What You Know Is True

White Christmas lights were strung on the trees in front of the house. Music could be heard blaring from inside. Sean lived more on the outskirts of town, where there were some farms and your chances of running over a group of chickens increased by 80%. They had a small lake in their backyard, and some people were either swimming in it or mingling by. Though Sean’s parents weren’t there, they still hadn’t invited a crazy amount of kids. Half of them I knew from school.

As me and Sean walked around I heard a loud squeak followed by “Oh my God, Dallas, I haven’t seen you in forever.” Chantel, Sean’s sister, rushed up from behind me and gave me a hug. She graduated two years ago from my school, and she used to hang around me and Sean a lot.

She handed me a cold bottle from a cooler and I eagerly took it. I imagined Mama throwing a fit and I laughed it off. Honestly, and I know no one will believe me, but I rarely drank ever. It only happened if I was out and someone offered me one. Because of that, I tended to overdo it. Sort of. A lot. I’d drink like it would be the last one I’d have for a long time (which it always was).

As the minutes dragged into hours, everything that happened earlier that day slipped away. I felt looser, a bit carefree, but not enough to agree to skinny dipping in the lake when Chantel asked me. She shrugged and said, “Your lose,” before running toward the lake. A group of people followed her, their hands unbuttoning jeans and blouses.

Someone tugged on my arm, and I thought I might’ve said I’d go but my underwear was staying on.

“I don’t think I want to see you or anyone here naked. No offense.” I blinked confusingly before looking at the person who said that. At first I figured it was an alcohol-induced illusion, and then I wondered how I hadn’t noticed her there before.

It was that purple-haired, Asian girl from Tea Falls. I cracked a smile as she pointed toward the lake. I glanced over and caught a glimpse of bare flesh before it disappeared under the water. My vision shook and suddenly the people were replaced with Josee and it was a hot, July morning at the local swimming pool. I was 8 and Josee was trying to teach me how to swim. I remember her having her hands under me as I tried to move my limbs the right way. I cried at some point that I was gonna drown, and Josee told me she wasn’t that type of mermaid that let people drowned.

There weren’t many people at the pool that day, and the part of the pool we had was vacant. The memory dimmed to a dull gray and all I could see now was how dark Josee’s face was as she said, “You know not to say anything, right? Remember when I told you only you and me can know?” Then it fast forwarded to us sitting in Dad’s van going home. I could remember feeling like I didn’t want to be around Josee right then.

I blinked several times, trying to figure out what made Josee said those words, what happened between me crying I was going to drown and us going home. The more I tried the sicker I felt, and I leaned over ready to puke.

“Oh – hey, you okay? You need water?” the girl asked. She touched my shoulder and I noticed how drastically warm my skin felt compared to her cool hand.

“Nah, it’s fine. Just . . . nothing,” I said, straightening up. Maybe I shouldn’t drink anymore tonight.

When she was sure I wouldn’t puke on her feet, she let go of my shoulder and smiled. “So, you’re girlfriend ditched you?” she laughed. For a crazy moment I thought she meant Lotzie, till I realized she meant Chantel. I don’t know what expression I had on my face, but it was enough to make her laugh harder.

“Hell no,” I said. “She’s a friend.”

She hummed and folded her arms across her chest. “Sorry, shouldn’t have assumed . . . so how was your bubble tea?”

So she had remembered me. I grinned and told her it was great, before asking what she was doing at the party.

“I’m friends with Chantel,” she answered as she began walking toward the lake. “I won’t tell her you basically puked at the thought of dating her.”

I hadn’t meant it like that, only that her statement threw me off. I jogged to her side and asked, “You swimming?”

“I try not to swim in the dark too often,” she said.

I put my fists on my hips and said in my best superhero tone, “I’m a qualified lifeguard just so you know.” She raised an eyebrow at me, and the corners of her lips were trembling from trying to contain her laughter. She quickly controlled it and then stepped in front of me with her chest almost touching mine.

“If you say so. But seriously. I expect you to help me out if something goes wrong,” she said.

“If I don’t?”

“Assuming someone else saves me, I might poison your drink next time you stop by Tea Falls.” She smoothly turned on her heels and walked in the direction of the pier.

I shuffled by her side again and we stood on the edge of the pier, watching some kids swim and listening to the noise of the music and the crickets mixing together. She sat down on the ledge and carefully took off her shoes and socks. I caught her eyes glance at me briefly before I turned my back to her.

“It’s okay,” she said, but it sounded like she was rushing to get out of her clothes and into the lake. “I think I look pretty good today.” A loud splash sounded and I turned back to see her floating in the water up to her chin, waiting for me.

I decided to take a chance that she, or anyone else, wouldn’t be revolted by me and got down to my boxers. I wasn’t about to go all out, and then I noticed that she had left her all underwear on too. The icy water pricked at my skin as I got in, but it only made me feel like I was high in the sky.

“You look so much more relaxed compared to when I first saw you,” she mentioned. She swam around me in circles. “It’s none of my business, but I hope you’re doing okay.” I merely hummed. I kept thinking about Josee, and how she loved to swim.

We went swimming a lot during those summers. Sometimes Louie came, and other times it was just me and her alone.

I coughed harshly suddenly and the girl came close and began patting my back till I stopped. “You sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?”

