. I heard talking in the background, and it sounded a lot like Jimmy, “Hey, Jimmy’s over. Why don’t you go do…that, and I’ll tell you what’s up, later,” he said.

“Alright, talk to you later,” I said, still analyzing over the fact that Jimmy seemed chill in the background.

“Bye,” he said, and we hung up. I walked to my door and slipped my shoes on, then walked over to their house. I didn’t knock, I just walked in. I scanned the living room, and the dining room. There seemed to be absolutely no life down here, so I jogged upstairs, and looked in their room. No sign of Parker. I went to Kellin’s room, where he was sleeping soundly. I looked through the rest of the rooms, and faced a locked bathroom door.

“Parker,” I gulped, knocking lightly. There was no answer, and a fear was building up inside of me, “Hello?” My faint knocking turned into pounding, until I decided to break the door down. No blood. That’s a good sign, right? The shower curtain was pulled over the shower, so everything was covered. My palms were sweaty as I reached for them, pushing them to the side. I collapsed to my knees at what I was looking at. Parker was fully clothed, bent face down into a tub full of water. I pulled her face up, maybe she wasn’t dead. I pulled her out of the shower and into my lap, looking frantically for a breath, or some sign of life, the life I knew wasn’t there. Tears filled my eyes as I picked her up, and ran out of the house.

“HELP,” I started yelling, not knowing what to do, except yell out that word. I collapsed in the front lawn. Getting to a hospital was no use, because I knew she was dead. Parker…was dead. I pulled my phone from my pocket, trying to see through my blurred vision. I called Zack again, and he answered, sounding concerned.

“Something wrong?” He asked, his voice only filled with worry.

“She…she’s gone,” I cried out, sobbing over her body. Her bright red hair was sticking to her face, and there was a crowd forming.

“She, did she run away?” He asked, and I could hear jingling of keys in the background.

“No…she’s…dead,” I let the words escape my mouth, and I regretted all three of them.

“We’re on our way,” he said, and there were questioning voices on his side of the line. I dropped my phone as I pulled her back into my lap. I started hearing sirens. I just lost one of my best friends for good, and there was nothing any of us could do to get her back. No apologies, no therapists, no doctors, nothing. She was gone, forever.