Reckless

Tovah sat on her bed, trying to breathe. She was in Sweden at her family’s home at Drottningholm. Her father, now King Eric VI Gustaf, was at the Stockholm Palace working with the Swedish ceremonies coordinators to prepare her uncles funeral. Her aunt, The Queen Dowager, was with him there helping. Tovah had been admired of her strength, she had been married to the late King since she was 18; losing him now had to feel like she lost part of herself. But she didn’t show it, at least not publically.

Tovah stared out the open doors of her patio and closed her eyes. Her whole life was changed, and she was powerless to stop it. She had only been in Sweden for four days, and already she felt claustrophobic.
‘Comes with the job,’ she reminded herself.

The funeral was happening in a few days, and at that moment Tovah would be shown to the world as The Crown Princess of Sweden. Harry had checked in with her every day, not being too meddlesome, but enough to know she was being thought of. He wouldn’t be coming to the funeral, as that would be inappropriate. Queen Elizabeth II and The Duke of Edinburgh would be coming, and that would be the only contact with England Tovah would have for a long time.

“Hello beebee” Tovah turned to see her mother standing in the doorway

“Hi Mama” Queen Beatrix walked in and sat down on the bed beside her eldest daughter, and ran her hand through Tovah’s long hair

“You are missing England” Tovah looked up at her mother and nodded. “I can always tell” Beatrix smiled and kissed Tovah on the top of her head

“How are you adjusting?” Tovah asked her mother

Beatrix looked across the room, out the open doors thinking carefully over her answer. “When I married your father, we knew this was a possibility. But, I always prayed it wouldn’t for you,” Beatrix ran her hand along Tovah’s face, “Being Queen is difficult, but I am okay. I will continue to do as I have always done, to be a support system for your father; his right hand in all things. To be Matriarch of this family; ensuring the protection of my children, to help ease you into your role. That is all I can do.”

Tovah nodded, and squeezed her mothers hand. She had always been better at this.

……………………

Tovah glanced out the window of the state car she shared with Quinn, and they waved to the crowds in a solemn manner. Their uncle’s funeral had been as pleasant as any funeral could be. The girls, dressed in almost identical black dresses with pearl and diamond tiaras, black gloves, and black heels kept their eyes on the crowds and the road.

“Harry sends his love” Quinn whispered

“He acts like I will forget he loves me”

“He’s worried about you. You’ve barely spoken to him since you left him in the middle of the night. And that was almost three weeks ago” Quinn said

“I know”

“Why?”

“Because I have been here, trapped” Tovah snapped. She nodded towards the crowds who were standing alongside the road holding signs of good cheer and tossing flowers onto the cars as they drove by. She was relieved though, when the cars pulled into Drottningholm.

“Finally” Quinn sighed

The sisters got out of their car and headed inside. Tovah hugged her parents, and her aunt before going upstairs to her bedroom to change; the wake would take place in a few hours. She opened her bedroom door to see Harry sitting on her bed.

“Hello” He smiled, dressed in jeans and t-shirt

“This is unexpected” Tovah draped her coat across her vanity chair and walked over to him, allowing herself to be pulled into his arms

“I know. I’m sorry. My grandparents are unable to attend the wake because Gran has another engagement in Wales, so I volunteered to go in their place” Harry ran his hands up and down her back

“That was kind of you” Tovah intertwined her fingers in his hair, pulling his head down, desperate for him to kiss her. As soon as his mouth met hers, Tovah battled his for dominance, aching for some kind of reassurance.

“Woah” Harry pulled away, “Miss me?” A faint smirk crossed his face

“Of course I did!” She pretended surprise

Harry reached up and took off the tiara, “How is my Crown Princess?” he brushed his lips against her throat briefly before walking over and setting the tiara on her vanity, “We haven’t had a chance to talk since you left”

“I am Sexually frustrated” Tovah said under her breath

“Excuse me? What’s that?” Harry cupped his ear towards her, smile big across his face

“Harry, can we not talk? All I have done is talk since I’ve been here. I am fine, yes it’s a hard adjustment, and no I don’t want to discuss it” She slipped out of her heels

They stared at each other for a few minutes, before Harry broke the silence.

“Take your clothes off, Tovah”

………………………..

The main part of the dinner was over, and the guests who lingered were hoping to give their condolences to the Queen Dowager, or the new Monarchs personally.

“Let’s go outside” Harry pulled Tovah’s hand and they quietly walked outside. The sun was just setting, and the gardens were lit in a beautiful orange and pink blush.

Tovah led them to her favorite spot; a bench next to the pond where a fountain in the shape of a mermaid sat in the middle, gently spraying a stream of water into the hair. She would always come out here to think; the gentle sound of water hitting water was always relaxing.

“I am glad you came” She said to Harry, squeezing his hand

“Me too, I was worried you wouldn’t want me here”

“No, of course I do, and I did,” she sighed, “I just didn’t want to expose you to this madness”

“Protecting me now?” He smirked, before looking away quickly

“What is it?” Tovah asked alarmed. Harry didn’t respond, but instead played with her hand still intertwined in his

“Harry, what’s happened?” Tovah took her hand away, and sat up straighter

“I hate that you always know…” he began

“Out with it. You are making me nervous” Harry could feel her eyes burning holes in his head. He bit his lip, and closed his eyes, making sure he couldn’t see her.

“I slept with someone” his words were simple, straight to the point, and it broke his heart to say it aloud to her. But, this is why he had come. When he opened his eyes, she was no longer looking at him, but down at a ring on her hands; one he had given her a long time ago.

“You cheated on me?” Tovah didn’t look at him, she kept her eyes on that ring

“I didn’t mean to…” he started, but Tovah stood up before he could finish and walked back towards the palace

“Tov! Stop! Please listen to me!” Harry ran ahead of her and stood in her way, she side stepped him and he grabbed her by the shoulders. “Please, Tovah”

“Why?” Tovah didn’t yell she was actually surprised at her calmness. She took a step back from Harry and for the first time looked up at him. He took this as her willingness to listen and quickly began talking before she changed her mind.

“You were shutting me out. I know this status change, the death of your uncle, and adjusting to the new duties of being next in line were difficult and I tried to not let it bother me. And you wouldn’t let me come see you, and I was getting nervous about where we stood, and I got pissed at the pub and this girl was just there and she was so attentive and I just went home with her” Harry took a breath in, searching her face for something

“So, it’s…my fault?” Tovah felt her stomach knot in anger

“No! No, it’s not I just, I needed…”

Tovah closed her eyes and resisted the urge to vomit.

Harry sighed, realizing she understood. He spoke, confirming it, “Yes.” He slowly looked up at her. They stood in silence for what seemed to Harry, hours. “Please, Tov, say something?”

Tovah swallowed hard, refusing to cry. She bit her cheek and stared at him. “You,” she stammered, “You are disgusting, Harry.”

“I know” he whispered

“I, love you” she croaked, not being able to help the emotion that flooding to the surface. “And then, you came here, and we…” she turned her head away from him, wiping a tear from her cheek

“I love you” he stammered

“No” she put her perfectly manicured hand in his face, “You don’t”

“Tovah…”

“No” Tovah took a breath and walked towards the door, “Please have a safe trip home” she said over her shoulder and with that Tovah walked into the Palace, and left him standing there in the dark.

THE END