I Dream of Your Kiss

I missed him, I missed him very much. Isn’t it funny to miss someone you were not close to? Someone you never met? Someone who you worship in pictures, interviews and movies? Yeah, he was indeed a great actor and a great guy. Why do the best people on earth had to live and we have to keep the people who contribute to ruin our universe? Why did it have to be you? I will forever love him, Heath Ledger.

Watching The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was definitely the most heartbreaking movie to watch, knowing that Heath died in the making of the film. What started as a weird, odd, random movie turned into a sad, depressing one, once Johnny Depp came into the scene replacing Heath’ character; that’s when it hit you that Heath was no longer there and that he wouldn’t show up any more.

I had never felt this way for any other actor, any other crush. He was different, I could feel it. What I loved the most about him was the way he kissed. How much passion and feeling he put in every single kiss. I could imagine myself being in the position of the girls he kissed, oh how lucky they were. The way he reached closer to you, looking at you straight in the eyes, with those beautiful eyes of his; when he smiled and showed that gigantic grin of his, so full of joy. The way his hands found their way to your face and gently stroked your hair, so tenderly, before his hand moved to your cheek and cupped your face. Those soft palms that fit perfectly with your face, that was the second thing I loved the most about his physic. And then he got closer and closer until his lips rested on yours, and you could feel like you were on top of the world, nothing else matter but his soft lips moving in sync with yours. He kissed so deeply and so seductively, yet so cute and tender, how could you not love him?

Then reality crashed and you realized you would never have the chance of feeling like that. Sometimes I dream about him, about him and I together; In a couch, me on top of him, not doing anything, just cuddling there, so close to each other, he would rest his face on my shoulder and I would get lost in his scent. Then he would give me a sweet peck on the cheek and we’d fall asleep together.

Sometimes I dream of the day I’ll meet him, in heaven. I wonder if I will have the chance to meet him in heaven. And I’d approach him like a little girl with a goofy grin on his face, and he would just wait for me with that beautiful smile and with his arms wide open, for me. I’d tell him to give me a kiss. Just one quick, sweet kiss, I wouldn’t ask for much. I just want to experience what it would be to kiss him.

They were transmitting Brokeback Mountain the other night on TV at 3 AM. I refused to sleep, even though I wanted to so badly. I just wanted to see Heath, because I had been thinking about him all of this time and it seemed ridiculously perfect that, that very movie was on at the moment. When it ended, the last scene where Ennis is mourning over Jack, holding his jacket, I waited for the credits just to see Heath’s name. After that, I turned off the TV. I was sleepy the whole movie, fighting with my own eyes to keep them from closing. But when I was ready to sleep, I wasn’t tired anymore. So I thought about him, all night, until I eventually dozed off.

Suddenly I felt really cold and my eyes shot open. I felt something like fingerprints on my face, long fingers resting on my cheek. And then I couldn’t believe what I saw.
It was those eyes, and that smile.
My mouth opened in surprise but a finger rested on my lips. He gently removed a strand of hair and stroke it softy. Then his hand went to my cheek and cupped my face. Our faces only inches away, I could not believe that I was staring at those eyes and that smile. I didn’t wanted to close my eyes but I did and that’s when his lips came crashing down with mine. He took me to heaven. Heaven, that’s what his kisses felt like. He was a little piece of heaven. When his lips left mine, even if I didn’t want to he gave me a quick peck on the lips and then sweetly kissed my nose, both of my eyelids and my forehead. He stroked my hair once more, smiled at me and his figured slowly disappeared in the shadows of the night.
I curled in a ball in my bed, imagining Heath was there with me and fell asleep, finally in peace.
I never knew if it was real or it was my imagination playing with me, but I'll never forget that moment. My Heath, my heaven.

I love you Heath, so much.