Temporary

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^*Zacky’s POV*^
“So, what’s up with you?” I asked Jimmy as I sat down on the couch, placing the phone on the coffee table, and he came over and sat down beside me with a sigh. Something seemed to be wrong with him, but hell, with everything going on lately, there was something wrong with everyone. As I looked over at Jimmy, I noticed his left eye was bruised, there was a cut on his cheek, and he was slightly damp. Though, I thought nothing of it as I looked back at the TV, and turned it off.

“I killed Parker.” The world was put on pause. I didn’t speak, I didn’t breathe, I didn’t blink, I didn’t look over at Jimmy, I was just flooded with indescribable emotions.

“What?” I asked, seriously not comprehending the fact that he just told me he killed Parker.

“I don’t even know. I just…I got tired of it. Of her. I dropped Kellin off with Brian. I told him I was taking Parker somewhere for a couple of days so we could maybe get our lives back on track.” He said bluntly, no emotion in his voice. I just stared at him. “Zacky, is it…is it wrong, that I don’t feel bad about it?” He asked, a sliver of something slipping into his voice, but I shrugged.

“I-I don’t know.” I muttered, and stood up. I walked towards the stairs, and upstairs. Matt had been in his room all morning, and Harper had been in hers. I opened the door, and Harper was lying beside Matt, and he had his arm around her. At the moment, my mind didn’t register the fact that they had both just pulled away from being dangerously close together, but they looked over at me, slightly panicked. “Parker’s dead. Jimmy killed her.” I said, and the phone rang. I walked into the room as Matt and Harper just stared at me. Johnny’s name was on the caller ID. “Something wrong?” I asked, hoping he hadn’t gone over to Jimmy and Parker’s house.

“She…she’s gone.” Johnny sobbed, and I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted him to be meaning something else.

“She, did she run away?” It was the best I could come up with, I didn’t want Parker to be dead, but I couldn’t muster up the care for her death.

“No…she’s…dead.” Johnny cried, and this was the proof. Parker really was dead. I grabbed my keys off of the nightstand. Harper, Jimmy, Matt and I needed to get over there.

“We’re on our way.” I said, and hung up. I looked at Harper and Matt.

“What?” Harper was in disbelief.

“Parker’s gone, and Johnny found her, we need to get over there now.” I said and Harper sat up, alongside Matt. Matt still had a slightly panicked expression on his face. With what had just happened, I didn’t even care that he was in here.

“W-why?” Harper asked. “I hate feeling this way, but…do we have to go?” She asked, and I sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed, and Harper crawled over to me, and I wrapped my arm around her. “Why don’t I care?” She asked, and I rubbed her arm comfortingly.

“I don’t know. She’s just put us through so much, all of the drama and shit…” I trailed off. “Jimmy’s downstairs, sitting on the couch. He said he killed her.” I said, and Matt stood up.

“I’ll go talk to him.” Matt said, and I smiled lightly at him before he walked out of the room.

“I love her, I do, but…but why don’t I care?” Harper repeated, seeming to not understand why she wasn’t crying over her sister’s death.

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^*Harper’s POV*^
I did care. I just didn’t care that Parker was dead. I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t too upset either. After everything she had put me through, I couldn’t say I was sad she was gone. She was my sister, yes, I did care about her at one point, yes, but she tore all of that down. She ripped through me and left me feeling like a really shitty human being, and she imbedded an anger in me that I took out on her, and the ones around me, including Zacky. I put Zacky through hell for a few days because of what she put in my head. Poor Zacky…all of those times I screamed at him, and took wild punches at him, it wasn’t me, it was the anger towards my sister I had built up that had taken over my body. When she wasn’t around he was next in line because of how close he was to me. It was her fault. She did it to me. Death was coming to her. It was only a matter of time before Jimmy finally got tired of her shit and got rid of her. Everyone could see that she was falling apart, and so was Jimmy, but no one cared about her, but we were concerned about Jimmy and what it was doing to his mental health. I think a few of us actually knew this was coming, we just didn’t know when. I wrapped my arms around Zacky’s waist, and he kissed the top of my head.

“She’s dead.” I stated, and Zacky nodded.

“I don’t know what to feel. Do you?” He asked me, and I shook my head.

“No.”

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^*Jimmy’s POV*^
I didn’t feel bad about doing it. Though, I wasn’t glad I did, either. I felt she was going to tear my life apart, and Kellin’s. I couldn’t bring myself to just break up with her, because she’d still be here. The temptation to go back to her would still be there. Now I couldn’t go back. In a way, it hurt me to say that.

