Safer to Hate Her

“Mummy, what’s above the clouds?” The four year old girl asked her mother whilst spinning around in her bright wellington boots.

“Well, it’s a magical place.” Her daughter’s eyes shone in the sun; full of wonder, “when people can’t be with us anymore they go high above the sky, and that’s where they look down on everyone they loved below the clouds.”

“Wow! Is that where daddy is? Because he said that he was going to heaven.” She smiled up at her mother, “’Cause that’s sounds magical, can we go and visit one day?”

Her mother had to hold back her tears, she was grateful that her daughter was too young to understand heartbreak.

“One day, baby. One day we can all be together again.” She took her daughter’s hand in hers and started to walk back to their house.

“You promise?”

“I promise with all my heart, baby girl.”

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“You know what would be brilliant, Jers?”

Jersey looked up from her book and stared at her mother, “if it involves moving then my answer is no.”

She looked back to her book, not really listening to her mother.

“You don’t have to do it this minute. But, I would appreciate it if you would go and get some bits from the shop. I forgot some stuff.”

Jersey sighed. How could she say no to her when she had done so much for her? Besides it would do her some good to get out of the house for a while.

She set her book down on the table, careful not to lose her page, and began to lace up her shoes.

“What do you need? She mumbled.

“Just some bread and milk, here’s ten. You can get a magazine or something” She smiled down at her daughter as she gave her the money.

Carla knew that without her daughter being in her life that she would have definitely been a
train wreck after her husband’s death. She knew she had to be strong for the four year old girl she held in her arms that day at the hospital.

“Thanks mum. I’ll be back later.” She kissed her mum’s cheek and headed for the door hearing a “Be careful, baby girl” from inside to which she rolled her eyes.

Putting in her iPod and jumping on the bus, Jersey sighed at how repetitive her life had become over the past few months after she turned 17.

She would go to college, come home and do whatever work she had due in for the next day then sleep.

Occasionally, she would go out with her friends somewhere or treat her mum to a special day out. Even then, she knew that something in her life wasn’t complete.

She just couldn’t figure out what she needed.