Fallen

“Are you okay?” I hear Sera ask from the door. I turn to look at her, my eyes bloodshot red & puffy from the crying I’ve been doing for almost an hour. I shake my head no, dropping my head again, pulling at the lace of my gown. “Clarizza… you knew it would happen eventually” She said, sitting next to me & grabbing my hand, giving it a little squeeze.

“I know” I choked out. “I just didn’t think it would be so soon” I say, sniffing, once again, capturing the running tear with a Kleenex. We sat there in silence, for a couple of minutes, me sniffing away my tears & swallowing my pain. I was sent here to keep him safe. I was sent here to protect him. I was sent here to be his guardian angel… until he found a pure soul that would do all that for him. That pure soul that would replace me. & he did. He found someone that loves him with all her heart, & since they decided to join their life before God… well, this is where my job ends. I was never sent here to fall in love with him. But I did.

*~Flashback~*

“Clarizza, Abdiel wants to see you” Neria, said. I nodded & followed her through the long white hall until we reach a wide huge golden door. She opens them & motions me to enter. I do & when the door closes, the man dressed in a white suit, with wide & feathery wings turned, his long blonde hair glowing along with his halo.

“You wanted to see me?” I say, bowing down a bit, showing my respects to the much older & powerful angel in front of me, my wings not nearly as big or shiny like his, showing the lower rank I was.

“Yes. Your time has come” His voice so soft, yet so powerful. I turn to look at him, knowing exactly what that meant. “He thinks you’re ready for your person” He says, walking closer to me. I just nod, keeping my head down. “Be ready to leave at sunrise” He says & I nod again. There was so much I wanted to ask him, but I knew it wasn’t my place to ask questions. HE knows why HE does what HE does & it’s not my place to question HIM. “You can leave now” He says, giving me a small smile. I bow with a smile of my own, before retrieving from his chamber. But his voice stops me before I reach the door. “Remember, Clarizza… he’s your person. You must protect him & guide him the best you can. I’m not saying you’ll always succeed, because we both know how Lucifer can be, but you must always do the best until he finds his person” He says & I nod again, making a mental note that my person is a he. “You must care about him… but never get too attached. This is only temporary” I frowned, a bit confused about his last words but nodded anyway. I took the silence that followed as my queue to leave. I still couldn’t believe I was becoming a guardian angel. I smiled as I closed his door. I couldn’t wait.

*~End of flashback~*

“Have you thought about what you’re gonna tell him?” Sera asks me & I shake my head no. I couldn’t lie… it was against the rules. Never in my life have I lied to Brian. It never came to that. I met him when he was 15, me coming as a 14 year old girl that came from north (Which is where heaven is), to live with my cousin, that being Sera… my guardian angel. Yes… I have a guardian angel. It’s a very intricate system they manage up there.

“How can I explain to him that this will be the last day he’ll see me?” I tell her, standing & walking to the mirror hanging on the wall. I look at the mess my tears have created & start fixing my makeup.

“I told you that you were getting too attached to him” Sera say in her obvious way.

“Well, forgive me for having a heart & loving him, ok?” I snap, turning to glare at her.

“It’s against the rules, Clari. You knew it. You knew this day would come” She says, standing in front of me. “We’re not here to fall in love… we’re here to protect them. & you did just that. Now it’s Michelle’s turn to love him. That’s her role… not yours” She says & her words break my heart.

“I know that, ok? I know I’m not meant to be love by Brian, ok? I KNOW ALL THAT! I just think it sucks that we preach love & we can’t experience it ourselves” I say & in a second, Sera has me pinned against the wall, her wings fully extended.

“Never, EVER, doubt HIS love for us, ok? HE loves us all… even the ones we thinks don’t deserve it. HE loves you, HE loves me, HE loves Brian… HE loves us all. You experience HIS love every day. So watch what comes out of your mouth before you sin against HIM. Do I make myself clear?” She says through clenched teeth. I nod, knowing that what I said was completely out of line. Sera’s wings disappear again, before she moves away from me. “Fix yourself or we’re gonna be late” She says, leaving. I let out a big breath before walking to the mirror again. I grab my purse & walk out of my bedroom… for the last time.

*~*~*

“There you are” I hear his voice & I turn to look at him in his black tux. His hair spiked as always. I smile at him. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you” He says, standing next to me.

“You shouldn’t be drinking or smoking, Brian. You know it’s bad for you” Yes, that was one of the many battles I lost with Brian. Him drinking & smoking. At least I manage to keep him from getting drunk, failing numerous times, & for him to only smoke cigarettes… something I failed at numerous times too.

“After 14 years, you’re still repeating the same shit. You would think you would’ve given up by now” He says, puffing out some smoke. Oh, yeah… & did I mention cursing? That was the worst. Me, being an angel, wasn’t allowed to any of that. But that doesn’t mean that I felt the temptation more than once. I did… especially when you see the type of crowd Brian & I hang around.

“Come here” I say, turning him to face me, while I fixed his bow tie. “All better now” I say, smiling at him, before turning to stare into the view of the blue ocean in front of me. I’m gonna miss going to the beach. There isn’t a beach up in heaven. There should be since it’s, well… heaven.

“Can’t you believe it, Ci-Ci? Me getting married?” He says with a chuckle, a nervous chuckle. I just smile softly at him. We stay silent, enjoying just our company & the view. “You look really pretty, by the way” He says, looking at me. I feel myself blush at his words.

“Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself” I say, making him chuckle.

