Miss You

“Stacie.” I heard my name being yelled by a familiar voice. I turned around and was greeted by my best friend of 18 years.
“Hi Jimbo.” I said as his dazzling blue eyes got brighter. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him.
“You look beautiful.” He said as he looked at me in my dress of white.
“I told you, you that you looked beautiful.” Sammy said. I smiled at both her and Jimmy.
“Brian is lucky to marrying you.” Jimmy said. I smiled even bigger. Today was mine and my boyfriend of seven years wedding day and I couldn’t be happier. Jimmy walked over and hugged me tightly and I started to cry. Since my parents couldn’t make it to California since they were away on vacation I asked Jimmy if he would walk me down the isle and of course he said yes.

“Come on, your man is out there waiting for you.” Jimmy said as Sammy went to line up and I grabbed Jimmy’s arm. He smiled at me and stepped out where I saw Brian standing at the alter with his tux on.
“Good, I thought he ran.” I said.
“He would never run from you Stacie.” Jimmy said as we walked down and Brian’s smile lighting up his face the closer and closer I got.

That was one of the last good memories I had of Jimmy. When I got married to Brian. A few months after that we get a call from Leana saying that Jimmy had overdosed and he was his way to the hospital right now. I woke up Brian and we both got dressed and rushed to the hospital as quick as we could. Matt, Sammy, Zack, Johnny, Lacey, Jason, Matt Berry, Dan, Leana and Jimmy’s parents were all there. Sammy was crying and Zack was holding onto her.

“What is going on?” Brian asked as he put his arm around me. Joe picked his head up from Barb’s hair.
“He’s gone.” Joe said. I looked at him like he had ten heads.
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Brian asked as I looked over at Joe who broke down again. Brian pulled me close as I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes.
“Just before you guys got here the nurse came out and said that he died and they tried everything they could.” Matt said as his voice started to crack. I couldn’t believe it. My best friend was gone,, I just saw him yesterday and he was happy and healthy and not a care in the world but I also heard him and Brian talking the night before about something serious and Brian saying he would help him. Leana wasn’t crying at all and I found that very strange. She was just looking down and no one was comforting her at all.

“Come on guys. Let’s see if we can say goodbye to him on last time.” Matt said as we started to head toward where Jimmy was. I held onto Brian as we walked. Not wanting to let him go because I was scared that I would lose him too. I think out of the whole group, Brian and I were taking this really hard.

We walked into the room and they were taking all the tubes and wires off of him. Jimmy looked so peaceful laying there with his eyes closed. I turned my body so I could bury my face into Brian’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed soothing circles on my back. I heard everyone’s sniffles and cries, I heard soft goodbyes and see you in the afterlife. Brian lifted up my head and I looked up at him.

“We are the only ones who haven’t said goodbye.” Brian said.
“I don’t think I can.” I said to Brian as we walked closer to Jimmy’s bed.
“You can do it honey. All you have to say is save me a place up in heaven so I don’t go to hell.” Brian said which made me laugh.
“Well I know he’ll save me a place up there but you babe, you are Synyster Gates and that name is destined for hell.” I said which made Brian laugh. Matt, Johnny, Sammy, Zack, Lacey and everyone else left us alone in the room with him. I looked at Brian who nodded even though his eyes were filled with tears. I went over and grabbed Jimmy’s hand that was already starting to turn cold.

“Jimbo, I love you and I will always love you no matter what. It was just yesterday that I saw you happy and so full of energy and now here you are lying here dead,” I said and stopped to cry a little. Brian wrapped his arms around me and I continued. “I’m going to miss you so much. I love you and I can’t wait to see you in heaven when I finally die. I love you.” I finished and then kissed the top of his head. Brian wrapped his arms around me as I cried. I heard Brian saying his goodbyes but I was zoning out. All I heard were the rumbles of the words from Brian’s chest and his sobs as he cried. I felt Brian pick me up and carry me out of the room. I don’t remember much after that. I remember hearing Zack saying we should go to mine and Brian’s house and Leana saying she was going to go home and then Brian and I getting in our car and driving home with everyone following us. We got to the house and Pinkly ran right to our feet and I just walked into the living room and sat down. I stared at the picture of Jimmy and I and broke down. I felt arms wrap around me and I turned and looked and saw that Matt must have stopped at his house to get Val because she was holding me along with Sammy.

“I still can’t believe he is gone.” I said to them as I felt more tears slip down my face.
“I know. Who would have thought he would die so soon.” Val said as her grip tightened on me. Us girls all held onto each other while the guys discussed on how to tell the fans. Brian was quiet the whole time so I broke from my group hug from the girls and went over to sit next to him and put my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on top of mine. We stayed like that all night while everyone else was asleep.

“Get some sleep babe.” Brian said to me. I shook my head and he laid us down on the couch.
“Maybe while you are sleeping Jimmy will come to you.” Brian said. I looked at him as I felt my eyes close. I knew Brian wasn’t going to sleep but I wasn’t going to fight him.


