The Ghost That Saved Me

It felt like my heart was literally being ripped from my body. The pain was worse than I’ve ever felt in my life, it hurt far worse than any injury that I sustained from the accident. Knowing that I’d never hear Marek’s voice or see his face again was tearing me apart from the inside out and there was nothing I could do about it.

The absolute worst part of it all was the fact that my parents didn’t tell me. My big brother had been buried and I had no idea. I thought that something bad happened but never in my wildest dreams would I ever think he could die so suddenly. It was almost like he didn’t die…he was ripped away from my life so tragically.

My brother protected me until the moment he died. He died saving me, and I could only hope and pray that he could see and understand how immensely grateful I was for his sacrifice. Even though I felt him in my soul, it didn’t make it any easier to accept.

I refused to accept that he was gone, but I knew I had to. I wanted to make him proud of me, I wanted him to know that I was okay; that his sacrifice was worthwhile.

Family dinners were quiet, I didn’t want to speak to my mom or dad for a while. I was bitter about them keeping Marek’s death from me, although I was aware they had to. I didn’t care. Marek was my brother and I deserved to know he passed away the second I woke up in that hospital bed.

I didn’t plan to shut them out for long, they were all I had left after all. And as much as it killed me to be left in the dark, I bet it was harder for them to keep it a secret from me. Not only did I lose a brother, they lost a son; their first child.

I tucked my knees under my chin and hugged my legs. I felt the familiar lump in my throat but I forced back the tears that were stinging my eyes. Marek wouldn’t want me to cry over him like that. He would want me to be strong and be happy. I couldn’t be happy just yet, but I wanted to try for him.

It was difficult to think of the good times we used to have without getting emotional but it comforted me to realize that I had one of the best brothers in the world. He was always looking out for me, making me laugh, making sure I was okay, and being there for me 100%. Heaven gained a beautiful angel, and I was also comforted with the knowledge that he was my guardian angel.

My thoughts were interrupted with a knock at my door. I figured it was my parents so I said nothing; I just turned over on my side and took in some deep breaths to keep my composure for a bit longer.

“Rayne?” It wasn’t my parents. It was Brady.

I wiped under my eyes even though I hadn’t cried, and I fixed my hair so that it didn’t look so messy.

I cleared my throat before speaking. “You can come in.”

The door opened slowly and the tall brunette walked into my room. He had his backpack with him, which made me believe he came to see me right after class. It was the sweetest gesture, and I appreciated it more than he could imagine.

“Hey there,” he said shyly. He sat down at the edge of my bed and set his bag down. “You look really good. I- I mean, since I saw you last. You’re healing well.”

I tucked my hair behind my ear and nodded. “Thanks, I still feel like a mess though. Came to check up on me?”

He smiled softly and shrugged his shoulders. I realized that the confident Brady that I first met was very different from the Brady I’d been seeing. I liked it though. He was passive and non-threatening. Not like he ever was threatening, but still. Brady seemed like a really nice guy, and I was glad to have him on my side.

“Yeah, I wanted to see how you were doing. I heard that you…you know. And I understand completely if you don’t want to talk about it. I just- I want you to know that I’m here for you. I’m sorry if what I’m about to say makes you upset but I have to say it,” he said while looking me directly in the eyes.

My heart started to feel heavy but I didn’t do or say anything to prevent him from speaking.

“…Your brother was one of my best friends. I know it might be hard to believe because you’ve never seen me around or probably even heard of me. But Marek and I always skated together and partied together ever since high school. He was like a brother to me. And I’m not saying that I know your pain, because I can’t even begin to fathom it…but I mean it when I say that a part of me died when Marek died. He was a good guy, one of the best guys I’ve ever known. I’m so sorry for your loss, Rayne. I’m so sorry.”

I blinked back tears and bit my lip harder than I meant to. Brady’s eyes were glossed over and his cheeks were flushed. I could tell how sorry he was just by looking at his face.

It shocked me to know that Brady and my brother were so close. He was right, I didn’t even know he existed.

“I- I’m just glad you got to know him. He was amazing,” I whispered and looked up at my ceiling for a moment. “I just wish we had more time with him.”

Brady nodded and he held out his hand for me. I carefully placed my hand in his and he gave it a squeeze.

“I know, Rayne. Me too. But I’m thankful that I did get to spend time with him and get to know him. And I’m also thankful to have met you because of him.”

He let out a soft sigh and looked at me with the more sincere look on his face. It was then that I noticed that Brady’s eyes were not brown like I originally thought, but hazel. Just the way they were shining let out a little sheen of green that I never saw before.

“I’m glad that I met you too, Brady. You’ve been really kind to me and I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“It’s no problem, really. I’d check on you every day if it wasn’t creepy. I’m actually really embarrassed that I said that, but I can’t take it back now. Especially because I mean it. But yeah. I just want to make sure you’re doing okay- well…as good as you can expect to be doing.”

I smiled and looked down at our hands that were still connected.

“It’s not creepy. But I couldn’t ask you to do that, I’m pretty boring. And you have a life and all.”

“You’re not boring. And as much as a life I think I have, I lead a very normal lifestyle,” he said and let out a small chuckle. “Unfortunately I can’t stay longer because of practice. But since you say it’s not creepy, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I bit my lip again, but softer this time. “Tomorrow would be great. Thank you for coming, Brady. You made me feel a little better about everything that’s going on.”

He smiled and released my hand slowly. “I’m glad to hear that. That means I did my job,” he said with an even bigger smile. “Well I should get going. You have my number, please don’t be shy to send a text my way. I’ll see you later, Rayne.”

I waved to him goodbye and as soon as the door shut I grabbed one of my stuffed animals and hugged the crap out of it.

I missed my brother so much but it did feel nice to have Brady in my life now. I just hoped that he wasn’t being so nice to me because he felt obligated to, but I really didn’t think that was the case. He seemed genuine to me and I was going to have faith in him until he gave me a reason not to.