I Never Told You That I Can't Take Another Disappointment

Ben Bruce:

God; did she look amazing. I forgot what it was like to feel nervous around someone. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. If I had a tie on, I would have to loosen it because I felt like I was choking. Then that damn song I used to sing when I went through my depressed stage came on.

I gulped and tightly gripped my guitar. I used to do drugs. Thanks to Alexandria, I was no longer a drug addict. She made me feel like I had a place in this world. She drilled into my head that I would get far with playing guitar and that I was killing myself slowly. Her encouragement led me here to this. I found myself smiling at the thought that she had always been there for me. But I frowned when I remembered the bad times during that time. Before I would do drugs I would have to try and forget her so I wouldn’t have a guilty conscious. I was horrible.

There were plenty of close calls. It really hit me that I wasn’t just hurting me when I was having a withdrawal. We had a huge fight and she stormed out of my parent’s house. Thankfully my parents were out of town so they didn’t see me like that. After a couple hours of her cooling off she came back to see me on verge of smoking heroine again due to the shakes of the withdrawal driving me crazy. She stood in the doorway and I was torn between her and the high. I saw her eyes fill up with tears and she asked,” How could you do this to me?”

I dropped the supplies and gave in. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. She helped me get better. She’s the reason I don’t do anything truly harmful besides drink.

How could you do this to me?

I shook my head to get the vision out of my head. Her words were burned into my brain. I knew that she was even thinking that now. I probably put her through hell and back. I felt a quick swat to my chest and I looked up from my guitar. Danny raised his eye brows,” You alright mate?”

I let my eyes drift towards Alexandria sitting on the arm of a seat. He followed my gaze and then nodded,” Oooh! So you aren’t over her yet!? Holy shit, you slept with the hottest chick the other night and you still haven’t forgo…”

I gave him a dirty look.

He frowned,” Sorry… I guess I could help getting you two back together, since it was my
idea to get you to leave Dubai. I’m not going to lie though, she makes my close friend pretty hard but I’ll try not to let my other head get to me.”

Well that’s comforting. I asked,” How are you supposed to help? She won’t even talk to me.”

He winked,” But she’ll talk to me! I’ll just have her come on stage.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh and what will your excuse be? We want to have an orgy on stage?”

His eyes lit up,” That’s a good idea Ben. But ouch, you make me sound completely heartless. I‘ll just say our drummer is hurt. James, mate, you’re out for tonight!”

I rolled my eyes,” No. that won’t work.”

He nodded,” Alright well I’ll come up with something.”

Right as he said that he turned around and walked over to Alexandria. I almost slapped myself for letting him do this, until I saw her follow him over here. No fucking way. I wanted to know what he bribed her with or what his excuse was.

We were about to go on stage and I could hear the opening to Reckless & Relentless playing. I got super quiet as I noticed that Alexandria was standing right next to me. You could tell she was feeling awkward by the way she was standing with her arms folded across her chest. Danny whispered in my ear,” We are starting off with Somewhere, Someone.”

I gulped. That was the song I wrote about her one night. Part of me really hoped she recognized that it was about her. But otherwise I felt like I was super nervous to just perform in front of her. Which was weird.

The minute we walked on stage the whole crowd erupted in screams. I heard Danny’s scratchy voice shout,” How the fuck are you doing Florida!?”

I couldn’t understand a thing the crowd said but they were excited. I strummed a random note as I walked around. I kept my head low but my eyes on Alexandria who was on the side of the stage. Danny shouted,” This song is dedicated from Ben to someone. Kinda. HA-HA.”

I rolled my eyes, way to make it obvious asshole. I tore my eyes off of Alexandria to avoid being more embarrassed than I already was. I started us off by playing the first chord in Someone, Somewhere.