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I watched as Parker got up room and tossed her plate towards me. I flinched, thinking it was going to hit me, but instead it flew over my head and into the sink, shattering into pieces. She walked out of the room, and things began going through my mind. She was hostile, she was unstable, she was mean, she wasn’t my Parker anymore. Our relationship was turning to dust, just blowing away in the breeze. What about Kellin? When he grows up, and is able to understand things. Walk and talk, if she’s still like this, what will that do to him? The screaming and yelling, and the therapy sessions, it’ll have him fucked up too. What will happen to me by the time he’s able to understand us? Will I still even be here by then, or will Parker have already killed me? She’s so…hostile. I’m surprised she hasn’t done more than hit me. We’ve had our small fights over these past few weeks. She’s only hit me once, but tried many times. I had gotten to where as soon as she started any of her shit, I would just go get Kellin, and drive around for hours until she calmed down. Kellin has been drug through so much. All of this…it’s going to wind up tearing him apart if I stay with Parker much longer. I could leave. That was a thought. I didn’t exactly love her anymore like I used to. Love wasn’t a major factor anymore in this relationship. I was only with her for Kellin’s sake, so he would be around his mother, but I was questioning that choice. Somewhere in my heart, under all of the wreckage she had created, and the holes she had made, I still loved her, but I couldn’t really find that anymore. I used to be able to express my feelings openly to her, but ever since she’s changed I’m afraid to; afraid that she’ll start screaming at me, or trying to hit me. I’ve never been a violent person. I killed a pigeon once, but that’s beside the matter. I stood up from the floor and placed my plate in the sink and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to our bedroom. I walked in, determined to try and fix this. I couldn’t go on like this anymore, and I was determined to fix it. The shower was running, but I wasn’t sure if she was in there or not.

“Parker?” I asked, and I heard a faint response of some indecipherable curse word from the bathroom. I walked into the bathroom to see her curled to in the bathtub, the shower on and water raining down on her, and the bathtub was filling up. “What are you doing in there?” I asked and she sighed.

“I feel dirty from yesterday, why the fuck do you care?” She snapped, and it took everything in me to not flinch away from her.

“I-I wanted to come and try to work things out.” I said, and she shrugged.

“Work what out, James?” She said, talking to me like I was nothing. It hurt.

“Parks, I know, that somewhere, under all of this…whatever has happened to you, you still love me.” I said, taking a step towards her, and she nodded.

“I do, but you don’t love me. I got raped by your best friend, and you don’t care, do you? I care about you, but you don’t give two fucks about me.” She said, and I took a deep breath.

“Parker, I want thing to work out between us! I don’t want you to be this way towards me! I’m sick of this! I do care that Brian raped you, and I want to kick his ass for it, but with you acting this way, it’s hard to care!” I exclaimed, and she stood up.

“No you don’t care, Jimmy! I’m beginning to question if you ever cared about me as much as I care about you!” She screamed, but I couldn’t exactly tell if she was crying or not because she was covered in water.

“But I do care about you! You’re just too caught up in this mood you’ve been in to realize it!” I yelled at her. I hated raising my voice towards her, but I didn’t have a choice.

“You fucking liar!” She screamed and threw her fist at me, and it connected with my eye. I fought through the pulsating pain and took both of her arms roughly.

“Parker! I fucking love you! Why don’t you understand that?!” I cried, tears making their way to my eyes.

“Why don’t you understand that I know you don’t! You don’t have to fake it, Jimmy! At least give me the truth!” She screamed, and broke one arm free, and tried to hit me again, and I lost it this time. I pushed her, the first real act of violence I had intentionally shown towards her.

“You’re driving me crazy, Parker!” I screamed at her, tears falling freely now through the water that was still pouring down from the shower. “I love you, Parker! I fucking love you, but you don’t understand that, apparently!”

“I don’t want to love you anymore, because I know you really don’t care about me! You hate me, just like everyone else!” She screamed, still fighting me, as she pulled me down onto my knees.

“No I don’t.” I said, finally getting a grip on her arms again so she would stop trying to hit me. “Parker, I love you, why can’t you just accept that?”

“Because it’s a lie!”

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Everything else was just a blur. I barely remember what happened after. I stared at her for a moment, before getting up and backing up, not wanting to believe what I had just done, but there was no turning back. I didn’t even check to see if she was actually dead, I just ran down to Kellin’s nursery, and grabbed his diaper bag and him in his carrier, then I got in my car, drove down to Brian’s and told him that he had to take care of him for a while. I told him I was taking Parker to some place on the other side of the country so we could get away and calm down, and get our shit straight. He questioned me on why I was soaking wet, and why I was beat up, but I simply told him that it was a struggle to get her to agree. I didn’t tell him when we’d be back, either, I just told him we’d be gone for a while. I still didn’t want to face the fact of what I had done as I sat on Zacky and Harper’s couch with Matt walking down the stairs, I just wanted to believe I just knocked her out. I felt bad that I had hit her and screamed at her, but I did feel like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

“Jimmy, are you alright?” I looked over at Matt sat down next to me, and shook my head.