“Stacie.” I heard the familiar voice say. I opened my eyes and I wasn’t lying down next to Brian any more.
“Hello?” I questioned as I looked around to see if I saw anything that I recognized and I didn’t until I turned around and saw I was at the beach where I first met Jimmy all those years ago. I smiled and looked around to see if I could see him.
“Boo.” I heard from behind me. I turned around and was greeted with the bright blue eyes of my best friend.
“Jimmy.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him and felt the warmth instead of the cold I felt earlier.
“Hey darling.” he said kissing the top of my head. I smiled and felt tears fill my eyes.
“Don’t cry.” Jimmy said pulling me away from him.
“I can’t help it.” I said. He pulled me closer as I cried on his chest knowing I’ll never be able to do that ever again.

“Why did you do it?” I asked him.
“Because, I couldn’t handle it.” Jimmy said.
“Couldn’t handle what?” I asked him.
“Brian will tell you soon enough.” Jimmy said as we sat down on the ground. We stayed like that for a while just sitting with each other.
“I miss you and you haven’t been gone for a while.” I said.
“I miss you guys too but I will always look out for you.” Jimmy said and I smiled. “And I’ll look out for your little one too.” I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows.
“How did you know?” I asked him.
“I’m Jimmy and I know everything. Brian is worried about you. He is going to be for a while.” Jimmy said. I smiled.
“Yeah I know. I just don’t think now is the right time to tell him.” I said.
“You should tell him soon.” Jimmy said.
“I can’t.” I replied as tears started to fall. Jimmy pulled me closer to him and I cried more.

“So when did you find out?” I asked him.
“Yesterday when I saw you stuffing your face with weird food and you tried to hide the fact that you were.” Jimmy said which made me laugh, “plus you can never hide anything from me.”
“That’s true. You always knew me better than I knew myself and I’m going to miss that.” I said.
“I just couldn’t take it any more and it killed me to see you all cry but I love you guys and just remember all the happy times.” Jimmy said to me. I nodded and as he was going to say something else I heard someone in the background

“Stacie, baby wake up.” I heard Brian say and I opened my eyes wishing I was still asleep so I could hear Jimmy again.
“Yeah.” I said sitting up a little.
“You were crying in your sleep.” Brian said as he wiped away the tears.
“Oh I was?” I asked. He nodded and looked at me with eyes filled with concern.
“What were you dreaming about?” Brian asked me.
“I was talking to Jimmy. He said he just couldn’t handle it any more. What couldn’t he handle?” I asked Brian.
“I’ll tell you at some point.” Brian said.
“I want to know now.” I said.
“When I’m done with this song I’ll tell you.” Brian said pointing to a piece of paper next to him. I nodded and put my head on his shoulder and then grabbed his hand and put it on my stomach. He started to rub it and I smiled even though he didn’t know yet.

“So do you really want to know?” Brian asked. I nodded my head and he sighed and took a deep breath and looked around to make sure everyone was still asleep.
“You remember that guy Leana brought to the party?” Brian asked me.
“Yeah, that Gordy or Opie guy?” I asked him.
“Yeah him. Well she cheated on Jimmy and she told him about it. That’s why she wasn’t feeling remorse when she found out he was dead.” Brian said. I gasped and felt anger swell throughout my body but I knew Jimmy wouldn’t want me to kill her.
“Oh my god.” I said.
“Yeah that’s what we were talking about the other day. I told him I could help him and he said that I had other things to worry about then him and of course I told him that it didn’t matter you’re my brother.” Brian said and I nodded listening to everything he told me. Jimmy pretty much hinted to Brian without him knowing that we were going to have a baby.

“Wow.” Was all I said.
“Mhm, go back to sleep.” Brian said. I nodded and closed my eyes and saw Jimmy in my dreams once more. He told me he loves me and he will always miss me and to take care and he promises to keep a place for Brian in heaven when it’s our turn to go.

-Few Months Later-

The guys have been doing good since Jimmy passed away. They have a new CD out and Brian has been spoiling since someone left a letter to him telling him that I’m pregnant. We are on tour right now for the Nightmare After Christmas Tour with the newest member of Avenged Sevenfold Arin Ilejay who loved Jimmy like we all did. The boys still get teary eyed when they sing the song Brian wrote called So Far Away but it’s normal. We all lost a brother on December 28th and it was hard on all of us. At least his memory is going to stay alive with Arin. I was watching them perform when I felt cold hands on my shoulder.

“Hi Jimmy.” I said as I felt the feeling going away and I knew he went over to all the guys because they all smiled.
“I miss you.” I said before I felt his presence leave the arena. Matt said goodnight and they all walked off the stage sweaty and happy.

“Good job guys. Jimmy is very proud of you.” I said hugging my boys as mine and Brian’s little boy kicked saying “Hey I’m here too.”
“I felt him tonight.” Zack said.
“We all did.” Matt said and I smiled. Jimmy said he would look out for all of us and he did and he always will foREVer. Our family would be together again one day but until then one is always going to look out for us no matter what.