“I’m good,” I rasped. I didn’t know why I felt like puking, or why everything was reminding me of Josee right then. “You ever try to remember something, but you couldn’t? Not like, you know, you have a faulty memory or whatever; just that it was almost like your brain didn’t want you to remember because it was maybe too bad or something?”

I stopped talking once I realized what I was saying. There was only one thing that happened with Josee that was bad, but I couldn’t figure out why it would make me not remember other things that happened prior to it.

I really shouldn’t have drunk anything.

The girl still had her hand on my back as she listened to me grumble nonsense. She must’ve thought I wasn’t too strange, because she actually looked concerned.

“I know what you mean. Kind of sounds like some repressed memory or something,” she said.

“I guess so, but don’t worry about it, I’m just being a weirdo,” I laughed, hoping it would take the seriousness away. She chuckled along too, and I thought I felt the vibrations go through her hand and to me.

“I’m the oldest of 3 kids. I’m programmed to automatically worry,” she said. “My sister Melanie complains that I’m too much of a mother, but I don’t think so. I worry about her a lot the most, especially since all these creepy guys tend to hit her. She told me this one dude did while she was at work, and I wanted to –“

My skin heated as I tried not to grin. That day I stole those earbuds, that Melanie was this girl’s sister. I thought I hadn’t flirted well that day. How about that. I decided not to say anything about it as she ranted. I almost said she could take care of me anytime, just to humor her, but I thought that was doing a little too much, and I really didn’t want to chase her off by coming off as an arrogant jerk. I glanced at the sky as the clouds shifted to show the moon, full and glaring white.

“At least you care,” I finally said. Her hand went from my back to tracing one of the scars on my cheek. “Where’s all this from?” she asked.

“Fights and stuff,” I said timidly. You would’ve thought I said I actually cut my face the way her eyes widened.

“I guess you get into a lot of them,” she said. It was said with disappointment, but she didn’t ask why I fought a lot, or lectured me about violence and junk. The kind of things my mom used to tell me every time she got a phone call from the school or a neighbor about the trouble I caused.

The girl was close enough where I couldn’t lean my head forward without my chin bumping her nose. There was a slight smugness to her smile that made my blood run faster. It all rushed to my face and I thought she said something about it, but my mind wasn’t all there. All I knew was, she had her hands on my shoulders and she kissed me.

She pulled back as fast as she did it and stared at me. Maybe she realized it was a spontaneous mistake, or maybe she was questioning whether I actually wanted it. Either way, I smiled and she kissed me again. There was a bitter aftertaste of cheap liquor and cinnamon-flavored gum on her tongue that made the nerves in my body relax. I thought I would drift away if we weren’t holding onto each other.

We made out off and on for a while, before she suddenly swam backwards, laughing. I swam after her and that’s all we did for the rest of the time, and sometimes she’d let me kiss her again.

At one point she decided to do a cannonball off the pier, and then tried to do a handstand off it. She kept toppling off the pier before she could complete it. I proudly told her I’d show her a cool trick as I climbed onto the pier. I stood there with my boxers feeling 10 times heavier and ready to slip. The taste in my mouth was turning sour, and my vision was hazy.

“Don’t try this without a supervised lifeguard around,” I called as I backed up some. I got a running start and pushed off.

I flipped too soon and the back of my head slammed onto the edge of the pier. Pain streaked through my skull as I dropped into the lake, drifting farther down till the moon became a milky dot. I tried to move my legs but my body was shutting down, and air bubbles were rapidly escaping my mouth.

I blacked out before I could realize I was dying.

x x x x

Voices spoke outside the dark void I was in. “You think he needs to go to a hospital?”

I thought I must have grumbled a stern no, because the voice asked me if I was sure and I just groaned, “Take me home.”

All of a sudden I was being shuffled and carried out to what sounded like a car. Someone reached across me and buckled me in. I kept my eyes closed because my head was pounding too much, but I assumed it was Sean taking me back home and not someone else.

I don’t know how much time passed before I came through. Sean was patting my shoulder and calling my name. I blinked slowly and realized my face was smashed up against the window. It took me a minute to recognize we were parked in front of my house.

“Hey, man, you sure you’re fine?” Sean asked. “I don’t wanna hear tomorrow that you die of brain trauma or some shit.”

I felt the back of my head and touched a lump. No blood, so no need for an emergency room visit. No need for Mama to find out that I had sneaked out.

“Nah, I’m cool,” I sighed.

“If you say so,” he said as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “That chick you were with was freaking out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she wanted to come with us but I told her she didn’t need to.” He paused as he dug around in his front pocket, and then took out a piece of paper. “She wanted me to give this to you.”

I took it and my clothes that were laying in the backseat. After I thanked Sean I went inside my house through the front door. Thought it wouldn’t be wise to try to climb the ladder to my window with the way my legs felt.

All the lights were out except for the small lamp in the livingroom Mama always left on. I went upstairs and passed her room on my way to mine. She was snoring softly. I hoped that was a sign she never realized I went out.

I changed out of my wet underwear and into pajama pants. My bed never felt softer as I collapsed on it. Before I went to sleep I read the paper Sean handed me. Written neatly on it was a number, and underneath it said, Let me know you’re not dead. PS I normally don’t make out with people whose names I don’t ask for beforehand. Oh well – Violet

Huh. Her name was Violet and she had purple hair. I imagined I was probably grinning like a fool as I sent her a quick text before quickly falling asleep.

Hey I’m not dead. And my name’s Dallas. Night.