“I bet you’re happy my tattoos are covered” He says & I laugh. See… Brian wasn’t exactly the perfect person to throw to a rookie like me. He loves tattoos, beer & cigarettes. Everything I was told to keep him away from. But I secretly loved his tattoos. I loved the way he smelled… that mix of cologne with just a hint of cigarettes. It drives me crazy. “I wanted to thank you, Ci-Ci” He says, making me look at him.

“What are you thanking me for?”

“For always being there for me. You never left my side. You always gave me your support, no matter what crazy idea I had. & you always did it with a smile” He says, I feel my heart tremble. He shouldn’t be telling me this… not when I’m this fragile. “You always took such good care of me, that I don’t know how to repay you. It was like… you were my guardian angel” He says, with a chuckle. I swallow the lump in my throat, wanting nothing more than to confess everything to him. But I can’t cuz that is also against the rules. Brian can never know about who I am. For him I’ll always be Clarizza Lee, the girl that lived next to him all his life. All I’m gonna be for Brian is the girl next door.

“You’ve got nothing to thank me for” I say in a soft voice, not trusting this to sound as secure as it should.

“It’s almost time” He says, glancing at his watch. I nod my head.

“Before I forget… here” I say, handing him a little black box. “Just something for you to always remember me” I finish, discretely wiping away the tear that dared to roll down my cheek. He looks at me shocked, before opening.

“Ci-Ci… this is so cool” He says, taking the silver chain out with a wing’s pendant. He immediately clasps it around his neck. “How does it look?” He says, modeling it to me, with a Derek Zoolander type of face. I burst out laughing. He laughs too, snatching the chain to look at it, before hiding it underneath his shirt. “Thank you so much, Ci-Ci” He says hugging me tight. I smell one last time his intoxicating scent, knowing that after the ceremony, I’ll be gone forever. “Ci-Ci, what’s wrong?” He asks me. I didn’t even notice I started crying, I was even sobbing against his chest. How am I supposed to tell him that I had to leave the moment he said ‘I do’, because my job here was done? That he was just a job? How am I supposed to ignore my feelings for him & just step aside? “Hey… look at me” He says, grabbing my face with his hands, making me look at him. “What’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything” But before I even processed what was going on, I lunged forward & pressed my lips against his. & for the brief moment the kiss lasted, I felt him respond; just by the way he pressed me against him, his hand going around my waist to prevent me from walking away. & I felt in cloud 9. Never in my life have I felt this way. Because nothing mattered in that moment. Just us… kissing. & then it happened… a big rumble in the sky. The clouds darkening, making us break the kiss. We just stared into each other’s eyes. I could see he was confused about what just happened. I could see it in his eyes. “Ci-Ci-” He started before a voice called my name… Sera’s voice.

“Clarizza” You could hear by her tone that she knew everything that happened. She knew I broke the rules. They all knew I broke the rules & the sudden change in the weather just confirmed it to me. They were pissed.

“Ci-Ci-“ Brian starts again but this time… it’s me that interrupts him.

“I’m sorry, Brian. I should’ve never done that. I have to go” I say, turning around & walking past Sera, who just give me a look. A look that lets me know I’m in deep trouble. But I don’t care, cuz the pain I’m feeling is way stronger than what I’m about to face.

*~*~*

“14 years. You made it 14 years with just minors mishaps… & then you go & break the most important rule of all” Abdiel says, pacing in front of me. I keep my eyes down, tears falling from them. “What were you thinking, Clarizza?” He says, stopping in front of me. “Was I not clear about the rules?” He says, his calm voice creeping me out. “ANSWER ME” He screams, making me cringe away from him.

“I…” I start, sniffing. “I love him” I say, for the first time speaking to Abdiel. He laughs.

“You love him? Tell me something I don’t know already” He says, turning from me. “I knew you loved him. I knew you would fall in love with him. HE knew” He finishes, making my eyes snap up to look at him. “HE knows everything, don’t forget that. Why do you think HE assigned you to be Brian’s guardian angel?” He says turning to look at me. “Not everyone is made for being an angel, Clarizza” He says, sitting down in his chair.

“So what happens now?” I ask, my voice trembling a bit, afraid of the punishment I must face.

“You’ll be stripped from you wings. You’ll be a fallen angel now” He says. “You’ll be send back down to earth to live a mortal life… for you to experience a mortal life. Maybe we’ll meet once again” He says & snaps his fingers. & in a blink, I’m lying down in green grass. I stand up & notice my once white wings are now black. A soft wind embraces me, making my wings turn into ashes slowly. & I feel fear overcome me. What am I supposed to do now? I’ve never been human. A normal human, that is. I walk out of the green pasture into the beach, feeling the hot sand on my toes. I walk, just thinking about what will happen now. My sole purpose for being here is gone. Brian is married & I was still in love with him. I sit for countless hours on the beach, until the sun starts to set. That’s when I hear a voice… his voice.

“Clarizza?” I turn slowly to see Brian standing there, a shock look on his face. I stand, facing him, not knowing what to do. I look at him & the butterflies in my stomach appear again. I see a smile on his face & that’s when I noticed he’s only wearing dark cargo shorts & the necklace I gave him. Nothing more. No shirt, no shoes… no wedding band. I must’ve stared at his hand a bit too long, because he seemed to notice it too. A smirk appears on his face. “I knew you were going to come back” He says, approaching me & placing his lips on mine. & even though I’m a fallen angel now… I have fallen for Brian & I couldn’t be happier about it.