Listen to Your Heart

Music was blaring as I made my way inside the house. I didn't really know the person that lived there, but everyone who had just graduated from our high school that day was invited and it looked as if everyone was there. The house was crowded, leaving barely any room to walk around, but I managed.

"Brooke, there you are," my friend, Rachel, said stepping in front of me. "What took you so long?"

"I was trying to get ready, but my mom kept barging into my room," I said.

"Oh, well, come get a drink with me," she said as she grabbed my arm and tried to dodge around people to make it to the kitchen.

When we finally made it, she let go of my arm and went over to the guy who was standing by the keg. I wasn't much for drinking. It had never really appealed to me, but it was a party so I decided to let it slide.

Rachel came back over to me and handed me a red plastic cup. I took a sip from it and grimaced a bit.

"Have you seen John?" I asked her.

"I seen him a little while ago," she said as she swayed to the music a bit. "He was out on the patio."

"I need to talk to him," I said as I gave her look letting her know what I meant.

She looked at me for a second and then realization dawned on her. A smile appeared on her face.

"You're finally going to tell him?"

"Yeah, I talked myself into it," I said smiling with her.

"About fuckin' time," she said. "I was wondering when you would get the balls to tell him."

"Shut up," I said and handed her my cup. "I'm going to go see if he's still out there before I talk myself out of it."

"Good luck," she said and smiled as she made her way back into the living room.

I felt my nerves kick in more as I made my way to the patio slowly. I was going to do something that I had wanted to do for years. Something that I never could muster up the courage to do. I was going to tell my best friend, John O'Callaghan, that I was in love with him.

I made it outside to the patio and looked around. There were a lot of people hanging around. Some were even swimming in the pool, but I ignored them all. I was looking for one certain person and I finally spotted him chatting with some guys. I took a deep breath as I walked over to him.

"Brooke, I was wondering when you were going to show up," John said when I stepped up to him.

"John, can I talk to you alone?" I asked quickly before I could talk myself out of it.

"Yeah, sure," he said as he looked at me funny. "Let's go around front."

He led the way and I followed him. The nerves I was feeling was making my stomach do flips, but I couldn't back down now. I had hid the feelings I had for him for so long. It was time to tell him. I had this hope that he might even feel the same way about me.

We continued to walk until we were out in the front yard. The music could still vividly be heard, but I ignored it.

"What did you want to talk about?" John asked after he took a sip from his cup.

I took a deep breath and stayed silent for a couple of moments. Did I need to just come out with it?

"Well, I don't know how to say it," I said nervously. "I don't even know if I should say."

"Why not?" he asked sounding clearly confused. "You can tell me anything, Brooke."

"John, I'm...I'm in love with you," I finally said and put my head down to stare at the grass.

Moments went by and John hadn't said a word. I finally willed myself to lift my head up and looked at him. It was hard to tell what he was thinking.

"I...I don't know what to say to that," he said.

Well, that wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"I tell you I'm in love with you and that's what you have to say?" I asked.

"I'm just a bit shocked, Brooke," he said. "I really care for you and love you, but we can't date. It could ruin our friendship if it didn't work out."

For some reason, that sounded like an excuse to me. He was right, but if you love someone, you have to be willing to take chances. He had taught me that.

"John, just tell me the truth," I said.

"What?" he asked. "I just did."

"I know you better than that," I said. "Just tell me the truth. You're not in love with me."

We stood in silence for what felt like forever. I kept hoping that he would tell me he felt the same as I did.

"I-I'm not in love with you, Brooke."

I held my breath in as I felt tears spring into my eyes. I should have known and deep down I did, but I still hadn't prepared myself to hear those words come out of his mouth.

"Goodbye, John," I said as I turned around and walked away from him.

"Brooke, wait!" he yelled. "Don't leave like this! Let's talk this out!"

I didn't listen to him. I left without even giving him a second glance.

That was the last time I had seen John.