“Not at all.” I answered simply.

“Is she really dead?” He asked, and I nodded, feeling a twinge of hurt, but nothing to what I wanted to feel.

“Yea.” I said, and he sighed. “Why don’t I feel anything?” I asked him. “Aren’t I supposed to be hunched over in tears, or wanting to kill myself for killing the love of my life?”

“I don’t know.” He answered truthfully.

“What’s happening to us, Matt?” I asked him trying to hold back tears that had seemingly crawled out of my tear ducts, and he sighed again.

“I don’t know.” He repeated, sounding a little more defeated the second time.

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^*Harper’s POV*^
No one went to the hospital. Not even Johnny. We were all torn up about Parker dying. Really, we were. We just didn’t know how exactly to display our emotions. She put us all through hell, to the point where we wished death upon her, and now that she really was dead, we didn’t know how exactly to react. We weren’t at the point of depression tears, but we weren’t in any way throwing a party either. Everyone’s world was on a standstill. We all went to her funeral and shed a few tears, not an emotional breakdown one would expect, but close to it. We all missed her, but we didn’t feel extremely upset she was gone. Her death was classified as a suicide instead of murder. But as every day passed, it began to really weigh on us that Parker was actually dead, and a whole week went by that we all really realized that she was gone. She wasn’t in a coma like I had been, she hadn’t been shipped off to some therapy camp or whatever, and she wasn’t just gone to get away from society, soon to return in a month or so; she was gone. We had to move on, though, and that’s what we all did. Hesitantly, but surely, things slowly went back to normal after a few months, Jimmy took a little longer, and Parker became a touchy subject, but soon we all began to force ourselves to move on. It was hard, but we managed. We decided that what she had done to us didn’t matter, she was only human, if any of us had been put in her shoes, we would have been the same way.

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^*5 Years Later*^
“Zacky, stop!” I squealed at my husband as he tossed flour at my face. Cooking seemed to always result in this between us. Cooking lessons were a bad choice as a gift years ago. I picked up a handful of flour and tossed it back at him. He stood for a second, wiped his eyes and blinked a few times.

“You’re going down.” He said, and I quickly grabbed the carton of eggs, and he grabbed the bag of flour. He tossed the flour at me, as I retaliated with eggs, then he picked up the bowl of icing, and before I could stop him, he dumped into my head, and we both broke out into uncontrollable laughter. Our project of the cake was ruined, and there was no turning back. I slid down the cabinets, and he sat down beside me, taking his finger and swiping it across my cheek, then licking the blue icing off. I took a handful from my face and smeared it on his.

“Take that.” I said in triumph, and he pursed his lips.

“So the battle has begun, Mrs. Vengeance.” He said, but before I could do anything it he tackled me, knocking me over as he climbed on top of me, and kissed me through my giggles. I let my hands lock together behind his head.

“What the fuck?!” We both froze at Matt’s voice, and turned towards him, Jimmy was right behind him as they surveyed our messy kitchen. Zacky and I smiled.

“She-he-started it!” We both said in unison and Jimmy shook his head.

“I give you two orders to make Kellin’s birthday cake, and you wind up on the floor, covered in half of the cake, making out.” Jimmy sighed, shaking his head.

“Well, at least we got here before they began ripping clothes off, right?” Matt asked Jimmy and he just shook his head.

“I swear, I wonder why I’m still friends with you two.” He couldn’t stop the laughter seeping through his voice. He began to walk over to us, and pulled Zacky up before helping me up. He looked us up and down, both covered in flour, icing and eggs. “Go get cleaned up, it’s almost four.” He said, and I looked up at the clock on the wall, it was three thirty.

“Shit, c’mon Zacky!” I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the stairs.

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We finally got out of the shower, reluctantly, might I add, but soon we made our way to Jimmy’s house and to his backyard, where everyone was waiting. Brian was chasing Johnny around, and there was no doubt that by the end of the party, someone was going to be thrown into the pool despite the cold weather. Everything went smoothly, Kellin was as rambunctious as always, bouncing off walls with his friends, eating, opening presents, and bugging ‘Uncle Brian’ and ‘Uncle Matt’ to do silly things. One of which was throwing Johnny into the pool, and they wasted no time doing that. The party continued at full force until it got late, and everyone began going home. Once most everyone was gone, there wasn’t much cake left, and Kellin had passed out. Brian, Johnny, Zacky, Matt and I sat around the table outside, talking and laughing about things that had happened lately as we waited Jimmy’s return from putting Kellin to bed.

