Diary Excerpts From Random Famous People

January 3, 2008

Fuckin' A.

I signed a contract today to be the man behind the Dino of Giggly Happenings for another year. Yeah, that's right. I'm Barney the Fuckin' Dinosaur. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with this damn annoying job, but then, I remember why. Because it fuckin' pays me fuckloads of money so I can buy my damn beer and cigs. Nobody said I had to like my job of playing a fatassed purple dinosaur who needs to fuckin' summon Dr. Adkins from the dead for some serious dieting plans. The fuckin' dinosaur giggles too damn much. Surprised I've never had to act out having a threesome with Baby Bop and B.J. You can tell a damn perv created the show. I mean, "B.J."? Get fuckin' real.

Don't get me started about the ending song that's all:
I love you,
You love me,
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you *smoochie sound*
Won't you say you love me, too?

Here's a better song:
I hate you,
You hate me,
Go fuckin' die by choking on a tree
With a fatassed punch making your eyes black and blue *POW!*
Imma take my fat ass and sit on you
(Instantaneous death...)

Fuck yeah. Teach the kiddies life ain't no damn giggly wonderworld filled with fuckin' talking dinosaurs. Deal with it, bitches.

Yeah well I'm fuckin' out. I'm craving a cigarette more than B.J. craves a BJ.

Barney's a nutass.