Make a Wish
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I stand in the cold. I feel content and safe despite being in the middle of nowhere. I‘m finally alone and a way from the eyes that pity me. It’s so desolate but here I can finally gather my thoughts together and make sense of what has happened. It feels wonderful just to stand here in the middle of nowhere, to feel the snow fall upon my face whilst sitting upon the bench all wrapped up warm, cosy and alone.
It’s a time for me to reflect upon what has happened this previous year . It‘s been hard. Very hard. I can‘t wait for this year to be over so I can start anew. But I know that even though it’ll be a new year, I’ll still be stuck in 2011 because I can’t forget. I can’t. I lost so much that night. That summer night. I wonder how he is. I hope he’s safe up in heaven. That he knows that I love him and that I always will. That he’s never far from my thoughts. That he never will be.
I gaze around the vast white field and take a deep breath whilst mentally trying to shake the heavy load of my shoulders. It’s been a long time since I’ve had some time to myself to make sense of how much my life has changes since he left me. Everyday I think why him? Out of everyone why was the one thing that the was the most precious to me, taken away from me? Was it something that I did? Why wasn’t it me? What did he do that was bad? I feel the hot rush of tears gather and then slide down my cheeks. I just miss him so much. I miss holding him in my arms. I miss his sweet smile and how full of life he was and how he’d wake me up every morning with that same cheeky grin. Things that I took for granted when he was here. I though he’d always be here with me. I was so wrong.
Christmas was his favourite time of the year. He loved the lights and festive atmosphere and, of course, the presents. He loved the presents, he loved waking up the whole household to show off his latest toys and what he’d gotten from whom. Just seeing the joy upon his face was enough for me and now I won’t even see that. The tears are now sliding down my face freely, as the memories of him come back. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see a text message from my mother, asking me where I am. I ignore the text, I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment, I want to remain in this bubble far away from everyone. I want to be alone, but I still need the comfort of someone. I slowly get up from the bench and start walking across the snow covered field.
I wish I had some sort of sign that indicated to me that he was safe. Just a tiny sign, that would reassure me a tiny bit that he was okay. I stop and look up at the light blue sky, searching for sign, anything. Nothing. I carry on walking, feeling defeated. My phone vibrates again, and I pull it out to see text messages that are all asking me where I am. I text back my mother telling her that I’ll be at her house in about thirty minutes, no need to mention anything else. I feel a presence behind me and I quickly turn back. There is nothing there, but I can feel it. There is something that is there. A small breeze hits me face and I look up at the sky. Is that …? It feels like there is someone there, that my little boy is here. I whisper his name, tears in my eyes, scared that if I say it louder, that the feeling may go away. The breeze stops and I lift my eyes towards the sky, smiling slightly. I don’t care if it wasn’t him and that it was, in fact, and ordinary gust of wind. I got my wish. He is safe and that is all that matters.
It’s a time for me to reflect upon what has happened this previous year . It‘s been hard. Very hard. I can‘t wait for this year to be over so I can start anew. But I know that even though it’ll be a new year, I’ll still be stuck in 2011 because I can’t forget. I can’t. I lost so much that night. That summer night. I wonder how he is. I hope he’s safe up in heaven. That he knows that I love him and that I always will. That he’s never far from my thoughts. That he never will be.
I gaze around the vast white field and take a deep breath whilst mentally trying to shake the heavy load of my shoulders. It’s been a long time since I’ve had some time to myself to make sense of how much my life has changes since he left me. Everyday I think why him? Out of everyone why was the one thing that the was the most precious to me, taken away from me? Was it something that I did? Why wasn’t it me? What did he do that was bad? I feel the hot rush of tears gather and then slide down my cheeks. I just miss him so much. I miss holding him in my arms. I miss his sweet smile and how full of life he was and how he’d wake me up every morning with that same cheeky grin. Things that I took for granted when he was here. I though he’d always be here with me. I was so wrong.
Christmas was his favourite time of the year. He loved the lights and festive atmosphere and, of course, the presents. He loved the presents, he loved waking up the whole household to show off his latest toys and what he’d gotten from whom. Just seeing the joy upon his face was enough for me and now I won’t even see that. The tears are now sliding down my face freely, as the memories of him come back. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see a text message from my mother, asking me where I am. I ignore the text, I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment, I want to remain in this bubble far away from everyone. I want to be alone, but I still need the comfort of someone. I slowly get up from the bench and start walking across the snow covered field.
I wish I had some sort of sign that indicated to me that he was safe. Just a tiny sign, that would reassure me a tiny bit that he was okay. I stop and look up at the light blue sky, searching for sign, anything. Nothing. I carry on walking, feeling defeated. My phone vibrates again, and I pull it out to see text messages that are all asking me where I am. I text back my mother telling her that I’ll be at her house in about thirty minutes, no need to mention anything else. I feel a presence behind me and I quickly turn back. There is nothing there, but I can feel it. There is something that is there. A small breeze hits me face and I look up at the sky. Is that …? It feels like there is someone there, that my little boy is here. I whisper his name, tears in my eyes, scared that if I say it louder, that the feeling may go away. The breeze stops and I lift my eyes towards the sky, smiling slightly. I don’t care if it wasn’t him and that it was, in fact, and ordinary gust of wind. I got my wish. He is safe and that is all that matters.