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^*Jimmy’s POV*^
I gently laid Kellin down in his bed, leaning down and kissing his forehead lightly before I tucked him in. I stared down at him for a moment with a small smile on my face. He was just precious. I know I had been saying that now ever since he was born, but it was true. Being a single parent with a kid like him wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. He was hyper, and silly, and he just bounced off of the walls twenty four seven. Half of the time I didn’t exactly know how I handled him alone. The only thing that I always think about when he’s actually still, and not tearing the house apart is how…how there will always be one person that he’ll never know that should be in his life. …Parker. I’m always going to be missing half of my heart, the half that Parker occupied. Hell, if Kellin hadn’t of come along, when Parker died she would’ve taken my whole heart with her. Kellin was what was keeping me here on this earth right this very moment. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve been long gone by now. I wish so much he could have known his mother. I wish she could see how he’s grown up. How he acts like me, but resembles her. She was my life, my soul, my existence, and I never will love any other human being as much as I loved her. No, as much as I still love her. In a way I can’t wait to see her again, but I have too many reasons to stay here now. The biggest of them being the sweet little kid lying in front of me. Some day or another, I know I’ll see her again, and I know Kellin will too. I’m not sure how it will happen, or when, but I’m positive I will see my Parker one day. This life or the next.

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^*Harper’s POV*^
After some time, finally Jimmy came back from putting Kellin to bed and slammed his head down on the table with a groan.

“Aw, is fatherhood wearing Jimmy down?” Brian asked and Jimmy shook his head, lifting it from the wooden table.

“Hell no, I’m just tired from trying to get Johnny to stop talking.” He said, with a sigh. Johnny had been talking nonstop all night, and finally Jimmy forced him to shut up.

“It seems like just yesterday you were bringing him home from the hospital.” I said, not wanting to bring up Parker. Whenever she came up, it was like emotions forced us all to just be quiet or we’d all be crying our eyes out. We missed her, and our longing for her to be here just seemed to grow with each year that passed, and as bad memories faded away.

“Yea…time has flown by.” Matt said, and there was a snore, and once we looked over to where it had come from to see that Johnny was asleep, head down on the table, snoring ever so often. We all ignored him and went back to our conversation.

“Way too fast.” Zacky said, and I nodded, leaning into his side as he wrapped an arm around me.

“I wish Parker was here to see what an awesome kid he’s become.” Jimmy said softly, a tear began making its way down his cheek in the moonlight, but he was quick to wipe it away, and everyone fell silent for a moment. Somehow, with nearly every conversation we had when we were all alone, it wound up veering toward Parker. Not the bad times with her, the good times. No one talked about the shitty time we went through, or what happened during that time, it was almost like it never happened. It was like she didn’t die like we knew she had, it was like she was in a car accident or house fire.

“We all do, Jimmy.” I said, taking my hand and placing it on top of his with a small smile.

“She would be going crazy trying to keep up with the little ball of energy.” Brian said, lightening the mood some. He had taken on that role whenever this happened. He would dig us all out of it and lighten the mood up. He was good at that.

“It’s hard to believe it’s been just a little over five years.” Matt said, his voice quiet.

“But we can’t keep dwelling.” Jimmy said quickly, seeming as if to hope to change the subject as he wiped his eyes again, his voice thick.

“She wouldn’t want us to dwell.” I said, and let my hand fall from Jimmy’s. No one said anything for a moment, and I knew there were tears stinging everyone’s eyes because of the sniffles that would erupt from a few of us every once in a while. Brian cleared his throat and stood up.

“So, who wants seconds on cake?” He asked, and just like that, the subject was reluctantly dropped.

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We didn’t like the emotions the thought of that time brought up, so we looked past that, to the times where we were all like one big happy family, when we were all alive, and well, and it seemed that nothing could stop us. Those were the times we cherish with every fiber of our beings. Everything was never quite perfect in our lives, we all learnt that very quickly. Matt, Johnny, Brian, Jimmy, Zacky and I kept the good memories in our minds, and forced the bad ones out. We realized we had to do that in order to make it through life. In order to continue being happy and to not dwell on the past that was broken and shattered by a screwed up high school life, what was almost the apocalypse, and the loss of a friend, and sister. Zacky and I had gotten married two years after what we all referred to now as ‘the time’. Matt and I cut off whatever thing we had begun, and the guys put out another album. We’ve all survived a lot, bullies, the undead, and so much more it would take forever to list it all. But through it all we’ve learnt lessons in life, we’ve held each other close and comforted each other in times of need, and we wouldn’t trade a second of any of it for the world. When I look at Zacky, Jimmy, Matt, Johnny, and Brian, I don’t just see five guys that just happen to be famous, and do nothing really but drink beer, play music, and party. I see my family, I see five loving guys that are my whole life, and do everything in the world they can to help one another, and care about me and each other as if we’re all the very last people on this planet, and spend every second that we’re all together laughing and smiling, carrying on like we always have. But the biggest thing that I’ve learnt through the past years of my life with the guys is that everything disappears at some time or another, bottom line. We’re not all on this planet to stay forever; everyone dies at some point. No one is permanent.

We’re all just temporary.