Safer to Hate Her

Jersey banged her fist against Rupert’s front door hard as tears began to blur her vision. Her knocking became weaker as she noticed she’d managed to cut one of her knuckles which had bled onto her hand.

“Open the door.” She whispered weakly.

She slumped against his front door, not moving, he was going to answer all the questions she had, otherwise she would go insane, lose her mind.

Eventually the door opened as she almost fell back onto the floor, standing up she glared at him behind her tears and pushed him into the house. Jersey threw the magazine at his chest as he stared at her with regret. He looked down at the object she’d thrown at him to see his own face staring up at him and he knew instantly why she was here.

He had wanted to tell her about what they’d ask, but how was he supposed to bring it up in a conversation? He knew she’d be upset or angry and to be honest he had been a coward and decided not to tell her. He’d even chosen one night to text her until deciding that that would probably make the situation worse.

Now, it was two days after the magazine had been released and he was stood where he didn’t want to be; in an argument with Jersey and she was upset.

He slowly walked towards her wanting to hold her, he hated seeing her cry. Jersey backed away from him until her back hit the door, finding strength inside her she pushed him away.

“This isn’t going to go away by hugging me, Rupert. Why did you do it?” Her voice became weak as fresh tears fell from her eyes.

“I don’t know.” He ran his fingers through his hair, breathing out nervously, “Miles, he said that I couldn’t have a girlfriend in the media’s eyes. It was an ultimatum; he said I wouldn’t have a career if I didn’t go along with it. I tried to reason with him.” He looked up at her, scared of her reaction.

Jersey just stared at him, hurt. “Clearly you didn’t try hard enough! Rupert I was so proud of you! And you go and do this. The least you could have done was talk to me.”
Rupert wanted the floor to open up and swallow him so that he didn’t have to deal with this anymore.

“Don’t be trying to think of excuses, be honest with me for once, why didn’t you talk to me?”

He sighed, “Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t know how you’d feel about it. I tried so many times to tell you but I couldn’t pick up the phone, then I was going to text you but that seemed inappropriate. I know I’ve done wrong, but I love you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Yeah, well you have Rupert. I don’t feel like speaking to you at the moment.”

This hurt them both. She hadn’t wanted to say it, but talking to him right now; every word he said made her heart ache. She hated seeing him like this, but he was in the wrong.

“Listen, I met this guy before,” She looked into his eyes, “he’s a lead of a band and he asked me to open a few shows in London for them, and I’m really excited. But, because I’m in a relationship I didn’t make a decision, I wanted to talk to you first. Because that’s how it works Rupert, you include the other person; it’s sort of the basics.”

“What did he say to you?” Jersey noticed the jealously in his voice.

“Seriously Rupert! After I tell you that, you automatically think he was hitting on me! You’re unbelievable!” She shouted in frustration.

“Well, it’s not everyday someone comes up to you and asks you to open a show for them, is it?” He’d regretted saying it as soon as it left his mouth.

“Are you saying he only offered it to me because he thought I was good looking and he wanted me to go out with him? That’s low Rupert.” She was now glaring at him.

“Well, it was probably running through his mind.”

“How dare you say that? You know what; I don’t care what you think. I’m going to London and I’m going to play my heart out. I don’t care if you don’t want me to go. But remember how much I was behind you when you were following your dream.” She turned around and opened the door.

“Jersey, wait.”

She turned back towards him with hurt in her eyes, “I don’t like you very much at the moment, Rupert.”

She turned around and slammed the door behind her completely ignoring his protests. Her anger slowly turned into pain as she cried for the third time that day.
Rupert punched the wall in frustration breaking the skin on his knuckles. He hadn’t felt this low in a while. He’d never meant to accuse her of those things but in the heat of the moment he wasn’t thinking.

He groaned as he grabbed his jacket and closing the door behind him. He ran as quickly as he could to catch up to her, he wasn’t letting her go that easily. He noticed her walking slowly her hands in her pockets looking at the ground.

“Jers! Wait!” He sped up again, as she turned around facing him. The wind blowing across her hair and to him she’d never looked more beautiful despite the tears that had fallen and he regretted so much causing them to be there.
She ran into his arms and held him tightly. Pulling back to look at her he moved the hair that had stuck to her face.

“I didn’t mean what I said, love. You know that right?”

She nodded her head as a yawn escaped her lips. Kissing her cheek he pulled her back into a hug. He’d never felt so sorry in all his life.

“I know this isn’t something you want to hear, but,” he took a deep breath, unsure whether he should continue, “I’ll have to keep this up with the media. I don’t want to hurt you but –“
Jersey moved herself away from Rupert, looking at him with hurt in her eyes, “so you’re not even going to try?”

“I can’t do th –“

“It’s simple, Rupert. Are you going to fight for it?”

Rupert didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say yes because that meant giving up his dream, his job. But is he said no, he’d lose her. While he was thinking Jersey slowing began walking backwards, taking herself even further away.

“The answer should have been quicker than that,” she wiped her eyes, “I’m going home, don’t try and follow me this time.”

“Baby, please don’t do that.” He reached out for her arm which she pulled away quickly.

“Rupert, let me be.”

He just stood there and let her walk away. He didn’t move until long after she had gone out of sight, how was he going to sort this out?